desiderium. | steve harrington x fem!oc
chapter 2 | “a party, nancy.”
chapter master list | general master list
warnings: adult language, sexual mentions, mentions of death, mentions of harm to children, alcohol and tobacco use
summary: Delphi never thought she would wind up at his house that night, let alone with Jonathan Byers. She couldn’t tell if it would end up as a blessing or a curse.
‘The next day would start a series of progressively worse decisions, and every single one of them sent me on a path towards something completely unexpected.’
The following night had been anything but restful. Relentless overthinking plagued every waking moment, and on the few occasions sleep welcomed her, Delphi’s mind did nothing but send nightmares her way. Images flooded her mind of her brother, of Will, of all the kids she knew and even ones she didn’t. Guilt swarmed in her stomach the moment she woke up to the sun streaming through her window, and sweat soaked through her clothes and into her sheets. She jolted up trying to catch her breath, and once her lungs caught up with her beating heart, she decided it better to make it an early morning than attempt to fall back asleep and let the memories catch up with her again.
A shower was the only thing that seemed to cool her nerves, paired with a shot of liquor. Healthy habits had never been her forte, and under other circumstances she would have opted for the drink instead, but she wanted to keep her mind as clear as possible if she had any hope of helping find Will. She let the hot water run down her skin in torrents, turning her normally pale skin to a bright shade of red. Despite the burn the water provided, it felt good, like some kind of sanitized cleansing of everything that had crept in during the night.
She stood inside the porcelain tub until the water ran cold, wrapping herself in a towel once she stepped out. Swiping her hand to remove the condensation, she stared at her disheveled appearance in the half fogged mirror, searching for any part of herself that looked similar to the way she used to before her brother died. The blue of her eyes had dulled significantly, their former indigo shade now a saddened gray. The freckles across her cheeks had faded long ago, and the shade of her skin was no longer tinted the healthy pink it had been before. Her dark, wet hair fell around her face and brushed her shoulders, pairing well with her saddened features. Nothing about the way she looked felt like her anymore, and it hadn’t in a long time.
‘Nothing in my life had ever affected me like my brother’s disappearance and death did. One minute, I was coming home to fresh cooked meals through the backdoor of a house in the suburbs, and the next thing I knew I was making expired box macaroni in the kitchen of a former crack house. It didn’t help much that most of the people I spoke to before it all happened abandoned me shortly after, with every event building up until I became the Hawkins Whore, a nickname Carol H had so kindly given me despite sleeping with more people than I ever have.’
For the first time in weeks, Delphi’s mother was awake when she walked down the hallway and into the kitchen. A mug of stale coffee sat next to her accompanied by a bottle of half empty whiskey, the two combining to create a nauseating smell that wafted into Delphi’s nose as she passed her mother’s hunched over form. She dug through the cabinets to find a bowl for her cereal, Cheerios clinking against the ceramic as she poured it in.
“Rough night?” Her comment earned her a groan from her mother, who barely lifted her head out of her hands.
“I don’t need your attitude this morning.” Her mom’s voice was strained and hoarse, lacking the bite it usually had.
“You do know drinking more alcohol will only make it worse, right? Adding Jack Daniel’s to your coffee isn’t exactly a great hangover cure.”
“Shouldn’t you be at school? I don’t need the cops on my damn doorstep again.”
“School doesn’t start for another hour, not that you’d know that anyway.” She spoke with a mouth full of cereal, scraping at the food in her bowl.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”
“You know what, why don’t I just not talk to you at all? You’re not exactly nice to hold a conversation with.” Delphi stood up and tossed her bowl in the sink, grabbing her jacket off the back of the chair and slipping it over her arms. “I won’t be home after school today, so don’t wait for me.”
And with that, she left the house with the slam of a door.
‘After my brother’s death, my mother spiraled out of control. Being a single mother barely making it had been hard enough for her, but losing the child you’ve watched grow up is even harder. Alcohol was the only thing she could think of to turn to, and men became her only form of comfort. I was a largely forgotten part of her life, and that was fine with me.’
Barb was waiting for her when she pulled up to the school this time. Opting for a closer parking spot to avoid any unwanted encounters like what occurred yesterday, she pulled into the parking row closest to the front entrance. She held her books to her chest as she walked up to Barb, who raised an eyebrow at her.
