So for years black girls have had to read fanfics where y/n was automatically described as being paled skinned with long flowing hair and blue eyes. We couldn’t relate to it exactly, it excluded us, it ignored us. But we read it cause it was all that was out there. Now when we start writing fanfics for other black girls to feel included and represented, now you all are saying that you ‘‘can’t relate to it” therefore don’t support black writers when we were supporting your work all those years even though you were acting like we don’t exist within these fandoms.
It’s incredibly frustrating because I’ll be reading about the characters turning shades of pink and I’m like. I don’t turn pink. Black people don’t blush. If this is suppose to be reader insert why the hell is it saying that? I don’t have blue eyes or flowing hair? The actual heck.
Bruh don’t get me started, we’ve come a long way but why are ppl complaining when we got something to ourselves? Jeez. You have trillions of stuff, let us have our own.
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I wanna be your boyfriend, 'cause you are the one!
luffy x gn!reader dating headcannons
puru, puru, puru—anon's callin'! ─=≡Σ((( つ><)つ (this was an anon requested fic!) fluff, kissing, biting, oral fixations(luffy puts your fingers in his mouth, he's undiagnosed guys), sleeping together but not sexually, use of y/n, gender neutral reader, impel down and amazon lily (two year timeskip) mention
luffy’s relationship with you is very..well, simple! he doesn’t need it to be complicated with you nor does he want it to be. he’s loved you for a long time, and he’ll realise it without fully realising it. like he knew he liked you, he knows he likes you differently than his other crewmates, or anyone else he’s met for that matter, so he acts on it. he’ll hug you, kiss you, hang off your every word even if he doesn’t know what the hell you’re talking about. he’ll pull you up with him to lounge on the sunny’s figure head, his very own special seat or he’ll lay his head on your lap while you read or sunbathe while he occasionally comments about funny cloud shapes. he knows he loves you and knows you love him, that’s all the confirmation he is. if you tell him he’s your boyfriend, cool!! that’s just a plus ! means he can kiss you square on the mouth and proudly boast that he can do it ‘cus he’s your boyfriend, hm !!
i think we can all agree that luffy is the CEO of physical touch. fuck the pirate king, mf’s the skinship king. he loves holding your hand to drag you through stalls or plaza’s or forests. it lets him keep you close and away from danger and towards plenty of fun things! he loves hugging you as well—literally attaches himself to you it’s all or nothing with him. his hugs are always all consuming. if he’s happy to see you, he’s wrapped around you with arms and legs, same if he’s missed you w his head all tucked into your shoulder to breath you in, same as when he’s had a nightmare or after an argument when he holds you so close to him so you can still feel how his heart beats for you. or even on lazy days when he’s tired and flops across your back like a big heavy blanket. honestly if he could he’d climb into your clothes with you.
luffy is even clingy in his sleep. he chatters in his sleep sometimes too. sometimes it’s about you, sometimes it’s about meat, but it’s indecipherable either way. pre-relationship, luffy would either sleepily shove himself in your cot or sleep walk there, the need to be with you is just that strong. it was definitely a surprise for everyone to see him waltzing out of your room in the mornings but everyone’s used to it by now.
luffy is clingy, but he’s super emotionally intelligent. (your convinced this man can read your mind sometimes) that’s to say, he can easily tell when you need some time for yourself away from him. in the same breath, he’s clingy sure but never possessive or controlling and freedom is super important to him, he’ll always listen to you if you feel you have something to do on your own and will absolutely never question you.
i think luffy has a huge oral fixation. if he doesn’t have food in his mouth and you’re around you’ll immediately be a substitute. will absolutely put your fingers in his mouth while you’re zoning out so he can’t get scolded for it. he likes mouthing at your shoulder too, he prefers when it’s uncovered because he hates the feeling of fabric in his mouth. he likes biting your cheeks too. of course he prefers kissing, but sometimes he has so much pent up affection for you he just sorta has to…ANGH ANGH!!
on that topic, luffy loves kissing you. wether it's a little peck or a full blown makeout he's not picky. he loves surprising you with kisses, like leaning over you while you're sunbathing on the deck so he can press his lips to yours (he thinks your face is really funny). he'll kiss you often when he's waiting for food during dinner, says it's like a little snack. since you taste good, he says. everyone has tuned him out by now.
luffy does not care about pda. at all. to the point where even if you are okay with it you’d still have to reign him in (unless you’re a freak like him, i won’t judge.) if he feels like kissing you he will. and if he feels like he wants your arms wrapped around him and tugging his hair while he shoves his tongue down your throat he’ll do it. if you’re a little shy about it outside he’ll find the nearest hidden spot and whine a “please can i do it now? i wanna kiss you real bad. say i can.” with a little pout. he can read your moods and intentions clearly, so if you don’t want to or genuinely tell him no, he’ll back off. if you don’t and you see that grin, get ready—you’re not stopping him for a hot minute.
luffy really likes carrying you. wether you ask or not, he will. but the worst part is that he always does it when you’re running away from danger! if he sees marines he won’t even give you a second to start running before his stretchy arm snatches you up and suddenly you’re off the ground. over his shoulder, bridal carry, or like a bear hug, and he’ll laugh heartily while you yell at him.
luffy’s super fidgety and he takes it out on you most of the time—twirling your hair, patting your thigh, playing with your fingers.. whatever he can get his hands on he will. when he drapes himself behind you he plays with the material your shirt until it wrinkles. he’ll lift it up and run his hands up an’ down your stomach absentmindedly, says it soothes him if you bring it up. he likes to hold the back of your shirt too.
luffy loves making you happy, and he especially loves seeing you smile ! if he feels like something fun is gonna happen it doesn’t matter if you’re across the ship he’s stretching that arm and dragging your ass over to him. he also likes doing dumb trick and retelling dumb jokes ussop told him to make you laugh.
luffy, generally, isn't very hard to convince, especially if he thinks he'll get some fun out of it. but it's laughable how easy it is for you to convince him to do something for you. you don't even have to finish your request for him to already be way into it, arguably more excited to get it done than you. you tell him to jump and he doesn't even say how high just jumps as high as he can and when he gets down asks you if that was high enough and if you want him to do it again.
luffy loves food, and luffy loves you. so of course you both go together! luffy cares about you by insisting you eat with him, next to him at the dinner table. there’s no greater pleasure to him than being able to share a hearty meals with his loved ones. he'll shove a bite of whatever he’s eating onto your plate or straight into your mouth because it's so good, you just have to try it! he forgets you don’t inhale the food like he does sometimes, so you have to remind him to slow down when he tries to feed you a whole rib when you’re still chewing on the potatoes he just fed you three seconds ago.
luffy boasts about you every chance he can get. even before you were together. (which was everyone else’s clue that he liked you) no matter what your role on the crew is, luffy always finds a way to talk about how smart you are or about something cool you did.
you do not know the amount of strangers who know about you solely because luffy would not shut his mouth about you during his two years away from the crew. sure, he loved talking about his friends, it made him feel close to them and ever excited to see them all again. but you’d be blind to not see how smitten he was with you. he’d tell anybody who would listen every single story he had of you. every single thing he saw either reminded him of you or was filed in the back of his mind so he could tell you later. the main one who was subjected to this was rayleigh, he’d see how much the boy longed for you while seemingly not realising it. and when you all met up again you were left confused when the older man smiled warmly at you like he knew you.
jimbei had also been with luffy at the time and you finally questioned luffy about it when jimbei said it was nice to “finally meet you.” he spilled the beans unashamed, why should he be? everyone should know about that you saved him from getting eaten by a giant bird !
