This may come as a surprise because I only recently started this blog and writing, but I have decided to close this blog.
I was never 100% comfortable writing fan fiction and after seeing Harry in person I’m increasingly uncomfortable with fictionalizing and putting expectations on someone who is real.
I apologize to those people who have submitted requests that they won’t be fulfilled. I won’t delete the blog so that those who would like to can reread things in the future.
This is something you may not understand and I apologize for disappointment or anger but it’s something that I need to do for my peace of mind.
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It’s here!! The final part to my Harry story which I still need to name so you can find it on my still yet to be made masterlist. Thanks for all your feedback and support!
The title of this one comes from the AMAZING Beyonce song about forgiving in a relationship. If you haven’t heard it please do yourself a favor.
Without further delay....
August 2017
The room was silent as the two stared at one another. For her, she was silent to keep her emotions in check. She knew that no matter what happened in this room today, they would always be in each other’s lives so she couldn’t scorch the earth beneath them, no matter how much she may have wanted. For him, he was silent because he couldn’t formulate the words to fix the mess he made. The irony of his profession clashing with this moment was not lost on him.
“I, uh, don’t know what to say right now,” Harry muttered
“Maybe it’s better that you don’t say anything,” she sighed, “We’re always going to be in each other’s lives. Maybe it’s best if we just leave it at this, live our lives without each other and when our families are together, we’re friendly.”
Harry ran a hand over his face, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. That wasn’t the life he wanted with her. That wasn’t the life that he was meant to have with her.
“No.” Harry said shaking his head. “This is going to be hard. I know that I fucked every possible thing up in this relationship. I broke your heart and I broke your trust but that is not the life we’re going to have. I’m going to work every day until you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I love you and that you and I are going to be together until I die. I’m going first because there’s no way I can make it in this world without you.”
She flushed under his intense stare and words. He could see her chin wobble and she cleared her throat to keep her own tears at bay.
“And what if I say that I don’t want you to do that?”
Harry faltered for a moment before recommitting to his plan, “Then I’ll tell you what you already know: I’m a selfish asshole and I have to get what I want. What I need.”
He saw her smirk ever so slightly and in that moment, he knew. He was going to get her back.
September 2017
In the two weeks that had passed since Harry had vowed his undying love for her, he had shown up in some way for her each day. Sometimes it was a text with a joke or a meme. Sometimes it was flowers with a note about something he loved about her. Sometimes he brought lunch to her office. He was always respectful of her boundaries but communicated firmly that he wasn’t going anywhere. That is, until he had to go somewhere.
The beginning of his solo tour was only days away. It was his last day in the UK for the foreseeable future and he knew exactly how he wanted to spend it. Harry adjusted the two large bags in his arms enough so he was free to make a fist to knock on her front door.
“Hi, do you need help?” she asked with a slight chuckle, taking in the sight of the overflowing bags in his arms.
“Nope,” he said with a wide grin as he moved past her into her home. He set the bags down on her coffee table and began unpacking their contents.
“What is all this?” she asked with wide eyes
“Well,” he paused his unpacking to look over at her, “I have to leave tomorrow to go on tour and I thought we could do an old fashioned send off day.”
He watched her pause slightly, a blush spreading across her cheekbones. Harry knew that visions of what used to be his send off days were going through her mind - few moments out of bed, wild and stolen kisses, no clothing, cuddles, nothing in the world but the two of them.
“Uh, well,” Harry started, trying not to make her uncomfortable, “Really old fashioned send off day. Like before we were together. Movies and candy. Not that I wouldn’t want to have the other kind of send off day. I do. Obviously but I…”
“Haz,” she cut him off with a bemused grin, “Movies sound great.”
Harry let out a deep breath and let his body relax, “Good. So we’ll start with The Notebook, yeah?”
“Ugh do we have to?” she groaned, flopping on her small couch
“Yes. Obviously.” Harry said with a slight eye roll.
