this is how 99% of TME people on this app (probably irl too) treat trans women & conversations around our infertility. but it’s actually worse because they fail to understand that infertility is the basis & justification for our oppression. i’ve talked about this more in depth on my page & wont stop because people are uniquely weird towards trans women & i’m tired of pretending they’re not.

One day, the other white tgirl is cut out of the friend group. You question it, and your first friend replies that the vibes were ""off"" with her. You're unsure how to respond, so you just go along with it. You never saw her again.

Three years after becoming part of this group, you start to notice things. Such as how they'll never meet your eyes when you discuss starting to save up for bottom surgery. But they're delighted when Xander, one of your other friends, announces his top surgery only a few weeks later. You dismiss it as them just not knowing as much about transfemininity as they do transmasculinity.

One day you're walking with your friends and you go into the women's bathroom. You hear one of your friends grumble about something, but again, you dismiss it. When Xander follows you in and watches you like a hawk, you ask him what's wrong, and he just mumbles that it might be safer and easier for you to just go in the men's bathroom, you snap that it's none of his business and leave. Your other friends tell you that he just meant for the best. You walk home alone after that. They don't talk to you for a couple of days.

When you do meet up with them again, they seem happy. Your first friend shakes your hand and says "hey man, nice to see you again!" You stiffen, surprised. They seem to realize what they said, and claim that they didn't mean it that way, that they just used it as a general phrase and wasn't directly referring to you. It doesn't do anything to stop the hurt. You're miserable in your own skin for the next couple days. They keep telling you it's not how they meant it, but they don't apologize. Eventually one of your other friends snaps and tells you to just calm down and stop making a mountain out of a molehill. You excuse yourself and walk home again. The next day, you find that all of your friends have blocked you, with the friend who misgendered you adding a text that it wasn't personal, you were just bringing bad vibes.

You're sad for a few years. You don't befriend anyone else until you move to another area. Here, you meet a group of almost entirely trans girls. White-dominated, but there's a Black tgirl there as well, and two TME enbies. Many of these girls have similar experiences to you, so they seeked out company in other trans girls. You get along well.

One day, you're watching one of your TME friends talk to the Black trans girl. They let a "dude" slip out when referring to her. You jump in and correct them, and they quickly apologize. The Blacj tgirl doesn't not accept the apology, but she doesn't look very happy for the remainder of that day. You pull her to the side and she tells you that she knows they didn't mean it, but it doesn't make it hurt less, and she felt that her hurt wasn't acknowledged at all.

You tell her that you understand.

A couple weeks later, it happens again, and this time, the Black tgirl snaps and tells them not to call her that. Georgia, a white trans girl, jumps in and tells them to break it up. Tells the TME not to say that, and tells the Black girl to calm down because they didn't mean it. The Black tgirl looks at you as though hoping you'll jump in, tell Georgia that she had a right to be upset. After all, you understood.

You look away. You think the Black tgirl has a right to be upset, but you're worried about causing a bigger fight. You don't want to be cut out of this friend group too. The meetup is tense after that. The Black tgirl is clearly unhappy, but this time when you try to talk to her, she refuses and said she couldn't trust you. The words sit in your heart like a festering sore over the months.

One day, Georgia makes a joke about slavery, side-eyeing the Black tgirl as though she expects a reaction. You and your friends all laugh, except for her. The Black tgirl just asks if you really all found that funny. Georgia tells her not to be a killjoy, that it was just a joke. A couple of your other friends nod subtly. The Black tgirl retreats and stays on the fringes of the group for the rest of the day. And once again, she refuses to talk to you when you press her about it.

You leave her alone. That's clearly what she wants.

The next day is a discussion about white supremacy. The Black tgirl is talking about how one of her cousins was recently assaulted by a cop. She says it would have never happened if he was white. A bristling sensation falls over the rest of the group. Another girl protests that white queer people also get targeted, to which the Black tgirl responds, "at a disproportionately lower rate than Black people, especially Black queer people." One of the TMEs snaps that it isn't a competition. Another girl adds that she's tired of everything being made into a race issue.

