“i’m not a horse. — i’m a person.”

He doesn't struggle to push Gi-hun's shoulder away, opting to instead show false discomfort, stiffness, and distance, despite having none – and wanting none. He can't admit he's missed his hyung, not in a place like this, not in the state he is in. It could put him in jeopardy, there's a lot on the line, including Gi-hun himself. Damn it, he's convinced the other shouldn't have returned... For both their sakes.

Lips pursed lightly as he listens in, he can't help but recoil a bit at the cheerfulness and the mention of Ssangmun-dong. It reminds him a little too vividly about the brighter past. Come to think of it, his mother had mentioned things along the lines of gambling, whenever he discreetly asked about Gi-hun. It was a bit of a relief, in a way... Gi-hun had always been the best one of the two, that's what he thought. Sure, Sang-woo was respectful, polite, and quiet, but he easily fumbled and fell down the cliff of expectation – he lost himself once his hyung wasn't there to lead him back to safety. In the end, staring at the abyss for too long made him confront the fact that he wasn't what he had been trying to prove, but there was no going back...

"It's not just... It's not just kids g–" a click of his tongue and a sigh interrupts his attempts at trying to make the other open his eyes to the truth. Surely, he was just hiding reality behind a curtain. Once the games began again, he'd do whatever was necessary to prevail... right?

"Forget it. Look, let's go get our food, hm?" Finally, a hand goes to Gi-hun's chest, pushing against it to break contact. Years of pretending seemed to make it easy to feign wanting distance... Internally, he hates this trait of his, but he can't help himself – it's for their own good. But that hand betrays him as it lingers a little longer than he intended, even as he starts turning away.

“augh ! c'mon ! ”

gi-hun grunts from the force of the push , dramatically , stumbling back into the bed . was all that neccesary ? no , not at all . but his habit of overreacting to everything in hopes that sang-woo might notice and laugh never left him , apparently . he flops back , chuckling under his breath as the familiarity brings him a strange sense of comfort . he wasn't here alone . hair messily falls into his eyes as he shoots back up , hands awkwardly brushing the strands back into place as he half - jogs past him in hopes of getting a place further in line . gi-hun's long forgotten by now , but this move was straight out of the seong playbook . . . if he had a couple hundred won for each time he'd race with the kids at school to be in front of the lunch line , he'd have enough money to pay his debts tenfold .

“ it wouldn't kill you to be a little optimistic , you know . maybe the food's good , at least ! ” he calls out over his shoulder , motioning for sang-woo to hurry and join him in line . “ i'm starving . you know , i've really been craving bibimbap these past few days . ”

he wasn't happy sang-woo was here , and he was more than sure his friend felt the same . but come on . if gi-hun's being honest with himself , sang-woo would easily be his first choice in a partner . they were close , so he didn't have to worry about betrayal . sang-woo is smart , far more than gi-hun ever could be , and strategic . he's driven . detail-oriented . and gi-hun was . . .

he was good at things , surely .

he steps forward , watching as the line in front of him gets shorter .

i catch gi-hun's eyes, staring at him as he speaks.  there's an air about him that's changed, and i've seen it, even down to the way he walks.  there's tension, there's always tension, the both of them having seen the blood up close.  my lips purse, and i lower my head, thinking.  i'm considering the facts:  they haven't seen enough, they haven't experienced enough pain, and then  —  there's gi-hun.  he's trying, which is more than i can say for myself, my hardened time spent turning to steel.

i knew they'd vote to stay, as it's all in the mind of sickened humanity.  lead them with a carrot, and they won't notice the ledge beneath them.  ❛❛  give them time.  i thought the same.  i was willing to vote every time.  i'm sure you must know that.  ❜❜  it's what i can say to try to balm the situation, the chant of one more game!  one more game!  one more game!  rising in the dormitory.  i've watched gi-hun utter my same words, in my same tone, and i wonder if he's learned from me beyond that.  time will tell, as it always does:  there is nothing to hide.  while gi-hun's intentions are pure, he is misguided.

“ we should try our best to help . ”

he isn't listening to sang-woo , not really . maybe if things were different , if the situation wasn't so grim , he'd hear his friend out . hell , he'd probably hang on his every word , hoping this academically gifted man would lead them all to safety . now , his face remains scrunched up , eyebrows furrowing deeply as if the action will help him think clearer , rationalizing every possible plan of escape . “ we've gone through these games , so assuming they're all still the same , we can carry everyone along . if we split up the room between the two of us . . . ”

“ dalgona should be next . ” he suddenly clasps his hand around the other's shoulder . as gi-hun looks sang-woo up and down , it's hard to pinpoint exactly what emotion flashed across his face . nostalgia ? regret ? he had been betrayed once in these games before , and was set on not having history repeat itself again . almost sizing him up , gi-hun sinks his gaze into sang-woo . “ we'll get everyone on triangle . make sure no one deviates . ”

❛❛  you're surprised they didn't listen.  you should've been prepared for that.  ❜❜ 

@winner456.

“ it’s life or death , sang-woo . ” a glare , icy cold . he scoffs , facing the center of the room . “ we got to leave on the first round of voting . i thought they’d do the same . ”

Alas, here he was, a very different Sang-woo in front of his childhood friend. He couldn't quite understand how he could be such solace and a curse at the same time; if only he hadn't been in these games at all... It felt like a twisted fate. He didn't like it – he ran from that light in fear of what it might expose.

