🜍☿

on this day, a year or so now, my grandfather passed into beyond. listened to some Yusuf/Cat (was his fav musician & i dig them too) while cleaning & polishing my crystals. burned a candle with oils by his photograph. i get he's no longer here really but my reality sorta tugs and pulls away from fully accepting it. i think i often feel some lack of acceptance when it comes to death. i really really hate it. i know I'm gonna feel it again and i truly wish i wouldn't have to. i guess i just really don't want people to leave. i believe in an afterlife, reincarnation, non-linear existence, souls bound by fate, by love and memory. but it never has quelled this fear and sadness. i always tell myself that i live not only for me, but for them and their memory now, but honestly, i would break any morals and the world itself to have those I've lost back to me again. it would be nice to indulge in a little selfishness this way. one day, the stars will beckon my name and i too will have to go. i can only hope i feel at least a little bit more okay with it all, by then.

to many weed strains are named after food materials and dreamy locations. give me some shit called "The Codices" and "Niten Ichi-ryū". i want it to make me feel like the last weapon to ever be assembled, for the last battle, to be fired once. or make me feel like jessica from dune.