“Yeah, why?” Delphi shifted on her feet, fixing the sleeve of her jacket.
“You look a little pale, and the bags under your eyes are…bigger than usual. Did you sleep at all last night?”
“I mean, yeah, a little. Maybe 3 hours or so.”
“3 hours? Delphi, come on-”
“I know, you don’t have to lecture me. All of this shit going on with Will Byers is bringing up…bad memories.”
“You’re close with his family, aren’t you?”
“I guess so. He used to be friends with my brother, so I spent a lot of time hanging out with them when they needed an extra set of hands. I’m not sure if close is really the best word I’d use, but I worry about all of those kids sometimes.”
“I’m sure he just got lost on his way home and he’ll come back fine. Come on, let’s go find Nancy.”
The pair met up with Nancy as she made her way into the school, head down and focusing on the small stack of index cards she held in her hands. Delphi bit her tongue as she felt the urge to taunt Nancy about Steve’s late night visit the night prior.
“You’re going to run into someone if you keep staring at those things all day.” Nancy looked up in surprise, not noticing Delphi and Barb’s appearance until that moment.
“Sorry, I’m just nervous that I’ll fail this test.”
“You’re the smartest person in the entire class and you’re worried about failing?”
“I wouldn’t be if my lab partner would actually show up.” Nancy glared at Delphi through the corner of her eye.
“Hey, I’ve actually been going to class lately, thank you very much.” Delphi took the cards from her hand, looking over them. “At least let us help you study.”
Delphi and Barb began trading off on asking Nancy questions while they walked, each one answered more quickly than the last. After stopping briefly at each of their respective lockers to grab their books, but as they headed down the hallway for their first classes of the day, a group of figures passed in front of them, one of their hands ripping the cards from Barb’s grip while a shoulder knocked Delphi against a nearby set of lockers.
“How come you’re still looking through these? You studied plenty last night.” Delphi rolled her eyes as she came to stand next to Barb, avoiding eye contact with Steve as she adjusted her jacket and steadied her books.
“I just wanted to make sure I knew everything before the test today.” Nancy took the cards back out of Steve’s hands, slipping them into the binder she held against her chest with one of her arms.
“Mhmm. Anyway, I have great news. My parents are both away for the week and left me alone in the house again, so…” There was a beat of silence after Steve spoke.
“What?” Nancy raised an eyebrow in confusion, making Delphi laugh dryly and knock her lightly with a hand.
“A party, Nancy. It means there’s going to be a party.” Nancy’s face first took on a look of realization, then one of confusion.
“But it’s the middle of the week?”
Delphi tuned out the rest of the conversation, her and Barb exchanging a look that was nothing less than a plea for help. She only paid attention when she saw Carol’s gaze shift to something behind her, making some comment to point it out to the rest of the group. When Delphi turned, her heart sank into her stomach.
Jonathan, who looked just as disheveled as she’d expected him to, held a small stack of papers, currently tacking one onto the notice board in front of him. He stared mostly at the ground, and every single person that passed largely ignored his presence. It reminded her of herself when her brother first went missing, and she felt a pang in her chest looking at him and remembering that hopeless feeling.
“What do you wanna bet he’s the one who killed him?” Delphi whipped around towards Tommy, face contorted in disgust.
“Seriously? Have a little compassion, his brother’s missing for Christ’s sake.” She shifted the bag on her shoulder, turning to walk towards Jonathan. “And get some new material if you wanna make jokes.”
‘The worst thing about Will Byers’ disappearance was the insensitivity from people like Tommy and Carol. Jonathan was bound to become the butt of millions of insensitive and completely inappropriate jokes, and based on the way he looked that day, he already had. There was very little me and Jonathan had in common except for one thing: when our brothers went missing, the whole town turned on us.’
“Hey.” Delphi hadn’t noticed Nancy following behind her until she came into her peripheral view, stepping a little to the side to make more room for her.
“Oh, hey.” Jonathan’s voice came out hoarse and groggy, as if he hadn’t been getting much sleep. She supposed that was to be expected.
“How’s everything going with the search?” Nancy spoke quietly, as if she wasn’t sure what to say.
“Nothing yet. The group went out again this morning.”
