Here, you'll mainly find Hogwarts Legacy shitposting (memes, incorrect quotes, musings and brainrot) and fanfiction (I do take requests, btw).
I'm really just here for some laughs, so if you feel the same, my inbox is always open. š¤
ā ļø One thing: Some of my fanfiction features explicit smut, making my blog 18+. I do not write smut for characters who are minors.
š³ļøāš One more thing: I strongly support the LGBTQIA+ community, so please know my blog and inbox are a safe space for all. The creator of Harry Potter may be a disgraceful wench, but we don't have to allow the fictional world she created to be filled with the same kind of hatred.
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Fanfic masterlist | Memes | Incorrect quotes
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my personal fave. The more outlandish, the better. Crackfics are fun, stupid and just absurd. But boy, do I love them.
RECOMMENDATION FROM ME:
- āLily Pad Matesā by penumbrain on AO3
I read this like nearly a year ago and I STILL think about it and quote it. Top tier shitfic and chaotic joy. āFrogbastian wants to mate. Froginis does not, so Frogbastian tries to prove his worth to him. Will Froginis approve of his methods?ā
(Teen and Up, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Sebastian Sallow/Ominis Gaunt)
Credit: most of these are just reworked old HP pickup lines I've heard, but Sebastian's is directly inspired by the Deathly Hallows valentine here, which made me lol:
Queer main pairings ONLY today please! No side/background pairings. This can be for any x MC couple, NPC x NPC, OC x OC, or any Iāve forgotten. It just must be the main pairings. Think āIf someone was to look up that creation for a queer pairing, would they be happy?ā
ALTERNATIVELY, solo queer fics and art etc are allowed. E.G discovery fics, self realisation, acceptance.
RECOMMENDATIONS FROM ME:
I havenāt actually read any yet but thereās plenty on my TBR!
As for art, I remember being obsessed (and still am) with @alliezarinās āPomeldaā art!! The colours and how sweet these two are fills me with so much joy. And because Maeve and Imelda are quite similar, I always have such a soft spot for them
I debated over which fic to choose for this, and sorry to re-traumatize the fandom, but I had to:
Lemonade by blantantblue
Sebastian doesnāt know who this man is; he only knows he feels safe in his arms.
One of those fics that left me staring blankly at the screen after the first time I read it. Haunting, brilliant, sad yet satisfying. A true work of art.
The intense desire and longing for another person, often coupled with angst or an inner denial as a characterās emotions begin to run deeper. Aka, most fictional men, letās be real.
MEN WHO YEARN ARE MEN WHO YEARN.*
*other genders may apply
RECOMMENDATIONS FROM ME:
I have a few for this one since we ran this prompt a couple of weeks ago in our fandom discord server!
- āHow (NOT) To Hate Your Rivalā by me
(762 words, denial yearning seb, Teen and Up, Sebastian Sallow/Original Female Character)
- āReflectionsā by @mooncalfwaltz
(1.6k words, Soft!Aesop, Teen and Up, No Archive Warnings, Aesop Sharp/Original Male Character)
- āAliveā by @creampuffcloudsdreaming
(700 words, Major Character Death, Teen and Up, Sebastian Sallow/Original Female Character)
I love a good yearner. I especially love two yearners who are too delulu to realize it. Gotta go with the masterful What Remains by @dreamy-gal-30 for this one.
A modern, slow-burn set in London, where 25 year old Beatrice (Bee) Everly and Sebastian Sallow are Auror partners, flatmates, and more.
They've been inseparable for years: working on cases, cosy nights at home with Ominis, mind bending parties, holidays. But with past traumas haunting him and the ever-present pull of Bee, Sebastian finds it harder to pretend that everything is okay. He has to make choices, and so does Bee.
I love Seb in this story, because he's self-destructive while trying to fix himself at the same time. So, so good. ā¤ļøāš„
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The love potion! Many interpretations and I donāt know whatās canon anymore. But, who doesnāt love a character only figuring out theyāre in love/attracted to someone once the place that familiar scent coming from the cauldronā¦
RECOMMENDATIONS FROM ME:
- āI Havenāt Even Started Brewingā by @thornsunicorn
sebastian sallow is a good friend. so good, in fact, that when you find yourself under the ungodly influence of a lust potion, he's willing to help give you some relief.
the boy who makes triangles, raising the dead and having family issues look cool.
