William Morris(ed)

Young Earth Creationist who still believes in evolution. "All that stuff just happened really fast", he says.

The dinosaurs lasted, at most, a decade. Pangea split apart so violently it caused a worldwide tsunami (the Flood). The continents zoomed around the primeval ocean like so many go-karts or a pack excitable kittens. God had to do it in seven days because He was in a rush, and that's why the human spine is the way it is.

So in the academic Earth science community, there are a group of people that develop and run geophysics simulation codes to model plate tectonics, mantle convection, etc... over geological timescales. Now, it happens that one person in this community is a Christian "early Earth" believer, and uses his simulation code to try and "prove" that theory. Even funnier, his code is open source, and actually really performant, so other geophysicists (non-early Earth) have ended up use his software quite a bit! But they have to acknowledge his early Earth research institute in any papers they write. John Baumgardner, if anyone wants to look this up

One guard lies. One guard tells the truth. One guard thinks he's telling the truth but operates from deeply unsound epistemological principles that were inculcated by his elders to steer him to specific predefined conclusions, he's not lying but nothing he says is as actionable as he thinks it is. One guard is honest but he's got that thing where he keeps confusing your left and right with his left and right, and even when it's just him he's always got to stop and think for a second to remember which is which, and long story short he's never once said the correct door on the first try. One guard says whatever the first guard to speak says because he's afraid of being left out. One guard claims the opposite of whoever was first to speak because he's a contrarian. One guard does that fuckass postmodern "what is truth" song and dance because he doesn't actually know which door is the correct one, he lost the briefing packet and for obvious reasons he can't pick a door to check in person. Defeats the whole point if you can come back