WIKIHOW: WRITING TRANS MUSES

the following are tips that can be used as you move toward becoming a better ally   !   of course,   this list cannot include   all   the   "   right   "   things to do or say because there is no singular   "   right   "   answer to every situation you may encounter.   by becoming an ally,   your actions will help change our culture,   making society a better   &   safer place for those   (   trans or not   )   who do not conform to conventional gender expectations.

YOU CAN’T TELL IF SOMEONE IS TRANSGENDER JUST BY LOOKING   !   transgender people don't look   any   certain way or come from any   one   background.   many transgender people do not appear   "   visibly trans,   "   meaning they are not   perceived   to be transgender by others.   it is not possible to look around a room   &   "   see   "   if there are any transgender people.

DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT A TRANSGENDER PERSON’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION   !   gender identity is different than sexual orientation.   sexual orientation is about who we're attracted to,   while gender identity is about our own personal sense of being a man or a woman,   or neither of those binary genders.   transgender people can self - identify as whatever they please.

IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT PRONOUNS TO USE,    LISTEN FIRST,   OR ASK   !   if you're unsure which pronoun a person uses,   listen first to the pronoun other people use when referring to them.   someone who knows the person well will probably use the correct pronoun.   if you ask which pronouns the person uses,   start with your own   (   ex   :   "  hi,   i'm mocha   &   i use he   &   they pronouns,   what about you   ?   "   ).   if you accidently use the wrong pronouns,   apologize quickly   &   correct yourself,   then move on.   the bigger deal you make out of the situation,   the more uncomfortable it is for everyone.

DON’T ASK A TRANSGENDER PERSON WHAT THEIR   “   REAL NAME   “   IS   !   for some transgender people,   being associated with their birth name is a   tremendous   source of anxiety,   or it is simply a part of their life they wish to leave behind.   respect the name a transgender person is currently using.   if you happen to know the name someone was given at birth but no longer uses,   don't share it without the person's explicit permission.   similarly,   don't share photos of someone from before their transition,   unless you have their permission.

UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN   “   COMING OUT   “   AS LESBIAN,   GAY,   OR BISEXUAL   &   “   COMING OUT   “   AS TRANSGENDER   !   "   coming out   "   to other people as lesbian,   gay,   or bisexual is typically seen as revealing a truth that allows other people to know your authentic self.   unfortunately,   it can often feel disempowering for a transgender person to disclose to other people that they are transgender.   sometimes when other people learn a person is trans,   they no longer see the person as   "   real.   "   some people may choose to publicly discuss their gender history in an effort to raise awareness   &    make cultural change,   but please don't assume that it's necessary for a transgender person to disclose that they are transgender in order to feel happy   &   whole.

BE CAREFUL ABOUT CONFIDENTIALITY,   DISCLOSURE,   &   “   OUTING ”   !   some transgender people feel comfortable disclosing their gender history,   &   some do not.   do not casually share this information,   speculate,   or gossip about a person you know or think is transgender.   not only is this an invasion of privacy,   it also can have negative consequences in a world that is very intolerant of gender diversity.   transgender people can lose jobs,   housing,   friends,   or even their lives when other people find out about their gender history.

RESPECT THE TERMINOLOGY A TRANSGENDER PERSON USES TO DESCRIBE THEIR IDENTITY   !   transgender people use many different terms to describe their experiences.   respect the term   (   transgender,   transsexual,   non-binary,   genderqueer,   etc.  )   a person uses to describe themselves.   if a person is not sure of which identity label fits them best,   give them the time to figure it out for themselves   &   don't tell them which term you think they should use.   you wouldn't like your identity to be defined by others,   so please allow others to define themselves.

BE PATIENT WITH A PERSON WHO IS QUESTIONING OT EXPLORING THEIR GENDER IDENTITY   !   a person who is questioning or exploring their gender identity may take some time to figure out what's true for them.   they might use a name or pronoun   &   then decide at a later time to change the name or pronoun again.   do your best to be respectful   &   use the name   &   pronoun requested.

UNDERSTAND THERE IS NO   “   RIGHT   “   OR   “   WRONG   “   WAY TO TRANSITION   &   THAT IT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERY PERSON   !   some transgender people access medical care like hormones   &   surgeries as part of their transition to align their bodies with their gender identity.   some transgender people want their authentic gender identity to be recognized without hormones or surgery.   some transgender people cannot access medical care, hormones,   &   /   or   surgeries due to a lack of financial resources or access to healthcare.   a transgender person's identity is not dependent on medical procedures or their physicality.   accept that if someone tells you they are transgender, they are.