“oh yeah, i talked about you to ‘im ! rayleigh too ! and hancock, too ! and—“ the list goes on. unbeknownst to you, you’d made an enemy of yourself to the pirate empress.
luffy trusts you with his life, to him, whatever you say is basically law. you could tell him that if he jumped from a high enough building he could fly and he’d trust you without a second thought. he’s not that gullible (…kinda) and he can tell when you lie, he just genuinely trusts you so much to the point where if you’re saying something he automatically thinks that you know your stuff. bro could say the most outlandish statement ever and when someone asks him how he knows this he’ll go “Y/n told me! they’re super smart, y’know ?!”
similarly, since to him you have every solution to solving his mundane problems, luffy will automatically assume you can do the same for others as well. him, ussop and chopper could’ve done something stupid and while the other two panic he strolls off to go look for you because “Y/n’ll know what to do!” meanwhile there’s a massive hole in the ship like..he’ll come rushing to find you, heaving and pulling you along like “quick, we need you to help fix it!” this is usually how you end up involved in his shenanigans.
luffy reflexively follows you around most of the time because he just assumes you’ll bring him towards something cool. this man’s trust in you is genuinely unbelievable at times. of course, he just likes to be around you, but when you all dock on a new island and plan on going somewhere he’ll immediately exclaims he wants to go, too. even though you try to warn him he will get bored “nah, m’sure it’ll be fine if i go with you!” real sweet, right ? wrong. he gets annoying as you’d expected and whines until he finds something else to catch his attention.
luffy looks and finds you in everything to the point it’s kind of annoying. whenever he's away from you and sees something cool there’s a 90% chance that “i bet Y/n would love this!” will come out his mouth in the next three minutes. while in Impel Down his thoughts were solely on getting ace back, but everything he experienced there he’d shove in the back of his mind as something to tell you. “when i get ace back, i gotta tell Y/n about this!” is his mindset. on the way to Blazing hell after beating the minotaur, luffy fanned his face “PHEW, it’s hot ! Y/n wouldn’t be able to handle it at all!” “WHO THE HELL IS Y/N ?!” the three other men with him exclaimed.
luffy will cross hell and high water for you—yes, even if those high waters threaten to drag him down to the bottom of the ocean. wether it’s something silly like you wanting a specific snack or if he has to face a thousand enemies to get you back he absolutely will. family and love means the world to luffy, even more than himself, so you bet your ass he will do absolutely anything for you. not even just because you’re his partner but because you are a part of his soul.
luffy trusts you to keep his hat safe. the way he just lets you have it almost makes it seems like he could care less about the thing; he has you hold on to it when the situation calls for it; it's his promise to you that he'll deal with a problem and to keep it safe until he gets back. but he’ll also have you hold onto it because he wants to climb a tree and doesn’t want it to blow away. he places it on your head too, simply because he thinks you look pretty, in his words. it seems careless, but his hat is his treasure. and there’s nobody he trusts more than you, so he knows as long as you have his hat it’ll be in safe hands. besides, it’s safer to keep his most cherished things close together, right ? so he can keep you both at arms reach!
all in all, luffy loves you so so so much. he dedicates himself fully to you—his heart is yours and yours alone. he lays his heart out to you with a grin without expecting anything in return. 10/10 best boyfriend.
Don't stop, get it, get it, peep how your captain's in it!!
luffy x fem! childhood fwb reader headcannons
puru, puru, puru—anon's callin'! ─=≡Σ((( つ><)つ (this was an anon requested fic!) smut obviously so yk the drill MDNI, i'm not experienced in writing smut so please be patient with me(´• ω •`), childhood friends to lovers, fwb, sorta cum eating? like luffy kisses you right after you give him head, oral (male and female receiving), dry humping, kissing, sex...obviously, fwb but also he's kinda in love with you sorry guys im no good at this no strings attached stuff lol, oh exhibitionism i forgot about that
first i think ending up in a fwb relationship with luffy comes surprisingly easy, as things usually do with him. especially if you’re someone he’s known since childhood. luffy isn’t one for shame and will shamelessly love on you whenever he can; hugging you, kissing your cheek or your nose or biting you...ending up balls deep inside you isn't any different, really!
it started one night, when he couldn’t sleep and snuck into your room to hang out (yes, you’re forced to stay awake with him until he falls asleep) he’s been cuddling with you for years now, but the scent of you so close to him is suddenly overwhelming him, and he’ll just casually hum into your neck when you shyly mention that he’s kinda pitching a tent in there. he's been horny before. and most of the time it's your fault, so you should be the one to fix it, don't you think?
“s’okay, right ? jus’ like this ? s’okay ?” luffy asked, voice breathy while he humped himself against your thigh. slow at first, before it turns a little frantic, a little desperate, then very needy. one thing lead to another after that, really.
if you don’t want to make a big deal out of it he won’t, to him this is just another way of being close to you besides hugging or kissing. considering his lack of shame, you’ve probably already seen him naked, albeit in a less sexual context obviously. so getting naked in front of you doesn’t really phase him. what does phase him is the way his dick jumps when he sees you naked and wanting for him the first time. he laughs incredulously about it a little before whining about how much he needs you.
luffy is as experienced as sanji’s eyebrows are straight—meaning not at all; so if you’re more experienced than you’ll have to bear with him because he has a lot to learn. and if you’re not, cool! he thinks it’s fun to figure out what you both like together. as much as he seems like the type to wanna rush and get into it—i think he really likes just looking at what makes you feel good first. he’s oddly focused and doesn’t really talk to you much, only responding when you tell him what’s feeling good or mostly just mumbling to himself about how you feel, he's nasty, too. "s'wet..and squelchy, too. ya like me in here ?" he giggles, grinning at you.
he’s really into eye contact. once you both start to get into it more often, he gets bolder. sometimes when he starts feeling too good, when you start clenchin’ down on him and it makes him all dizzy he’ll grab your cheeks and keep your eyes on him, especially when you’re close, being able to see your face while he brings you over the edge always sends him over right along with you.
he lives off kissing you during sex. when you’re too fucked out to kiss him back he gets super pouty and whiny “‘c’moooon, gimme kiss..jus’ one..!” he’ll whine, as if he isn’t actively pounding you into the mattress.
luffy isn’t super on the sexy talk during sex. i don’t think he can focus enough to be able to talk dirty to you. he’s accidentally very dirty though because he rambles constantly, he’s just not the type to let silence hang. and if he’s not talking he’s moaning, groaning, whining in your ear about how good you feel, about how he wants to keep goin’ forever an’ ever.
“fuh—haah, y’feel s’good…s’good..g’nna make me cum..g’nna cum! ” is usually the most coherent sentence you’ll get outta him. most of what he says are either half words and incoherent mumbles.
at the same time, he’ll still wanna talk to you during sex. asking you between grunts and whimpers if you’re feeling good too—if he’s making you feel good. he gets off on it so bad and asks for confirmation constantly. major praise freak, that one.
did i also mention he’s loud. like stated, luffy is shameless, and he loves when you both get really loud and will do his utmost best to get you as loud as possible, growling and pulling your hands away from your mouth and above your head if he notices you’re hiding your voice. and trust me, no matter how into it he is, he will notice.
luffy is, say it with me, shameless as hell. he does not care where you are if he’s feeling horny he will let you know. he’s learned his lesson after loudly announcing “hey, Y/n. m’horny! wanna have sex ?” to you, with nobody around luckily, but still too close for comfort for your liking. now he’s just a liiiittle more subtle, pressing up behind you and nuzzling and kissing your shoulder “m’so hard, Y/n..hurts,need you right now, please..” he’ll beg sweetly. he also doesn’t care where you’re fucking at. will absolutely fuck you somewhere hidden outside if he wants it bad enough.
luffy isn’t really one for slow sex except in the mornings. usually he goes hard and/or fast because you like it like that—you both wanna feel good, why wait for it? but there are some nights where all he needs is to be close to you, and he’ll mostly be whiny and needy—grabbing and pawing at you even while you reassure him that you’re right there. he just can’t help but want you closer, because somehow this still isn’t close enough for him. “need you. need you, need you s’bad..” he whimpers into your skin.
luffy loves quickies...but he sucks at them. he can’t really be fully satisfied with just one round, but if he does end it at one it definitely isn't a short round. he simply just doesn’t understand that the whole point is that he has to be quick—once he gets lost in you he’s loooost, you’re not pulling him out.
awesome segway, luffy loves cumming inside you. he shivers at the feeling of shoving himself inside you as deep as he can go and shooting his load inside you nice and snug. hell, big chance he might fall asleep right there.
luffy’s a humper. he humps you in his sleep, he’ll hump you when he gets too into foreplay, he’ll hump you when he gets impatient behind some tavern after having one too many drinks. he gets himself so worked up for no reason, he ruts so hard it feels like he actually thinks he’s fucking you before he’ll impatiently bite out a “can’t wait ‘nymore..” and rip both your clothes off.
i don’t think he has a favourite position. luffy’s really not picky, if he gets to fuck you every positions a great one. although he does prefer seeing your face, he likes hitting it from the back because he likes the way your ass moves. sometimes he’ll slow down and go in short little bursts just to watch the movement as if entranced. “yer ass moves funny, Y/n” he giggles, before bursting out laughing when you reach behind you to smack his sides.
he is an eater I DONT CUUURRRRR!!!! i believe that he loves eating you out. he gets really into it the first time you ask him to. after hearing sanji talk about it once he’d wanted to try it out, he thinks it’ll be something fun. and it does end up being fun, but not the way he expects it to. he goes all in, actually eats you like a full course meal. gripping your shoulders and pulling them around his shoulders even as you squirm because he’s “not done yet.” he loves when you sit on his face, too, quickest way to have him humping the air or grinding down on the mattress is letting him get his face in between your legs.
m’pretty sure every man enjoys getting head, and luffy is no exception. he full on babbles as soon as you get your mouth on him. he gets so lost in it he gets dizzy. his voice gets so raspy and hoarse because he stops hearing how noisy he gets, genuinely all he hears is blood rushing to his ears because it’s so overstimulating in the best way—the sound of your mouth on him, the feel of your tongue on his tip—it’s all too much for him. his fingers tangle into your hair reflexively, pulling you up an’ down just how he likes it and paint your throat. afterwards he laughs, all breathless “yer…real good at that…” before pulling you in to kiss you nice and deep, tasting himself on you.
despite being your friend with benefits, luffy doesn’t talk like one at all. you don’t think he actually really knows what being friends w benefits entails. like he gets that you guys are just fucking but he also just. isn’t normal about you at all. he’s especially talkative when he gets close, begging you to take his cum because you’re his girl “all mine, my girl..ha-aah—! s’comin’! cumming! love you! loveyou,loveyou,loveyou!!”
afterwards he’s still not ashamed about what he said at all. “but i do love you ! s’that a bad thing ?” he says, cluelessly. honestly, you can take it however you want to and luffy will be happy to be close to you either way.
