Wintersickness

“It hurts every day, the absence of someone who was once there.”

I don’t remember falling in love with you. I just remember holding your hand and realizing how much it was going to hurt when I would have to let go

One of the hardest things you will ever have to do my dear is grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.

I hate the way my heart hurts I hate the way my dad looks at me these days like he expects me to fall apart at any second like he wants to say, clear the dining room table and clear the fucking hallways Cause I might burst at any second I hate the way my mom keeps telling me that I’ll find someone new Because every time she does I smile but I really want to shake her and tell her that I would rather meet you a thousand times over instead of some boy Who laughs differently Who holds my hand wrong And only ever tells me he likes my body with the lights off Because your laugh is so infectious that all your friends love you for it you rubbed your thumb across the tops of my knuckles even when your mind was in a thousand other places You liked me better with the lights on. I hate the way my heart hurts and God I hate how happy you made me I don’t know how to handle myself I don’t know how to handle my heart And how it hurts so much it makes my teeth chatter like I’ve been cold since you left like ice has made its way through my heart and into my veins So I guess Clear the dining room table clear the fucking hallways check the x rays for ice in my bloodstream I’ve been ready to burst ever since you left me

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