DON’T ASK ABOUT A TRANSGENDER PERSON’S GENITALS,   SURGICAL STATUS,   OR SEX LIFE   !   it would be inappropriate to ask a non-transgender,   or cisgender,   person about the appearance or status of their genitals.   it is equally inappropriate to ask a transgender person those questions.   don't ask if a transgender person has had   "   the surgery   "   or if they are   "   pre-op   "   or   "   post-op.   "   if a transgender person wants to talk to you about such matters,   they will bring it up.   similarly,   it wouldn't be appropriate to ask a non - transgender person about how they have sex,   so the same courtesy should be extended to transgender people.

AVOID BACKHANDED COMPLIEMTNDS   &   “   HELPFUL   “   TIPS   !   while you may intend to be supportive,   comments like the following can be hurtful or even insulting:   "   i would have never known you were transgender.   you look so pretty.   "   ;   "   you look just like a real woman.   "   ;   "   she's so gorgeous,   i would have never guessed she was transgender.   "   ;   "   he's so hot.   i'd date him even though he's transgender.   "   ;   "   you're so brave.   "   ;   "   you'd pass so much better if you wore less / more make-up,   had a better wig,   etc.   "   ;   "   have you considered a voice coach   ?   "

CHALLENGE ANTI - TRANSGENDER REMARDS OR JOKES IN PUBLIC SPACES   (   ESPECIALLY LGB   )   !   you may hear anti-transgender comments from anti - LGBTQ activists,   but you may also hear them from LGB people.   it's important to challenge anti - transgender remarks or jokes whenever they're said   &   no matter who says them.

SET AN INCLUSIVE TONE   !   in a group setting,   identify people by articles of clothing instead of using gendered language.   (   ex.   the person in the blue shirt,   instead of   the woman in the front   ).   in some circumstances,   where not everyone is known,   consider asking people to introduce themselves with their names   &   pronouns.   start with yourself   &   use a serious tone that will discourage others from dismissing the activity with a joke.   however,   if you feel this practice will have the effect of singling out the trans people in the room or putting them on the spot,   avoid it.   remember,   it costs cisgender people nothing to share their pronouns,   but for trans people it can be a very serious decision.

LISTEN TO TRANSGENDER PEOPLE   !   the best way to be an ally is to listen with an open mind to transgender people speaking for themselves.   check out books,   films,   &   trans blogs to find out more about transgender people   &   the issues people within the community face.

LEARN THAT TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE NOT NEW   !   transgender people have existed across cultures   &   throughout time   &   history.   what is new is the heightened awareness of gender diversity   &   the transgender community because of increased media attention in the last few decades.   however,   much of these media stories have speculated   &   projected about the experiences of transgender people rather than aggregating from first-hand accounts.

KNOW YOUR OWN LIMITS AS AN ALLY   !   don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something. seek out the appropriate resources that will help you learn more.   being an ally is a sustained   &   persistent pattern of action   ;   not an idle or stable noun.

i saved this for last because this anon is actually really wholesome. 

i would absolutely love to accept guest writers in the future so that we can cover a vast range of trans experiences and resources.  trans people are not a monolith and i absolutely believe that it’s vital to include as many differing viewpoints within the community as possible to fully compile a good resource regarding ways to and to not write trans identified muses.  at the moment we aren’t entirely sure what the whole mod team is going to look like, but if you are an older trans or gender non-conforming identified individual please send us an ask off anon or get into contact with us!  we would love to have you on the team because right now it’s me, mocha, and eros who i believe is also younger and i’m lonely surrounded by all these youths /j 

in the same vein if you are or you know any nonbinary trans fem or trans women who would like to join the team please send them our way!  at the moment the team is primarily comprised of trans men and while i can bring information regarding the experience of trans women to the table (my wife is also trans and always willing to answer my silly little questions), it would be fantastic to have an actual trans fem writer on the team to fact check me and give me other view points.  i also try to ask a lot of my female friends in the com for pointers and listen when the talk so i can bring what they say to the table, but again, i’m just a second person source and it’d be great to have a first person source. 