PLEASE NOTE, ANYTHING SEBASTIAN ALREADY PREVIOUSLY SUBMITTED IN THE LAST FEW DAYS IS ALREADY ON THE LIST!!! AND SO THIS MASTERLIST MAY TAKE SLIGHTLY LONGER. I AM JUST A GIRL, PLS DONāT CROWD ME!!!!!!!!
RECOMMENDATIONS FROM ME:
so many, but I shall limit it to a few and hope someone picks up on some others:
- āJust Onceā by @whizzing-fizzbee
Read this like months ago, it changed my brain chemistry and I have spent the last few days SEARCHING high and low for it again
(Explicit, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Sebastian Sallow/Original Female Character)
- āBefore It Felt Like a Sinā by @myokk
Still making my way through this one, but I ADORE the way she writes Sebastian so I had to include it
(Explicit, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Sebastian Sallow/Original Female Character)
- Iād love to tag my fave Sebastian fic, but sadly itās been deleted and I cry about it (iykyk)
Picking a fave Seb x MC fic would be an impossible task, especially when Iām notoriously bad at keeping up with stories. I could list dozens of stories and authors who have written truly sensational work, but then there are dozens more I have yet to even read that I know are brilliant.
So Iāll recommend the very first fic that pulled me into the fic side of this fandom, beyond simply playing the game:
The birds and the bees. The wand in the cauldron. When a witch and wizard love each other very muchā¦
This, of course, doesnāt actually have to apply to those particular sexual scenarios and you can be as creative as you like, but Iāll admit when I made this prompt list, my mind was in the gutter lol.
RECOMMENDATION FROM ME:
shoutout to @choccy-milky ās āThe Raven and the Snakeā that got me (and many people) to join fandom. I wonāt lie, I read this about 3 times back to back before I had the balls to step foot on tumblr.
This has, in my opinion, one of the best First Time scenes Iāve ever read in a fanfic. Itās respectable, realistic and romantic (all the rās) and I love it!! You can still see my fangirl pre-fandom comments on the fic hahahahah
Forever wish I coexisted in fandom with her š
(Explicit, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Sebastian Sallow/Original Female Character)
Iām gonna recommend What Happened After by @writingsoftarnishedsilver for this one. Itās one of my all-time favorite HL fics and itās the slowest of brilliant slow burns. But when you do finally get to the first time scene, it absolutely delivers.
Obviously, like most tropes this can be interpreted in lots of different ways so Iām not gonna slap too specific of a label on this one! Good for long distance couples though, or sneaking around in class!
Please reblog this and add links to work that fit this trope, just so things are a lot easier for me! Open to moodboards, fic, gameart, basically anything.
Then, the idea is we have a little archive of this specific prompt in Hogwarts Legacy that I'll curate and post to @hogwartslegacyarchive e at the end of the month.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
- āNote-takingā by @myokk
gonna play fast and loose with ālove lettersā ā more like lust letters 𤣠but we get some fluff so it counts
(Mature, No Archive Warnings, Sebastian Sallow/Original Female Character)
- āXOXO, Anonymousā by @whizzing-fizzbee
Valentineās Day, love letters and my favourite comedy trope: miscommunication
(Explicit, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Sebastian Sallow/Original Female Character)
Ohmygosh, thank you for the shoutout! And I have to emphasize the recommendation for Note-taking here, because itās an all-time fave of mine. Anything that sends Seb into a spiral is my kind of story. š
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This trope often involves characters having a previous romantic relationship (or feelings), then a period of separation and then a reconnection. Itās often a theme used to show character growth and characters āgrowing togetherā, āright person, wrong timeā and used when conquering previous conflicts to be together because they have grown as people.
Please reblog this and add links to work that fit this trope, just so things are a lot easier for me! Open to moodboards, fic, gameart, basically anything.
Then, the idea is we have a little archive of this specific prompt in Hogwarts Legacy that I'll curate and post to @hogwartslegacyarchive at the end of the month.
RECOMMENDATION:
āI Have Never Wanted To Be Your Friendā by LegendofSaige on AO3 (i canāt find a tumblr, so if anyone knows, let me know!!)