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🜼 ⋆ to you, satoru was just a fuck buddy you relieved your pent up frustration on. but to him? you’re more than that, you’re his world.
fuck buddy!gojo, angst, unrequited love + smut smut smut
the room is dim, the only light coming from the gauzy moon through slatted blinds, throwing lines of silver across the motel-style sheets and the sweat-slicked stretch of his torso.
his shirt’s long gone, somewhere near the foot of the bed with your discarded panties, and his hands are gripping the backs of your thighs like they’re the last thing tethering him to earth. you’re on top, straddling him for now—but you’d pulled him in for missionary earlier like you always do, because that’s how you like it: close, connected, but not intimate. not really. not in the way he wants.
he’s deep inside, and the air smells like sex and skin and you—god, just you—and all he can do is keep his mouth shut so the words don’t spill. because they’re always right there, tangled up in the back of his throat. don’t go. stay. let me be yours. choose me. but he bites it all down, swallows it like poison, lets it rot under his tongue. that was the deal. you use each other. you fuck, you don’t feel.
and satoru was fine with it. at least, he told himself he was.
but tonight? you’re softer than usual. not sweet, no, never sweet—you’re too self-assured for that. but there’s something in the way your fingers curl against his jaw, the way your gaze lingers on his face instead of glazing over, looking past him. it feels cruelly close to affection. cruel because he knows it’s not real. not to you.
you whisper something like “feels so good, satoru,” and it guts him.
his hips buck up instinctively, chasing the friction like a desperate animal, but it’s not about the orgasm anymore. hasn’t been for a while. he just wants to stay in you—wants to keep your warmth, your weight, your scent, the feeling of your chest brushing his with every roll of your hips. he wants to live here, buried inside you, pretending it means something to you too.
you moan, soft and breathy, your lashes fluttering as your walls clamp down around him, slick and pulsing and perfect. your nails dig into his shoulder blades, leaving red half-moons he’ll trace over later in the mirror. trophies. evidence. signs that he was wanted, even if only for the night.
you cum with a soft gasp, grinding down like you’re trying to squeeze the last bit of use out of him, and he watches you with something reverent in his eyes. lips parted, eyes glassy, his chest rising with the effort not to say your name like a prayer. not to say i love you.
you collapse onto his chest, sweaty and boneless and beautiful, and he wraps an arm around you out of habit, not because you asked. you never ask. you never stay for long.
and that’s what breaks him. not the sex. not the silence. not even the way you use him without malice. it’s that you never stay.
he swallows a sob and it turns into a shaky exhale, nose brushing your hairline. you don’t notice the way his jaw trembles, the way his other hand shakes when he cups the back of your head. you never do. but when you murmur something like “good fuck, toru. thanks,” and slide off of him to grab your things… his heart cracks open with a quiet, pathetic whimper.
“yeah,” he whispers to the ceiling, blinking back tears that blur the lines of moonlight across his vision. “anytime.”
because you’re already gone. and he’s still in love with someone who never promised him anything.
♡ suguru always laces your skates for you and kisses your knuckles before a comp, and satoru who's singing your praises about how stunning you look in your dress. Insisting you give him a twirl before you do your routine.
♡ satoru insist on calling himself your "only manager" as he keeps track of your routine and training schedule better than you do at times, and quickly becomes a nerd about different spins and artistry.
♡ satosugu who always tosses you a white rose after every performance and practice despite Gojo's murmuring about how you should've gotten a whole bouquet.
♡ Suguru who warms your hands before every routine — holding them in his big palms and blowing warm air gently over your fingers, even if he pretends it’s just for practicality. “Cold hands ruin precision,” he mutters, but you see the small smile he hides as he rubs circles into your palms.
♡ Always attends your practices, Gojo records clips with exaggerated commentary, while Suguru quietly takes somehow perfect pictures of your most graceful moments, storing them like treasure.
♡ Suguru being the more subtle supporter—watching your every move from the stands, arms crossed, lips in a firm line… but the second you're off the ice, he’s by your side with your jacket, tucking your hair back from your face, whispering, “You were breathtaking.”
♡ Whilst Gojo literally screams your name from the stands, even if it gets him scolded. “GO GORGEOUS, DO THAT SPINNY THING.,” he yells, not caring if he’s surrounded by judges or press. Suguru just sighs beside him, but his smile gives him away.
"god she's so hot."
"yes she is, but do you have to shout it next to the broadcasting cameras satoru.."
"I think you know the answer to that sugu."
♡ satosugu who had a clip of them go viral on Twitter for two weeks straight. (Mainly because of how hot they were + that they both were plainly bragging about your talent)
It started with a fan-recorded video at your last regional showcase. The camera was supposed to be on you, but instead it zoomed in on the two tall, stupidly gorgeous men in the stands yelling louder than your actual coach.
Satoru was wearing a fur-lined coat that definitely wasn’t appropriate for the indoor arena, dark shades pushed up in his hair as he leaned over the railing screaming,
“THAT’S MY BABY. YOU SEE THAT SPIN? SHE’S A GODDESS. LOOK AT THAT EDGE CONTROL!”
Meanwhile, Suguru stood beside him all-black turtleneck and trench coat, silent applauding every double axel you flawlessly completed. Eyes full with adoration and love as he watched you skate.
The internet lost its mind.
“what the actual fuck.”
“the way they speak about her like she’s venus incarnate 😭😭”
“i don’t know if i want to be her or date her or cry.”
“how tf did she find both of them? Last time I checked their always sold separately what fucking store did she go to.”“
I need someone to look at me the way the dark haired guy looks at y/n”
you Know how writers tag fics with “angst,fluff,smut” so that people can block those , we should do the same with the kind of reader insert it is, like “housewife,crybaby,non sorcerer,baker ,bimbo,weak…”
At the beginning of a story the reader has a life (work , friends , hobbies) and then when she meets the character it’s like those things disappear
When the fem reader quit her job when they get married 💀
I don’t understand the whole “oh he is such a girl dad” in fanfic, like would he treat the kid different because it’s a girl 🤡 it’s a little sexist in my opinion , and the way every time it’s a girl she make tea parties or want to put makeup on everyone like omg
The reader never getting abortion
Why is reader always weak (This point is for jujutsu kaisen fic , we need more ,powerful , crazy fem reader , like she enjoy killing curses )
Why reader never saying no to moving in with the character (don’t need to live together to be in a relationship)
To be able to kiss you every day... what would that be like? Some people are so lucky as to have their lovers by their side, but his lover is on the other face of the planet.
What are you up to right now? is a question that lingered in his mind every day as he dragged his feet from room to room across the apartment — oh he was in such a state after you left, he kept his gaze pointed downwards and snuggled his face into the plush bunny that you had forgotten to pack. Aimlessly wandering like this, Satoru's lost blue eyes lingered on small objects that reminded him of you.
The cup from which you drank, the pillow you loved to hold while sat on his bed, the photo strip with the tiniest square piece of evidence that he had the guts to kiss your cheek... the kiss that you left on his lips that he daydreamed about over and over again.
Sometimes it felt like your kiss was still on his lips, like it was a tangible memory; your breath, your mouth, your taste, your affection.
Blinking up at the ceiling, Satoru often laid awake in the middle of the night and thought of you with such focus that he almost felt like you were there. After long, blushing daydreams, he'd eventually roll over onto his side and hug his ribs — as he habitually did whenever he felt lonely.
One sleepless night, he penned down this feeling, 'I'm in my home, yet I feel homesick. Why can't I just be a rabbit and burrow a home in your chest where I know I'll be warm?'.
Some nights, just before he fell asleep, he'd stare into your photo and couldn't help but get teary-eyed, couldn't even hold back the tiniest of tears that leaked out and rolled down the side of his nose.
今すぐ会いたい ...
And Suguru?
Oh, Suguru.
Let’s not even begin to describe what he felt when you left.