as far as guest writers, mocha and i need to discuss ground rules but i think we’ll def open up the submission box eventually and will be asking for community feedback via polls and google surveys.  we by no means want to be the only voice represented on this blog and as long as differing opinions come to the table in a non-confrontational fashion i’m happy to talk to pretty much everyone who wants to talk to me because that’s really the only way to learn!  

affirmed gender:   the gender to which someone has transitioned.   this term is often used to replace terms like   “   new gender   ”   or   “   chosen gender,   ”   which imply that the current gender was not always a person’s gender or that their gender was chosen rather than simply in existence.

agender:   a person who does not conform to any gender.

ally:   a term used to describe someone who does not identify as LGBTQ but who is supportive of LGBTQ equality in its many forms   &   through a wide variety of different expressions,   both personal   &   private.

androgynous:   a non-binary gender identity,   having both male   &   female characteristics.   Can be used to describe people’s appearances or clothing.

asexual:   sometimes abbreviated as   ace,   the term refers to an individual who does not experience sexual attraction.   each asexual person experiences relationships,   attraction,   &   arousal differently.   asexual people exist on a spectrum of sexual attraction   &   can use terms such as gray asexual or gray ace to describe themselves. 

assigned sex:   the sex   (   male,   female intersex   )   that is assigned to an infant at birth.

bisexual:   an individual who is emotionally,   romantically,  &   /   or   physically attracted to men   &   women.   this is sometimes stated as   “   bi.   ”   people who are bisexual need not have had equal sexual experience with both men   &   women   &   need not have had any sexual experience at all   ;   it is attraction that determines orientation.

cisgender:   a term used to describe an individual whose gender identity aligns with the one typically associated with the sex assigned to them at birth.   this is a term that is preferable to   “   non-trans,   ”   “   biological,   ”   or   “   natal   ”   man or woman.

closeted:   describes a person who is not open about their sexual orientation,   or an ally who is not open about their support for people who are LGBTQ.

coming out:   for people who are lesbian,   gay,   bisexual,   &   /   or   transgender,   the process of self-acceptance that continues throughout one’s life.   people often establish a lesbian,   gay,   bisexual,   &   /   or   transgender identity to themselves first   &   then may decide to reveal it to others.   coming out can also apply to the family   &   allies of people who are LGBT.   there are many different degrees of being out   :   some may be out to friends only, some may be out publicly, and some may be out only to themselves. It’s important to remember that not everyone is in the same place when it comes to being out,   &   to respect where each person is in that process of self-identification.   it is up to each person,   individually,   to decide if   &   when to come out or disclose.

disclosure:   the act or process of revealing one’s transgender or gender nonconforming identity to another person in a specific instance.   related to,   but not the same as,   coming out.

gay:   the adjective used to describe people whose emotional,   romantic,   &   /   or   physical attraction is to people of the same sex   (   e.g.,   gay man,   gay people   ).   in contemporary contexts,   “   lesbian   ”   is often a preferred term for women.   people who are gay need not have had any sexual experience   ;   it is the attraction that helps determine orientation.

gender:   a set of social,    psychological,   or emotional traits.   often influenced by societal expectations that classify an individual as either feminine or masculine.

gender - affirming surgery:   surgical procedures that help people adjust their bodies in a way that more closely matches or desired gender identity.   not every transgender person will desire or have resources for surgery.   this should be used in place of the older   &   often offensive term   “   sex change.   ”

gender binary:   the concept that there are only two genders,   male   &   female,   &   that everyone must be one or the other.

gender expression:   the manner in which a person chooses to communicate their gender identity to others through external means such as clothing   &   /   or   mannerisms.   this communication may be conscious or subconscious   &   may or may not reflect their gender identity or sexual orientation.   while most people’s understandings of gender expressions relate to masculinity   &   femininity,   there are countless combinations that may incorporate both masculine   &   feminine expressions  —   or neither   —   through androgynous expressions.   the important thing to remember   &   respect is that every gender expression is valid.

gender identity:   one’s deeply held personal,   internal sense of being male,   female,   some of both,   or neither.   one’s gender identity does not always correspond to biological sex   (   i.e.,   a person assigned female at birth identifies as male or a person assigned male a birth identifies as female   ).   awareness of gender identity is usually experienced in infancy   &   reinforced in adolescence.

gender neutral:   not gendered.   can refer to language   (   including pronouns   ),   spaces   (   like bathrooms   ),   or identities   (   being genderqueer,   for example   ).

gender nonconforming:   a person who views their gender identity as one of many possible genders beyond strictly female or male.   this is an umbrella term that can encompass other terms such as   “   gender creative,   ”   “   gender expansive,   ”   “   gender variant,   ”   “   genderqueer,   ”   “   gender fluid,   ”   “   gender neutral,   ”   “   bigender,   ”   “   androgynous,  ”   or   “   gender diverse.   ”   such people feel that they exist psychologically between genders,   as on a spectrum,   or beyond the notion of the male   &   female binary paradigm.

gender variant:   a term,   often used to describe children   &   youth,   that describes those who dress,   behave,   or express themselves in a way that does not confirm with dominant gender norms.   some people do not use this term because they feel it suggests these identities are abnormal.   (   see gender nonconforming   ).

homosexual:   an outdated clinical term often considered derogatory   &   offensive,   as opposed to the preferred terms   :   “   gay   ”   &   “   lesbian.   ”

lesbian:   a woman whose emotional,   romantic,   &   /   or   physical attraction is to other women.   people who are lesbians need not have had any sexual experience   ;   it is the attraction that helps determine orientation.

LGBT/LGBTA/LGBTQ:   an acronym for lesbian,   gay,   bisexual,   &   transgender which refers to these individuals collectively.   it is sometimes stated as   “   GLBT   ”   (   gay,   lesbian,   bi,   &   transgender   ).   occasionally,   the acronym is stated as   “   LGBTA   ”   to include asexual individuals   &   allies,   “   LGBTQ,   ”   with   “   Q   ”   representing queer or questioning.

lifestyle:   a   negative term   often incorrectly used to describe the lives of people who are LGBTQ.   the term is disliked because it implies that being LGBTQ is a choice.   try using LGBTQ lives instead.

out:   describes people who openly self-identify as LGBTQ in their public  &   /   or   professional lives.

queer:   a term currently used by some people   —   particularly youth   —   to describe themselves  &   /   or   their community.   some value the term for its defiance,   some like it because it can be inclusive of the entire community,   &   others find it to be an appropriate term to describe their more fluid identities.   traditionally a negative or pejorative term for people who are gay,   “   queer   ”   is disliked by some within the LGBT community,   who find it offensive.   due to its varying meanings,   this word should only be used when self-identifying or quoting someone who self-identifies as queer   (   i.e.   “   my cousin self-identifies as queer.   ”   )

questioning:   a term used to describe those who are in a process of discovery   &   exploration about their sexual orientation,   gender identity,   gender expression,   or a combination thereof.

sex:   refers to biological,   genetic,   or physical characteristics that define males   &   females.   these can include genitalia,   hormone levels,   genes,   or secondary sex characteristics.   sex is often compared or interchanged with gender,   which is thought of as more social   &   less biological,   though there is some considerable overlap.

sexual orientation:   emotional,   romantic,   or sexual feelings toward other people.   people who are straight experience these feelings primarily for people of the opposite sex.   people who are gay or lesbian experience these feelings primarily for people of the same sex.   people who are bisexual experience these feelings for people of both sexes,   &   people who are asexual experience no sexual attraction at all.   other terms describing sexual orientation include   (   but are not limited to   )   pansexual   &   polysexual.   sexual orientation is part of the human condition,   while sexual behavior involves the choices one makes in acting on one’s sexual orientation.   one’s sexual activity does not define who one is with regard to one’s sexual orientation   ;   it is the attraction that determines their orientation.

stealth:   a term used to describe transgender individuals who do not disclose their trans status in their public lives.

transgender:   a term that may be used to describe people whose gender expression does not conform to the cultural norms  &   /   or   whose gender identity is different from their sex assigned at birth.   transgender is also considered by some to be an   “   umbrella term   ”   that encompasses a number of identities which transcend the conventional expectations of gender identity   &   expression,   including   FTM,   MTF,   genderqueer,   &   gender expansive.   people who identify as transgender may or may not decide to alter their bodies hormonally  &   /   or   surgically to match their gender identity   (   see transsexual   ).

transition:   the process one goes through to discover   &   /   or   affirm their gender identity.   this can,   but does not always,   include taking hormones,   having surgeries,   or going through therapy.

transsexual:   a term used to describe those who have undergone some form of gender-related surgery.   some people who identify as transsexual   do not   identify as transgender   &   vice versa.

