I mean if you're stranded at sea and you do kill a seagull with a golf ball and it lands on the deck and you don't have any water you COULD drink its blood for hydration but you run the risk of losing more water if it makes you too nauseous, and you would get more hydrated just eating the meat. If has bird flu you're fucked tho.

of course any sailor could tell you "don't kill a seagull it's bad luck" but personally if a sailor told me that while I hucked another wilson soft at a screaming airborne beach menace I would probably not handle the advice too well. I would most likely not take it with a lot of patience if I'm being fully honest

Id use my fantastic machine that turns blood into water.

it's always the fantastic blood machine with this guy

having online friends who are busy is just like. I LOVE YOU. I miss you. YOU GOT THIS. I'm giving you space to work. I LOVE YOU.

reminder to everyone i haven't talked to lately: I love you. we'll be fine. I LOVE YOU. I am waiting for you. I hope you are well. I love you.

I have never, and will never, use "ofc" to mean "of fucking course". It literally stands for OF Course...

if a dinosaur had like a crest that was made of math and shaped like a wave it would be called the Sinosaurus!

at the medium-expertise high-intensity low-commitment part-time semi-seasonal call-me-and-I’ll-drive-out outside job experiencing coworker lore at concentrations that would be lethal to the median busybody

sideways off a tree 30 feet in the air and semi upside down clipping cables listening to my 23 year old coworker I see seven to ten weekends a year explain how things may or may not be off with her late 50s early 60s I’m too polite to ask boyfriend who she’s legally married to but they also are still trying for a baby. the world is a place full of people in it.

“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore

If any competition needed to be on Tumblr, it's this one.

Every time you think it's a given, that there's NO WAY that Red or Yellow could catch up to the other one given the lead, you are wrong. Right down to the wire.