izzu @whxre-bxby - Tumblr Blog

Jan 9, 2024

"Longing For You"

Oh my god I'm alive, can you believe it? I'm back with a COD fanfic this time.

Simon "Ghost" Riley x inexperienced/virgin f. 141 reader

Masterlist

Summary: Y/N has never experienced anything romantic to sexual with anyone. One evening on base, Soap keeps nagging you about sharing details about your love life with him without knowing you don't have one. Things take a dramatic turn until someone specific comes to check on you in your room.

Warnings: Smut, Angst, Fluff, Arguing, Crying, Swearing, Protected Sex, Oral Sex (f. receiving),

Word Count: 16,140

⌐╦╦═─ read it and enjoy it ╾━╤デ╦︻

Let me take you on an emotional roller coaster (18+/ NSFW Content)

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(If I accidentally started writing "I" instead of "You" please let me know in the comments so that I can fix it, sometimes my brain goes numb) :)

Life was becoming weird. There used to always be something happening. Missions were almost always brutal and full of action, they left everyone exhausted and just happy to be alive. But lately, with 141 having completed one of their main missions things grew quiet. The first week was like a gift from the universe, letting you all regenerate. But now, the second week is almost agonising. Going about your days feels grey. Like a static radio or a broken screen of a TV buzzing in the background. But you won’t complain. You never do. Over the years you have managed to rid yourself of that bad habit because you’ve realised it never helps you. It just makes you seem weak. Especially as the only woman in this task force, you always push yourself to bear through pain, even if it is almost making you pass out. Or you go out of your way to complete assigned chores no one wants to do and you keep your mouth shut while doing so. No one likes a whiner.

Today was just another day and it seemed that it had become dark just a few hours after you woke up. Time was flying by, yet nothing seemed to change. Except this evening. It barely even reached 5 pm and the sun was already gone. You were confused by this because it didn’t feel like winter to you. But perhaps the country you were in had warm winters and odd sunsets and sunrise hours. You couldn’t be bothered to ask around.

But what made today so different was that the rain had stopped. The past few days the clouds never once showed the sky. You’re in the dining area of your temporary base holding a cup of hot tea in both your hands and blankly staring out of one of the windows. Soap is a few meters away from you, silently chewing on some protein bar he had stashed in his vest. Even though it was dark, the sky was suddenly clear and the moonlight reflected against the building and shone into the dimly lit rooms. The base was on a hill but surrounded by trees, so any light was blocked out for enemies to see. It was rather small, only housing your task force and some of Alejandro’s soldiers.

“That’s a pretty sight.” Soap mumbles, scrunching up the wrapper of the snack bar and throwing it away without ever taking his eyes off the window.

You nod in agreement and smile, saying “She’s beautiful tonight.” before taking another sip of your tea. His eyes briefly tear away from outside to glance at you. He lets out a soft chuckle, leaning against the counter with you and crossing his arms over his chest.

“She?” he questions, almost feeling silly for shortly searching the room for the possible woman you could be talking about.

“The moon.” you add, smiling at him to let him know you’re just babbling about your things again. The moon is a she. The sun a he. But there’s no need to lecture him about that. That’s your interest and not his. But Soap doesn’t seem to mind.

“Yeah, she is.” he agrees. You continue to stare into the blue hour of the night for a few more minutes before Soap speaks up again.

“The rain’s dried. We can go outside and have a bette’ look.”

His idea makes your eyes light up and you nod in agreement, pushing yourself away from the counter to signal that you’re ready to go.

Soap leads the way and you stop by the coat hanger to grab your jumper, knowing it’s chilly outside. Gaz who is sitting near Ghost notices how his eyes follow the two of you, so he turns around to see what Ghost is looking at.

“Where are you going?” Gaz asks, peering up at Soap.

“Jus` outside. Y/N wants to see the moon.” he replies, shrugging off the question in front of them as if he wasn’t the one to suggest it.

“You two look like bloody miserable chumps.” Soap chuckles scanning over Ghost and Gaz. Neither of them had anything to do.

“Come on, you look like you could use some fresh air, LT.”

Gaz had nothing better to do so he got up off the couch. Neither of them expected Ghost to join. He never does things like this. During a mission, Soap and Gaz once teased him with an offer of star gazing if things went well to which Ghost immediately shut them down, saying it was a waste of time and useless. They were turning away, ready to leave their lieutenant behind until Ghost got up too, making Soap stop in his tracks. He eyes him, trying to figure out whether he is leaving or coming with them. But Ghost paid him no attention. His eyes were on you for a brief moment, watching you zip up your jumper before you headed for the exit door.

“If ye’re still sour she damaged the rover in the morning, then I’ll have to take the blame.” Soap says, knowing he was looking at you. He was a good friend to you. Almost like a brother, constantly watching out for you. Ghost on the other hand was cold. And Soap knew he didn’t make exceptions with mistakes for anyone. He’d be a bad lieutenant if he would.

Ghost looked away, slightly glaring at the Sergeants.

“I’m not.” he firmly answers in his raspy voice before walking past them to follow you outside. Neither Gaz nor Soap is convinced so they quickly follow him out in case he starts to scold you for your small mistake. But Ghost doesn’t do that. His hard gaze and intimidating presence are enough to put you in your place. He very rarely even speaks to you, which often has you wondering what you’ve done so wrong to make him give you such a cold shoulder. Perhaps he doesn’t trust or or maybe it’s the obvious answer, he doesn’t like you. You get assigned the top priority missions so clearly he must see some potential in your work. But then again it’s mostly Price who hands out the orders, not Ghost. And Price has taken you under his wing ever since you’ve joined.

They find you after climbing the stairs on the side of the building. You’re sitting on the rooftop, arms wrapped around your body to stay warm from the cool breeze of the night while your wide eyes stare at the shimmering stars and bright moon. The sky has never been so pretty. Sunsets were gorgeous, but this, this was calming and suddenly made you feel at home again. No words were spoken as they joined you on the ground of the rooftop. Soap sat down next to you along with Gaz. Ghost was more reluctant but followed soon after. They started conversing about things on their mind and after about half an hour had passed, all four of you were lying on the ground and gazing up into the sky. Your heads almost meeting in the middle of the oddly shaped circle you all formed as you lay splayed out.

The subjects of conversation kept shifting, starting with the landscapes surrounding us, to a story of Gaz nearly losing his finger in a similar forest. Soap mentioned that his sister was into astronomy, also taking an interest in the stars to which Gaz said one of his previous girlfriends was crazy about astrology. You hadn’t said a word since they arrived, feeling too caught up in your deep thoughts and memories that the night sky provoked. Ghost was mostly silent too, only chiming in to agree with one of them or settle something that was about to become an argument.

“I had a pretty lass for a few months.” Soap starts again, telling them the story you’ve heard a few hundred times. “But the distance was too much for her. So we broke things off.”

“I remember her. The tall one, right?” Gaz asks and Soap nods with a smile, remembering her.

“How’s your love life goin`, sir?” Gaz asks in a joking manner.

Before Ghost can answer, Soap jumps in.

“Bet you’ve been busy ever since that chick from the bar caught ye`r eye.” he cackled, glancing at his lieutenant. Suddenly, your attention is on the conversation again. What girl?

Ghost scoffed, waving his hand in dismissal of the subject but Soap and Gaz weren’t done yet.

“How’s that holding up?”

“I’ve seen her around base a few times, probably spending the nights in LT’s room.”

“Been reminding myself to knock louder on your door ever since. Don’t need to be seeing that.”

“Think I might’ve heard her one night too.” Soap and Gaz continue to joke despite Ghost getting slightly annoyed. But he wasn’t defensive, which concluded that they weren’t making it up. You stopped breathing as their words sank in but you made no movements to give your feelings away. Your heart ached and yet you continued to listen, hoping he would say that none of that is true or that this is some inside joke they have going.

“She looked amazing. No doubt in that.” Soap comments and Ghost huffs out a breath.

“Her hair was pretty.” Simon finally mumbles, lowly in a soft version of his gruff voice that you have never heard. Sorry- Ghost. You shouldn’t even be thinking of addressing him that way. Soap continues to tease him and joke about him and the girl while you stare blankly into the sky, suddenly forgetting all about the beautiful moon and stars. If you were a dramatic girl in a movie right now, you would get up and mysteriously run away. You wish you could, but that would raise suspicions which you really don’t need.

He liked her hair…and she was good-looking by what you keep hearing them say. Something you can’t see in yourself, no matter how hard you search your mirror for it.

You don’t think you’ve ever heard Simon, fuck- Ghost say the word ‘pretty’ before. It didn’t belong to his vocabulary. But hearing him say it for the first time to describe another girl absolutely tore open your heart.

Your hair was a mess. Even though you had washed it just last night, you thought it looked awful. Not even your ‘everything shower’ could fix it. Having to keep it in a tight braid or ponytail all day wasn’t flattering you at all. Within seconds, your mind starts to wander off again and your thoughts are drifting away from reality as you imagine what her pretty hair must have looked like. It was probably all soft and shiny, blowdried and curled. The way you kept seeing it in pictures on your phone. Your hair couldn’t even compare. You couldn’t compare. This job has left you wounded, scarred, exhausted and dirty. Being like this paid well, and you did it not for yourself but for the people around you. But it did take its toll on you, to the point where you would often avoid looking into a mirror or reflective glass so that you wouldn’t have to remind yourself that you’re not all dolled up and taken care of like you used to be in your late teenage years. You didn’t look awful, but you felt as if you were neglecting yourself which made you feel worse.