A few hours later, the credits of their second movie were rolling across the screen. During their marathon, they had switched positions frequently, close together, but not too close. Currently, Harry’s legs were stretched out on the coffee table, one arm slung along the back of the couch. She was curled up sideways, feet inches from his thigh and head resting on the cushions behind her. Just as Harry was debating dropping his arm a few inches to wrap around her, she pulled him out of his thoughts by sitting up a little straighter and looking directly at him.
“Can I ask you a question? Well, maybe more than one?”
Harry let a slow smile stretch across his face, “Always.”
She chewed her lip thoughtfully, choosing her words carefully, “Um. Why do you think you pushed me away?”
Harry was momentarily dumbfounded. He shouldn’t have been so surprised at the question, it was a long time coming, but he hadn’t anticipated it being asked at this very moment. He retracted his legs from the coffee table and turned to face her before answering.
“I don’t know if it’s going to make sense, but I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it. I think my life had been so structured and controlled for so long that when I was turned loose I lost my head a bit and self-destructed. There were so many things rolling around in my head, so many people offering opinions and so much pressure from the world to make whatever I did incredible. I should’ve held on to you for dear life. You’re the only thing that keeps me sane and one of the only people who accepts me for me. I just didn’t know what to do so I basically blew everything up.”
Harry watched her anxiously as she nodded slowly. She was always an incredible listener and let him completely finish before saying anything, something that was rare in this day and age.
“Thank you for telling me that. I have just one more,” she said, playing with her fingers, “Why did it take so long for you to come back?”
This time, Harry was more prepared for her question. The moment she had asked the first, he knew this would be close behind.
“I’ve thought a lot about this too. Part of it was pride and stubbornness, I don’t like to admit when I’m wrong. Something you know all too well. But the other part was me not thinking I had a chance. I treated you so terribly and I was so ashamed that I could ever do something like that to someone I loved so much. I figured you would be better off without me so I ignored how much I loved you and wanted you until I couldn’t anymore.”
Again, she nodded slowly, letting the information sink in.
“Okay,” she said finally, “Thank you for telling me.”
“Thank you for listening,” he said, brushing his thumb along her cheek.
October 2017
Harry had now been on tour for close to two months. In that time, he kept in close contact with his love, constantly texting her updates from the road. She had once told him the most romantic thing in the world was just showing up for the person every day, no matter what. Harry took that to heart and tried to show her in big and small ways that he was her partner and support system. He had also convinced her to FaceTime a handful of times. With each passing day, he could feel himself getting closer to getting her back. She had started reaching out first, admitting she missed him occasionally, and flirting with him with increasing frequency. Harry could hardly believe that he was able to fix the astronomical mess he made, but there was no way in hell he would question it.
There had been a brief break in tour around mid-October but he was unfortunately still kept apart from her because of promo work in LA and New York for his new single, Kiwi. Tonight, however, he took some comfort in the fact that he was at least on the same continent as she was. Their show in Paris was in full swing and while he thrived upon the energy from the crowd, he couldn’t help but mentally count the days until his next break and he could try and push things a little further with his Bean.
“You are the best friends anyone could ask for,” he yelled at the crowd, taking his final bow, “I love you so much. Treat people with kindness”
Harry blew a few kisses to the crowd before walking off stage. Almost immediately, Jeff grabbed his arm and started rushing him toward his dressing room.
“What is your deal?” Harry asked laughing, “What is the rush?”
Jeff stared straight ahead, completely focused on getting Harry to his room without being stopped by anyone, “You’ll see.”
Harry looked over at his friend, confused, but more worried about not tripping over his feet at Jeff’s quick pace. Moments later, he was shoved through his dressing room door and it was slammed shut behind him. Bewildered, Harry’s eyes swept from the closed door to the vanity across the room. He immediately froze at the sight of her, not believing she was actually sitting there. He has fantasized about her being on tour with him all along, so there was no evidence to suggest that this was anything other than his mind continuing to play tricks on him.
“Hi,” she breathed quietly, clearly very anxious.
Harry continued to stare silently, frozen to his spot. He was not one to be easily surprised, but this one had him floored.
