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I'm doing more teaching at my new job and the Gen Z docs crack me up and make me, a standard-issue Millenial, feel old - I was commenting on how a patient was on an expensive medicine and how I loved that it was evidently covered by insurance, and my student said, "Yeah, we love a well-insured queen, here"

Yes

Yes, we do love a well-insured queen

(Incidentally I'm sure we also love queens with bad insurance or no insurance, but that wasn't the situation we were discussing)

I never would've spoken to my attendings so casually but I think it's amazing so I'm pretty tickled

I also can't wait to learn more, I'm already trying to figure out the most obnoxious way to use "aura" and am so excited to troll them with it

#Currently workshopping phrases like Wow this med list has negative aura just look at those drug interactions #Or Dang that A1c went down three points in two months you can see your collaboration aura two blocks away #Or Your aura isn't showing in this plan #I want to be juuuuuuust off enough for them to think I might not understand the meaning #And then I want to get progressively worse at it until someone stops twitching when I use the word and calls me out #I personally think mildly tormenting learners with inconsequential things like misused slang words builds character #It also builds stamina for annoying things like all staff meetings #Anyway I am taking suggestions for slang to misuse let me know please and thanks #Family Docs: We get the job done!#Because we love well-insured queens!

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Coworker 1: I am returning your fairy smut book!

Coworker 2: Oh, thank you! Did you like it?

Coworker 1: I sure did! Sonic, do you read fairy smut?

Me: No, but I'm open to trying!

Coworker 2: Here, have some! Tell us what you think! :D

#It's evidently barely even spicy but still #I think it's a good sign my coworkers bond over fairy romance novels #I suspect one of them might have a secret AO3 account but have no particular evidence other than she has no kids and reads a lot #We'll see #Family Docs: We get the job done!#By discussing fairy smut!

urie

stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household

queer-reader-07

wheresonichedgehogwnt

Alternatively, call it a yo-yo dinner, because You're On Your Own

#Yo-yo dinners are gender neutral and accessible to all people over the age of about 6 #Currently Baby Strider cannot have a yo-yo dinner because she's 2 #But as soon as she can pour cereal or make pasta or combine yogurt and jelly or reheat leftovers then she's eligible #And Sproglet is mostly nursing these days but he'll get there #Long live the yo-yo dinner!#Feral 4-H kid

Aunt Hedgehog: We're going to unpack the boxes of artwork you inherited from your parents tonight

Me: Excuse me, I'm an adult, I'm a doctor, y'all can't tell me what to do

Aunt Sonic: Uh-huh, would you like to try that again?

Me: ...yes, ma'am, we're going to unpack the boxes of artwork

#On the up side this means I get to pick what I want on the basis of Dibs #Also Aunt Sonic and Aunt Hedgehog are a big hit with Baby Strider and Sproglet which I knew they would be but it's nice to see #Feral 4-H kid #Grieving wheresonichedgehogwnt is grieving

I walked into my office this morning exhausted - Sproglet is going through a sleep regression, Baby Strider woke us up as soon as he settled, I'd been up late the night before trying to finally get unpacked, you get it

So I sat down at my desk in clinic and opened my inbox and saw that one of my new patients who I've yet to meet had seen a cardiothoracic surgeon for a postop appointment

I skimmed the note and skipped to the plan where I saw the surgeon halved the patient's beta-blocker - totally reasonable and in his wheelhouse - but then he followed it up by writing, "Now that the surgery is over, it seems likely some of the patient's other meds can also be stopped, i.e. lamictal and loratidine, but defer to PCP"

Lamictal and loratidine, y'all

I blinked, read it again because surely I must be hallucinating that recommendation, read it a third time in case I'd hallucinated twice, turned to my medical partner who had just walked in, and rather than politely wishing them a good morning, I asked, "Did heart surgery start to cure bipolar and seasonal allergies when I wasn't paying attention?"

My medical partner kindly assured me no, heart surgery does not cure bipolar and seasonal allergies, why did I ask?

Y'all have no idea how close I came to replying to the cardiothoracic surgeon with, "Thank you so very much for doing surgery and I appreciate your commitment to reducing polypharmacy, but we PCPs will continue to do the real medicine around here", and I'm so proud to say I resisted the urge even though my tea hadn't even kicked in

#I have absolutely no explanation for why the CT surgeon recommended what he did and neither did my better-rested medical partners #Don't get me wrong we'd love if heart surgery cured bipolar and seasonal allergies but #Um #It does not #So what gives #Anyway I need to go to bed but I'm too tired to sleep so that's nice #Family Docs: We get the job done!#By doing the real medicine on very little sleep!

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#I asked her if dinner was yummy and she said “It's not great”#I said “Well it'll still help you grow up big and strong” and she picked at it a little more and that was that #Can't wait until she's older and can deliver more scathing critiques of dinner #Feral 4-H kid

#It was a proper one that required 5 maneuvers #We resolved it quickly and the baby had good APGARs and no immediately evident deficits but still #Anyway I'm still at the stage where they're proctoring deliveries because I'm new and my proctor was impressed so there's that #Let it be known that I am now and probably forever a big fan of posterior axillary traction #And also that I remain confused as to why I don't have grey hairs yet #Family Docs: We get the job done!#With posterior axillary traction!

Major development: My husband (not a doctor) diagnosed his dad's new rash by asking, "Did you just switch your soap to Irish Spring?"

Reader, his father had switched his soap to Irish Spring

"Okay, well, switch back to something gentle and unscented, but make sure it's unscented, you have to check the ingredients."