“I’m sure everything is going to be fine. I know Will, he can handle anything that comes to him.” Delphi tried to provide a bit of comfort, but Jonathan could tell that she was struggling to figure out the best way to do so.
“Yeah, I hope so.” Every response was short, blunt, and dismissive, and all Delphi could do was let out a small sigh.
“Just know that…we’re all thinking about you.”
“And we’re here for you. If you need anything at all, you know where to find us.”
The school bell cut off the rest of the conversation, Nancy and Delphi giving Jonathan a semi-awkward goodbye. They exchanged a saddened look as they walked in the direction of the classroom, the only thing in Delphi’s mind being the hope that Will and his family will be provided a different outcome than hers.
There was nothing special about the rest of the school day. Delphi went through the motions practically on autopilot, absentmindedly scribbling notes in her notebooks and flipping to textbook pages she wasn’t really reading. She ignored the wadded paper balls that were thrown at her during English, and tuned out the comments sent her way during lunch. She was happy when the day finally ended, hoping to sneak away to the quarry with a bottle of liquor and a few cigarettes, maybe pick up someone to waste her time with on the way. She avoided any contact with anyone on her way to her car, lighting a cigarette before starting the ignition and pulling away.
‘As much as I hated to admit it, me and Mom had so many things in common it hurt. We both drown ourselves in alcohol and tobacco to forget the million shitty things going on in our lives, and a constant stream of hookups with random people helped keep the loneliness at bay. While my mom spent her time indulging in anyone she could find, I preferred spending my time with high school boys too dumb to realize that there was nothing more to it than a one night stand. It did little to help my reputation, but I’d reached a point where I didn’t care.’
The longer she sat in the car alone, the less desire she had for anyone to accompany her. The air was now far too cold to be outside for any longer than necessary, at least for her, so driving around aimlessly before getting shitfaced in her bedroom seemed like a perfectly healthy way to deal with her overactive emotions instead. She drove the few miles back to her house in her secluded run down neighborhood, tossing her used cigarette from the car when she finally reached the driveway.
By the time the clock read 7pm, she’d already gone through a bottle of vodka and a pile of cigarettes, barely even enjoying the taste or feeling satisfied by the burn. She tossed the bottle underneath her bed just like all the others and stubbed her last cigarette out on the ashtray by her bed, lying back on her bed and staring up at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and released an annoyed sigh when the phone rang, but when it kept ringing despite her refusal to pick it up, she stomped into the hallway and pulled it off the wallmounted hook.
“Jonathan? Why the hell are you calling so late?”
“I’m going out to look for Will and thought you might want to help.” The invite took her for surprise for a moment but she nodded her head in agreement, clearing her throat when she remembered he couldn’t see her.
“Yeah, yeah of course. Just give me like 10 minutes to grab my stuff.”
“Okay, meet me on Kerley, by the entrance to the woods.”
“Yeah, yeah I know the place. I’ll be there when I can.”
Delphi hung up the phone, hurriedly rushing to change into cleaner clothes and new shoes. She grabbed her car keys and ran out of the house, peeling out of her driveway and speeding off towards the woods.
‘There was some part of me that kept getting drawn to the search for Will Byers. I wanted to feel like it was because I cared for him, but I’d barely spoken to him and the other kids since my brother’s death. Selfishly, I knew it was because I wanted to do what I couldn’t for my own brother. Maybe, just maybe, if I could help save Will, I could stop feeling this overwhelming feeling that I hadn’t done enough for my brother when he disappeared himself.’
She couldn’t really see anything other than Jonathan’s car when she pulled up to the wood’s entrance, Jonathan’s lanky figure coming into view when her headlights got close enough. She turned off the car and stepped out, shoving her hands in her pockets and shuffling over.
“What are we doing out here?”
“Apparently this is where they say Will went missing, so I thought maybe we could find something the police missed.”
“Let’s hope so. Come on, this place gives me the creeps.”
Delphi took the first steps into the trees, thankfully able to see her way well enough with just the moonlight overhead. Jonathan would stop every couple of feet to take pictures, sometimes of broken sticks, other times of things that seemed completely irrelevant, and by about the 15 minute mark, Delphi was starting to believe they’d come out here for nothing.
