My own personal Dumpster

I gained weight really quick while around one particular person. So even tho they were a great person. I hate them so much and my brain turned my feelings off. Because something that makes me gain weight =the devil. I hate my fucking brainnnnnn

The one and only good thing about my eating disorder is that it’s helping me quit drinking since I can remind myself it’s needless calories when I’m feeling weak.

I can’t focus on my job because I feel fat doing it

I can’t sleep cause I’m fat

I’m not happy at all with my life. And I’m not even skinny fuck this

When your throwing up blood and get a bloody nose. Like send iron my way my period is coming reall soon. Jesus

I actually cannot even handle how fat I’ve gotten. Like my eating disorder always ruins everything. But being this fat is making it so I’m a hermit who fucks up her relationships and job all the time because I can’t even get my fat ass out of my own way. This is absolute misery. I’ve legit had fights and hissy fits with everyone just because I’m fat and I can’t handle it. And I’m stuck in a binge and purge cycle and a drink till I pass out cycle. This is hell. I can’t enjoy a single thing because of my weight. Nothing is fulfilling. Nothing is fun. I can’t enjoy anything. And everyone is like omg you look so healthy now! When my body is turning purple with stretch marks and bizarre and lumpy. Everything hurts. And everyone thinks I’m better and is forcing food at me. I just wanna starve for like as long as possible so I can just put pants on the morning and not cry and punch myself in the head. Fuck this. Fuck all of this