His father called today saying he was cured

If I ever doubt that my husband listens to me, I need to remember the time he fixed his dad's rash because he listened to me hating on Irish Spring

#Mr. Hedgehogwnt is not perfect but he's pretty remarkable #When people say Not All Men my response is usually YEAH NOT MR. HEDGEHOGWNT BUT THAT'S IT #Actually no Partner is probably also Not All Men #I practiced with him for nearly 6 years and never heard him make a comment about a woman's body even once #I have not ever worked with a male physician with that record #There's a lot of reasons that dude was my OB twice but that was a big one #But yeah Mr. Hedgehogwnt is an exemplary dude and listens to me in circumstances that don't involve me hating on soap #I'm glad I get to raise kids with him #And also apparently listen to him blossom into an amateur dermatologist #Feral 4-H kid #Family Docs: We get the job done!#By hating specific soap brands!

Advertisers: Hide your postpartum hair with Our One Nifty Product!

Me, a person who has been pregnant, nursing, or both since October 2023: No :)

#By golly I'm postpartum and people are going to look at my crazy hair and go WOW THAT WOMAN IS EXHAUSTED I'D BETTER NOT MESS WITH HER #SHE SPENT HER MORNING GETTING BULLIED BY A TODDLER WHILE ENTERTAINING A 7 MONTH OLD AND IS STILL UPRIGHT AND NOT SOBBING #SHE WILL ANNIHALATE ME IF I DON'T WATCH MYSELF SO I'D BETTER BEHAVE #It's like bright coloring on a poisonous bug or whatever #Feral 4-H kid

Me: Gosh, I wonder - who is unrolling all of the toilet paper rolls?

Baby Strider: Hi! :D

#Well at least she's honest #Life with a twonager #Feral 4-H kid #Baby Strider

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Clinic RN: Hey Dr. Sonic, we're having a fire drill, you should come outside

Me: I don't know, would it score points with admin if I continued to heroically clear my inbox while the flames surrounded me?

Clinic RN: Probably not, it's hard to come by doctors around here so they'd rather have you alive and with a full inbox than dead with an empty one

Me: Well, if you insist

#WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT #Family Docs: We get the job done!#But not at the expense of safety apparently!

Let the record state that going from a DESPERATELY underserved community to a community that is just "normal" levels of underserved is an absolute mindfuck - the number of times I've sat in a meeting where people were talking about how my new community is missing very real and valid things that we should have where I've suddenly wanted to burst into tears and say, "There are more doctors in this room than there were in the entire county where I practiced a month ago

I would've given a tooth for the resources we have here

My patients and friends and colleagues are still back there and I left them

What am I doing here?" numbers probably in the teens at this point

But that's not topical to the meeting so I don't ask that, and even if it were I don't know the speaker's name because I was introduced to more people in a week than I've worked with in six years and apparently I just can't remember that many names anymore, so I'm not sure how to get their attention and it's all kind of moot, anyway, plus we do need things like enough radiology techs to get urgent OB ultrasounds in less than 3 weeks

Still

My horses have been dealing with a lot of emotional energy from me, lately, and I appreciate them

#Rural medicine is the best medicine #Even when it's hard #Family Docs: We get the job done!#No matter how underserved our setting!#Feral 4-H kid

Damn it my new coworkers are paying attention to the World Cup

I'm sorry, but unless a sport involves a half-ton four-legged brilliantly athletic furry toddler prancing around, I just don't see the appeal

#Nevermind that I've spent so long in equestrian sports that I occasionally forget that most sports are segregated by gender #It takes me a few moments to be like WAIT WHY ARE THERE ONLY MEN and then I remember and promptly lose interest #If your sport is so uncomplicated you can be a markedly better player just by having a certain kind of biology then your sport is boring #I don't make the rules that's just how it is #Even the horses aren't normally segregated by gender in most equestrian sports nevermind the riders #I personally feel this is proof that equestrian sports are superior to other sports and require actual skill but I'm biased #And also I really hated the sportsball I was forced to play as a kid so I'm also prejudiced #Anyway I am using the fact that I have two under two as an excuse to not follow it #Just like I use it as an excuse for everything and tbh I feel it's a valid one #Feral 4-H kid #Horse 4-H kid specifically #Now I shall put my small children to bed before feeding my own half-ton prey animal toddlers #The most athletic of which are my mares

You know you have young kids when you're role-playing in a work training and they ask your name and you say "Sharalanda Heeler"

#NICHE BLUEY REFERENCE IN THE HOUSE #I'm so cool if you're under the age of six #Feral 4-H kid #Family Docs: We get the job done!#By making niche Bluey references!

New patient: It's been so hard to find a doctor who sticks around, are you planning on staying?

Me: I know we just met, but between you and me, I am so committed I don't just have a three-year contract with this clinic, I also have a brand new 30-year mortgage on a house nearby - I really hope I'm staying

New patient: That's great, I love to hear that!

#I do not do things halfway when I commit I get out a 30-year mortgage and haul 2 kids under 2 and a small menagerie across the country #So this better work out #Family Docs: We get the job done!#By committing!

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On my second day of my first job, I did a D&C for retained products of conception

On my second day of my second job, I did a D&C for retained products of conception

Not sure what's going on, there, but it's weird it happened twice

#Family Docs: We get the job done!

I was having a nice morning doing barn chores, chatting to my horses, enjoying birdsong, the usual

Then I saw English Ivy in the woods and suddenly was half up a rotted stump ripping it out in a murderous rage, so there went the chill morning vibes

#NOT ON MY WATCH YOU INVASIVE BASTARD #Now I need to see where the rest of it is because THERE WILL BE MORE #Also this place has a mint problem #Nowhere is perfect and as problems go a mint problem can be fairly manageable if I find enough friends who like mint tea or mint juleps #But mint and English Ivy will activate gardener berserk rage #LET THE BATTLE BEGIN #Feral 4-H kid #Playing in the dirt

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