He acted strong for his best friend; making sure that he didn't forget to eat, surprising him with little gifts like his favorite sweets when he came home, spending late nights watching TV with him until he was smiling again.
But despite Suguru’s efforts to cheer up Satoru, some days were stained with a frown. Satoru wouldn’t even notice how miserable he looked until Suguru said something about it.
"Satoru, you're frowning again." he commented while making coffee in the kitchen.
"And I’ll be frowning for as long as she’s not here." replied Satoru quite dramatically.
Suguru shook his head and slurped his coffee.
"... she hasn't fallen off of the face of the earth, you know." he said, setting down his mug.
"I know, but it feels like it." whined Satoru
"Don't mope around too much. She'll visit again, and I can bet that she'll make it for your birthday."
Satoru's face lit up ever so slightly at this.
"Mm... maybe..." mumbled Satoru.
"Now stop frowning; you'll get wrinkles."
"Nah! You may have that old man look about you, but I'm never gonna wrinkle — I'm forever twenty-one!"
Suguru spread his lips into a thin smile and laughed lightly. "Well, you definitely still act like a twenty-one year old..." he muttered in English under his breath.
“Hey, what’re you saying!”
“Nothing, nothing.”
They stood in the kitchen, drinking iced coffees before work started, feeling a coldness making its way up from their ankles to their ears. It wasn't cold because winter was nearing; it was cold because your warmth wasn't there.
As Suguru thought to himself, you're the sun that lights my way and warms my skin — but he didn't write this into his notes app, of course, because he felt it was too cheesy.
"If you miss her so much, just text her more often." said Suguru.
"I don't want to seem clingy." Satoru admitted.
"Huh, why? Jeez, ‘Toru... don't overthink things so much. You’re cute when you’re a little clingy; and I’m sure she'd appreciate hearing about even the most mundane things that happen throughout your day. Why don't you show her the route you take to work? It's pretty scenic. And I'm sure she misses your voice... I mean, don't you miss her voice?"
Satoru looked thoughtfully at his iced coffee, contemplating on what Suguru had suggested. He was using the same cup that you liked using, wearing the same shirt that he wore when he went with you to the aquarium.
"Yeah... that's a good idea..." Satoru replied at last. "I'll do that."
"Good; and stop being lazy and start learning English." Suguru teased.
"Well why don't you teach me yourself!"
"I'm not a good teacher..."
"... please?"
Suguru gave in so easily. "Alright. When I get home from work today, I’ll look for my old textbooks." he promised.
*****
Whether he was inside or out of the house, Satoru was always thinking about doing things with you, eagerly sharing snippets of his day after feeling this newfound freedom from the fear of seeming clingy — something he’d been scared of his whole life.
But just a few small words and encouragement from his best friend opened his eyes.
What's the point of fearing that? Why not risk seeming clingy? I'm only alive once, and I probably only know you in this lifetime.
I want you to be the one I watch late-night TV with, I want your scent to be the one I smell on all my clothes, I want to buy your favorite drink for you on my way home, I want you to be the one I walk alongside, I want you to be the one I complain about the weather to, I want you to be the lips I kiss before heading off to work.
So, Satoru tried to include you in his daily life.
But the things that he thought to be mundane, like his commute to work, meant so much more to you — the route he walked to get to work, the flowering trees that he passed on the way, the train that he took, the convenience store that he bought sweets from, the stray cats that he petted, the way he timidly spoke any new English that he learned even if it was almost completely muffled by his mask.
Being online together, even if it was just for a few minutes, left him glowing and warm. Suguru had come to know this glow on Satoru's face very well; whenever he caught Satoru smiling at his screen, he instantly knew it was you — cheeks tight and red, face alight with the glare of the screen, conversation reflected in the tiny diameter of his pupils.
Satoru always had a spare ear for you, always wanted to hear about your day — it was something so simple, and yet he was so eager to know every little detail.
Conversations kept the both of you awake so late because of the time difference. And it took a lot of discipline for Satoru to pry himself off of his phone; he only really stopped texting when he fell asleep, when his eyelids started blinking shut with little daydreams behind them to lull him into sleep. The screen would go black, leaving him laid there, softly snoring, with the cat snuggled at his feet.
On the other side, in the morning, you'd wake up so groggy, eyes barely able to open yet, whole body dreading going to work — but then you'd fish your phone out from under your pillow, and smile as soon as you saw your notifications;
✉ Satoru
→ Sent a photo; his cute groggy face made you miss waking up next to him.
Good morning 🐥
→ Sent a video; at first, he pans the camera to get a slow, sweeping view of the train station, capturing a moment in time of such an ordinary day. It ends with him panning to himself and hissing a smiley 'it's cold'.
Commute to work :) Hope the weather is better over there.
✉ Suguru
→ Sent a photo; he was showing you the back of his hand where there was a scratch.
mint woke up and chose violence and we've run out of the hello kitty bandaids. pls kiss better.
✉ Satoru & Suguru
→ Sent a photo; they're sat at a cafe, smiling into the camera. Suguru looks sleepy and Satoru looks energetic — as is their usual dynamic.
we found a new cafe today. by the way, how's your spider situation? satoru suggests giving it an eviction notice 😄
✉ Suguru
→ Sent a photo; it's of Satoru looking down at two open books at the same cafe on a different day. He's scrunched up his face in focus, seemingly studying hard.
toru’s studying hard. i'm his unpaid english teacher now.
✉ You
Aw, can you be my teacher too? 🥺
✉ Suguru
yes. send this to satoru: さとるに会いたい
✉ You
What does it mean...? Are you teaching me terrible things, Suguru?🤨
✉ Suguru
i'll tell you after. trust. i'm on a mission to make him blush.
So, you did as he said. Not long after messaging this to Satoru, (and being left on read for a few minutes), Suguru responded again.
✉ Suguru
→ Sent a photo; it's of Satoru hiding his face with his shirt, only his eyes revealing how hard he must have been smiling.
mission success 👍
*****
Just seeing the whirl of life in the screen brought tears to your eyes — so as you can imagine, watching your daily 'mundanities' had the same effect on Satoru.
You were his favorite notification, yes, your messages were on high priority and had their own special sound so that he could tell your texts apart from everyone else's. Nothing could describe the way his whole body reacted whenever he heard that twinkling sound — he'd jolt, reach for his phone, and return back a small text... even if he was at work.
*****
"Nanami, does this sentence make sense?" he'd sometimes ask his blonde co-worker.
Satoru would often earn a pitiful look from Nanami after he'd shown him what he'd typed.
"... uh, let me re-write that for you..." Nanami offered, taking Satoru's phone and into his hand and correcting almost everything.
Because he was fluent in English like Suguru, that meant Satoru nagged him just as much to help him out.
What does this mean? How do I say this? Don't sigh at me. Come on, help a guy out; I’m in love with a girl and I have no idea what she’s saying ninety-percent of the time.
The clacking of keyboards and of phones going off filled the office, then it was lunch — time to sit too close to Nanami and nag him. Of course, one look at the genuine desperation in Satoru's blue eyes, and he couldn't refuse.
"... so is she visiting again soon?" Nanami asked conversationally, eating slowly.
Satoru nodded, mouth full of lunch, "Mhm, I think she'll make a surprise visit in December. I've got a hunch."
"For your birthday?"
"Ah, if I could be so lucky... I think she'll be able to visit in time for Christmas... which is perfect. I could ask her out for the twenty-fifth to see the lights... oh, Keyakizaka... I've wanted to bring a girl there for so long." Satoru swooned, "I'll make it an experience that she'll never forget."
Nanami toyed with his food, preparing to make the perfect last bite. With the way Satoru sounded — like a man who was beyond lovesick — Nanami made an assumption that took Satoru completely by surprise.
"Are you going to propose to her?"
Satoru nearly choked. His jaw stopped moving. The mix of food stilled in his mouth. His eyes went wide. His heartbeat felt like a drum. Blood rushed to his face.
"Propose?! Like, marriage?!"
"Uh, yeah — what other kinds of proposal are there?"
"I... well...” Satoru shifted around in his seat, touched at his neck, and looked up at the lights, “I don't think that she'd accept me as her husband. I mean, at the very least, she'd think it's too soon, wouldn't she? We've only kissed once..." Satoru started rambling.
Nanami shrugged, "It's either a yes or a no. Honestly, I believe you may as well go for it. From what I've heard, she's the one. Who else but someone deeply in love would travel so far just to meet a man who can't even speak her language?"
Satoru looked down in thought, face still completely red even up to his ears. One pale hand laid lax on the table, wrist poised to take another bite of food.
He pulled his shoulders up into a shrug, "I never thought about that... I mean, she likes Suguru, too."
Nanami waved his hand dismissively, "That's just platonic."
"No, it isn't; they've kissed."
"You don't get it; it's not the same."