(ONESHOT, Teen and up, Implied Sexual Content, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Sebastian Sallow/Original Female Character)
I have a slightly off-topic one for this. Iām choosing it because itās one of those fics thatās lived rent-free in my head since I read it, and it's a wonderful second-chance story, even if it's not a romantic reconciliation.
Unexpected Company
by @applinsandoranges
Itās a beautifully written take on Anne and Sebastian reuniting years after their falling out over Solomonās death. Itās 10/10 no notes for me.
Darling dear altered my brain chemistry, it shifted something absolutely unhinged. It was a tectonic plate movement of devastating magnitude in my brain and I will never be the same, thank you. If you were wondering, I would love anything else you could give us with their dynamic, the trio just makes so much sense, three heads are better than one after all.
Oh hi! That is so nice of you. I'm glad you enjoyed my first attempt at writing a threesome. š„²
I would be happy to give you more of that trio. Let me cook up some ideas (or I'm always open to hear yours!)
a trope of a specific type of forced proximity, often seen in FTL , ETL or whenever the writer wants to be evil and get their characters closer in the dark. Nothing says intimate like sharing a duvet.
Please either reblog this and add links to work that fit this trope, just so things are a lot easier for me! Open to moodboards, fic, gameart, basically anything.
Then, the idea is we have a little archive of this specific prompt in Hogwarts Legacy that Iāll curate and post to @hogwartslegacyarchive Big brain cait, may not work though š¤£
Please remember to credit properly if promoting someone elseās work and use relevant tags if NSFW.
as this is the first post, just a reminder AI is not welcome in this event. Please look to support other peopleās work shared too; whether itās a kudos, a like or a comment, a little goes a long way. Mutual support is sexy, or so Iāve heard.
Normally, this will be where I will also share a work I love each day, but *gasps* I couldnāt find any oneshots on AO3 with āOne Bedā or āThere Was Only One Bedā tagged!! I must write something, I love this trope!!! (I couldnāt go through chaptered fics in time)
I love a good one bed trope. I recommend this one-shot (MDNI/18+), by @orqheuss.
Insatiable Gravity
When it rains, it pours, and when you and your two Slytherin boys get trapped in a downpour far away from the castle, your only hope at salvation is the little inn down the road. The problem, though? They only have one room available for the night, and the room only has one bed.
lol another February event, kinda!! I just wanted to post it now so everyone could think.
I realised lately thereās so much fic and art Iāve missed because I only joined the fandom in April of 2025, so if I have, so have others!
Hence, the āSpread the Loveā event was born.
Iād love to kickstart fandom a little again, but I am just one person and not a huge creator so I need your help. The idea is each day in February will have a prompt/trope from me.
Iāll create a post each day about it and you can reblog that with:
- a brand new work for that prompt
OR
- find an old piece of your own work that fits
OR
- promote someone elseās work that fits that you love!!
The idea is we dig into the archives and find pieces that might be a little lost. Iād hope people could then find those again and kudos etc (spread the love)
At the end of the month Iāll put together an archive to pin on my blog, so please try and reblog my post with links and ratings as it makes it SO much easier for me!
any questions just ask because Iām so bad at explaining lol
AI will NOT be welcome in this event. NSFW is allowed if tagged correctly.
Oh, hey. Is anyone still out there? It seems I missed quite a bit of drama and some departures.
Just popping in to wish everyone a happy and healthy holiday!
I haven't been around much due to work and a recent accident that left me with a back injury. (I'm fine now!) But I promise I'm still here, checking my timeline when I can because I miss this fandom dearly and interacting with its lovely people. I'm also halfway finished with writing chapter 11 of Arm's Length -- but is anyone even still interested in that story?
Anyway, be safe, be kind and don't murder your uncle this holiday season. ā¤ļø
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Rating: Explicit 18+, minors DNI; all characters are adults
Word count: ~2,500
Tags: smut, reader insert, female reader, no use of y/n, aged up characters, toxic relationship, slight angst, makeup sex, p in v, oral sex (f receiving), rough sex, no beta
Notes: Hi! I'm still alive and I miss all of you! I have no idea what this is, I just needed to write something. There's literally no point or plot here, and it's barely been proofread. Enjoy!
