stop the phrase βtattle-taleβ. stop indirectly telling kids that if they speak up about someone thatβs bothering them, theyβre doing something bad. stop contributing to the culture of abuse.
seriously though this NEEDS to stop. my mother. a grownass woman of 59. had to ask me over and over again if I was sureΒ it wasnβt ethically dubious for her to go to her employer and report harassment and terror tactics from a coworker because she didnβtΒ βwant to be a tattler.β stop teaching kids not to beΒ βtattle-talesβ because they will not grow out of it.Β
This this this.
I hope this is okay to add but in addition to the above it can create immediate and dangerous problems for children, with other children.
When I was six years old, one of my first grade classmates bullied me relentlessly for a long time. When I tried to tell the teacher that he wouldnβt stop touching me, she told me that I was being a tattle-tale and disrupting the class. So he got worse and worse. Before I knew it, he was telling me that I had to let him destroy my school supplies because his daddy told him that women have to obey the word of men. The bullying culminated in him and his friend waiting until the teacher and all the other kids left at the end of the day, cornering me at my desk, then threatening to bring his dadβs gun to school and shoot me if I didnβt stop wearing my favorite boots.
I didnβt tell the teacher because that would have been βtattlingβ. I didnβt tell my parents until they asked why I was upset that night. I wound up talking to the principal with my dad, and the principal was shocked that I had been too scared to report a shooting threat.
I know that a lot of people might think a kid would definitelyΒ report something like that, but I didnβt. A lot of kids donβt. Please, please give kids the chance to tell you if something is wrong, donβt brush them off, make sure they know that they can come to you for help. Donβt make them think theyβre a burden or aΒ βtattle-taleβ.
And you might think,Β βOh, well kids should know the difference between tattling and getting help, they should know when something is important and when itβs not. They should know better.β. Β They donβt. Β A 3 year old does not know he doesnβt need to cry when he wanted the blue jelly bean or if the thing heβs trying to do doesnβt work, those things are important to him and he is expressing himself in the only way he has ever known and it is your job to teach him how to manage his emotions, not internalize them because theyΒ βarenβt importantβ. Β
Little kids donβt know whatβs important and whatβs not. Β As they get older they learn, but if you just tell them to quit complaining and deal with shit, thatβs what theyβll do until itβs bigger shit that does matter and now itβs your fault that your kid feels like he/she canβt express themselves when frustrated or scared or angry or whatever. Β You might think Β βWell, heβs 5 now, he should know.β Β Just, inherently? Β By osmosis? Β Did you even hold a child-rearing book against his head to increase the chances of successful osmosis? Β NO? Β Then Iβm guessing you didnβt teach him that his feelings are valid but there are appropriate and effective responses, and which those are.
Also: Β Stop bullying your fucking kids into being bullies. Β βMan upβ andΒ βDeal with itβ are not appropriate parenting techniques. Β You just told your kid that his/her problem doesnβt matter and they should just cram it deep down and stop bothering you with their emotions. Β
Yeah, youβre old as fuck and your kidβs problem seems stupid and asinine, but your kid isnβt old as fuck and that problem is new and they donβt know what to do about it. Β Donβt be a dick. Β
This shit seriously pisses me off, I remember when I was younger I told my parents that my brother broke my nose and I got grounded for βsnitchingβ