The Black tgirl can't get a word in as more people weigh in, and the conversation shifts to transphobia and ""infighting"". She keeps getting told to wait her turn. Eventually, she storms out, flipping you all off as she leaves. Somebody breathes out a "thank god." The conversation shifts again. "I always thought something was off with her!" "She's such a bitch, I'm sick of her attitude!" "She thinks she's better than us." "She makes issues out of the tiniest things." "She's manipulative." "I'm glad she finally showed her true colors."

You sit there, and let them talk. You're still rattled by how angry she got. You felt a little bad, but this was probably for the best. She didn't trust you anyways. She clearly didn't need your support. So you accept the group's decision to cut her out. You don't see her again. You don't try to reach out.

Source is this page right here:

Camp trans being treated as an annex of the festival was also somewhat controversial because a lot of the people there would treat it as a hookup spot for cis lesbians and trans men while the trans women who had started it as a protest against their exclusionary policies were still barred from entry.

Source for this one:

this is a wild thing to say when you came onto a trans woman's post and started condescendingly shouting at it. I suggest you take a moment and think on this.

As I said in the original post, when people talk about trans men having male privilege, it is explicitly in the context of the trans community.

Society broadly is very dangerous for any trans people, so forming communities where people can protect each other from transphobia is very important. Without this sort of protection, any individual trans person is left to fend for themselves.

The issue here arises when people do not realize that the biases that exist in society broadly are not magically absent in the trans community just because they themselves are marginalized. Because of complicated interactions around the way that patriarchy operates that I do not have the requisite time or energy to get into (you can read whipping girl if you want more info on this), transfemininity is uniquely demonized.

This manifests in a variety of ways, from common portrayals of trans women as predatory imposters, the treating of trans women as a uniquely sexual type of person (and thus not appropriate to exist in public), the wage gap between trans women and trans men, just to name a few.

Trans women are often demonized, ostracized, treated as predators or invaders, and otherwise mistreated across the board, both outside of and within the queer community. A simple look at the #transmisogyny tag will show you story after story of the challenges we face from cis and trans people alike.

Where do non transfeminine people have privilege in regards to transmisogyny and cisheteropatriarchy, a list by me that applies to me personally (roughly transfered to transfeminism from the task to make a list of white privileges in the book by Tupoka Oggette, "exit racism")

When I shop for clothing I can use a changing room and not have my first thought be about being assaulted/transvertigated.

When I go to the bathroom I might get weird looks or a rude comment/question but I am less worried about being attacked and/or getting the cops called on me than a trans woman

I am less likely to be infected with HIV, syphilis or hepatitis than a trans feminine person

I am more likely to be believed about sexual assault or harassment

I make more money than I would make were I transfemme

I am less likely to have neuroleptic drugs used on me against my will than a trans woman

I am less likely to die because of medical maltreatment or medical negligence than anyone transfemme

If I go looking for media I will find more positive representation than were I transfem.

Media (both fictional, fact based and factual reporting) is less likely to paint me or people like me as a villain, threat or criminal than were I a trans woman.

I am less likely to be assaulted on the streets than a trans woman in my place.

I have to do less emotional and educational labour in regards to having my needs met and discrimination acknowledged.

I could continue this for a while, but I think the point should be clear now.

Those were the genres the Nazis were after.

Jules Vernes (not publicly burned afik but was forbidden, grandfather of sci-fy, my grandmas favourite author)

Berthold Brecht (plays and prose)

Karl Marx (philosophical and political theory)

Lenin (political and sociological theory)

Grete Weißkopf (children's literature)

Franz Kafka (absurdist Literature)

Rosa Luxemburg (feminist and political theory)

Nelly Sachs (Prose and poetry)

Sigmund Freud (psychology and sociology)

Klaus Mann (prose and plays)

Ernest Hemingway (prose novelist)

Bertha von Suttner (peace studies, essays)

Leo Trotzki (historic and political theory)

Alexandra Michailowna Kollontai (feminist, historical and political teory)

Carl von Ossietzky (short plays, journalism)

Walter Mehring (political satire)

Erich Kästner (childrens Literature and plays)

Magnus Hirschfeld (psychology, sexology and gender studies)

Vicki Baum (prose, popular literature)

The list could go on forever those are just the ones my nerdy ass knew from the top of my head. (My great grandmother was a library assistant when the Nazis took power, my grandma became a library assistant and stenographer in post war Germany, and my father has a special interest in political literature of the 20th century and is visiting history lectures for fun now that he retired from engineering. I'm cursed with knowlege about this, so now I am bestowing it upon you guys)

Happy reading!