Inspired by "Flawless" by The Neighbourhood.
Read below the cut.
The only certain thing about your relationship with Sebastian Sallow was how uncertain its future was.
It wasnāt for lack of trying. Merlin knows, the two of you were positively obsessed with each other. And if one thing was clear about Sebastian Sallow, it was that heād fight like hell to keep people in his life if he loved them.
That became painfully evident when he murdered his own uncle in an effort to save his sister from the curse that was draining the life from her. But it drained you, too.
Of course, you kept your mouth shut; didnāt say a word as you helped Sebastian pick up the pieces following Solomonās death and Anneās departure for London as she cut him from her life. You stayed silent as you watched him descend deeper into whatever darkness still managed to cloud his senses. You were mum as you watched it tear him apart. It tore you apart, too.
Still, despite warnings from your friends and your own better judgment, you stayed. The reason was as simple as it was complex: you loved him. But somewhere in the back of your mind, you were quietly waiting on Sebastian to set you free.
At first, you indulged the naive and childish delusion that love would be enough to maintain your relationship. You told yourself your support was enough; that youād fix him, no matter how small the fragments of his soul became. Eventually, it became clear those fragments were shredding you apart, too; broken glass that Sebastian had laid out in your path as he expected you to cross them with bare feet.
Still, you tried. You lunged forward with gritted teeth and pretended the pain wasnāt slicing you open. Sebastian knew it was.
The clash of blind optimism and dark desperation drove Sebastian to the tipping point; a paper-thin ledge that threatened to send him tumbling to his demise with a mere whisper of wind. You fought tooth and nail to keep him steady, but he pulled and pulled, until your fingertips ached from their grip. The events of your fifth year and that damn relic werenāt enough of a lesson for Sebastian. He had to keep pushing, insistent that a cure for Anne was still within reach. He continued to grasp for a miracle, even as everyone else in his life loosened theirs.
Except you. You held on tighter. You covered for Sebastian when everyone else wanted to turn him for his ultimate sin. You seized that opportunity to become his savior; the one person heād have to love unconditionally after what youād done for him. It was your gravest mistake.
You thought you could make yourself inimitable to Sebastian, could be his one and only guiding light; instead, he took you for granted and used your blind devotion to manipulate you. But he did love you ā he simply loved the chase of the unknown more. That was your fatal flaw: you were a constant in the life of a man who sought uncharted answers.
Thatās how you ended up here: sprawled atop crumpled bedsheets, eyes red and glassy, cheeks stained with your own tears, chest heaving through oppressive sobs.Ā
Sebastian had just revealed his plans to leave for six weeks in pursuit of another potential cure for Anneās curse. This one was hundreds of miles east, undoubtedly with another cabal of dark wizards who swore they could lead Sebastian to the answers he sought; nevermind the inevitable pound of flesh heād be forced to pay regardless.
And nevermind the fact Anne hadnāt spoken to Sebastian in years. Nevermind the fact she could be dead, for all you knew. Nevermind the fact Sebastian had gotten away with Solomonās murder and shouldāve quit while he was ahead. And nevermind the fact he couldāve had it all ā a wife, a career, a chance at a fulfilling life free from the pain of his past.
It resulted in a screaming match, your ancient magic boiling beneath your skin. Thatās what led to this moment, with you, slumped over in desolate defeat.
Sebastian hushes you; itās his attempt at being soft and gentle. You know what happens next. Itās the same thing he always does when he wants to smooth over whatever ripple heās created. You fight, you fuck and then you forgive. You donāt forget, though.
Sebastianās already pushing the hem of your dress upward, balling the billowy fabric in his fists as he exposes you. You kick your legs in faux protest. He knows better. You donāt mean it. You merely pretend to be disgusted by him for the sake of appearances. But Sebastian has always seen beyond your veil.
āIām sorry, darling,ā he murmurs against the hot flesh of your thigh before he places a series of kisses there. āIāll make it up to you. Just lie still. Youāre so perfect.ā
āFuck off, Sebastian,ā you protest, though your body language does nothing to suggest any validity behind your words. Instead, your knees fall even further apart, as if they, too, know better.