"Maybe... I don't know, I haven't asked her about how she feels... I'm too shy to do that." Satoru admitted.
"Satoru." Nanami shook his head, like his co-worker was an oblivious idiot, "You don't get it," he emphasized, "I've never ever in my whole life seen a woman look at a man in the same way that she looked at you that night. It was like a novel. I generally don't believe in fateful encounters, but you and her are a story that the entire universe has carefully written. So, if I were you, I'd put a ring on it."
Satoru went silent, stopped eating completely, and just felt all his feelings right there in his office's cafeteria. A long moment went by, and eventually he stuttered back to reality.
"... what are you, a poet now?" Satoru teased Nanami.
"I'm serious."
"Yeah, I know. I'll think about it..."
And he did think about it. In fact, he thought about it all the way home; from the moment he hurried out the office at 5 PM to the moment he boarded the train home, Satoru was in deep thought about everything Nanami had said.
... you and her are a story that the entire universe has carefully written...
Satoru took out his notebook, and scribbled down his stream of thoughts.
His heart throbbed. His tummy felt tight.
Marriage?
He mused to himself, picturing a scene where he got down on one knee for you.
The train reached its destination. Satoru put his notebook away, stood in wait to be let out, and took long strides through the station — completely towering over everyone else. As he went on his way home, the only thing that occupied his mind was marriage.
*****
Satoru and Suguru talked late into the night, cuddling up together in Suguru's bed with Mint fluffing her tail around at Satoru's side. The glare of the laptop lit up Satoru's face as he balanced it on his lap.
"... it's something like ¥400,000, and I stared at it and thought of her... hey, Suguru, as a to-be best man, I need your input. Is it too much? Is it too soon?"
Suguru shrugged, "Well, Monroe did say diamonds are a girl's best friend..."
"But is it too soon?" Satoru repeated.
"No." he replied "I don't think so."
A soft silence went by. Satoru's face was illuminated by the glare of his laptop's screen, and Suguru was wiggling his foot, thinking of a song that he couldn't recall the name of.
"Suguru."
"Hm?"
"... would it upset you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, Nanami told me that he thought it seemed platonic between you and her... but I’ve always thought that you two felt more deeply for each other than I could judge. I don’t want to tread on your feelings, I’d rather we talk about it."
Silence. Suguru contemplated his response, pushed down words that could not be said, and then spoke.
"... she's special to me," Suguru began, choosing his words slowly, "But your happiness is also special to me. If I envision you and her being married, I don't feel bitter."
"You don't? Are you sure?"
"You're my best friend." Suguru emphasized, lips carrying a small smile.
Satoru blushed a little.
Suguru continued, "I'm not saying I don't have a little bit of a crush on her right now... I'm just saying that want to see a future where you're smiling at her side. You're the one who liked her first, you know?"
Oh he knew it wasn’t true. Oh even you knew; the one who liked you first was...
"Yeah."
"I mean, you said it once... 恋の予感 、ね?"
Satoru held down a smile.
"Aw, look who's blushing."
"Shut up..."
They laid in silence, growing drowsy, when Satoru started talking about how he felt.
"... what if she and I loved each other in a past life?"
"Now that is poetic. Write that down."
"I'm too sleepy, can you do it?"
Satoru offered Suguru his notebook, taking it out from under his pillow.
"Why do you keep a book under your pillow...?" Suguru questioned.
"... I get ideas late at night. Don’t you?"
"Oh... well yeah, but I just use my notes app."
"Laaame."
Suguru opened Satoru's notebook, flipped through it, and immediately a smile spread across his face.
"Damn... you’ve been writing a whole novel on the side and didn’t even show me? Oh, ‘her eye contact makes me stutter’? You’re so cheesy!"
"Like you’re not! I’m sure your notes app is full of the cheesiest shit ever."
"Should I translate this for you? I mean, one day you might give it to her to reminisce."
Satoru contemplated this for a second, sleepy head held up by his hand.
"... but first, pen down my thoughts before I fall asleep."
Suguru poised the pen, ready to write. "Where do I begin?"
"... the day I was born…"
"... good grief, we’re going that far back?"
"Just listen to me; the day I was born, I was cursed to be born here. But then, despite the distance between us, she and I still met each other – and that’s so incredibly special. Really, it’s all thanks to you, isn’t it? If you hadn’t started an account on that shady little chatsite… this story would have never begun. Ah, you’re like my angel, Suguru…”
Satoru had began mumbling drowsily, feeling a tide of sleep coming over him. Suguru penned down his best friend’s brilliant last few thought before the poor boy completely passed out on his shoulder, snuggled up to him like a baby koala.
Oh, Suguru.
His heart panged, again and again, each time he read-over those words…
Special, huh? How long ago has it been now since we met?
You, and only you, filled Suguru’s thoughts right then.
No, more dramatic than that – it felt as if every living cell in his body was aware of you, and your presence, on the other side of the world.
*****
Not yet drowsy, as his night-owl side kicked in, Suguru laid there, careful not to disturb Satoru's sleep, as he meticulously translated every page of Satoru's diary. It wasn’t easy; some sayings in Japanese just cannot be expressed in English. Suguru wasn’t the most poetic in either language, so a lot of things ended up getting lost in translation much to his frustration.
It struck him, with each turn of the page, just how special it all was. Satoru had never been in love like this before. No, he can't recall a single person that made Satoru think like this, or write like a poet. You were very much his first love.
Flipping to the most recent entry, dated and marked as 10月5日/ 5:45 PM / 電車 Suguru read and translated what was written.
... the distance, the language; these don’t make me love you less, but I’ve got this ache in my chest that will only go away when I’m able to tell you just how I feel, on one knee looking up at you. I’ll be at your mercy, begging and pleading like a lovesick boy.
Reading it over again to be sure it was as close as possible to what Satoru meant, Suguru settled on this translation.
Pen stilled on the paper, feeling a pang in his chest, Suguru remembered something and hesitantly began to write it down.
悟、これをYNに言える
「月が綺麗ですね?」♡
Heart now throbbing after carefully stroking your name down onto the paper, he made a quiet promise to himself. Just a small whisper to his own heart. A whisper no one would ever hear except himself.
Then Suguru closed the book and set it aside, letting out a big yawn.
疲れた…
As Suguru went to turn off the soft-glowing lamp, that’s when his phone lit up with a message, so he looked over with sleepy eyes and went to check it.
✉ You
→ Sent a message to the group chat
Exciting news, boys :) Gotta call tomorrow...
✉ Suguru
oh really? can i get a hint?
✉ You
Mister why are you awake it is 4 AM over there...
✉ Suguru
uhh why are YOU awake? 👀
✉ You
It's only 8 PM.
✉ Suguru
normal people apparently sleep at 8 pm ☝️
✉ You
Go to bed, silly.
✉ Suguru
only if you join me
✉ You
SUGURU 😳
✉ Suguru
hahaha sorry. i’m kidding. i just wanted to see your reaction.
Suguru pursed his lips at the screen.
He glanced out the window, leaned towards it, and craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the goddess in the sky that was causing such a bright illumination in the room.
The moon is beautiful...
His heart throbbed. He saw you typing, read your messages, and took a few seconds to comprehend them and respond; because his mind was elsewhere. Oh god I like you, what do I do? Will it all work out if I just deny myself to feel these feelings?
✉ Suguru
it’s a full moon tonight, did you see?
His heart throbbed harder. His thumbs moved over his screen, dark hair framed his face – lit up only by the glare of the screen.
✉ Suguru
is typing...
You waited, but then he stopped typing, so you sent your response.
✉ You
I see it. It’s beautiful.
So are you.
Suguru typed this out, erased it, and replied instead with a smiley-face.
*****
“And in time for my birthday, too…” Satoru smiled to himself.
“I really didn’t expect to see her so soon again.” Suguru murmured.
“The tickets are surprisingly expensive for this time of year… do you think she’d accept if we offer to pay for her flight?”
“Uh, probably not; I think she’d be too humble. But we could try.”
“Too humble? Damn, if only she knew the prices I’m lookin’ at for rings...”
Suguru chuckled, sinking his hands into his pockets in similar fashion to Satoru; they really did rub off on each other. Habits from each boy reflected in the other. They were out and about, crossing the busy street under a shivery sky, lazily shopping for a new electric heater but eventually turning course towards the diamond store.
Greeting the employees politely, Satoru browsed the rings on display. When Suguru caught a glimpse of his best friend’s eyes, he smiled.
“Satoru, y’know your eyes kinda put the diamonds to shame.” Suguru said.
Satoru grazed his fingers over his undercut, “... what are you getting cheesy for...?” he mumbled.
“I am not cheesy.” he denied, “Anyways, you should buy a measuring tape.”
“What, why?”
“… well, how else are you going to measure her ring size?”
His heart fluttered. “What!”
Suguru smiled, having successfully teased poor Satoru.