It's almost always an older, not by a lot just mid twenties, "charismatic" (some may say slimy) guy that "befriends/dates" (honestly the dynamic is one of grooming so you might as well call it that) a girl in her late teens.

In your teens, for a lot of conventionaly attractive cishet white girls at least, state politics are not really that big of a deal, you care way more about peer politics and your direct social surroundings. So you don't weed these out early based political no-gos. You actually like them because they make you feel like you are the superior woman to all of these other ones, because this "high value" man decided to hang out with you instead of them. He'll act like the perfect classical gentleman for the first few months and often quite skilledly control the flow of conversation away from hot topics until he under his conditions tests the waters. "These two guys there are really on the nose with their... preferences... aren't they" about two visibly queer men, "some men really are complete and utter weaklings and disappointments of the sex" about an "unmanly" guy or "those foreigners really don't know how to behave sometimes" about a couple arguing loudly in Turkish or Polish. At that point the young woman often discards it as a one of thing, a lot of guys talk like that, her father also sometimes talks shit at the dinner table, that's just how traditional men are, but she's his princess so it's not her problem. The latter part ties into how the "male" will often encourage and reward "traditional feminine" behaviour, submissiveness and subservience, "you look so beautiful in a sundress I wish you wore more skirts", "you are such a good listener, women like you just are just naturally nurturing, I can come to you with all my worries", "you cook so much better than me, let's just make the kitchen your domain.", "sometimes I may get a little angry but I love you and I do this so you grow in the relationship", and other gross tradwife and "home and hearth" BS.

This will go on either forever if the douchebag successfully grooms the woman into actually believing this "barefoot and pregnant" nonsense, the "day collar, domestic disciple, classic christian values, traditional/natural gender rolles" crap aka what I call christian-conservative-BDSM-fetish and gets her to willingly sign away her rights and the lives of hundreds of other marginalized people.

Or at some point he miscalculates and she sees though the facade and then this "I've never (cared enough to) notice/d" spiel begins.

I've lost one friend to that cycle entirely when I was still a teenager and didn't know how to stop it, and have seen too many first semester girls at my college fall for that BS.

But that's just my experience, and no grooming and brainwashing on this planet excuses harming others and rallying against their rights.

But the infantilisation and paternalistic view of conservative women by conservative culture is a very real issue and it's something that is done by male right wingers on purpose and then these women are shocked to not be treated like children by the rest of the world because they spend their entire life being convinced they are in fact like children.

But a lot of these women actually are brainwashed and were groomed and we have to treat this akin to cult deprogramming, honestly most people dropping out of the conservative, right wing and traditional scenes, should be handled like deprogramming and deconstructing cult leavers. Because this shit is a cult.

We can and should still hold them accountable and tell them they did wrong, but pulling the eternal punishment, scrutiny and shunning is only ever gonna make this harder on everyone.

anyway, nova is our main source of income rn, and w/o faer we have no food or groceries, if you could help us out wed love to keep living. even if this is so exhausting:

v3nm0-@Prince_Nova

And this applies to most other intersecting marginalisations as well. Just not being transphobic is not enough, just not being ableist is not enough, just not being racist is not enough.

Because we are all socialised to think like bigots, the world we grew up in and learned under is built on bigotry, and we are doing bigoted things unless we are actively working against that.

And those harmed by our bigotry should not have to hold our hand and manage our emotions when asking us to stop.

