to the boy that thinks i move mountains

and am the prettiest in any room,

to the boy that lights up my life

and makes me feel worthy of so much i never did,

to the boy that makes me forget

that makes me feel normal for an evening—

that when i leave it all comes rushing back,

why i avoid mirrors at all costs

why my wrists are so sensitive

why i despise feeding myself

why i cringe at his compliments

it was like i didn’t know you

know this life anymore,

it was like coming across a lone wolf

scared and rabid and angry.

in your shouts i heard all of them before

all those that broke in my hands

all those that i watched shatter

and i couldn’t stop it,

i was helpless once more

while it was my fault once again.

i watched you slide back

into a you i never knew

and maybe i don’t wish to,

selfish or not

the only emotion i could get out

was how i wanted out,

like a rabbit suddenly faced by the owl

i didn’t see until it was too late

and i wanted to run and hide

but beneath the fear,

i knew yours was your fangs

i maybe don’t know every phase of you

but i know your soul like i know my own

and so i held you tight

so tight the wolf shed

so tight the owl blinked

and you became you again—

and i did my job well,

held you until you were together again

yet here i am

alone again

pieces of me strewn about

breaking apart only on my own

only where you can’t see

because your shift was my fault

but mine never yours

and here i shatter

once more the fixer