Soon, Sebastian is peeling away your undergarments until they float to the floor, forgotten, much like your judgement. Sensibility is a moot point when Sebastian Sallow is situated between your thighs.
He moves with vigor and intent, his entire mouth making contact with your cunt. You cry out in relief, your heels already digging downward into the mattress. Sebastian hooks his arms around your thighs to tug your closer, his tongue pressed hungrily against your clit.
āYou taste so fucking good, darling,ā he murmurs, and you damn near smack him for the momentary lapse in contact with your flesh. But his mouth quickly makes up for it, his lips gently sucking against your cunt, desperately to pull an orgasm from you ā and to remove all anger.Ā
You moan as Sebastianās tongue finds its favorite pace, dragging against your clit over and over until youāre whimpering at an octave that would put a world-renowned vocalist to shame.Ā
Your release is inching near the surface, bubbling hot with the searing relief you need.Ā
You fist Sebastianās hair and your back arches off the bed in desperation. You grind your hips upward, but Sebastian uses his forearm to pin you back down to the mattress. You try again, your hips fighting to lift upward, but Sebastian merely smirks against your cunt as he holds you down.Ā
Sebastian bucks his hips into the mattress. He loves your resistance. It makes his cock twitch and pupils dilate. But this isnāt about him. This is about you -- and making you forget why youāre angry enough to kill him.
Your chest heaves and your eyes clamp shut as you will your release to start. Itās so close, you can feel the heat rising to the surface. Sebastianās tongue prods until the obscene sound exposes your wet approval. You feel his tongue roll and twitch against your clit until you cry out, your orgasm coursing over your cunt in sharp pulses.
Sebastian doesnāt stop. He groans against your soaked entrance and continues until your frame slackens, your muscles weak and bones useless.Ā
When he finally takes a moment to look up at you, he smirks, his lips glistening and his eyes glimmering. You blink back with tired, glassy eyes, your hair plastered to your flushed face.
But Sebastian is already removing his trousers, and before you can catch your breath, his cock is out. He strokes it as he gazes at you, already hard and ready to ruin you.
āIāll make you feel so good, love,ā he says as he crawls over you. āI wonāt stop until your body is too tired to come anymore.ā
He takes a moment to kiss your neck; another attempt at something tender before he helps you out of your dress. He smirks at the sight of your nude form and takes a moment to admire you. But before he can whisper any more sweet nothings, you can feel his cock prodding your wet folds. He squeezes the tops of your thighs as he presses into you.Ā
āFucking hell,ā he breathes. He pauses to admire the way your walls have to stretch to accommodate him, slowly admitting him regardless of the number of times heās been there before. He eyes the place where youāre united and licks his lips, aroused by the vision of your swollen cunt swallowing his cock.
His hips snap forward and force a moan from you. The sensation of Sebastianās cock filling you entirely is dizzying; you canāt believe how stretched you feel. It sends a faint twitch through your walls, indicating their readiness for another release.
Sebastian sets a steady pace, slower than you prefer but you know itās all part of his master plan. He loves to start slow, make you come, and then quicken his rhythm to force another orgasm from you before you can recover from the previous one. It leaves you cloudy in the head, incapable of any coherent thoughts. It saves him from your wrath and any consequences. You'll forget why you were upset with him in the first place.
Even in your most intimate moments, Sebastian manipulates you.
āThatās it,ā Sebastian groans after a firm thrust. āYou take me so perfectly, doll. Told you Iād make you feel good.ā
You inhale sharply when he presses a thumb to your clit. You fear the pressureās too much for such a sensitive spot, but as Sebastian continues to drive his cock into you, the familiar ache deepens within your core. You feel it swelling within your walls and clit, threatening to render you senseless.
āFeel that?ā Sebastian pants during a deliberate thrust. āThatās how much I love you, darling.ā
Your pitiful, submissive whimpers soon give way to the sounds of slapping skin. Itās loud and crude, yet feels strangely confidential ā a cadence meant for your ears only.Ā
āCome on now, donāt hold out on me,ā Sebastian coos. The curve between his thumb and index finger meets your throat with a gentle squeeze. You hum in response. āLetās see how good you come for me.ā
Your teeth are gnawing at your bottom lip now. They threaten to draw blood, although youāre certain all of the blood has left your head with Sebastianās hand still on your throat. He times a gentle squeeze with a firm thrust and it knocks the wind from your lungs in sync with your orgasm. Your vision blackens and you wheeze as you come hard, your walls throbbing around Sebastianās cock.