Afab and Amab as terms dont mean "woman and man" its just what a dr put on a birth certificate and for intersex people it can be much more complex then just the two options a dr picked between

I was that child, that "could have" been "reassigned", but intersex people never are "forced to transition to the opposite of the sex-gender assigned at birth" because, that's not how intersexist medicine works. Because the doctor assigning the sex-gender in the birth certificate is a GOD in a white coat and is always right.

I got assigned female at birth and I was a "healthy little girl" with slightly unusual interests and behaviour (✨ autism ✨) until I hit puberty. And I grew body hair "in places it wasn't supposed to be", and got my period really early (primary school early) with horrible cramps, and my clitoris "hypertrophied" (grew more than considered socially acceptable or "pretty").

And let me tell you I was NOT "reassigned" there was not even the consideration that I could have been incorrectly assigned at birth. I was simply a "disordered young woman" (at 8 years old mind you, I became a "woman" apparently) who had hyper-androgenism and needed to be put on androgen blockers, the mini pill AND the pill as a twisted form of HRT, as well as "children's psycho-social-sexual counselling" that taught "her" to "act like a lady and work through the potential confusion" immediately. I was not "forced to transition to male" and no one I met at the endocrinologist with the same or similar conditions to mine was, we were all forcibly transitioned to female.

One doctor of this "young woman with DSD" even suggested that "she" might need to have one of "her" polycystic ovaries taken out so they stop producing androgens, and might have to have a partial or total clitoridectomy (clitoris removal) should "her" clitoris grow to much so "she" regains "appropriate and aesthetically pleasing" genitalia, even if it was at the cost of a loss of sexual pleasure.

And let me tell you I was fucking lucky with this!

Because by the time the doctors decided that I was so "wrong" that they would "have to" "normalize" me surgically I was 14 and considered medically emancipated and had the right to refuse non essential medical intervention. And you bet I did. They forced me into an "intensive course" of "psycho-socio-sexual counselling" (conversion torture) for refusing but I was able to say no to IGM. Many kids don't get that.

And I was able to go and quit treatment at 16 when I stopped the anti androgens, and mini pill and stopped the pill all together at 18.

It hurt like hell when they refused me an ovariohysterectomy and masculinizing HRT on the grounds of my hormonal system being to "complex" and "vulnerable" after I THEY fucked with my hormones for 10 years, when I wanted the body that I felt was always mine to have, that they denied me.

But I still honestly hate the fact that people like anon try to abuse my trauma and the trauma of people like me (that might not have been so lucky to be able to refuse igm) as a "gotcha" to prove some "loophole" in transfeminist frameworks.

Because guess what I still know that after all of this I am still TME because they would never dare try to sterilize me, or twist me into a predator for being a genderqueer intersex person. I'm a "poor disordered broken girl" to them, that sucks, it hurts, it's disgusting to be treated like I am, but it's still better than being considered not even human. I can hate their condescension, patronising and pity, I can be hurt by the threats, violence and policies against my existence, and I still know that it's better than the treatment that trans women with a similar condition (or without) would get.

Intersexist violence is not an argument against transfeminist theory. It actually is part of our liberation too. Without the liberation of intersex trans women and femmes, intersex liberation is not finished. If you do not understand that maybe try listening to intersex trans women or read about their experiences.

Another little comment on the "forcibly transitioned to male" because that wording just gets me...:

I'm sure there are intersex transfemme qenderqueer people out there and so are there intersex trans women, that actually were "forcibly transitioned to male". But those are not the people anon is talking about, because anon is talking about those of us intersex people that transmisogyny actually doesn't explicitly target, anon just wants an excuse for their transmisogyny, and so they cry "reverse sexism" and what-aboutism.

Another PS:

And I'm done with this BS behaviour from my community. You guys are acting like white women, gay men and neurodivergent men combined: You are the victim, your feelings got hurt when people demanded accountability and acknowledgement of privilege, the others are the bad guys for doing that, and nothing is ever your fault, even your own actions because you didn't know better. And to prove all of this you will now violently make use of all the privileges you claim not to have.