“I know you’re probably wondering what I’m doing here,” she started, tucking her loose hair behind her ears, “But, uh, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since you’ve been gone. I know I told you that you were a different person to me and that I thought we should just leave things the way they were but I think I was wrong. I’m pretty tired of pretending I’m not still in love with you and I’m really scared to get hurt again, but I’m here.”
Harry took deep, ragged breaths as he let her words sink in. She loved him. She was here. She was here for him. She loved him. Not wasting another moment, he stalked across the room, grasped her hips and lifted her on the vanity behind her. He immediately nudged her thighs apart with one of his knees, stepping between her legs. She gasped wide eyed at his quick movements, but lifted her arms to circle around his neck. Gripping her hips, he pulled her as close as possible.
“Thank you,” he muttered before slanting his lips over hers.
2022
Harry yawned and stretched his arms over his head as he walked into the bedroom he shared with his wife. He had just rocked their newborn to sleep and was looking forward to cuddling her close before drifting off to sleep. However, he was surprised to find that their large bed was empty, save for a small piece of paper in the middle of the duvet. Harry snatched it up and read it quickly.
Can’t give away my spot, but seek and you shall find. Playing or not?
Harry smiled widely at her words, thinking back to the first day he met her over twenty years ago. Knowing there was only one place she could be, he marched across their bedroom to the en suite bathroom and pushed open the door. He was greeted with the sight of his beautiful wife in a bubble bath surrounded by candles.
“Well,” she smiled, “Playing or not?”
Harry took a moment to let the scene before him cement itself in his long term memory. He had come so close to losing her once and while relationships, marriage, and parenthood were never easy, he thanked every star in the sky that he got to do it with her by his side.
Grinning, he walked across the bathroom and jumped into the tub completely clothed, encouraged by her giggles.
Harry crouched over her and moved his face closer to hers, loving the way laughter and love danced in her eyes. “I told you before, when it comes to you, it’s never a question.”
hey guys! I really want to start writing, so send me requests of which of these prompts you would like to see, and which twin you want to see it with! If you have any other ideas or requests, feel free to send those too!
“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”
“Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry”
“Stay with me”
“Walk out that door and we’re through”
“Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything”
“I can’t breathe”
“I hate how much I love you”
“Why are you so jealous?”
“Where do you think you’re going”
“Just leave me alone”
“I need some time”
“Despite what you think, I am completely capable of taking care of myself”
“You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!”
“Just please be my best friend right now, not the guy I just confessed my love to.”
“Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not.”
“Just talk to me”
“Bite me”
“If you insist”
“I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me”
“I think you’re just afraid to be happy”
“Why are you so nice to me”
“Choose me”
“We’ll get through this, I promise”
“You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad”
“You’re mine. I don’t share”
“Just shut up and kiss me.”
“If we get caught I’m blaming you”
“Make me”
“Do you want to kiss as bad as I do right now”
“I think I forgot how to breath”
“Stop biting that fucking lip!”
“You’re blushing”
“I missed something didn’t I?”
“You come to my room and wake me up at 4am, to cuddle?”
“Well this is awkward”
“Is that my shirt?”
“You look like you need a hug”
“I can’t believe you don’t like Disney movies”
“Please come home, I miss you”
“You’re so fucking adorable”
“How can you still look so attractive while crying.”
“I’m pregnant”
“You’re lucky you’re cute”
“Cuddle me.”
“Sometimes I really don’t like you”
“What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.”
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Heyyy! Can you make a story where y/n got pregnant and she doesn't want her boyfriend harry to know. But then she's fucked up bcos of her hormones and then harry notice that there's something wrong with y/n. They're in the middle of an argument then harry suddenly said that y/n was acting like a pregnant which y/n burst into tears bcos of frustration and harry was shocked he's abt to get upset bcos he think y/n doesn't have any plans on telling him abt her situation. Thank youu so much
Request: Heyyy! Can you make a story where y/n got pregnant and she doesn't want her boyfriend harry to know. But then she's fucked up bcos of her hormones and then harry notice that there's something wrong with y/n. They're in the middle of an argument then harry suddenly said that y/n was acting like a pregnant which y/n burst into tears bcos of frustration and harry was shocked he's abt to get upset bcos he think y/n doesn't have any plans on telling him abt her situation. Thank youu so much
She had been acting strangely all day. She jumped at the slightest touch from him. Her mood swung from high to low and she was currently yelling at him about not defending her favorite character in a movie with enough enthusiasm.
