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Grief is tricky like that. It can lie low for hours, long enough for magical thinking to take hold. Then, when you’re good and vulnerable, it will leap out at you like a fun-house skeleton, and all the pain you thought was gone comes roaring back.

“I can’t tell you. The words just don’t exist to tell another person how destroyed part of you has been, they just don’t exist.”

“Whoever said time heals all wounds hasn’t been hurt bad enough”

“Losing your closest loved one due to suicide is one of the most difficult losses to bear. They leave you with a tremendous burden of guilt, anger and shame. A level of devastation and confusion that’s beyond description.”

“There are people whose deaths make you ache with sadness. And then there are people whose deaths prevent the sun from rising, deaths that turn the walls black in every room you walk through, deaths that send storm clouds and a wail swirling through your head so that you can’t hear music and you can’t recognize your furniture or your own face in the mirror.”

“My grief and I are still so ill-acquainted, two strangers sharing one body. We bump into each other while reaching for the toothbrush, while walking the dog across the street, and I’m so close to recognizing her. I’ve listened to her cry at the bottom of the bathtub, and watched her rub her eyes at the funeral. I want to tell her it’s all ok, I’m here too, and we can be here together, I’m just too afraid to speak”

"I think the hardest part is being willing to fight for someone, for the same reasons that they choose not to fight for you. In a way, it is the ultimate betrayal"

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

“i tested not messaging anyone today. no one noticed i was gone.”