waiting for hawks' breakdown

and ofc hawks knows what that means, knows they want him to do anything and everything to get into the league and that means using his body. so he seduces dabi and sleeps with him all for the mission ofc. and it’s fine, the sex isn’t bad at all but he wishes he could have a choice for once.

but one day he's back home after a tiring day and all he wants is to sleep but he sees dabi sitting on the couch and knows that he's not gonna get the chance to use the bed for sleeping any time soon. but he's tired and not in the mood and when dabi gets up, walks towards him with a smirk and says, "what took you so long hero?" as he plants his hands on hawks' hips, hawks can't help but shove him away and grit out a frustrated, "im not in the mood to fuck, dabi." he doesn't mean to say that and he regrets it as soon as he finishes the sentence.

hawks is tense and waits with bated breath for dabi's reaction, he even has his feathers ready just in case. but the most dabi does is raise his eyebrow and step back. "you had a long day, huh?" hawks thinks he's going insane because is that concern in his voice?

it takes him a moment to relax and process what the fuck just happened. he clears his throat and responds, "yeah, so if u could just leave that would be fantastic."

"aw birdie, kicking me out even i brought food?" it's embarrassing that it look this long for hawks to see the takeaway boxes on tbe table.

hawks thinks this is the most bizarre day of his life. dabi being cool with him not wanting to fuck and bringing him food? he's dreaming, he has to be. or he was hit with a hallucination quirk. that's the only explanation. but it happens again, when they're making out and dabi slips his hand underneath the other's shirt. hawks knows where this is going, they've been doing this song and dance for weeks now, and he knows that this is gonna end with both of them in bed. but he's not in the mood for that, right now all he wants is to feel dabi's lips on his, nothing more nothing less. so he tests his luck and says "i don't wanna fuck right now."

dabi pulls back and gazes at him before saying "okay pretty bird." he pushes a blonde stray hair away from hawks' eye and behind his ear. it makes him shudder. "you hungry?"

hawks panics as he pulls dabi back towards him. this isnt what he wanted to happen. "i wanna keep making out."

it makes dabi pause before he lets out a soft laugh.

it's a pretty sound, something different to the villain's usual manic or gleeful laugh. it's quiet and soft, like it's reserved for just the two of them. hawks has the strange urge to lock the sound away in a box and bury it deep in his chest, just next to his heart.

dabi looks at him with warm eyes as he leans in. "whatever you want, pretty bird."

it's strange that the villain doesn't argue, doesn't force hawks into having sex. it feels good.

and somehow it just becomes a thing he does. even when he's in the mood to fuck he'll tell dabi no and waits for his reaction, waits for the inevitable anger and frustration but it never comes. instead, dabi backs off every time.

hawks gets addicted to this strange feeling. it's foreign to him that he's able to be in control like this, to have a say in what happens to him and his body. so he keeps saying no again and again

but he doesn't realise he's spending less time with dabi, doesn't realise it's because dabi doesn't initiate anything anymore. because dabi misunderstands and thinks hawks has finally gotten sick of him, that he's now repulsed by dabi's body.

maybe he shouldn't have fucked hawks naked, he should've left his clothes on so the hero wouldn't see the scars littering his skin.

maybe he shouldn't have fucked hawks at all.

and dabi keeps distancing himself from hawks until the hero realises that he misses him, misses his touch, misses the times when they would sit next to each other late at night on the roof of an abandoned warehouse in comfortable silence, he misses dabi’s laugh and his smile and his witty remarks. so hawks decides to initiate contact this time, and after like a meeting with the league, he pulls dabi aside into an empty room, wraps his arms around his neck and kisses him.

dabi’s stiff for a moment before he pulls away and looks at hawks with a raised eyebrow. “what are you doing?”

hawks grins as he leans in again. “what does it look like i’m doing?”

for some reason, that makes dabi angry. “hawks.” he sneers as he pulls away again and steps back. his tone is one hawks hears all the time, one that is so different to the soft sound of his laughter, but strangely, it hurts to hear. hawks doesn’t understand what he’s done wrong. isn’t this what dabi wanted?

“hawks,” dabi says again. he exhales. “what are you doing?”

“what? what kinda question is that?”

“don’t act like a fool now. you’ve been avoiding me, making up excuses for me to not touch you, and now you’ve come back?”

dabi looks at him with disdain in his eyes and a hateful sneer and hawks doesn’t understand and he’s so confused, he just wants to correct his mistakes, whatever they were, and go back to how they were like before. 

he goes back to his apartment, half expecting to hear the lazy drawl of “you’re late pigeon” and smell the lingering scent of smoke. there’s neither of those things and strangely, he feels lonely. he wants to break something. he looks around and finds a bottle of wine and throws it against the wall.

he’s going to die. he wonders if anyone will mourn him.

or alternatively he finds this out before the war, before everything goes to shit and im just picturing dabi breaking into coming into his apartment one day because hawks hasn't replied to any of his texts and hasn't met him at their meeting place, so ofc he's a bit pissed (it doesn’t matter if he has kept hawks waiting multiple times before, hawks is the one desperate to get into the league, he’s gotta work for it). but when he enters, he knows something is wrong; the lights are off, the curtains are shut, there's no noise, not even the sound of hawks humming obnoxiously to a pop song on the radio.

it's disconcerting.

then he walks into the living room and turns the light on to find hawks sat at on the sofa with his knees pulled to his chest, eyes faraway and distant.

instantly dabi feels anger coursing through his veins, because how dare this bird ignore him and make him wait for two hours all to just sit at home and what, daydream? 

so he storms up to the hero and sneers, "what the fuck, hero? you blew me off to just sit here doing nothing? what happened to being committed to the league, huh?"

there's a moment of silence that has dabi getting angrier and angrier but he doesn't have a chance to say anything because hawks beats him to it. "dabi," is the first thing he utters, "dabi im dying."

and dabi doesn't say anything, doesn't have time to say anything before hawks turns to look at him. hawks smiles but his eyes are blank. it's unsettlingly to watch. he says again, "im dying."

im just imagining hawks creating a list of things he wants to do before he dies and most of it's normal, mundane things like go to a movie, learn how to ride a bike, learn how to skip a rock, and when dabi sees it he doesn't know if he should pity the hero or laugh.

also imagine hawks just begging dabi to put him out of his misery, to kill him there and then, it doesn't have to dabi's quirk he knows it hurts to use his fire so he forces a sharperned feather into the villain's hand and brings it up to his own neck and frantically asks dabi to kill him.

then enter hawks who is so oblivious to all the chaos going on and before he even has a chance to say hi, he's immediately got an armful of a very drunk dabi who just sighs into the crook of his neck and says "my angel's home"

it's the same with hawks and his younger version too. whenever hawks gets irritated at dabi, younger keigo would puff his wings and say "that's not a nice thing to say to touya, say sorry!" and hawks would, strangely, feel ashamed when he hears the disappointment in his voice.