“Do you hear yourself right now?” Harry yelled back, “You sound insane. You’re yelling at me about something that doesn’t even matter. What has gotten into you today? Jesus. I thought only pregnant people had mood swings like this.”
Harry watched with curiosity as her entire body froze and tears immediately started streaming from her eyes.
“Are….” he trailed off, trying to find his voice, “Are you? Pregnant?”
She swallowed harshly and nodded.
“When the fuck were you planning on telling me? Were you going to tell me?” Harry spat, emotions and thoughts scattering in every different direction
“Of course,” she said through her tears, “Of course I was going to tell you Harry, but I’m freaking out. I’m scared. This is not when this was supposed to happen for us. We were supposed to be older. We might have been married. You wouldn’t be in the middle of a world tour. I wouldn’t be in the middle of a huge project at work….”
She trailed off and sank back down onto the couch behind her, shaking with silent sobs. Harry immediately softened, sat beside her and pulled her into his lap.
“That’s life, love.” he whispered as he peppered her temple and forehead with kisses. “Things happen when you least expect it but, with you, I know we’ll always figure it out.”
I plan on having a big writing night tonight and finishing my Harry story as well as the blurb request that’s in my inbox. If you have any requests, feel free to send them in!!
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hi I just read your latest blurb and I wanted to ask if you could do a second part cause it was really good and I wanted to see if she forgives him. Also your writing is really good babe keep going 😘
Sooner than I thought, because who needs to fulfill their adult responsibilities?
Here’s part 1, in case you missed it :)
Harry sat on the edge of the bed, knee bouncing relentlessly as he pulled his bottom lip between his ringed fingers. She had gone into the shower about 20 minutes ago. Ten minutes ago, her sobs ceased. Guilt crawled at his insides listening to her agony. His head snapped in the direction of the bathroom door and he watched her walk out with a red, splotchy face.
“I was jealous.” he said quietly.
Her eyes widened at his confession. “What? Of me?”
“I’m not proud of it and it makes me an even bigger jerk than you thought, but I was watching as everyone was enchanted by you and, for a split second, my inner two year old came out and I snapped.”
Her face softened as she noticed he was choking back tears. She stepped closer to him, one hand keeping her towel secure and one hand sliding up to cup his cheek. He immediately leaned into her touch.
“I’m so sorry.” he said, a tear sliding down his cheek, “I love you so much. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m so proud to have you at my side. I hate that I made you feel any less than that.”
“Harry,” she said softly, “There’s no circumstance in which anyone would even notice me over you when you’re in the room. You’re a super star. You’re Harry fucking Styles.”
He smiled softly. “I’m nobody without you. I hate myself a little bit right now.”
Her thumb rubbed back and forth over his cheekbone, “It was a bad moment, Harry. It doesn’t make you bad.”
“Do you forgive me?” Harry dreaded if her answer was no.
“Always.” she said softly, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
1. I’m blown away by your reaction to that quick blurb I wrote last night! I’ve gotten a few messages about writing a part two and based on popular demand, I’ll definitely get that done this week :)
2. Also coming this week is the final part of my Harry story which is entitled “Sandcastles”. Yes, after the Beyonce song, because Beyonce is life.
3. Now that Harry is coming to a close, would anyone be interested in a Niall story? I’ve got a little bit of a concept rolling around in my head. Here’s a sneak peek:
He rushed off the stage, barely containing his huge grin. He couldn’t believe that his life had come to this. When he auditioned for X Factor, he never even dreamed that he’d have the #1 single in America. On his own. Him. Niall James Horan.
Looking around the room at his band and friends, he realized that all he wanted to do was call the one person that was missing. Slipping out of the room, he quickly dialed her number, not registering that it would be the early morning hours where she was.
“Hello?” came her voice, muffled by what he was sure was one of her pillows.
“Y/N!” He exclaimed, unable to contain his excitement
“Who is this?” She asked, still half asleep
He chuckled, “It’s Niall.”
The line was silent for a moment. “Is everything ok? Why are you calling?”
His smile faltered a little at her indifferent tone, “Everything’s amazing. I’ve got the number one single in America. That’s why I’m calling. You’re the only person I wanted to tell.”
“Congratulations, Niall. That’s wonderful.”
Now his smile fully slipped from his face. He didn’t recognize her tone. She sounded far away and robotic. Well, she was far away literally, but she also sounded a million miles away emotionally.
“Why are you being so weird?”
He heard her sigh on the other end of the phone. “Niall, what do you want from me? We haven’t spoken in months and now you’re calling me at 4 a.m.”
“I want you to be normal!” He said, exasperated. “We always go months without talking. But it’s always like no time has passed when we do talk. That’s why we’re such good friends.”
“You’re right, Niall,” she responded, voice thick with tears. “That is how it used to be. But let’s remember the last conversation we had. This time we’re not talking for a reason.”
He was silent as he took in the layered meaning of her words.
“Congratulations, Niall. I really am proud of you.”
With that, the line went dead and the euphoria he was experiencing only 15 minutes prior had been replaced by unbearable pain.
Let me know if this is something I should continue!
Thanks again for all your kind words and for caring even a little about me and my writer’s brain!
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It’s been a busy week and then I went home to surprise my family so I’m sorry I’ve been so inactive! I’m still working on the next part to my main story - I’m a little stuck on where I want the rest of it to go, but hopefully it’ll be finished by next weekend!
Anyway, here’s a little angsty blurb for the lovely, creative anon who requested it!
“welp! since I saw that other anon sent her/his very own line, what about "I didn't know you were so embarrassed of me" thanks!“
The car ride was deathly silent. She wished she could be anywhere but here, but in an unfamiliar city with no one but her boyfriend and his team around, she didn’t really have a choice. She had her neck turned so far away from him that it was starting to cramp. She couldn’t let him know that she was on the verge of tears. She felt his fingers nudge her leg slightly.
“You’re quiet,” Harry observed
She hummed in response, trying not to let the tears leak out of her eyes. She could still hear his venomous tone and hurtful words rattle in her head as they sped past the city lights of Los Angeles. They were on their way home from an extremely fancy dinner hosted by his record label. After a few glasses of wine to ease her awkwardness, she had gotten a little giggly and silly joking around with some of the other guests. Harry, who had been on edge all day with nerves, didn’t find her nearly as amusing as everyone else. She closed her eyes as she remembered how he had grabbed her elbow and spat harsh words in her ear
“Could you just get your shit together?”
He had released her elbow and immediately turned back to the guest on his other side. Harry had missed how she immediately sobered, smile sliding from her face. She had remained quiet for the rest of the night, relying on nods and demure smiles, fearing that if she opened her mouth she’d start sobbing.
The car slowing to a stop snapped her back to the present. She quietly thanked the driver before sliding out her side and walking up the driveway. Her steps were halted by her boyfriend’s hand circling her wrist.
“What’s wrong, love?” he asked, no trace of the arrogant asshole he had been a few hours earlier
“I don’t want to talk about it, Harry,” she said shaking off his hand, “I just want to shower and sleep.”
He wasn’t letting her get away that easily. With a few long strides, he was standing in front of her, gripping her hips.
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” he began, “I was a right dick. I was just nervous and it’s no excuse. It was just a lot of important people there and I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted them to think highly of me.”
She looked at him, heart falling into smaller pieces at his words. “I didn’t know you were so embarrassed of me.”
His eyes widened and his grip tightened as she again moved to go in the house, “No, no, no. Baby, that’s not what I meant.”
She grasped his wrists in her hands, firmly pulling them from her body. “Like I said, Harry. I didn’t want to talk about it. You’ve said enough. I’m going to shower and sleep.”
Harry watched dumbfounded as she strode quickly into the house. He could hear her muffled cries echoing off the walls of his mansion and he cursed his stupid mouth.