You had started developing feelings for Simon about 6 months ago. Maybe even longer. It was crazy how long this ‘crush’ stayed. You hoped it would vanish as quickly as it arrived because he was your lieutenant and you had to professionally work with him.

There was a time when you started being nicer to him, putting all your social energy into trying to start a conversation with him but he’d just stare before turning away. His short-cut answers would put an end to your questions and attempts. Sometimes he wouldn’t even answer you at all. That hurt you the most, being ignored. Never once did he smile at you, even if you couldn’t see it you searched for the soft wrinkles in his eyes. But you never found them. Even when the whole task force was together and a few of them including Ghost would joke with each other, he never did it towards you. When they had their laughs you were never included. Soap would mention and bring you into conversation subconsciously many times but the second you’re involved, Ghost stops. He either retreats from the conversation or shuts it down and tells you all to focus.

Remembering all of this along with the additional information of him having some kind of relationship with a pretty girl he recently met, made your heart bleed and eyes tear up. You don’t blame him for not choosing you. You wouldn’t either. But it still hurt and quite frankly, curling up in a ball, in your bed and crying is all you wanted to do when you felt this way.

“What about you, Y/N?” Gaz asks, suddenly bringing you back to reality. You blink a few times before craning your neck to the side and looking at him. He was lying to your left. Soap was on your right and Ghost was the furthest away. It didn’t surprise you that he chose to be at such a distance from you but then again you hadn’t expected him to come outside with you at all.

“Hm?” you ask, forgetting whether they moved on from the topic of girlfriends and relationships. You hope they had.

“Who are you dating?” Gaz asks with a chuckle. The atmosphere stays light and cheerful, even when they don’t realise how your heart drops. You shift uncomfortably on the ground and bite your lip, thinking of what to answer. There’s no need to let all your worries out. You can dance around the subject as you always do. No one needs to know that you have absolutely no experience in this field. It might harm your image. Not to mention your feelings. You don’t think you could dare look either of them in the eye again out of complete embarrassment if they somehow found out.

Soap scoffs. “Good luck tryin` te` get that information out of her.” He seems to have some silent grudge against you because you’ve never opened up about this stuff to him. You’ve never talked to anyone about this. Even when Soap shares his experiences with you, you give him advice but he’s never received even a hint as to what your personal life is like. To say it bothers him is an understatement. He’s been trying to get you to confess at least something for months. But you’re too ashamed to tell him. Even if he is your closest friend on base, you don’t want anyone to know.

“No one.” you lowly reply, not letting any emotion tint your voice. That way they’ll have no idea whether you’re telling the truth or not.

Soap lets out a breathy laugh directed at Gaz. “Told you.”

Gaz seems to think you’re lying and that you’re just trying to conceal your relationship so he doesn’t stop. “Come on, you can trust us. Who else would we tell?” he turns to you and smiles. Your eyes flicker over to him before you quickly look away, hoping you won’t break in front of them.

“I bet there’s someone you’re thinking of.” he continues to push your buttons, gently nudging you in the shoulder but this time you don’t react.

“Ay, probably taking a break from ‘em after having to reject all the poor bastards that shoot their shot.” Soap chuckles. “So busy breakin’ ‘earts you’re lucky to get some time off at work.”

Their jokes would be funny to you if they weren’t about you. If only they knew that no one has ever approached you in that way. Not only does it break your heart but it confuses you. Clearly, Gaz and Soap think you’re attractive enough to have at least someone ask you out or for your number. But it’s never happened and you don’t understand why. The past few years you’ve decided to stop breaking your head over it. You don’t like the way you look, yet there are moments when you get home from deployment and dress nicely. Some days you feel pretty but no matter where you go, what you do to yourself or how you act, nothing ever happens. You’ve given up now. You’ve stopped trying. Going out with your friends used to be a fun adventure. That was until all that happened to them would involve guys they met or guys that attempted to swoon them. Everyone around you had had at least some kind of romantic or sexual experience. Everyone except you. You honestly don’t know what you’re doing wrong and you don’t know how people meet. Something like that happening to you seems so unrealistic you could laugh at yourself for all the times you’ve imagined yourself being with someone you liked. From a teenage girl to now. Remembering how you imagine and daydream of there being a possibility that Ghost could even like you in any way shape or form makes you sick. How can someone be so delusional?

You never liked comparing yourself to others, but with all this you did. And you realised that what you were didn’t seem to work for people. So you left it at that.

Why bother being sad about men when pets exist? When you can own your own house with as many plants as you want, as many animals as you can take care of and as many clothes or collective items you can fit.

That small motivational talk helps calm you down when you’re alone. But right now, you aren’t. You’re surrounded by your friends. Male friends who probably have no idea what you deal with. And on top of that, your lieutenant who you would give your life for. Even if he treats you like his worst soldier, you would.

“I’m not dating anyone.” you say, hoping they would leave you alone now. You even fake a small chuckle to fool them into thinking you’re feeling okay.

“Come one lass, there’s nothing to worry about.” Soap says, smiling to himself at what he thinks is your typical stubbornness.

Gaz peers over at you again, studying your face from the side. Even though he just heard you chuckle, your expression shows no sign of any amusement or joy. You’re blankly staring at the stars again and he notices you gulp nervously.

“Hey, no worries. It’s difficult as a soldier. Especially now when we haven’t been home in months.” Gaz attempts to soothe your anxiety. Doesn’t seem to be difficult for Ghost…

“Ay, don’t sweet talk ‘er. This is an interrogation, not a therapy session.” Soap says, seeming annoyed that Gaz is decreasing his chances of finding out who you’re dating. He can’t help it, he’s just naturally curious.

“You lack all interrogation skills, Johnny.” Ghost finally chimes in with his low voice.

Gaz grins but Soap isn’t letting you off the hook that easily. “All right then, you take over, LT.”

Your eyes widen just a tiny bit and for a moment, you wonder whether Ghost will actually start questioning you. You fear being interrogated by him, especially about this subject but the thought of actually having a proper conversation with him suddenly warms your chest and makes your tummy clench in something close to excitement.

There’s a moment of silence until he speaks up.

“No.”

Oh.

That’s it. That’s all Ghost answers. The sudden hope you felt in your body immediately dies down again and you return to your previous sulking state.

Of course, he won’t talk to you. Why would he?

“Forget now.” Gaz says, talking to you again. “Any crazy ex-boyfriends? I bet there’s been one that’s been mad.” he chuckles.

You sigh in silence and suddenly your chest seems heavy. Your heart races as you grow more nervous, so your fingers find each other and interlock.

“No crazy ex-boyfriends.” you say, not being able to push out a chuckle anymore. You’re starting to feel so upset that you’re losing the mental strength which holds up your wall. The one you use to keep them fooled and misinformed, it’s slowly crumbling.

“Forget crazy.” Soap jumps in, clearly getting impatient. “Just give me any bloody story ye’ have. Any ex-boyfriend, since ye’ don’t have a current one.” He says that as if he himself also isn’t believing you when you say you’re not dating.

“Why do you want to know so badly?” Gaz questions him, not understanding why Soap is so enthusiastic about bombarding you with personal questions.

“Because she never opens up. Not once. And I don’t know why.” Soap replies.

He’s expecting an answer from you and the silence is almost deafening.

You bite your lip to stop it from quivering before inhaling a shaky breath and speaking up.

“I have nothing to tell you.”

Soap scoffs, abruptly shifting to his side so that he can properly look at you. “Y/N, I can’t do this anymore.” he says, sounding like a child dying to know what’s in their wrapped Christmas gift. And Soap sounds desperate at this point too.

“Do ye’ not trust me?”

Now it’s your turn to scoff. “Of course I trust you. With my life, you moron.” you say.

“Then what is it? Why won’t you tell me? Or anyone?” he says, not tearing his eyes from your still face. The fact that you haven’t looked at him yet has been noted and he’s trying to figure out what’s wrong.

“Because there’s nothing to tell.” you mumble, knowing very well that you are not lying to him. Soap interprets your answer as you shutting him out again and keeping your love life a secret but Ghost, he’s starting to understand what you mean. Despite that, he stays quiet.

“Y/N, yer’ killin’ me.” Soap grumbles, finally dropping it and turning back to his previous position. But now, of course, you feel awful for making him think he’s doing something wrong. And with all the emotions going through your head plus the fact that Ghost has been so quiet you almost forget he’s there, you almost burst into tears. Almost.

“I’m not lying, Soap.” you say and your own voice has grown softer and slightly sadder. “Nothing’s ever happened.”

Hey, if you’re having a small life crisis you might as well have it in front of the people you trust the most. Even if you’re in love with one of them.

Soap’s head turns back to you and he watches you shakily inhale again. Now he knows something must really be wrong.

“What’d you mean nothin’s ever happened?” he asks. His annoyed tone has completely vanished which makes Gaz question what is happening and Ghost’s assumption is confirmed.

“I’ve never had anything-” you say, palming your forehead in the stress of finally opening up. Sharing feels is so overwhelming you hate it. “With anyone.”

He lets the information sink in for a few long seconds before he asks again. “You’ve never dated?”

What a shocker.

You close your eyes and clench your jaw in embarrassment, hating being put on the spot like this. Your silence serves as a ‘yes’ to his question, but he doesn’t seem too worried.

“There’s no issue in that.” he chuckles. “Maybe just give one of your hookups a chance.”

There was a hardware worker at base one day and to fix the heating he had to do something to one of the pipes next to the vent in your room. One of the soldiers along with Soap later saw him exit your room and being the men they are, they immediately assumed you invited him in for some fun when in reality you weren’t even in your room with him.

“What hookups, Soap?” you ask, almost snapping at him. You hated how he was so convinced people found you attractive because it obviously wasn’t true. He looks at you again, wondering whether you’re being serious.

“When I say that nothing has ever happened, I mean nothing has ever happened.” You reply, spelling out the last part for him to get it through his thick head.

“You mean you’ve ne-” he starts but you don’t want to hear it. You’re fed up with his questions so you decide to just spill out everything to finally get him to shut up. Something you know you will regret later.

“I’ve never dated anyone, I’ve never had sex with anyone, I’ve never kissed anyone, no one ever asked me out or approached me because they found me attractive. I’ve never been called pretty by a guy or anything like that. Nothing.” You snap, your chest heaving after you finish that last sentence. You feel so stupid making such a huge deal out of your tiny problems so you snort and stifle a laugh, not believing that you let it all out.

There’s silence again until Soap sits up, peering down at you. His eyebrows are furrowed as he scans you over, almost as if he were looking for something wrong with you but he is unsuccessful. “I don’t believe that.” he says.

That’s it. You can’t argue with him about this anyone. Let alone the fact that you spilt one of your greatest most embarrassing secrets in front of Ghost makes you sick to the stomach. So you sigh, like you imagined not being able to look Soap or anyone in the eye. You get up, hiding your trembling hands in your pockets as you leave them behind and go back inside. All three of them sit up and follow you with their eyes until you’re out of sight.

You go straight to your room because the tears in your eyes are blurring your vision and you don’t want anyone else to see you in such a vulnerable state.

Argh you could throw up from being so dramatic. It made you sick enough seeing people act this way in drama movies but actually doing this made you want to disappear. Get your shit together and forget this ever happened.

Once in your room, you lock your door and crouch down on the ground, holding your head to calm down. It’s all too much. All of a sudden, you feel gross and dirty. Perhaps it’s the shame you feel, so you head to your bathroom, strip down and get in the shower, once again avoiding the mirror above your sink. In order to feel something else than embarrassment, you turn the tap on cold, forcing yourself to stand under the freezing water to distract yourself.

Once you’re cold enough, you step out again with trembling legs and hands, feeling as if something were missing from you but you can’t focus enough to figure out what it is.

Grabbing your towel you wrap yourself in it, holding back tears the entire time as you dry yourself and get dressed in your comfortable lounge clothes. You don’t plan on leaving your room anymore today, not even for dinner. After that whole show you gave them, you don’t feel hungry. You would probably throw up anything you swallowed while feeling like this.

The next hour goes by agonisingly slowly. All you do is sit on your bed in your dull room, nervously chewing on your fingernails as you remember everything you said and start to over-analyse their reactions. On top of that, you start to imagine what Ghost must have been thinking. Seeing his most hated soldier crumble like that in front of him must have been amusing. You know he will never get off your back for this.

God you wish he would like you. It doesn’t even have to be in a romantic sense. You just crave his validation. All you long for is a pat on your back or a few words of praise. A hug would be the best but even that is already too far stretched to be realistic. Everything else that shifts into the direction of romantic and sexual you’re too nervous to even think about.

You know he’s experienced and you’re not surprised. Look at him. He’s gorgeous, even if his face is hidden. You’re sure that he isn’t bad-looking. And even if there’s some huge scar he is hiding beneath it you wouldn’t care. You feel too attached to him to criticise him for his looks.

And now, he knows you have absolutely no experience which makes you feel like crying again. Even if something romantic were to happen to you now with anyone, you’d be too nervous to mess it up. Especially with Ghost. You might as well spare him the uncomfortable experience. Perhaps it’s better this way. Yes, it definitely is. You promise yourself to never bring that up again and never complain about such a petty thing as being loved. Not when you’ve seen people die. Not when you’ve almost died.

Your phone buzzes for the first time this evening and you just stare at it from a distance, not sure whether you want to check and see who sent you a message. It’s probably Soap making sure you two are still on good terms. You manage to ignore it for a few more minutes until your curiosity takes over and you unlock your phone.

In the next few moments, you don’t move a muscle, just staring at your screen in shock of who the sender is.

Lieutenant “Ghost” Riley

Dinner now. You’re late. Kitchen closes in 30.

Your lips are parted in surprise as you keep rereading the message. It’s the first one he’s ever sent you. It’s a mandatory rule for everyone in the task force to be able to contact each other so you’ve had his contacts since the beginning but after he didn’t reply to one of your questions during the time you were trying to impress him and get on his good side, you never messaged him again.

Well, to be honest, you always try to impress him. You try so much harder than everyone else in silent attempts for him to notice your good work, but nothing ever comes of it.

Why would he suddenly write to you now? You’ve missed dinner a few times before when you were too busy finishing tasks, chores or paperwork.

As much as you feel the need to follow his orders and obey him, no matter how hurt you are, today you just can’t. You feel like you would die if you would have to face him again after all that. There’s no way you can put up with more today. So you turn your screen off, putting your phone into the drawer of your nightstand and once again sitting motionless on the bed.

You still feel so embarrassed that it makes you sick so you decide to try things you’ve heard help others. A girl once told you that she ‘glams’ herself up when she’s upset and that it makes her feel better. So you slowly get up and head back to the bathroom, washing your face, applying your moisturising cream to help calm you down, opening your braid, brushing through your now wavy hair, and spraying yourself with the unopened body spray you bought before deployment. Great.

Now you’re clean and might smell a bit better, but you still feel like shit. And you conclude that this is how it will be for the rest of the day. Well, the few hours you have left until lights-out.

So you curl up in bed once more, hugging your pillow and softly sniffling and sobbing until your red, glassy eyes hurt.

30 minutes pass and you haven’t shown up for dinner. You lose all energy from crying until eventually, your sobs quiet down. Now, silent tears roll down your cheeks and you start developing a small headache from all of it.

Your eyes grow heavy from time to time and you’re ready to fall asleep when a sudden noise makes your eyes shoot open. You stay still, wondering whether you heard it right or whether you were really starting to lose it. But then you hear it again.

It’s a knock on your door. And this time it’s firmer, making you more scared than nervous to open it.

You ignore it, not needing to deal with Soap or Gaz and their apologies or advice right now.

But whoever is behind the door is determined to get you to open it, so they knock again, even harder.

Your embarrassment is now extinguished by the fear of the consequences if you keep ignoring the person, so you annoyedly get up from your bed, dragging your feet on the ground as you reach the door, unlocking it before opening it.

Your heart drops again and you are still like a deer in headlights. And here you were thinking it just cannot get worse. Well, it just did.

It’s Ghost…

He’s towering over you as he always does, making you feel tiny with the body mass he carries. You stare into his eyes in shock, noticing his displeased look with how long it took you to open the door. But that glare seems to fade as his eyes scan you.

You look away, fixing your eyes on the door frame suddenly realising you don’t look presentable as usual in your uniform. And you’re still blinking away tears to unblur your vision. But there is no doubt about the fact that he can see your red nose and eyes.

“What can I do for you, sir?” you force yourself to say, still not feeling confident enough to meet his intimidating eyes again.

He takes a moment before he answers, suddenly lifting the tray in his hands. You hadn’t even noticed he was holding it.

“You’re eating dinner whether you like it or not. Don’t need your performance faltering tomorrow.” he lowly says, offering you the tray he brought you with some still-warm food.

Your aching heart warms at this small gesture, despite him explaining that it’s for professional purposes only. But you don’t feel hungry.

“I’m okay, sir. I’m not hu-”

“I wasn’t asking, Y/N.” he says, keeping his hard eyes on yours.

He’s never used your real name before. Ghost always addressed you as Sergeant.

You swallow nervously, hesitating to take it but he seems to have lost his patience with you, so he pushes past you and into your room. You stand at the doorway, speechless when he places the tray down on your small round table. After watching him sit down you decide to close your room door again, just staring at him.

What is happening right now?

He glances up at you. “Sit down and eat, now.” he sternly orders you and naturally you listen, sitting across from him and slowly picking up the fork he brought you with your meal. Ghost seems to want to make sure you eat the food instead of just leaving the tray untouched, so he stays. His authoritative presence is enough to eliminate any ideas of disobeying his orders from your mind.

For a few minutes, there is silence again while you force small forkfuls of food into you, but it’s not as uncomfortable as you expect. He seems to be in deep thought and you’re too nervous to bring him out of it.

Then, Simon- … Ghost leans back in his chair, his legs naturally spread as they always are when he sits. He adjusts his balaclava, not wearing his full mask since we’ve been staying at base most days. Next, he starts taking his gloves off and you curiously watch him, still trying to assess the situation and his mood. His slight impatience with you seems to have worn off and now he just looks relaxed and tired. A state in which you almost never see him in.

He catches your lingering eyes, staring right back at you which almost gives you a fright. Immediately your eyes fixate on your food tray again while his stay on you a little longer, before his bare hand reaches into his pocket.

“You left this outside.” he tells you, pulling out the bracelet you always wear. The one you felt was missing after your shower. He kept it in his pocket this whole time.

You stare at it as he places it in the middle of the table, not expecting him to care about a few strings and beads. Especially not if he knew they belonged to you.

“Oh… Thank you.” you softly say, putting the fork down and slowly picking it up, sliding it back on your left wrist where it always sits.

He grunts in response, leaning back again and eyeing you which quickly reminds you that you should keep eating. Soon, you’re done with the meal he brought you, downing it with a glass of water. Ghost is scanning over your room. It’s not that different from the other ones. All everyone has is a bag of clothes and personal belongings. There’s no point in decorating when we might be moving out the next day.

“Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?” you ask, wondering what he’s thinking while you try to keep it as professional as possible. It helps you forget how unprofessional your behaviour was a couple of hours ago.

Ghost’s eyes slowly leave your wall and find you. He’s just staring again as if he were contemplating how to answer your question.

After almost a minute he answers, his balaclava slightly shifting on his face as he talks.

“I told Johnny off for the questioning.”

His words surprised you but you wish he wouldn’t have said them. Reminding you of the fool you made of yourself has you shift uncomfortably on the chair. You feel your face heat up although you’re not sure it ever cooled down. His presence and your crying have kept your cheeks flushed this whole time.

“He’ll be taking over fatigue duty for you tomorrow.” Ghost adds. The chores he assigned to you as usual which just seemed to overwork you were finally handed to someone else. But you feel bad for having Soap do them. He meant well, you know that. Soap never has bad intentions with you.

“You didn’t have to do that, sir.” You say, glancing up at him to try and read his neutral expression.

“You didn’t deserve that.” he tells you, almost cutting you off.

His words confuse you. What happened was your own cause. You didn’t have to answer any of their questions but in the heat of the moment you chose to share. But what’s even more confusing is the fact that it’s Simon- fucking hell, Ghost saying it. Ghost who assigns you extra tasks and treats you coldly for who knows what reason, is telling you that you didn’t deserve to be treated badly. It doesn’t make sense to you.

“Any of it.” he mumbles, leaning his arms on his thighs as he leans forward. His bare hands clasp together as he fixes his gaze on the table. He’s in deep thought and you don’t dare to interrupt it.

It’s quiet for a while until he runs a hand over his covered face in stress, sighing.

“I’m sorry Y/N.” he finally speaks up again, looking at you with guilty eyes.

Now it’s your turn to just stare at him. You don’t understand. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion and you tilt your head a little to the left, questioning his words and expression.

“What for, sir?” you ask.

God, you’re so innocent it almost breaks him. He knows he’s been harsh towards you, often making you reach your absolute limit with tasks he knows he should have assigned to someone else.

“I was being unfair to you.” he says. He used to think you could take it all. And you were able to. But eventually, everyone crumbles down and it just so happened to hit you today.

You rethink how Ghost has been treating you and you know he’s right, but you don’t give him a reaction. Nodding to his words seems wrong but disagreeing wouldn’t be right either.

Now Ghost is remembering what happened earlier and it makes him feel worse about his behaviour. But he isn’t here because he’s sorry for you. He wouldn’t sit in someone's room and talk to them just because he feels bad. He rarely feels sympathetic towards people.

“Fuck’s sake…” he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose to gather himself. Your silence is destroying him too but he doesn’t expect you to answer him or talk to him.

It’s been months of him holding back. He’s only human too, he can’t hold back any longer. Seeing your emotions show today kickstarted his own to start piling on top of him.

“Why did you do it?” you ask boldly. Seeing him so stressed makes you feel like you can start addressing him without calling him ‘sir’ in every sentence.

Ghost doesn’t feel anything holding him back. You’re both currently not working and there is no one to witness this conversation. He has no reason to be the cold lieutenant he usually is towards you. So both of your professionality falters slightly. And your presence affects him too but in the opposite way. He makes you feel intimidated because you find it hard to read his emotions but you make him feel welcome. Ghost knows you’re a good person with a big heart. Even though he may have taken advantage of your willingness before by assigning you more chores, he feels that your room is a safe space.

“I was trying to keep things professional.” he says, rubbing his hands together before looking at you. He isn’t nervous. Ghost never is. But you can see that something is bothering him.

“You distract me.”

His words burn a hole into your chest. Is he trying to make things worse again? You don’t know how you distract him, you have no idea what it means but it doesn’t mean anything good to you. Were you so bad at your job in his eyes that he had to keep you busy with work to stay focused? At this point, your mind is racing with similar thoughts while Ghost closely watches your reaction. His dark eyes start to notice your panic developing.

What he said was just insulting to you. You couldn’t read in between the lines. How? You’re inexperience blinds you.

“I really don’t need to be hearing this now.” You say, getting up from your chair and walking towards your door. Simon abruptly stands up with you, watching the situation unfold against his favour. Remembering you say you’ve never been asked out or with anyone, he realises he wasn’t being clear enough. He hates spelling things out to people, especially confessions. But he had to save this. He couldn’t mess it up with you. Not after all the damage he’s already done.

“If you came here to insult and lecture me you can leave.” You tell him, your voice breaking again. Why does everything have to always come crashing down on you?

Ghost is taking careful steps towards you as you speak. Suddenly, you reach for the door handle behind you, starting to open the door but he springs into action, firmly slamming the door closed again. The sudden noise makes you flinch, letting go of the door handle and turning around to him.

That’s when you notice how close he is to you. Ghost is a head taller than you, peering down at you while keeping his palm flat on the door. His body is keeping you caged in between him and the door but you don’t feel happy and excited as you thought you would in this situation. Even though you’ve dreamt of him being this close, his words have completely confused and broken you, leaving you distraught with no idea what to do.

You clasp your face in your hands, trying your absolute best not to cry in front of him.

“Why are you doing this to me?” you ask with a quivering voice, not wanting to look him in his eyes.

Ghost watches you, feeling apologetic but he isn’t sure what to do.

“Why do you keep punishing me for liking you?” you ask, almost breaking out into a sob.

His steady breathing halts once he hears your words, but he doesn’t move away from you.

“I know it was wrong and I-” you sniffle, inhaling deeply to calm yourself before you continue.

“ I tried to apologise to you, but then you got sent away.” You’re still covering your face with your trembling hands. “A- and when you came back there was no right moment to bring it up again.”

A few months back, when you were still delusional enough to attempt to get Ghost to like you, he harshly shut you down by doubling your tasks. Often refusing to acknowledge your presence hurt you even more than the physical labour, like walking right by you and not greeting you anymore. Not even glancing at you.

His sudden colder, or colder behaviour made you realise he must have seen through your pathetic attempts of getting his attention. He must have been disappointed and disgusted by you. That’s what you felt like every time he would talk to all his soldiers but completely avoid you.

Ghost is staring at you in disbelief, trying to register everything you were telling him.

“I know it was unprofessional and I’m sorry-” you say “but I don’t think I can keep doing this.”

The workload of assignments have absolutely wrung you of your usually positive energy. It’s why you’ve been less motivated, more tired and more snappy. Soap has been at the receiving end of your bad mood and you hate yourself for letting it get that far.

“Y/N, what are you talking about?” Ghost asks, breaking his silence.

Finally, you remove your hands from your flushed and tear-stained face, peering up at him with watery eyes which make his heart sink. But you can’t bring yourself to say all that again.

“You like me?” he asks in his usual neutral tone, raising an eyebrow. “Elaborate.”

His calmness is riling you up and you’re not sure whether you want to slap him for it or sit on the floor and cry your eyes out.

You sigh heavily, closing your eyes to rethink the painful words you’re about to share with him before looking back up and saying them.

“In June…” you start, struggling to put the words together but suddenly Ghost is very patient with you. He isn’t urging you on, he’s waiting for you.

“I had feelings for you. And I tried telling you, but before I could you-” You whimper, remembering how you felt that day. “You started to hate me even more than before.”

Your confession leaves him speechless. He can’t believe the words he’s hearing.

“I promised I would never bring it up, hoping it would get better but it never did. And after I made a fool of myself again today I-” you stutter your way through the sentence, feeling completely heartbroken and weak.

“You didn’t make a fool of yourself.” he intervenes, not wanting to hear you talk badly about yourself anymore.

“Of course not, I just shared what an inexperienced bitch I am and made a huge fucking fuss over something so unimportant I could-” you groan in sarcasm and self-hatred, palming your forehead in stress again and not being able to finish the sentence.