In follow up to my "all teachers are bastards, but we sorta have to be right now, or else the bastards with guns come for our kids" post

This applies to ANY supposedly scientific and "objective" standardized testing of our students.

I know we are taught in statistics 101 that "while the IQ test and standardized testing as a whole isn't perfect, it is our best diagnostic tool as of now and we need standardized testing, however flawed, to have some objective way to measure student success." (Because that's sure the point my statistics and psych prof hammered into us for the first 2 semesters straight)

But that's complete and utter nonsense. As soon as you reach the point in your degree where critical science studies come into play (for me it was 3 semester at other ed schools that might be different) you get told to take all of the knowledge you got from scientific measurement & statistics 101 and from "intro to psych" (except for that one optional seminar on child development and behaviour) and throw it OUT, because it's outdated, privileged, ableist, sexist, racist, and overall kyriachal nonsense that's only still in the syllabus cause they cannot get rid of that one psych professor that has been teaching it since the 70s. And to please attend this other lecture on statistics in social and education science that is technically optional, but heavily recommended, for everyone but primary ed, if you actually want to learn something about how modern ethical data analysis in the field works.

And they will be right.

When Co-workers do things like ask about weekend plans, chat about non-work topics, eat lunch in the same room, they are--subconsciously--reaffirming that they are part of a cooperative (or, minimally, non-antagonistic) social group.

The other primates cement social bonds by grooming each other; we do it by making small talk.

If they solicit your participation in these rituals, and you repeatedly refuse those bids, you are marking yourself out as, at best, an outsider to the group, and thus potentially antagonistic.

This is all happening on the monkey-brain level; they have no idea what they're doing or how they are interpreting your response, so there's no way to clear up the misunderstanding.

To the ape sleeping in your co-worker's DNA, either you are part of the grooming circle, or you are an outsider who, for all it knows, may be coming to steal all the bananas.

at some point, either in response to an invitation, or just in the natural course of conversation, you can add in that you are a "quiet type" who "needs their silence" or what have you. customize to your personal needs. i find it helpful to imagine a well dressed elderly woman describing the sort of peace she needs to manifest.

roughly once a week if you see a group of people chatting, engage with them. keep it pleasant. it can be superficial. word will travel that you are Nice and Quiet and Not The Chatty Type protecting you from group lunches etc. if you have an office with a door that you keep closed a lot, putting up any kind of decor will also send positive signals.

It means my coworker is more likely to feel safe enough to tell me "Can you take over my shift tomorrow?" and I'm more likely to say "yes" even when I don't want to, because I care about his well being and he also takes over shifts for me when he doesn't want to.

It means my coworker is more likely to ask me for help if they experience sexual harassment at work, or if they think they're being underpaid, or if they're actually very lonely and need someone, anyone, to go to their Mom's funeral with them.

Instead of "I'm autistic" "I'm not really good at subtext, please give me information directly./I struggle with having the right reactions to events, please do not take any odd reactions to heart./I can sometimes just shut down when everything is too much please give me space to regulate myself again if that happens.", etc

Tell them what you need straight up. If you have the capacity to, especially when you have a bad day. Things like "I'm having a migraine/I'm overstimulated" can be vague for them, so saying "everything is really bright and loud right now, my head hurts, I need a break, I'll go home early, I'm sorry" does make a big change to how people perceive you "ditching" out on "preening time".

I always describe myself as a "cat-personality in a majority dog-personality workspace" my "normie" coworkers usually understand that better than anything else I tried with listing diagnoses or neurotypes.

Edit:

For those with the anti-social, or schizoid variety of social accommodation needs, having a pre scripted boundary like "I do not do social interactions, I prefer to be left alone. I work better on my own. Write me an email instead of forcing conversation." Can make a major change in work climate and communication, rather than just being a jerk to hope and scare people off. It is in your best interests to "play nice" with the fellow monkeys. It's likely tedious but it ensures survival. That doesn't have to require a lot of preening circle time, as long as you communicate that beforehand. (At least from what I know from acquaintances on the anti-social and/or schizoid spectrum. I'm neither of the two, so this is purely hearsay)

Other edit: