Time Loop Luncheon

Coding should be able to backfire like magic. Some guy in a polo shirt messes up an equation and turns blue. Person in the coffee shop next to you forgets a semicolon and suddenly they're an inch tall and eternally moving left. You get it.

Stop, Drop, and Roll also works if you're wet. It sort of spreads the water over the floor

Alongside the lovely lady we also have the wonderful woman and the great gal.

adults love seeing a small child or teenager who is so visibly anxious and uncertain of themselves and quiet so they can tell them "HEY!! 👹 YOU BETTER GET SOME CONFIDENCE RIGHT NOW! 🗣 AND SPEAK UP! 🤬 YEAH YOU! 👊 SHY KID 💥 EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS SHY KID 👈 WHO I'M GOING TO FIX 🙏 WITH THE POWER OF LOUD !!! 😤 YOU'D BEST BELIEVE IT! 😱 NOW SHOUT, SHY KID!!! 🤯 SHOUT AT ME!!! 👽 HUUAAHH&HHH 🗯 NOW TEAR ASUNDER THE HUSK OF YOUR FORMER SELF ☠️ YEAH RIGHT NOW 👇 WHY DON'T YOU FEEL CONFIDENT 💣 I AM GIVING YOU THE CURE" and the shy kid has to pretend like this isn't the millionth time they've had this exact conversation

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Yuuuup! Fish Day. 3 square meals of fish

'disembowel' is such a good word. y'know your bowels? they are GONE

People can have such specific allergies. I met someone once who’s allergic to raw tomatoes

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

yesterday I experienced the most perfect moment of my life. I was out and about when 2 ladies walked by me and each of them had a very small LIVE OWL perched on their shoulder, eyes wide swivelling their heads around and all that, but thats not the best part. as they continued walking, an older woman next to me turned to her husband and said in a thick raspy brooklyn accent (all the more unexpected because this is california), "look at 'em, walkin' around with Owls on theih shouldas like it's NOTHIN!"

imagine being the first person to have a barbeque in space and getting to say "the steaks have never been higher"

Okay so it turns out I was at the wrong stop

i feel like we’re all a little bit too used to living in a world where elephants exist. what do you MEAN they do all that shit with their nose

I bet getting struck by lightning feels amazing for 1second

kind of incredible how many last legs you can end up having if you're desperate. I'm like a millipede out here