All the overwhelming emotions you feel have made you forget that you’re talking to your superior. Now it feels like you’re talking to just Ghost, not Lieutenant Riley anymore.

Ghost couldn’t explain why he hated you talking badly about yourself so much, but he did. If he ever heard anyone insult or demean you in any way, he punished them. He would protect you whenever he could, even if you couldn’t see him do it. Even if it was from yourself.

To try and help you out of your spiraling, he brings up another piece of information you confessed which made his heart skip a beat.

“You had feelings for me?” he asks. When you ignore his question and stare at your feet, he removes his hand from the door and gently places his finger under your chin. The sudden contact takes you by surprise and you let him lift your gaze back up to him. Instead of pulling away, Ghost chooses to keep his hand there, in case you try to hide your face again.

“Come on, answer me sweetheart.” he softly says and pleasedly watches how your eyes widen at the pet name. He can tell that you’re not used to it at all.

You’ve given up on trying to shy away from him. Your ego and pride have been completely demolished. Might as well listen to him.

“Yes.” I mumble in shame, looking at him with sad eyes. Ghost notices that you have no energy in you to hide anymore. Not from him. Your eyes are tired, looking at him in utter despair.

“And what about now?” he asks. His voice is almost comforting, tricking you into being honest with him and opening up for once, or twice in your life.

But you swore to yourself you would stop. You couldn’t dissapoint him further, so you lied. With the remaining energy you had, you lied.

“No, sir. I promised I would stop. I tried and I-” You whimper, letting another hot tear roll down your cheek and onto his thumb.

You addressing him as a superior at this time made him feel awful. Such a good soldier you are, trying your best to stay focused and professional. Even when he is the one overstepping that boundary you two should have.

“Y/N, a good soldier is honest.” he says, seeing right through your lie. Your eyes gave you away, nervously watching his to see if he fell for it. Ghost can never be fooled. He knows your will to be good at your job is bigger than your ego, so you instantly give in, betraying yourself.

“I’m sorry-” You start to sob now, removing your head from his soft touch to look down and rub your eyes. He lets you.

“So fucking pathetic.” you mumble into your palms between hiccups and small sobs. “Stupid fucking little girl.” you curse at yourself for ever believing he could like you.

Ghost can’t take it anymore. He can’t stand watching you destroy yourself for another minute for thinking something so far from the truth. You are clearly 100% convinced he despises you and he just can’t let you go down this path anymore. Even if this puts both his and your jobs and careers at risk, he has to help you. To ease your pain and let you see who you are through his eyes.

He takes a last moment, looking at you with sad eyes before he oversteps the boundary forever. It’s irreversible once he voices his real thoughts and wants.

“Can I kiss you?” Ghost softly asks.

Your crying quiets down when you replay what he said in his head, wondering whether you heard him correctly. You look up at him and he manages to see a tiny spark of hope in your broken soul.

“What?” you ask, needing to be sure you’re not going crazy.

He’d never asked anyone before. Usually, it fit the moment or the other woman would initiate it.

But Ghost doesn’t mind. Not with you. You’re different to him. He’s been trying to get rid of you from his head for months but nothing has worked. He’s never felt so drawn to anyone in his life like he feels drawn to you. And he’s been giving it his all to hide it so that he could remain the professional and intimidating Lieutenant he is to his Sergeants. But it didn’t work with you.

“Can I kiss you?” he repeats, not breaking eye contact. You can see he isn’t joking. Ghost is being serious. He means what he just said and suddenly, your problems fade. He is all you can think about.

His hand which was previously holding your chin, now comes up to his face, pulling his balaclava up to his nose to expose his perfect mouth and jaw to you.

You continue to stare up at him but this time in shameless admiration, completely dumbfounded by his request and actions. Then your eyes flicker to his lips which encourages Ghost to slowly lean down. His eyes stay trained on your face, watching out for any signs of resistance or fear but he finds none. Your eyes follow his movements until his nose brushes against yours. You can feel his warm breath fan against your cheeks and your heart thumping in your chest. His lips are just millimetres from your own.

Yet even in the beautiful heat of the moment, you’re too self-conscious to close the gap. Instead, you keenly look at him, completely thriving in how close he is to you. The heat radiating from his body not only warming your skin but your heart.

Ghost notices your shyness, but still not sensing any resistance. He can’t help himself anymore. He’s longer for this for so long, he has to feel you. And if you decide against it after he has done what he wishes he can, he will stop. If it helps you, he would let you shout at him or hit him. But he just needs to feel your soft lips against his. Especially after your confession has him hoping something could become of this.

So Ghost closes the gap between your lips, gently placing his lips against yours and finally kissing you after months of torture.

You can barely describe the feeling but it feels right. The kiss is so comforting you melt right against him, welcoming his touch. It’s so much better than anything you could have imagined. But nothing lasts forever, and after a few long seconds, he pulls away again, leaving you speechless.

Now you’re really fucked. You know that you could never again even try to hide your feelings for him after this. You’re so in love with him that it hurts.

His large, scarred hand comes up to your face again. Despite it usually handling things roughly, its touch is gentle as it strokes a thumb over your wettened cheek. His usually cold and hard eyes have relaxed and his gaze softened.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N.” he says, once again scanning the features of your face in adoration. Your lips part as if you want to say something but no words come out.

Again, it doesn’t look like he is joking. Does he mean it?

“I don’t understand…” I mumble, stupidly looking at him for answers.

“I think I’ve fallen in love with you.” he says, not seeming nervous about his confession at all.

Ghost is sure he loves you. It terrified him when he first realised this but now it makes him happy and he wants you to feel his comfort too. You manage to keep him grounded and even though he’s been distant, he’s found so much comfort in your presence, your pretty voice and now your touch. You’re perfect to him and he needs you to know it. Especially after finding out how much you don’t believe it.

He sees the shock in your eyes and although he wishes it weren’t so difficult for you to believe him, he gives you time to process his confession. Given the fact that he now knows you’ve never been in any relationship, he lets you take your time to gather yourself. So while he waits as your mind loads, his fingers fidget with your hair.

He’s always admired how you manage to tame it into your various hairstyles. Your braids, your sleek ponytails, the occasional buns and on rest days, your adorable pigtails or just let down hair.

While in deep thought you almost dissociate from reality until he gently curls a small strand of your freshly washed hair around his finger and tucks the strand behind your ear again. He seems almost mesmerised by the way your hair frames you face and it confirms to you that his confession is real.

Does he like your hair? Even after he saw the pretty hair of the girl in the bar? You have to ask.

“And her?” you ask, no longer feeling like crying. It’s as if his careful touch has already healed a part of you.

“Who?” he asks, not following your train of thought.

“The girl from the bar.” You say, watching him furrow his eyebrows slightly.

“What about her?” he asks you. Suddenly, you’re afraid that he might still have something going on with her. Or that he will become defensive of her.

“Do you like her?” you ask, feeling anxious again.

Ghost shakes his head, not looking away from you. “No.”

“What happened?” You ask, wanting to know how serious it was. “Between you and her, I mean.”

He exhales through his nose. “It was just one night. Nothing special.” Ghost answers.

But to you, one night means a lot. You’ve never had it so you can’t imagine how someone can shrug sex off like it’s nothing.

He can see you aren’t convinced and that you remain doubtful.

“Y/N, look at me.” he says, hoping you will listen. Luckily you do.

“She means nothing to me. I don’t even know her name.”

“Do you wish you would?” You ask again, speaking before thinking it through. In the back of your mind, you’re afraid he will start to get annoyed which would confirm that he might still feel something towards her. But Ghost is completely calm. He has the most important person in the world in front of him. He wouldn’t want anything else.

“No. never.” he answers. “There was nothing there. No feelings. No connection.”

You nod, knowing there is nothing you can do about it. But no matter how much he tries to reassure you of things, you feel slight jealousy as before.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now. I don’t want to be with anyone else than you.” Ghost says, taking your small hands into his to keep your attention on him.

But you still look hurt. He can see it, so he gives up on trying to spare you the details of his confession and just lets it out.

“I thought you were busy with someone else, so I didn’t even try to go after you.” Ghost confesses, making you tilt your head.

“I didn’t want to ruin your life by involving myself. I’ve seen a lot and I know you have too, but I didn’t want to put you in any unnecessary danger just because I felt some way about you.”

He takes a deep breath, straightening his posture and glancing up at the ceiling before looking back down at you.

“You’re so beautiful and perfect in every way I can think of, any man would be bloody foolish not to try and ask you out.” he continues.

“When you mentioned earlier that you’ve never experienced anything like that, I couldn’t believe it.”

To Ghost, you seemed like such an out-of-his-league girl that you’d have guys constantly chasing you. To this very moment, he still doesn’t understand how they are not all over you, but he won’t complain because he’s shooting his shot now. And there is nothing that can stop him. He’s locked on target and that is, loving you, being with you, making you his and showing you how perfect you truly are.

“I had to use my chance. For once in my life when things seem to be working out.” he tells you, referring to your own confession which left him speechless.

“You’re all I want, Y/N. I’d fuckin’ kill for you.” he says, cupping your cheek and deeply looking into your eyes.