*****
In the weeks leading up to your December visit, Suguru noticed Satoru singing to himself. Little lovesick songs, the dreamy ones that reminded him of you.
There was one lyric in particular which he sang over and over.
‘… あなたが 好きです … ’
Isn't that Lamp? Thought Suguru.
Suguru tried to remember the name of the song, going days with a perplexed expression on his face. At last, he figured it out one morning; it was a song that Satoru had sent you when the two of you first met.
二十歳の恋
It's their love theme, huh?
Suguru thought to himself, still listening to Satoru repeating those lyrics over and over, softer each time, sometimes experiencing a voice crack.
“さとる、かわいい...”
“え?”
"... because you sing like you’re lovesick."
“ 恋煩いじゃないよ!”he denied.
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not.”
They went back and forth like this throughout the day. Then came night, when it was time to crawl into a cozy bed and give you a call.
Satoru peered into the camera exactly like the cat sometimes does; two blinking eyes and a fluffy mess of white hair.
He had no idea why you were laughing, so he just confusedly smiled and stared intently at your lips and cheeks and watched how your features changed as you smiled.
“You should have seen him today, he was singing like a lovesick kid.” Suguru admitted.
This earned him a side-eye, because Satoru heard ‘him’ and ‘lovesick’ and pieced together what Suguru was saying. He stuttered, totally embarrassed, then pointed at his best friend while looking at you in the screen.
“Lie.” he said, “Suguru is a liar.” he said, sweet accent meeting your ears and making your tummy do flips.
Suguru was snickering off to the side.
“He’s been talking about you all day. Totally enamored.” Suguru snitched.
And queue the classic moment that’s happened since the very beginning; Satoru suddenly whisper-arguing in Japanese with his laughing best friend who just can’t take it seriously.
“What are you saying?! Don’t embarrass me... what are you laughing for!?”
“... Satoru, didn’t you tell me you were gonna show off what you learned to her?”
Satoru pursed his lips, “Oh... oh, yeah.”
You watched them go back and forth until they went silent – Suguru started snickering again, and momentarily left the two of you alone together.
Satoru sat on the bed, looked into the camera, and with the most red cheeks muttered a nostalgic “Hi” that just took you back to day 1; when Satoru had absolutely no idea what to say so he just said hi.
“Hey.” you replied with equal shyness.
He squirmed around, grinning with tensed brows, “Sorry, ‘m shy...” he muttered clumsily, then blew giggles through his nose ‘till the two of you were burning up and – oh there he went, diving off screen into the pillow because he couldn’t handle the tension. His tummy felt as if it might implode – or his cheeks might tear from smiling so wide for so long.
“So, Satoru, what’s the plans for your birthday?”
“Oh my god...” he clapped his hands over his face when he heard you speak all of that. What was all that? Why couldn’t you just – oh never mind, I’ll try my best, he thought.
She said something about my birthday.
“Uh...” he nodded, looking around for the words, “My birthday?”
“Mhm.”
“December seventh.”
“Mhm.”
“I’m going to make a cake.”
“Yeah? What kind of cake?”
He twitched his eyes at you and made a pout at the screen.
“I don’t know? Pink?” he replied, rubbing his temples as he got more and more stressed out the longer he spoke English. "A good one."
You went red in the face, held in your giggles, and dodged off the screen. Satoru’s smile grew bigger watching you slowly crack.
“Do you like... cake?” he asked, trying not to break into laughter. He felt ridiculous.
「うーん、ケーキが大好き。」 you replied to the best of your ability.
Satoru inhaled sharply and went delirious with giggles – your English accent in Japanese was so funny, in a way that he could never dare explain to you. Charming, sweet – he could listen to you speak his language for the rest of his life; and it was also just so funny. He resisted the urge to tease you about it, because he’d been self-conscious of his Japanese accent in English.
“Um, so...” he began, fishing out his diary – oh Suguru, what a friend he was... he had filled a whole page with things for Satoru to say.
“Sooo...” he stalled as you waited with a patient smile, “Are you excited to visit again?”
“Mhm. I miss you.” you nodded, wiggling your feet off camera as you listened to your sweet boy try his best to speak your language.
I miss you...?
Satoru blinked, his teeth slowly revealing themselves in a stubbornly cute smile.
She’s missed me...
“YN,” he replied softly, “I miss you too.”
Lingering silence, you shied away from your laptop camera because your smile was growing embarrassingly large.
There’s so much I want to say to you right now. You have no idea – no idea at all.
He held up a finger to signal you to wait as he read some sentences that Suguru had translated in his diary, baby blue eyes darting up at you every now and then with a lethal attractiveness.
The way his brows framed those intense eyes had you breathing a little faster, gaze trailing down to his kissable lips. You kissed those lips not that long ago. And you were going to be all over them again, soon.
Too busy reading the pages of his diary, Satoru didn’t notice how your gaze softened into something more amorous. He was practicing what he wanted to say under his breath, audio choppy and delayed, picture quality dropping drastically.
“... なに これ? ‘the moon is beau — ’” Satoru stopped himself as he read the note that Suguru had written next to this. It’s romantic, save it for later, Satoru.
He went red in the face, and looked at you. “Oops.” he said, “Uhhh, anyways... uhhh... sooo...”
His cheeks were so soft and cute, eyes dazzling even with the low video quality – a poor connection plagued the call, but it hardly hindered the feeling tethering the two of you together.
Lost for words and struggling to see your pretty face when it hit 144p all of a sudden, Satoru just awkwardly smiled like a cutie pie. He brought his face closer, illuminating his features. Your memory made up for the lacking picture quality, recalling his tiniest freckles that scattered randomly across his pale skin.
“Satoru,” you began, voice full of love, chin resting on your palm, shining soft eyes at him like no one else in the world existed but him and him alone, “大好き。”
You caught him completely off-guard. He staggered, blinked with his mouth open. He scratched at his undercut, unable to respond.
“Uh, uhhh...” he went on like this, until his mouth formed a bashful smile. He clapped his hands over his cheeks, not knowing how to respond even though his whole body was screaming I love you I love you I love you.
Suguru returned to find you and Satoru were a mess of giggles. He snuggled back onto the bed, thoughtfully bringing back sweet snacks for Satoru.
“Wow, what happened?” he asked, switching to a whisper of his mother tongue and leaning closer to Satoru, “Did you propose to her or something?”
“Hey! Don’t spoil it!”
“Relaaax, I’m sure she doesn’t know what I’m saying.”
“How can you be so sure?”
They aimed a suspicious look at you. You blinked back at them, bewildered and confused and close to laughing again.
“Nah, surely she didn’t catch that.”
Satoru’s heart throbbed – what if you did?
“You two are so goofy.” you shook your head.
“And you’re pixels. Are we pixels, too?”
“Yeah, the connection is just awful tonight... should we reconnect?”
“No no! It’s fine. It’ll clear up. Stay here.”
Satoru plucked nervously at the collar of his baggy white shirt; eyes trying to find his favorite features of your face in the pixels.
“No problem...” he gave a thumbs up, briefly consulting Suguru on the side before adding; “You’re gonna be here soon and then – ” he did a little happy dance with just his hands, “No more screen.”
*****
Waking three hours early, the boys spent their time differently; Suguru was meticulous about making the house look as inviting as possible, meanwhile Satoru was meticulous about making himself look as inviting as possible. He sparingly dabbed on cologne between his collarbones and on his wrists, not wanting it too be too overpowering for you when you went in for a – hug? Kiss? Oh my god, where are my strawberry mints?
Satoru came out of his bedroom and Suguru was still in his lazy grey sweatpants, scurrying around like a maid and readjusting the welcome back banner – pink and cute and hand-made with all their love.
"I'm ready. Let's go."
"Satoru, her plane doesn't land for another three hours."
"So? I like airports."
“Three hours.” Suguru emphasized, “It’s going to be agonizing to wait that long. How are we going to pass the time?”
He shrugged, "We'll figure sumthin’ out!"
Suguru sighed and shook his head, giving up on persuading his best friend out of going to the airport three hours too early because he knew he couldn’t; Satoru was buzzing. On edge with excitement.
"That turtleneck looks good on you, by the way."
"Thanks. I appreciate that you've complimented me without fail each and every time that I've worn it."
"Yes, because it looks that good on you."
*****
In the hours leading up to your arrival time, feet wandering the airport floor, Satoru told himself that he had to appear disciplined and cool, like Suguru, and refrain from hugging you too quickly or seeming too excited.
I can't come off like that. And I can’t be clingy when I hug her — I've got to be subtle.
Oh but of course his plan fell apart when he saw you in the flesh again, when he watched you walking over, waved the boys down.
All his coolness melted like snowflakes on the tongue, and his heart beat faster and harder until you were right there in front of him.
Oh god it’s you.
