Writing About My Life

Here we are again,

So much has changed since I last wrote about my life... here’s the truth

September 17th; I tried to take my life once again..

Sometimes...

I just get so wrapped up in my own thoughts and I feel hopeless that I’m not going to survive this crazy fucked up life.

I don’t feel like I deserve much,

And then, when those feelings pass... I feel fine again. Just coasting through to the next day, week, month... and so I’ve gone to find help. Doctors here , councillor there..

I’m in an okay place right now, my brains still feeling like I’ve let myself down.

I’ve met someone again. I’m not sure if it’s going to last because of how useless I am. But for the time being I feel blessed to have crossed paths with him. I will enjoy the time I’m given; until he gets bored of me, like everyone before.

Dear god. Thank you, for always stepping in when I want my life to end.

It’s 5:30 am, my sleeping schedule has become a mess with my heart ache and under eating.

What have I done...

Did I truly make the right choice to leave the man I once shared my lust and love for ? It makes me sick to my stomach now having had cleared my head of all the troubles.. was it really that bad?

I was so inlove.. but at last I was becoming more and more unhappy. Maybe it was because I didn’t have my own space or time. Even the moon disappears for a few hours... and I really am my own world.

I’m a strong woman. But was I stronger with him?

Ahhhhhhh, love; how it just makes every firework implode into the galaxy already consumed by gas blowing up millions of light years away. Does that even make sense?

But truly, does love even have to make sense?

Oh the joys my heart has been through; the ups and downs like turbulence on a plane.

He’s the one.

He’s going to be the man for me at the alter,

I swear.

Here I am; a new chapter.

My best friend and I have finally settled into our home and are getting into the swing dance of our new jobs.

I’ve been very eager to start work but I’ve also just been so inlove with exploring this new world with my babe. New mountains left, right and center! Also on the very plush side of this new adventure our bed feels like cotton candy stuffed with marshmallows and magic. I’ve never had a better sleep <3

Here I am late at night watching a movie with the love of my life.