There’s a hint of desperation in his voice which is reflected in his eyes too. He means it. Oh my god, Ghost means it and you couldn’t be happier. The contrast between things hitting rock bottom and suddenly feeling like the best moments in your life in just minutes is crazy to you.

“I love you.” You blurt out, feeling like you’re flooded with emotions of love and happiness and you just need to share them with him.

Ghost feels relief wash over him. Even though you confessed your feelings a few minutes ago, he’s so glad you’ve confirmed it again. Hearing that makes him the happiest man alive.

“Fuck.” he breathes. “I love you.” Ghost says, gently letting his hand glide down to your waist and pull you against him. He leans his head down

But suddenly, a wave of panic washes over you and you tense up, taking a step back. Your reaction makes Ghost stop his movements and look down at you for anything that could have happened or changed.

You almost feel bad for pulling away, especially after the wonderful moment you two shared. You don’t want him to think you weren’t telling the truth.

“Hey, it’s okay. We don’t have to do anything.” he assures you, slightly shifting backwards to give you some space.

You bite your lip, trying to understand yourself so that you can explain it to him and assure him, he’s done nothing wrong.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” he says, not sure what he’s done wrong but wanting to do everything in his power to make it right.

“No, you didn’t. Sorry, I just-” You say, intertwining your fingers nervously at having to mention your most embarrassing secret again.

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to..” You say, trailing off.

But Ghost understands what you’re trying to say.

“I know.” he assures you, gently cupping your cheek again before letting his fingers trail down to your exposed collarbone.

“Nothing to be sorry about, love.”

The pet name makes your heart flutter.

“I just- really don’t want to mess it up.” you admit, your eyes nervously flickering between his.

You know you’ve kissed already, but that was a short peck on the lips. There was no movement or further escalation. You just enjoyed the feeling of being so close. Now, you’re worried you’ll mess up if he takes things further and starts to make out with you. Something you’ve dreamed of but also something that terrifies you. You don’t want to ruin it for him. He means too much to you.

“I want to be good for you.” You whine, not looking away from him.

Your words make Ghost’s heart race, his stomach twist in excitement and his lips turn up into a wicked grin.

“God, every time I think you’re perfect, you just get better and better.” he curses under his breath, practically growling.

Your words make Ghost remember he is more than his callsign. He’s Simon. And it makes him feel cared for by you. He feels appreciated. Something he hasn’t felt as an adult or as a kid. You’re his safe space. And watching you wreck your beautiful head over something as small as pleasing him, has him knowing that you really care for him. That what the two of you have going on is more than just attraction.

“Let me guide you. I promise I’ll make you feel good.” he breathily says, trying his best to convince you because god, you’re driving him feral. Your cute, innocent confessions and worries have him realising he’s hit the jackpot with you.

You can’t deny that this whole situation and crisis hasn’t left you frustrated. Especially him coming into your room and then kissing you. Your panties have been dampening since he was standing at your door with your food.

So you finally try to forget your worries and give in to your longing. Eagerly nodding at Ghost and pressing yourself against him makes him lean down once more and connect your lips. This time, the kiss is more passionate, but Ghost is gentle and slow with you, making it easier for you to keep up. He doesn’t want to overwhelm you, so he keeps a steady pace as your mouths mould against each other in synch.

You stutter in your movements a few times, having your pace and rhythm falter but Ghost doesn’t mind at all. He takes control by holding your face in his right hand and pressing your body closer to him by wrapping his left arm around your waist.

You run your hands up his chest, holding onto his strong shoulders before once again relaxing into him and loosely draping your arms around his neck. Being cradled in his arms like this makes you feel so safe, all the tension from earlier is slowly being released and eased off.

The two of you continue to kiss and it gets easier for you with each passing second until you don’t think about what you’re doing anymore, you just do what feels right. And it works. Eventually, you both pull away for air and once you’ve filled your lungs with oxygen again, you look up at Ghost who is smiling down at you and you have to laugh.

Suddenly, being so worried and nervous about all of this seems silly and funny to you, so you laugh. Ghost’s smile widens and he chuckles, enjoying how your mood has changed.

You wrap your arms around his middle, hugging him and letting your laughs and giggles die down as you muffle them in the fabric of his clothes. Ghost holds you close to him, thriving in this long-needed affection which you both have been deprived of your whole lives. No hookup he’s ever had could even compare to just holding and hugging you.

The two of you stay like that for a few more minutes until Ghost removes one arm to glance at his watch.

“It’s getting late.” he softly speaks, peering down at you. You don’t want to let him go and he doesn’t want to stop holding you, but he reminds himself that he intruded into your personal space and perhaps you feel like you need to take a small break to digest everything that’s happened. At least he wants to give you the option of retreating and the possibility of gaining your privacy back.

But you don’t move. In fact, your arms hold onto him even tighter than before which makes Ghost sigh in comfort.

“I don’t want you to leave.” you mumble into him, the words being muffled.

Ghost chuckles, picking up on your pouty tone but not your actual words.

“What did you say, love?”

You turn your head to look up at him. “I don’t want you to leave.” you say, waiting for a response. But Ghost can’t give you one.

He isn’t sure if it’s right to stay. Not only because someone could see you two leaving the same room in the morning, but most importantly, he doesn’t want to take advantage of you. Even if you’re willing, he feels hesitant about putting you through so much in the very beginning. If he could choose, he would wish to slowly ease you into things, no matter how much he wants to stay with you, how much he’s imagined sharing a bed with you, or how aroused he’s gotten during your kiss. The main thing that matters to him is you.

“Please.” you plead. “Don’t go. I don’t want to be alone.”

He gazes down upon you for a few more seconds before deciding to fulfil your wishes. How can he say no when you ask him so nicely?

“Okay.” he softly grunts, running his hand up and down your back a few times before pressing a small kiss to the top of your head. He keeps his head hanging low for a few more seconds, filling his lungs with your beautiful scent.

“You smell so good.” he whispers and you can hear the smile in his voice.

You smile up at him before the two of you pull away.

You clean up the table a little, letting Ghost use your bathroom to get ready. Luckily he’s already out of his work clothes and in his comfortable ones. You settle down in your bed, scooting to the side by the wall so that Ghost can have some space. This whole time you can’t wipe the smile from your face and you just keep grinning like a love-struck idiot.

You take your hoodie off for bed, leaving you only in your satin pyjama top and shorts. While waiting for him you fiddle with your hair, starting to think that maybe it doesn’t look so bad after all. But even though you may look calm, your heart is racing again. To be honest, it’s never stopped hammering in your chest. The past hour has been an adventure. You can’t believe that a man as perfect as Ghost is attracted to you. More than that, he loves you. And that he will be sleeping in your room and even more specifically your bed makes you want to squeal into your pillow. But you don’t, you try to keep your cool because he could come out any second.

After a few more minutes, Ghost comes out of your bathroom with slightly damp skin on his arms. He’s taken his jumper off, only wearing his clean jeans and a shirt which looks like it could tear if puffs out his chest. His balaclava stays on as usual, but god he looks so dreamy. He’s washed off the black makeup he uses around his eyes, letting you see him a little more. And you love it.

You give him the biggest smile lifting up your blanket for him to settle down next to you.

“Are you sure?” he asks, glancing over you and then over the bed. “I can take the floor.” his gruff voice suggests.

But you shake your head. “No, you’ll be cold.”

Ghost still seems a little hesitant about taking up the space of your bed. Your safe space. But your pleading eyes once again manage to convince him, so he settles down in his clothes, not wanting you to feel uncomfortable. You throw your blanket over him, settling against his side carefully. You hope he is okay with this amount of physical contact. He is. Ghost couldn’t be happier. He lifts his arm for you, letting you cuddle up against his side because the bed really isn’t big enough for you to both lay next to each other and not touch.

“Thank you for bringing me dinner.” I mumble while he turns the light on your nightstand off. Even with the lamp off, your room isn’t dark. They never are. The creaks around the door which let the hall light in, help you still see Ghost.

“Needed to make sure you were okay.” he softly says, staring up at the ceiling while his large arm holds you close to him.

“I wasn’t.” you chuckle, remembering the crisis you were having.

“How about now?” he asks, slightly turning his head to peer down on you.

“Now I’m more than okay.” you smile, draping an arm around his middle. “But I need one more kiss.” you pout, missing the feeling of his lips already. The corners of his mouth lift up at your request.

“Can I?” you ask him and he nods.

“Of course. Come here.” Ghost answers, lifting his arm to let you move. His heart warms at the fact that you want to be this close to him. He isn’t used to being loved, so even though this amount of affection is slightly new to him too, he is experienced enough to guide you both through it.

You shift off the mattress and on all fours next to him so that you can reach his face. He’s kept his balaclava pulled up to his nose and you scan over it before slowly leaning in, feeling slightly more confident now. Ghost lets you handle things so that you can discover what you like and what feels good to you. So he’s slow and careful, cupping your cheek but otherwise keeping his hands to himself.

Kissing him honestly makes you forget all the problems in the world. It’s just the two of you sharing this moment. But neither of you pulls away. Occasionally, you move back an inch just to get air for one second before leaning in again.