“Jonathan, I don’t think we’re gonna find anything out here. I mean, we’ve been walking for like 20 minutes, coming everything on the path, and we’ve found nothing. Let’s just go back and-” A loud, female scream cut through her words, surprising both Jonathan and Delphi. They exchanged a look before running in the direction of the sound, the cold fall air burning their lungs as they did. They skidded to a stop once they reached the edge of the wood and found the culprit of the sound, panic floating away from their bodies in an instant. It took Delphi a moment to figure out exactly where they were, and when she did, her stomach twisted into knots.
‘I hadn’t been to Steve’s house in years. Thinking back on it now, I think I’d only ever been there once in 7th grade for a study ‘date’, but just being in the general vicinity of the place sent every positive and negative memory I had of him spiraling into my head at lightning speed.’
Delphi watched the various figures that roamed around the pool in the backyard, forcing herself to suppress a groan as she watched Steve’s cocky silhouette shotgun a beer. Once Tommy and Carol shifted to the left a bit, she could see the silhouettes of Nancy and Barb lounging in lawn chairs next to the pool, but while Nancy sat on the edge in what seemed to either be genuine or forced excitement, Barb made no effort to hide her discomfort and annoyance.
“Come on, it’s just those assholes messing around. Let’s get out of here, this place is starting to set me on edge.” Delphi spoke quietly, resting a hand on Jonathan’s shoulder as she turned to leave. When he didn’t move, she turned back around, narrowing her eyes at him in confusion. “Come on, let's go.”
“Just hold on a second.” Delphi stood with her arms crossed while Jonathan remained crouched, bringing the camera he held in his hands up to his eyes before pushing down on the button. When the shutter clicked, Delphi rushed forwards, putting her hand on the camera to stop him from taking anymore.
“What the hell are you doing? You can’t just take pictures of people.” Jonathan seemed to ignore her, moving the camera out of her grasp and continuing to take pictures as the group began messing around in the large, illuminated pool. She barely noticed that there were now four figures instead of five, meaning Barb had either gone home or disappeared inside.
“You can leave, but I’m going to stay.”
“No, Jonathan, you don’t understand. What you’re doing is creepy, so let’s go.” Yet again, Jonathan didn’t move, but Delphi couldn’t just leave him alone here in the middle of the night, so after arguing back and forth for what had to have been close to five minutes, she leaned against a tree with crossed arms. “I have no idea what the hell you’re doing, or how any of this is going to help you find your brother, but I can’t just leave you out here by yourself. If you want to creep, I’m not going to watch you do it.”
Delphi caught herself glancing back at the group every few minutes, losing sight of them once they all disappeared inside. Both of them packed up to leave once the others were out of view, but while Delphi’s focus was drawn to Barb’s figure wandering out of the house and sitting on the giving board, Jonathan brought his attention to Nancy’s figure in the upstairs window.
The click of the shutter brought Delphi’s focus to Jonathan, covering the shutter when she followed the path of his view back to the window. She used her hand to push his arms down when he made absolutely no move to turn the camera away when Nancy removed her soaked sweater.
“Jonathan, this isn’t okay. Put the damn camera down and-” Something in her chest twisted when she looked back at the window for that split second.
She’d never particularly cared that Steve dated other girls; it was his life, he could do what he wanted. Sure she’d had a crush on him in middle school, but that had morphed into hatred during his personality shift at the beginning of high school. Somehow despite that, however, there was something about seeing him with Nancy that made her grit her teeth to hold back tears. She couldn’t pinpoint the feeling, nor the origin of it, but the moment she saw Steve and Nancy kiss in front of that window, something deep inside of her broke. She yanked the camera out of Jonathan’s hands and turned to head back towards the car, giving him back the camera once they were far enough away for it to be useless. Delphi spared the house one last glance before she followed, trying desperately to ignore the anger and jealousy that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
‘I never should have gone out to those woods with Jonathan Byers that night. If I hadn’t, maybe everything would be different.’
a/n: hey guys! quick note here at the end to apologize for the long wait. life gets so busy for me sometimes and writing stuff kind of falls to the wayside but i’m doing my best.
hopefully these first few chapters have been enjoyable, since i’m working with my writing style from a few years ago which is not as developed as my current writing style. i’ve done my best to edit it, but bear with me if it’s not as coherent as i would have hoped.