He practically engulfed you with his arms, holding you in a such a trembling hug. Suguru watched with soft eyes, admiring the cute scene, deep down itching to have his turn.
You heard a small, heartfelt "I missed you." mumbled into your hair.
Satoru was glued to you. His hands squeezed at your shoulders with need. He missed you — you felt it in his whole body. He missed you, he missed you, he missed you. The phrase didn't convey what it truly felt like to miss you – the ache in his chest subsided at last.
Prying himself off you, Suguru came to hug you with a familiar coolness; at least that’s the exterior he was trying hard to maintain. But you felt his big hand squeeze at your waist, felt his chin tremble against the crown of your head, felt him press his firm body tight to you like he wanted to leave his print on you.
“How was it?”
“Crazy turbulent – there was this young girl sitting next to me who started crying and she was convinced that we were going to crash into the ocean. I felt bad for laughing.”
Suguru chuckled, “You’re nasty. Ah, I’ll carry your bags for y – oh.”
Satoru had already swiftly swept up your luggage for you.
“Okay, let’s go home.”
*****
The moment you and Satoru were alone together, you fell into each other and kissed like mad; locked your lips together and melted so that you formed seemingly one thing – so to say, existed together rather than as two separate people.
He felt like he was going to start levitating.
Oh, your lips made him feel alive.
We just hugged, how did we start kissing? Pondered Satoru.
It was a mystery. You and Satoru were simply hugging in the hallway, happy to see each other in the flesh again – and then the next thing you know the hug turned into a tender kiss.
With need, Satoru framed your cheeks in his hands and pressed his lips to yours. It was cosmic. It was something otherworldly. His hair got messy, he ran out of breath – no words, just love and the taste of strawberry mints and lips plastered all over each other, tongues too shy to even poke at each other. You’re humming into his mouth, he’s feeling the vibrations on his lips, pulling you impossibly tighter to his torso as he puts his poor spine into an ungodly curve just to reach down far enough to have you.
It's fine. The ache in my spine is worth it.
Five minutes, then ten – stuck together in the hallway while Suguru was in the kitchen. You grazed your fingertips up Satoru’s undercut and suddenly his legs shuddered.
“Mmf.”
“Mm?”
You broke the kiss to adore him; he was disoriented and breathless and somehow still on planet earth even though he swore that your kiss transported him to the moon. He swallows hard, tasting you all over his tongue and lips.
“I missed you.” you whisper on his lips. His heartbeat drummed harder hearing this.
Satoru was going to say it back but then, just like during the call when he was interrupted from returning an I love you too, Suguru called out your names from the kitchen, sarcastically asking if the two of you got lost.
Oh the sweet boy in front of you, he blinked the lovesickness out of his eyes and licked his lips and stole another daring kiss from your lips, giggling as he trotted off – leaving you there a dizzy lovesick mess yourself.
The taste of you on his tongue was driving him crazy. He could hardly act like himself. All he could think about was the diamond ring snuggled in-between his clothes in his closet.
Ah, it tastes like you’re the one.
Tokyo sunrise. Seventh floor. Satoru and Suguru’s apartment. Black coffee and flipflops. Plants on the balcony. Insomniac’s eyes.
You lazily come out of the bathroom, hearing Suguru was awake, leaving the bedroom for the balcony and letting Satoru continue to dream in bed like a princess in all his funny positions.
Suguru was nosing over his plants, sleepily watering them.
“Well well, Suguru’s garden is sure lookin’ charming.” you greet him, giving him a small surprise.
“Yeah? You’re lookin’ pretty charming yourself.” he rasped back.
You grinned at him. He grinned back. Something sparked between the two of you just like it did way back then. He looked away, fixing his eyes on the plants, green leaves drooping with the weight of fresh water as it beaded off the tips.
“… so, miss, how’s the writing going?” he asked. “You haven’t been talking about it much.”
“Oh!” you felt a pang in your chest, delighted to be asked. “Well, I haven’t got much… I wrote a few chapters... whiiich are still in review... uh, work has been suffocating my creativity. But my mom read over my stuff and she said it sounds a bit bizarre.”
Suguru let out a chuckle, nodding in agreement, “Yeah – but I like your bizarre little stories precisely because they’re bizarre.”
The traffic roared. You joined Suguru on the balcony. The both of you were trying not to think about the very obvious memory of kissing right there, mere months ago.
Suguru swallowed, sunk his hands into his pockets, and stared out at the cityscape.
“You know, I’ve always wondered what your mom thinks of me. Er, I mean, because I’m that guy from the other side of the sea.”
“Ahah... well, honestly, when we were teenagers she was a little sceptical of you. She tried to limit my internet usage, because she thought I was getting involved with creeps online.”
Suguru giggled through his nose, “Fair enough. I respect moms being cautious.”
“Mhm. Anyways, my mom still calls you ‘bangs guy’.”
“Wow, really? Unbelievable.”
You laughed together in the soft morning light.
Suguru got a whiff of nostalgia, and his heart started to softly pang – lub-dup, lub-dup, lub-dup – right up against his ribcage.
We’ve come so far, he thought as he recalled how the two of you met. He could feel his past weighing on his consciousness.
“Isn't it insane when you think about it? I grew up here, went about my life totally oblivious, and then by chance met you in a tiny chat room.”
“It is pretty insane, yeah.”
Memories of the youth you shared together flickered somewhere in the back of both your minds.
“I wonder if that site still exists?” Suguru pondered.
“I don’t know… but I wish I could read our first chat on there…”
Suguru scrunched his nose up, “Oh god no, I was so... ew. And my English was so bad.”
“Aw, no – I miss your cringe era. It was cute.”
Taking a moment to blush behind the back of his palm, Suguru denied ever having a ‘cringe’ era.
“I wasn’t cringe...”
“... yes, you were so cringe. So was I. We were both cringe.”
He smiled.
“You know what’s even more insane,” you spoke and he drew his gaze to you again, “is if that site was never made, then you and I would not be standing next to each other right now.”
Suguru went quiet. His heart throbbed.
After a small silence, he replied.
“You and Satoru are so cheesy…”
“But it’s true!”
“Yes, it is. I think we should also thank the invention of the airplane… and translators… and – sorry, I’ll stop teasing you. But you know what I mean, don’t you? Isn't it freaky how the past drives the present? Satoru said that he likes to think that our fate was set as far back as the big bang... when we were all just particles.”
“I think Satoru’s poetic way is rubbing off on you…”
“You might be right.” Suguru smiled behind his hand. His hair looked deliciously unkempt in the mornings – something about him felt so homely.
That’s it – that was the perfect wording, you thought. Suguru was homely. Observing how his black eyes moved, how his thin brows twitched just like a puppy, how his posture was slightly hunched so he could view the ringing bicycle breezing down the road seven floors down.
He continued, “What was that one theory? ‘Every choice we’ve made in our entire life has led us to the present moment’? I don’t know… maybe it’s all just random chance… but thinking like that gives me hope on bad days; it would mean that even my worst days contributed to good days in the future… like this moment — so all my worst days had to exist. Maybe if I wouldn't have had so many barren days of loneliness when I was young, then I wouldn't have wandered online and met you. Then this story would never even have existed.”
Suguru ran out of steam after saying so much, and his voice cracked. He seemed to realize that he was speaking a lot, and dialed it back a bit out of fear of seeming too much.
“Sorry. Now I'm getting all cheesy..."
“You’re allowed to be cheesy every now and then, Suguru. Anyways, you know I like cheesy boys.”
His heart throbbed as a memory of you came flooding back into every corner of his mind, completely filling his chest.
“Hey…” he began slowly, almost hesitantly, “Do you remember ‘Space Song’?”
“By Depression Cherry?”
His heart throbbed again.
“Yeah, that one.”
And it throbbed harder, and harder.
“It’s… uh, I listened to it this morning before I got out of bed... thinking about...” he didn’t continue, trailing off and starting afresh from a different direction, “You know when a song just transports you back to a specific time in your life?”
Your eyes gleamed at him.
He went on, “… I was super lonely when I was nineteen, ‘cause Satoru and I didn’t have time to hang out with each other as much, you know, because we’d both gotten jobs. And his jobs have always been so demanding. Back then, he was working at a job with just the worst hours, and everything between us was kind of just a mess and falling apart for some reason – or maybe it was just me. I was a mess and falling apart for no reason.” he chuckled, hiding the hurt in his eyes
“I don’t remember much of that time, I just kind of blocked out those memories... I only remember listening to that song on repeat and crying a lot, because I thought no one was interested in me anymore. But I know I was just being a drama queen,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood after seeing your long expression.
“But then what happened?” you asked.
“Then Satoru and I decided to just move in together. Now I can’t imagine living apart. I mean, at the very least, I want to live next door or on the same street.”
“Oh Suguru, why didn’t you ever tell me this?”
