in other words, hold my hand

rniq replied to your post “[[MOR]lays down I’m back :’3 oh boy what a terrible year a few days...”

you're so strong, vi. you made the right choice imo, and i'm really happy you're alive and feeling better. ; v ; (sends u many many hugs)

arturosavinni replied to your post “[[MOR]lays down I’m back :’3 oh boy what a terrible year a few days...”

-hugs tight- I think you have made the right choice, and there are plenty of ways to continue learning~ -pets-

this month has been so stress inducing and difficult for me, especially with how I didn't get into my one and only choice for post-secondary. And I was very... very close to killing myself. I was really going to do it when I left in the middle of a math exam review. That was when I realized that if I spent another second stressing over school, I really wouldn't make it through. So I let go. Of everything. My average will undoubtedly be the shittiest thing in the world, and I will probably never be able to get into university, but... It's the price I will pay in order to focus on my well-being, happiness, and will to live.

This whole year, or the years before in school weren't a waste, though. I actually did like learning! I love it. I loved it this year as well. My teachers were wonderful and it was great getting to know my classmates. These things, I decided, were more important than my grades. I wanted to learn. And I did.

Even though exam week is pretty much over, I'm still not quite free from high school. I failed miserably in data management, so I'm going to take summer school lol... and I have heard a lot of disappointment speeches, and I'm going to deal with a lot of feelings of worthlessness, I think... but I gave up school for me. And school and my future will mean nothing to me if I can't even see the point of waking up every morning.

b bUT YEAH so i've been reflecting and thinking about a lot of things... and i've realized how dependent i've become. i constantly desire words of reassurance from someone, for someone to tell me nice things. and when i dont get that i have moments where i feel extremely lonely and hopeless. i...i used to be stronger than this!! whenever i felt lonely, i would just detach myself from the world and spend some time on my own, but even now i really want someone to cradle me, and it's.. really frustrating!! i always depend on tumblr/twitter to cheer me up now, because i've forgotten how to support myself... i... i've been trying... but i want to try a little harder, so..!! i'm going to separate myself from tumblr. i'm failing classes right now and i'm neglecting a lot of work. every chance i get away from school i just spend all my time trying to forget and ignore everything. im on march break right now, but i still have a lot of work to do!! so tomorrow i'll delete my tumblr/twitter apps and from then on i have to focus on school even though i can't stand it..!! it might turn out the same as last year, how i ended up not going on tumblr for three months, haha.... but this is the last year of high school.. so this will be the last year i have to do this..

tumblr and twitter have been really great to me, it helps me forget everything and i dont have to think about my troubles. but i think it's time for me to do that now. there's still a lot of other things i want to continue thinking about, and.. i want to find myself again. if that makes sense, haha. these past months have been so strange, but i hope i'll be able to figure things out alone, and that when i've graduated this will all be over.

i might still be kind of active on other sites, maybe!! and if you have my number then of course you are free to text me anytime! 

thank you guys, for supporting me and giving me love!! i really appreciate it so much, and i hope that you guys are well!!!

i dont know when i'll be back, or if i'll even be gone long. but.. i will be back. and i'll be better

bye!!

edit: psst heLL O i just did an all nighter bc im' so nervous;;,,  so i drew a motivational nanami...!!