hey

just one memory was enough to bring you back to life from your ashes

my world shakes with one question

what would happen if I stayed

your promises became a knife and stabbed me in the back

three years later i’m still haunted by what if’s

i forgot your home’s street and the taste of your lips

you were the only forever i believed in

then i became this monster,

i became this hurricane

i hate being under control

thinking made me lose sleep and dreams

“should i change my hair?

am i getting addicted to my medication?

am i really the person they say, do i need meditation?

why do things turn upside down?

why do i keep finding myself defeated on the ground?”

lights changing when it’s getting late

blue to purple and now red

we’re going home, all my clothes are wet

it rains and rains

on the way home i think i’m better off alone

my pale face looks more dead now

summer blues

“is this the right thing to do?”

signs are never there when you need them

magic never works when you’re desperately in pain

the hand that wakes you up from nightmares won’t be here anymore

i have blood all over my ugly face

ice cold days broke my bones

i used to be so pure and so sure

about life and love

he loves me, he loves me not

they rip me up

i saw it in a dream last night

running means nothing when you’re tied to stones as heavy as your doubts

i spent the whole night wondering if i could make this right

but no one’s willing to get into a burning house

i have no time left

the rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper

i’m so far from waking up

tell me quick

does he love me

and it’s tapping at my window

your hummings still at my ear from the times you used to call

now all i have is a couple of clothes

that smell like you

pain is leaking from my eyes

i’m not allowed to cry

everyone says this is the right thing to do

you’re a stranger passing by the street

i’m thinking about us while staring at the ceiling

i’m lying fully awake listening to you breathe

we’re a cliche, we’re a sad love song

we can’t take our hands off from each other

lusting over me is easier than giving me your all

you said “i can’t promise i won’t call”

i can’t be asking for too much

cold winds

walking hand in hand and we saw your friends

took a seat at their table,

they were freshly engaged

something about it made us wonder

is this what we wanted?

your eyes were shining and that night you told me you loved me when we were in bed

i stayed silent till the last minute

later we were invited to their house for dinner

we were miserable and i didn’t even look at your face

on the way home

i guess you were sure that it wasn’t what you wanted

and you started to miss your past

all the memories you had

without me

playing our song

it reminds me of the times my ring hanging from your necklace

you laughed and kissed it

making big mistakes took my hand from yours

i told you to be careful than before

we reconnected after two years

you took someone in your heart and lost her

and i looked for something better

i guess we both couldn’t find it

love’s a lucky charm

you have to be careful to hold it

but your touch was poisonous and your footsteps cursed

anywhere you go

you bring this sorrow with you

and all of my days turn to blue

a gunshot to the memories

now our days are passing while we stare at different ceilings

if i’m so good at cutting things off

why the bleeding never stops?

I’d open my window and smoke

and say this city never gets cold

after years, I moved back in

all I can feel now is the freeze in my bones

it’s hard to act like nothing happened

for a long time you were all that I wanted

now we see different dreams

we feel different feelings

I forgot the times you were mine

I painted all the walls with the colour of your feelings

you started to say “us” after the nights we watched the same ceiling

more than a year

I ate your lies like candies

my friend asked “do you really think this is what love is?”

temper, storms, broken glasses all over the house

I live behind the shadows while you live for the applause

my hysterias won’t leave us alone

sometimes it’s just a lie

I’m still crying over the past like a fucking kid

I haven’t smoked a cigarette you lit

for so long

your body and mine

we were actually doing fine

with your lies and mine

we were still doing fine

did you change for her

and leave your agony with me?

it took me months to forget how things used to be

but still I look desperate in my town

boxes of wishes covering big dirty lies

but for my take

i’d like to see you in my dream once again

christmas market, our first kiss

i was about to cry when i thought “he’s the one”

you put my gingerbread girl bracelet on my wrist

they make long wishlists

your name was at the top of mine

one second after i said i could finally breathe

you choked me with this silence

days before the new year

mimi how you feel?

i saw you in my dream again

i thought you left me there

and you came back running with a smirk

hugged me till my bones broke

that’s the most relieving feeling i know

now you’re gone

now you’re moving on

changing your body, getting bigger

your heart gets warmer but it’s not me

it’s not me

mimi my dear

i will never move on from you i fear

can you put me in your pocket

and carry me around

till i’m ready to leave that fucking town

a big beer sip

your words coming to my ear as a lullaby

being in a dream so beautiful that you don’t want to wake up

and it turns out

that it actually isn’t a dream

pink skies, lullabies

a life i thought i could never have

i’m praying for it half awake

but i need more than that

a tender touch

flowers with a note that says i love you so fucking much

a calm autumn drive to the hills

not worrying about your anger, addictions or pills

the idea of forever

the right side of your bed

a love so big that someone could possibly get

can you give me these

this is the one i came back home to

they taught me that home is where the heart is

my heart has split in two

my windows only show dark clouds and all i feel is blue

Ail goes to work while trying to learn what life means to him

same streets, cold mornings, fights

and a love he can’t leave behind

Coe lives by her own

in a house that used to be so loud but so quiet now

Idl is in her hometown, so far away

but her heart is so near to mine

and I run back and forth

trying to find a meaning in all of this sorrow

missing everything that doesn’t belong to me no more

my life turned upside down

i’m sick to my stomach

people, places, and seasons change

my prayings stay the same

“please give me a reason to hold on,

this loneliness has its hand all over me