He shrugged serenely, “I don’t know. Too embarrassed, I guess?”
And just like he had always done since you first met him, Suguru chuckled after expressing his deepest thoughts. His words lingered in the air. It was just you and him and the roar of the city that he had tried so desperately to escape.
He continued. You listened to him.
"... have I ever expressed my hatred for the city?" Suguru spoke, taking a slice of your interest,
"Hatred? Why is that?" you asked.
Suguru shrugged, looking to the sun as it painted the sides of buildings in a golden light.
"I grew up in a more rural area... apparently it's been getting urbanized lately. But it's not even half as built up as this city. I miss it sometimes... I’ve always been a bit of a country boy at heart. Really, I only came to the city because of work opportunities. Cities are chaos and I need quiet for my soul.”
“But if you don’t like the city, then why did you stay here?” you asked.
"Satoru.” he replied simply.
“Ah, Satoru.”
“Yeah, he’s a sweetheart... a madman, really, but you haven’t seen that part of him much. He's a good boy when you're around.”
“Is he maintaining the sweetheart facade for me?”
“Not a facade, per se, – he just softens around you.”
“So you stayed in the city for Satoru...” you smiled to yourself.
“Yeah. I knew I could never find another Satoru back home. Though, I did try to suggest moving back into my old house together, but he rejected the idea. We visited once, in the winter, and I remember,” he laughed in between his words, “I remember he absolutely hated it.”
"But the countryside is so serene, why does Satoru not like it?"
"Too many old people." replied Suguru.
"Oh."
The two of you looked at each other and laughed.
“It's a pity, but I think I'm glad things turned out this way. Actually... I'm happy that all those choices led me to this moment."
Suguru looks at you and feels his stomach tighten, feels his heart thump gently in his chest — in his fingertips. His lips parted like he was going to kiss you, but he refrained when he heard words echoing in his head;
"... it's something like ¥400,000, and I stared at it and thought of her... hey, Suguru, as a to-be best man, I need your input. Is it too much? Is it too soon?"
Suguru looked at you with a mixed expression, before blurting out something he perhaps shouldn't have.
"You're just too damn beautiful." he said.
He watched how your eyes glittered for a moment, then lowered his gaze to your lips. Though part of him wanted to, he didn't; because he felt his heart pang in reminder to the promise that he made to his best friend.
Lips sealed, looking soft red in the light, he gently pulled his face away.
"I think I'm happy with this decision, aren't you?" he asked you sensitively.
You nodded so, so slowly, with a little smile on your face that Suguru would store in his little memories for years.
"I am." you replied at last, giving Suguru the closure he needed.
One more glance at your lips, of course, could not be controlled.
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author’s note: a lot of work are coming, trust. it’s just that college sucks + my laptop broke so i can’t color the title.
divider: cafekitsune
S.GOJO
gojo's love for you is like a wildfire - intense, all-consuming, and impossible to ignore. he is utterly captivated by you, drawn to your vibrant spirit, your sharp wit, and your refusal to be intimidated by his immense power. to him, you are a breath of fresh air, a welcomed distraction from the endless duties and expectations placed upon him. when he's with you, the world fades away, and all that matters is the two of you, lost in each other's embrace. gojo cherishes every moment he can steal with you, relishing in the way your laughter eases his burdens and your touch sets his skin alight. he would move mountains and defy the very laws of the universe to keep you safe, to make you smile. In your eyes, he sees a future he had long since given up on - a future filled with love, happiness, and the promise of a lifetime by your side.
S.GETO
geto's love for you is a complex, multi-faceted thing, tinged with both adoration and a deep, aching need. he sees you as his equal, his partner in crime, the one person who truly understands the darkness that lurks within him. with you, he can let down his guard, shed the heavy mantle of responsibility, and simply be himself - flawed, haunted, yet still worthy of love. your unwavering loyalty and acceptance have carved a space within his heart that no one else can touch. geto treasures the moments he can steal with you, basking in the warmth of your embrace and the comfort of your presence. he knows that his path is a dangerous one, but the thought of you by his side gives him the strength to forge ahead, no matter the cost. in your arms, he finds a sense of belonging, a glimmer of hope in the endless void. and he would do anything, sacrifice anything, to protect that precious connection.
this has been in my head for DAYS let’s pretend geto is happy and healthy :]
geto’s sat in front of you on the ground, big arms draping over your knees while you sit on the couch. to anyone else this would look relaxing, intimate even.
sadly though, the large man in front of you has had better evenings.
“i not going to have any hair left,” geto whines, inching his head away from what he feels to be assault going on at the mercy of your fingers.
“maybe if you would brush it,” you make your point with the sharp tug of the hairbrush and he groans. “taking it out of a bun wouldn’t be so hard.”
geto came over earlier, irritated as could be due to the mess of hair on top of his head not budging. he figured if he came to you instead or shoko, or even gojo, he wouldn’t feel as embarrassed.
hindsight is always 20/20, and right now he would rather be embarrassed than this.
“we’re almost done, i promise. then i’ll wash it for you,”you pat his shoulder and he whines again.
“can’t you just wash it now? my head hurts,” he leans all the way back, pouting as he looks up at you. “what did i ever do to you?”
you gently push him up and grab the brush again. geto pulls his knees into his chest with a humph as you continue your work.
“you asked me for help,” you laugh when he settles back in. “besides, i’m almost done. just a couple more sections.”
long strands of black hair drape over his back and your knees, soft and delicate after your work. when geto is feeling lazy, he will throw his hair up quickly without thinking of the consequences. instead of fighting a losing batter with himself in the bathroom, he took a new route. trusting his best friend instead. he knows he shouldn’t be so careless with his hair, but despite the pain and discomfort, he craves your touch.
“all done,” you sing song as the brush makes one final pass from scalp to ends, and geto sighs with relief.
“finally,” he stands up slowly, stretching after sitting on the floor for so long. “you make it seem so easy!”
you give him an unamused look and he smirks.
“come on sugu, before i change my mind,”
geto walks to the kitchen, grabbing one of the bar stools and setting it in front of the kitchen sink while you grab what you need. due to his height and convenience, you have found this to be much easier.
“tilt your head back,” you use the faucet to wet his hair before you begin shampooing it. as your fingers massage into his scalp slowly, geto’s lips part ever so slightly. you let him relax for a few minutes, working the shampoo into his hair as his breathing becomes more steady.
he’s been busy lately, pulled every which way for missions. some being a couple hours, some a couple days. things have been crazy lately, so you’ll indulge for a little while to give him some rest.
his lips are pulled into a small smile throughout the rest of the wash, humming to himself while you finish up. when you begin to towel off his hair, brushing it one last time, he sighs.
“thank you,” he stands in your kitchen with a grin. “i could fall asleep right now,”
“want me to drive you? or, call satoru?”
“god no,” annoyance graces his features for a moment, thinking about what an absolute scene gojo would cause finding you here, doing geto’s hair for him. “i’ll be just fine, i promise.”
he looks very pretty like this. rarely do you see his hair all the way down. it falls down like silk, covering most of his back and decorating his sweatshirt with dark little drops of water from the ends. geto is much more relaxed than he was earlier, now with a pleased smile.
“are you off on another mission tomorrow?” you’re leaned up against the kitchen table while geto stands near your front door.
“actually i am off the hook for a few days, they decided to send satoru instead.”
you’re not quite ready to end your time together, considering how much you’ve missed him while he’s been busy.
“wanna stay and watch a show?”
geto snorts. he knows if he stays, he’ll fall asleep on your couch like always, leaving you to watch the show alone. but, like you, he’s not quite ready to leave.
Imagine playing with Suguru Getos hair. He absolutely adore it. It's the way he'd lay his head on your lap while you watched a movie together so you had easy access.
Suguru would ask about your day and let your hands mindlessly scratch at his scalp. Your voice starts to drift away at the feeling of your fingers running through the long strands.
During make outs with you on his lap he gets the weakest when your hands slowly drift upwards on his neck. You tug at the hair near the nape of his neck making him choke of a moan bubbling in his throat. His scalp is so sensitive, it makes his breathing heavy with need.
Imagine when you sit next to eachother for work. It's silent, just the two of you working side by side on different projects. Your hands instinctively reach for the long strands of Sugurus hair to play with. He glances over at you but let's you continue. He relishes in the way it calms both of you down.
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not to sound "woke" or anything (bc no one knows how to use that term properly) but it's tiring how exclusive fanfics are for black ppl. like when im reading a fic n the writer says something like "you blushed" or "she ran her fingers through your hair" even though it's a minuscule part of the story in the grand scheme of things, to me it is just a small reminder that im not accepted into these spaces or that my features aren't desirable enough to be described. it might be "just a fanfic" to u but all these little reminders build up over n over again n honestly it can js take the joy out of reading fics sometimes ngl.