Whirly

There have a been string of videos of this type that have gone viral over the past few years. These videos often leave me very torn, though. Yes, they are a great guidepost for parents on how they should react when their child comes out, but coming out is a very emotional experience, as this video in particular demonstrates, and watching such a scene unfold can be very raw, leaving one feeling somewhat voyeuristic. I am also troubled by the fact that the parents in these videos seem to be recorded without their knowledge. But most importantly, when we’re talking about the coming out experience, I’m left to wonder if these videos are sending the most accurate and thorough message.  

For some parents, when a child verbalizes that they’re LGBTQ, it’s simply confirmation of what the parent has long suspected. For other parents, the announcement can come as quite a shock. For parents who have little or no experience with the LGBTQ community or people, they’re suddenly confronted with their own emotions, fears, and concerns, while also having to be a source of support for their child. This can be a difficult or daunting task for the best of parents and is one reason why organizations like PFLAG exist.

I hope that (minor or adult) children who watch these videos understand that a poor initial reaction by their own parents doesn’t mean all hope is lost. Hell, even vocal and very supportive allies of the LGBTQ community get it wrong. Cher admits reacting poorly when Chaz first came out as a lesbian and again when Chaz came out as trans*. Cher, got it wrong, not once, but twice. Cher, for chrisssake. But, she is a fierce supporter of her son and seems to be working on acceptance. Likewise, parents who react positively to their child’s initial announcement that they’re LGBTQ may, over time, struggle with accepting their child as he or she begins living an open and out life.

I’m more swayed by stories of parents who may have initially gotten it wrong but eventually came around to be fierce allies. I suspect these stories are more representative of reality than the heart-warming viral videos that we’re seeing. Additionally, I’d like to revisit the people who post these positive coming-out videos in 1, 5, and 10 years to see how the parents have performed over time.