Ghost always pulls your face back to his and after a few minutes, the kiss becomes heated. His fingers tangle in your hair at the back of your head, holding you close to him while he ravishes you. His tongue runs along your bottom lip teasingly, trying to encourage you to open your mouth for him. Ghost’s hand slightly tightens in your hair making you let out a soft gasp which he immediately muffles with his mouth.

His tongue slips past your lips, meeting yours and finally tasting you.

You sigh happily into the kiss, letting him take full control even though he is the one under you. While your jaws continue to move in synch, Ghost sits up to lean against your bed frame, only momentarily pulling away before meeting your soft lips again. Trying to get more comfortable, your body moves over his until your thighs are on either side of his lap, straddling his waist. Your hands slowly travel up his chest and you grab onto a piece of his shirt, curling your fist around it.

You pull away for a second, leaving your faces just centimetres apart. Your hazy, half-lidded eyes meet his wild ones.

“Please touch me.” you whisper out your plea. You watch his eyes widen before he smirks.

His arms lift up and one grabs your hip while the other runs up and down your waist. Before you know it, he’s the one leaning forward and kissing you again. This time both your hands are all over the other.

You’re leaning forward so that his head can rest against the bed backboard while you run your hands along his muscly shoulders and upper arms. He listens to you and starts to touch you as well, mainly gliding his hands up and down your waist as if he were trying to memorise the shape. But soon enough, one of his hands travels down your leg, squeezing the exposed soft flesh of your mid-thigh. Your shorts weren’t hiding much.

Without thinking about it, you fully seat yourself on Ghost and hear him softly groan against your lips when your clothed cores meet. He’s hard, you can feel it through his jeans. Something you would prefer he wouldn’t be sleeping in because it’s not comfortable.

Attempting to take things further, you press yourself further against him, starting to softly roll your hips back and forth. Your little movements and heavy breaths drive Ghost wild. Especially when he reminds himself this is the first time you’re ever doing anything like this. He gets to have you completely to himself.

“Fuck- that’s it sweetheart.” he grunts, digging his fingertips into your hips, guiding your movements with his strong hands and increasing the pressure. His words send electricity straight to your now throbbing pussy.

Your kiss has been interrupted by the need to breathe again. Your head is hanging next to his so that you can hear each other’s every breath and pant.

When your clothed clit nudges against the button on his jeans, right above his crotch you whimper in pleasure. You’ve pleasured yourself before but just the pure fact that it was Ghost who was with you and encouraging you to do this made everything feel so much better and so much more sensitive. Your body reacted to every single touch he gave you, whether it be his fingertips, his lips, or his erection beneath you.

“God you look so good like this.” he breathes out, his eyes focused on the way your face contorts in pleasure every time you hit the right spot.

You lock eyes once more before you press your forehead against his covered one. “I want you.” you whisper. You’ve longed for this for so long. You’ve longer for him. You don’t think you can resist him

Simon stops grinding you down on him, stilling your movements as you just gaze into each other's eyes. Something changes in the way he’s looking at you. It was all loving and caring before, but now his eyes have grown darker. Ghost is examining the way your pupils have dilated, staring longer than usual because the dimly lit room is slightly concealing your face.

“Are you sure?” he asks, trying to sound as comforting as possible but you can hear the small hint of desperation he is trying to hide so as to not make you feel obliged to sleep with him. Ghost is so turned on by you that he’s struggling to think straight. But for you, he will always put his needs and his pleasure aside just to make sure you’re enjoying yourself.

“Yes.” you confirm. “I want this with you.” you say, stroking his jawline with your fingertip.

He smiles at you, giving you a soft nod.

“Just, please go slow.” you hesitantly add, which just widens his smile.

“Of course, love.” he reassures you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Let me take care of you.”

You nod, letting him gently move you off of him and back against the mattress. He leans over to your nightstand and switches the light back on.

“I want to see you.” he says, answering your questioning look. He really cares. It’s not just sex.

He starts peppering kisses along your jaw, neck and over your collarbones before his hand starts to gently tug and fumble with your top. Ghost is a tease in bed, he often can’t help it but instead of letting him prolong the foreplay even longer, you pull your top over your head, throwing it down next to the bed.

He doesn’t complain. Your eagerness actually makes him prefer your way over his tactics.

“So fuckin’ beautiful…” he murmurs, finally feasting his eyes on your bare chest.

His large hand comes up to cup your left breast, softly playing with your nipple before he continues his kisses, peppering them between your breasts and inhaling your scent again.

You moan when he wraps his lips around your right nipple, gently sucking on it and licking around the bud, while his left-hand starts to massage your breast. When people described this to you before, you didn’t understand how it could feel good but god, Ghost’s mouth is so skilled, you’re not surprised anymore. It feels so new but so comforting a good you can’t help but squirm beneath him.

He removes his lips from you and grins, loving how sensitive you are.

His parted lips and nose trail further down your body until they reach your navel. His teeth skim your skin and he takes the fabric of your shorts between his teeth, pulling it downwards just an inch before looking back up at you for permission.

You nod, biting your lower lip and slightly lifting your hips off the bed to help him pull the cloth down your legs. He discards it on the ground after cursing to himself when he sees your bare, glistening pussy right in front of him. Out of instinct and because you’re not used to being so exposed, especially to his predatory eyes, you close your legs.

But Ghosts’s hands are on your knees in seconds.

“Don’t hide, baby.” he coos, letting you nod and slowly start to part your legs before he does it for you, completely splaying you out for him.

“Fuck… I’ll take such good care of you.” he breathlessly promises you, not being able to tear his eyes away from your crotch.

Your heavy breathing is no longer controllable. The excitement you feel is off the charts.

“If you want me to stop, just let me know and I will, okay?” he says, needing to make sure you have a way out to rely on in case it becomes too much for you.

“Okay.” You reply, propping yourself up on your elbows to watch him.

He gives you a short nod before focusing on your pussy again. He leans closer, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of your thigh, then another and another until his hot breath is fanning right against your heat, making you shudder in anticipation.

Ghost slips his tongue out between his lips and licks a long stripe from your clenching hole to your throbbing clit, gathering your wetness and spreading it out.

You gasp and your mouth falls open in a silent moan.

He does it again, pressing his tongue into your slit and between your lips. Ghost’s eyes flutter closed when your slick covers his tongue and lips. God, he loves the way you taste. He groans out some curse word before he just presses his entire mouth against you, burying his face between your thighs.

You yelp, closing your legs around his head and arching your back off the mattress. He’s making you feel euphoric your toes start to curl and your legs start to tremble.

“Oh fuck- shit, that feels so good.” you moan, letting your back rest against the bed again. Your fingers grip the blanket, tightening into fists around the fabric.

You’re a whimpering and moaning mess, trying to hold on to something to just be able to take and deal with such pleasure.

You can feel him smile against you before he continues to eat you out. He switches between tonguing at your entrance and occasionally tongue fucking you to just lapping away at your slick-covered folds and swollen clit. His arms are now firmly tucked under your legs as he places them on his shoulders and holds them there, not letting you escape. The pleasure is slightly overwhelming but you can take it. You trust him. And something about him handling and positioning you has your stomach erupting in butterflies again.

All your noises and moans have his dick leaking in his strained pants, but he doesn’t stop to take care of himself. He’s putting you first. Instead, he finds the alternative of grinding himself against the side of the bed, practically dry-humping the mattress. You’ve gotten him so worked up that he thinks he’s never been this hard and desperate before.

“Hnghh-” you moan, “I’m so close.”. Your legs are now shaking around him and your mouth falls open in a silent scream.

But to your displeasure, Ghost pulls away leaving you breathless and confused on the bed. You glance back at him to see that he is now standing again, peering down at you.

“Sorry love. Want to have you cum on my dick for our first time.” he grins at you and you chuckle. What a romantic he is.

“Do you have a condom?” he asks, crawling back onto the bed and you nod, reaching into the drawer of your nightstand. He takes it from you, placing it next to you while his hands reach for his pants, but you stop him. His eyes meet yours once more. You hook your finger under the collar of his shirt.

“I want to see you too.” I mumble, wanting him to take off his shirt. Ghost seems hesitant.

“ ‘S not pretty, love.” he softly grumbles, knowing that his torso is littered in loads of scars, some of which look barely healed and brutal. But you don’t mind one bit. You have a few of your own.

“I don’t think I’m pretty either. But you somehow managed to make me feel better about myself. I want to do the same for you.” you tell him, looking up at him with big eyes.

“Please, I love you. All of you.”

Ghost still seems slightly unsure but if it’s what you want, he’ll happily do it. So he leans back, reaching behind his back and tugging his shirt over his head.

Immediately, you sit up and your eyes widen as you examine him. He does have scars running along his shoulder down to his middle but they almost suit him. It’s a part of him, and you love him. His defined abs and chest muscles have you practically salivating.

“Shit, you’re gorgeous.” you whisper, staring at his upper body as if you’re hypnotised. Your hands reach up to trace over his skin, from his chest, tracing his larger scars until you reach his abs and then discover his faint happy trail.