Yet, here he was, close by, anyway. He allowed for Gi-hun to try his bed, he watched him squirm as if they had returned to their old sleepovers, to the days in which they'd play outside until they were called back in... You haven't changed.

"Only one thing is wrong with me, and that is having debts to pay." Sang-woo lies with ease, all the while physically recoiling at the nickname the other gave him afterwards – there is a lot wrong with him. It's been like that for a while, he just refuses to admit it, much less to his friend. He refuses for Gi-hun to see the pathetic man he has become. No, he can't see. Not him.

“ c'mon , of course i do . ” just as quickly as sang-woo attempts to scooch away , gi-hun follows , throwing a familiar arm over his shoulder . he wasn't blind to how his friend never reciprocated his touch , always choosing professionalism over familiarity . it was a little disheartening at times , but never seemed to discourage him . “ but just think about it : it's kids games . easy . ”

gi-hun tsks , giving sang-woo a relaxed look . he could do this . no problem. easy - peasy .

he was terrified .

how'd he end up in this spot ? how'd he end up in this spot ? gi-hun was always the screw - up , and sang-woo always provided an example of how do to everything right . he could recall so many nights from his youth where his mom would smack him up and down their little house , wondering how none of sang-woo's responsible attitude could rub off on him . you're weighing that boy down ! she'd say . don't you get him into trouble now , you hear ?

a selfish part of him wished that he was in debt for reasons similar to his friend , for something important . man , he always had a way of making him feel so lame .

ㅤㅤ❝𝓜ore violent?❞ Young-Mi repeated back to the man. It made her nervous for what was in store for them going forward. If he was going to convince people that they needed to quit the games, she expected to see him standing up and giving another grand speech or two. Sitting around whispering to others didn't feel like a big enough contribution. ❝I know that they said they're giving us an opportunity to pay back our debts... but is k-killing us the right solution for being eliminated? Why can't they just... send us home?❞

great, now he scared her.

of course , that was his original intent — fear tends to be a driving force . gi-hun knows that the moment a person falters from stress is when they're at their most suggestible . he had been in her place before , but in his case , his fear was weaponized against him . it forced him to stay firmly planted in place , having been convinced nothing would get better unless he played along with everyone else .

“ they'll change their minds, i'm sure of it. ”

he replies absentmindedly , harshly , almost not realizing that the woman's voice was actually real , and not the feeling of self - doubt that was slowly seeping into his subconscious . when he does notice the girl at his side, his straight , all - business posture falters in an attempt to make himself a little smaller . less threatening . he recognizes her from the previous game . . . in all honesty , he was worried her meek demeanor would slip her up during red light , green light . it's easy to make the mistake of freezing during such an experience . but here she was , alive — good for her .

IF EITHER OF US MAKE IT OUT OF HERE ALIVE, WE'LL LOOK AFTER EACH OTHER'S FAMILY.

@SAEBYIOK & @GIHIUN, PRIVATE & SELECTIVE PORTRAYALS OF KANG SAE-BYEOK & SEONG GI - HUN FROM NETFLIX'S SQUID GAME. HEADCANON BASED. MATURE AND TRIGGERING CONTENT MAY APPEAR. MINORS DNI. ITERATED BY KEEN & REN.

❝ i can't even say he deceived me. i knew exactly what he was and i jumped in anyway. ❞

❝ i think eventually i got so used to the chaos and the pain and the toxicity i began to look for it. ❞

❝ i never got a chance to discover myself. i never had that privilege. ❞

❝ you can tell me anything. i mean i can't promise i'm good at keeping secrets, but i'm a hell of a listener. ❞

❝ no one wants to yearn anymore. ❞

❝ i'm doing some of my best work here and you don't even have the decency to roll your eyes at me. honestly it's hurtful. ❞

❝ i know what you're thinking. ❞

❝ if i ask for your help are you gonna make a big deal out of it? ❞

❝ can we just be normal for like two seconds for once. ❞

❝ i would say i don't know what's wrong with you but i actually do and that's the problem. ❞

❝ against my better judgement i trust you and i think that says a lot about the state of the world right now. ❞

❝ i don't actually care but i'm bored so i'm here. ❞

❝ last time i listened to you we almost died. ❞

❝ i would've come sooner. i would've been here if you'd only asked. ❞

❝ i don't want to hurt anymore. ❞

❝ you don't have to hurt anymore. you can let go of those burdens. ❞

❝ it'd be a lot easier if i actually cared as little as i pretend to. ❞

❝ i do need you. i wouldn't be here if i didn't. ❞

❝ sometimes you don't know it's wrong until it's too late. sometimes you don't know you're being hurt until you realize you're in pieces. ❞

❝ pretending you don't need people doesn't make you strong it just makes you a jackass. ❞

❝ you're gonna be okay. eventually. but first you gotta not be okay for a while. it's gotta suck so you can actually recognize when you're alright again. ❞

❝ you shouldn't have said that. ❞

❝ sometimes i wish they had done something worse. then it'd justify how hard it's been to get over it. ❞