FUCKING TRANS WOMEN   /   Mira Bellwether,   2013.

DISCLAIMER:   this is for   educational   &   writing   purposes only,   if you're planning on getting top surgery,   please consult with a   surgeon   of your choice or   trusted individuals   who have gone through with the procedure. 

BUTTONHOLE

the   buttonhole technique   is an ideal FTM Top Surgery procedure for those who prioritize   nipple-areola size,   positioning,   sensation   &   pigmentation.

this technique enables the removal of larger amounts of breast tissue   &   skin than the   keyhole   &   peri - areolar   methods,   making it a good choice for those who are   larger-chested.

patients are left with   two penrose drains   (   small tubing that exits through the pectoral incisions and drains excess blood and lymphatic fluid into a dry pad   )   that are left in until the first follow - up appointment.

DOUBLE INCISION   (   bilateral mastectomy,   mastopexy   )

the   double incision technique   is the most widely-used technique   &   is ideal for those who are medium to large chested. 

during this procedure, the skin on the chest is opened along two horizontal incisions   (   at the top and bottom of the pectoral muscle,   the muscle itself is not touched   )   &   the skin is pulled back   &   the breast tissue is then removed.

patients are left with two medical drains under the skin that exit through a small incision under each arm with a reservoir bulb attached at the ends to collect excess blood   &   lymphatic fluid.   these drains are left in for several days to a week,   &   need to be emptied by the patient a few times a day.

INVERTED - T   /   T - ANCHOR   (   inferior pedicle,   wise pattern   )

the   inverted - t technique   is ideal for medium to large chested individuals who wish to retain the most sensation possible in the nipple-areola complex.

this procedure is similar to the double incision method as the skin on the chest is opened along two horizontal incisions   (   at the top   &   bottom of the pectoral muscle,   the muscle itself is not touched   )   &   the skin is pulled back   &   breast tissue is removed.

this method also has the potential for less complications compared to the double incision technique because there are no nipple grafts   (   which have a risk of infection   &   loss  ).   general anesthesia is used, but patients are rarely catheterized.

PERI - AREOLAR   (   peri,   peri - areolar concentric circle   )

the   peri - areolar technique   is ideal for those who are small chested, or those with b - sized chests   &   good skin elasticity. 

during this procedure,   an incision is made all around the border of the areola.   additionally,   a second,   larger concentric circle incision is made   &   the resulting ring of skin removed.   breast tissue is removed   &   additional contouring with liposuction may be performed. 

a   "   drawstring   "   technique is used to bring the skin together   &   connect it to the edges of the areola,   which may be downsized.   with peri - areolar,   the nipple stalk is usually left   intact,   though some surgeons will resize the nipple itself.   the nipple stalk   &   nerve are not severed,   sensation is often maintained.

KEYHOLE

the   keyhole technique   is ideal for those who are small chested.   during this procedure,   a small incision is made along the bottom of the areola,   &   the breast tissue is removed with liposuction through this incision.    

the nipple stalk is   usually   left intact,   though some surgeons will resize the nipple itself.   the areola is not resized   &   nerve sensation is maintained.

MINIMAL SCAR

the   minimal scar technique   is an ideal procedure for trans men with smaller chests   &   excellent skin elasticity.   this surgery involves only small incisions on the side of the chest and part way around the areola. 

this minimally -  invasive procedure leaves nearly invisible scars after healing   &   nipple sensation is retained,   making it an excellent choice for the right patient.

DOG EARS

"   dog ears  "   is a term that refers to excess skin   &   fat that   "   pucker   "   out at the primary incision lines as they go around the sides of the chest in double incision top surgery.   they can also form at the point where incisions come together near the center of the chest.   

functionally,   dog ears don't cause a problem,   but many see them as visually unappealing,   &   is one of the most common reasons for a revision.   massaging dog ears after surgery can have a positive effect,   especially if surgical swelling is present.

regardless of the surgeon or technique,   dog ears   can still develop after top surgery.   post - operative weight gain   —   as well as dramatic weight loss   —   can both cause dog ears to appear.