“Oh my god…” you mumble, clenching your legs together.

Ghost’s gaze is flickering between your face and your hands, feeling goosebumps erupt on his skin from your light touches.

“I’m going to have to hide all your shirts now just to see you like this more often.” you giggle, softly stroking over his scars again.

Your joke loosens up his tension and on the outside, he just smiles at you, but on the inside his heart just erupts. If he weren’t wearing his balaclava you might see a small taint of rosy flushing his cheeks and ears.

God, Ghost is down bad for you. He’s never been whipped like this before.

“This is so much better than anything I’ve imagined.” you blurt out more to yourself than to him, but your statement makes his full confidence return.

“You’ve imagined this?” he asks in a teasing manner, stroking your cheek before reaching for the condom.

You nod shamelessly, knowing he won’t judge you for it. He doesn’t. He just grins again.

“Have you?” you ask, feeling curious and he chuckles darkly.

“This and a lot more, love.” Ghost cheekily admits, unbuttoning his pants. You excitedly chew the inside of your cheek, picturing Ghost pleasuring himself to the thought of you.

He unzips his jeans, opening the button and pulling them down his mid-thigh along with his boxers to reveal this throbbing cock. The sight nearly makes you orgasm. The tip is leaking in pre-cum, the veins on the underside are almost popping out with how hard he is, and fuck he is big. Not only in length but mainly in girth.

He catches you staring and smirks.

“There is no way that’s gonna fi-” you start to say but he dismisses your excuses.

“It will, baby. I’ll make it fit.” he assures you but his voice is no longer the comforting soft voice it was before. It sounds like he is growling and it turns you on that much more.

He rips open the condom, rolling it on him and giving it a few test strokes before his hungry eyes meet yours. You’re so ready for him.

Ghost is now hovering over you again, kissing you once more before he reaches between your bodies and lines himself up with your entrance.

“You still okay with this?” he asks, checking up on you once more before he takes your virginity.

You nod eagerly, pressing your hips up against him. “Fuck yes, I need you so bad.” you whimper.

“Shit.” he mutters after hearing your desperate words. They make his dick twitch and he realises he doesn’t want to wait any longer.

Slowly and steadily, Ghost starts to push himself into you. Your body tenses up at the intrusion, clenching around him which makes him growl.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.”

You focus on steadying your breathing, trying to ignore the slightly painful stretch inside you until Ghost is balls-deep inside your cunt.

His head drops down next to yours as he gathers himself, feeling overwhelmed from just how good that one slow thrust felt. You’re fucking heaven to him.

Then he lifts his eyes to check on you and notices your furrowed eyebrows and glassy eyes.

“Don’t worry baby, just relax. It’ll feel good soon.” he coos into your ear, pressing a comforting kiss to your cheek while staying buried deep inside you. He let’s you adjust and get used to his dick. To distract you, he kisses your neck again, softly nibbling at the skin while you both intertwine hands.

You are successfully distracted and gaze up at him, scanning over his face.

“Can I see you?” you softly ask, not looking away from the skeleton print on his mask. Ghost looks at you but he doesn’t reply.

He wears the mask to protect his identity from enemies. Over the past years, he’s had trouble trusting people so he started wearing it around base. Now, he never takes it off. Not unless he’s alone. But you are one of the very few people Ghost truly and wholeheartedly trusts, so he agrees.

He isn’t worried about his looks. Ghost is confident he’s good-looking. He just wasn’t sure how you would react to his scars and your love and affection caught him off guard earlier.

He lets go of your hand and removes his mask, throwing it onto the pile of clothes next to your bed.

Your wide, loving eyes start to flick over all his facial features until your hand comes up to trace his cheekbones and fix his messy hair.

“I think I fell in love again.” you admit, admiring all of him but he just scoffs and chuckles.

“Don’t get all poetic now.” he teases, “Otherwise I’ll have to fuck you until you can’t form words anymore.”

You grin, biting your tongue. His ‘threat’ made you pull his head down for another kiss, but Ghost was just joking. For now, at least. He’ll leave that for another time. But right now, he wants to make love to you.

“You can move now.” you whisper breathlessly, pulling your lips from his. He nods, steadying himself on his elbows and forearms above you before slowly pulling his hips back.

Then he pushes himself back in with a bit more ease than the first time. These careful first strokes he repeats a few times, just to get you used to the feeling before he really starts. You lift your arms and grip onto his flexed biceps for support. Your spread legs loosely curl around his waist, wanting to feel as much of him as possible.

His eyes start to flutter closed in pleasure as he concentrates on his thrusts, staying alert for your body’s reactions to help him find your weak spots.

“You feel so good.” he grunts into your ear, his voice sounding strained and tense.

You can barely answer because each thrust forces small gasps from you.

“Fuck- Simon.” you mindlessly moan, making his eyes shoot open and his movements falter.

You gaze up at him, wondering what happened when you realise what you did. It wasn’t a crime, but you’ve always been calling him Ghost. No one has ever called him Simon here and you aren’t sure whether it is okay for you to cross that boundary.

“Say it again.” he orders in his authoritative voice. You hesitate, not sure how he will react. To speed things up, he pulls back and sharply snaps his hips forward again making you moan and repeat his name. “Simon.” you whimper and then hear him groan.

“Fuck baby, you sound so good saying my name.” he growls, softly biting your shoulder before continuing to thrust his dick into you.

You don’t see your intimidating lieutenant in front of you now. Right now, it’s just Simon.

He can finally let his guard down and just be human with you. A sense of comfort he feels nowhere else.

Your nails dig into his shoulders and once his dick brushes against your sweet spot, it’s all over for you. You’re lost in bliss, occasionally blurting out a few words and curses or Simon’s name before you just keep whimpering and whining.

“So- good…” you moan, starting to arch your back again.

“You’re taking me so well, baby. Being such a good girl.” he praises you which makes your pussy clench. He feels it, noting that you like being praised.

“That right? You like being called that?” he teases you and chuckles darkly.

You frantically nod, clenching your eyes closed.

“I wanna be good. Wanna be a good girl for you.” you cry out in desperation and pleasure. Your eyes are stinging with tears of bliss and euphoria. Once a tear rolls down your cheek, Simon kisses it away before it reaches your jaw.

Your legs tighten around his waist, pulling him deeper into you which makes him stutter out a moan which seems to get caught in his throat.

“Just like that, sweetheart. Doing so well.” he breathes out, speeding up his thrusts a little more and angling his hips to hit your g-spot every time.

You gasp, feeling your orgasm approach again. And as a cherry on top, Simon reaches one hand in between you both and starts to apply pressure on your clit with his thumb, making you throw your head back and moan.

“Simon- I’m close.” you whine, digging your nails into his muscly shoulders.

“Me too baby, me too.” he assures you, starting to roughly piston his cock into you with no mercy, chasing after his own high.

Seconds later, your legs tremble around him and your body spasms, pussy clenching down around him. Simon curses under his breath again, riding out your orgasm before his hips stutter and he buries himself as deep into you as possible, cumming right after you and filling up the condom.

Your chests are heaving as you both silently gather your breath and thoughts, coming back down to Earth after floating in euphoria. But you continue to hold each other while you stay still.

“You alright?” he asks, brushing the strand of hair that’s sticking to your forehead back with his hand.

“Yeah. That was amazing.” you say, staring at him with half-closed and tired eyes. He smiles, placing a soft kiss on your lips.

After a minute, Simon slowly pulls out, discarding the condom while you lay completely exhausted in bed. You miss him the second he stands up but he returns a minute later with a damp towel and a glass of water. You slowly sit up as he hands you the water, taking a few sips while he gently cleans you up, wiping your slick and cum off your thighs. You flinch when the cloth comes in contact with your oversensitive clit and he can’t help but grin. God, he loves you.

The two of you settle down in bed again after he turns the light off and he holds you even closer to him. You’re practically lying on top of him with the blanket draping over the two of you.

“I love you, Simon.” you whisper, glancing up at him even though you can barely see him in the dark.

“Love you too, Y/N. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in years.” he admits, gently stroking his hand up and down your back.

“Are we dating now?” you ask, wondering what he is thinking.

“If that’s what you want sweetheart.” he smiles, patting your back.

“I want to be with you.” you whisper.

“Then we’re on the same page.” he replies. His gruff, tired voice makes you want to hear more.

“But what about the others? Do we keep it secret?” you ask him.

“Don’t worry about that now, we’ll figure it out tomorrow. Get some sleep, you’ll need to be well rested for the morning.” he says and you can hear how a grin formed on his face as he spoke the last few words.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. “What’s happening in the morning?” you ask, wondering whether you missed some chores or something else in your schedule.

“Can’t promise that I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself when I wake up to you like this.” he smirks, running his large palm over the curve of your ass and resting it there.

You giggle to yourself in excitement for tomorrow.

“Well, in that case, goodnight.” you say, nuzzling your face into his chest and closing your eyes.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.” he whispers back before the two of you drift off into the most peaceful sleep you’ve had in months.

Being held in Simon’s arms makes you feel so safe and protected, all your worries are gone. And the occasional nightmares Simon experiences never dare disturb him when he is with you.