He relishes the feeling -- the vision -- of you falling apart beneath him, submissive and controlled by his cock.
When the room tilts back into view, Sebastian is peering down at you with pride. He flashes his canines at you, his cock still buried fully inside you.
āGood girl,ā he says. āYouāre so fucking stunning when you fall apart like that.ā He leans downward to kiss you, deep, slow and sweet. You feel his sweat dripping onto your chest. āLetās do it again, yeah?ā
Youāre exhausted and utterly spent. But even when heās left you speechless and ruined, Sebastian knows youāll always give in to him.
āLetās turn you over,ā Sebastian says. Itās more of an order than a request.
You roll over onto your stomach, your head still hazy as Sebastian presses a trail of kisses from the nape of your neck to the small of your back. He straddles your thighs and you feel the tip of his cock parting your entrance. You exhale as he sinks inside your cunt again, your clenching walls welcoming the return of his cock.
āSuch a greedy girl,ā Sebastian drawls as he holds himself at the hilt, feeling the gentle grasp of your twitching walls. āReady to come again already.ā He bucks his hips and you whine at the pressure as his cock spears your core. He returns to a consistent pace, driving deep toward your center. You moan when he reaches for a fistful of your hair, tugging until your eyes water and your chest lifts off the bed. The popping sound of Sebastian pounding against your ass rivals the scraping of the bed over the floorboards.
Everything feels exceptionally sensitive now; your thighs are slick from your previous orgasms, your scalp tingles as Sebastian grips your hair, your lips are raw from your grating teeth. But your cunt is still screaming for more, more, more.
Sebastian releases your hair and you flop forward, face first. You donāt bother to move, your right cheek resting against the mattress as Sebastian fucks you harder. He grabs a fistful of your ass, groaning as he watches the skin ripple with every thrust.Ā
His movements become erratic, a sign heās spiraling toward his cliff. But you know he wonāt give in until he claims you one more time. Itās his favorite game to play with you.
He pumps into you so hard, your moans become rhythmic howls; sharp staccatos articulated by every snap of his hips. The crescendo builds inside you, tightening the grip of your walls as they coax their final reward.
Finally, Sebastian is gripping both your hips so hard, he pulls you to your knees, your face still pressed to the bed. He repositions himself behind you and slams back inside you, driving his cock upward into your plush sweet spot. You choke out a cry ā itās both a plea and a warning for your final climax.
āYouāre so close,ā Sebastian groans. āI can feel it.ā
He sets a brutal pace, pounding quickly inside your cunt, his fingers pressed firmly into the flesh of your hips. You rock your own hips backward, meeting him mid-thrust. The pressure is maddening as it peaks and spills over, sending your walls fluttering as you finish.
You unleash a wail as it jolts through you with enough force to make your legs quiver. Sebastian swears loudly at the sensation, the vibrations finally prompting his own completion. He grunts as he spurts inside you and yanks your hips firmly against his to hold you flush until heās empty and sure he's filled you up.
Sebastian slumps over your spent body. You both fight to catch your breath, the cool room re-announcing itself as it meets your hot skin.Ā
āFucking brilliant,ā Sebastian finally says as he removes himself from you. You immediately feel empty and long to feel his intrusion again. He sits back on his heels, eyeing his release as it drips from you and stains the bedsheets. The vulgarity of it all thrills him, but this time, the adrenaline clashes with unfamiliar melancholy.
Sebastian spots the sadness in your eyes. Itās new and different from the sorrow heās seen before. Thereās no reluctance, just submission.
He realizes youāve finally accepted that your love isnāt enough to save him.
But even as he detects it, feels it settling between you, he canāt acknowledge it. He wonāt face it yet. He canāt accept that youāve finally lost faith in him, because it means youāre capable of doubt. And your blind devotion has always made you perfect in his eyes.
He needs to continue to believe youāre flawless. Until now, you needed the same.