WhereSonicHedgehogWnt

Coworker 2: Oh, thank you! Did you like it?

Coworker 1: I sure did! Sonic, do you read fairy smut?

Me: No, but I'm open to trying!

Me: Excuse me, I'm an adult, I'm a doctor, y'all can't tell me what to do

Aunt Sonic: Uh-huh, would you like to try that again?

So I sat down at my desk in clinic and opened my inbox and saw that one of my new patients who I've yet to meet had seen a cardiothoracic surgeon for a postop appointment

I skimmed the note and skipped to the plan where I saw the surgeon halved the patient's beta-blocker - totally reasonable and in his wheelhouse - but then he followed it up by writing, "Now that the surgery is over, it seems likely some of the patient's other meds can also be stopped, i.e. lamictal and loratidine, but defer to PCP"

Lamictal and loratidine, y'all

I blinked, read it again because surely I must be hallucinating that recommendation, read it a third time in case I'd hallucinated twice, turned to my medical partner who had just walked in, and rather than politely wishing them a good morning, I asked, "Did heart surgery start to cure bipolar and seasonal allergies when I wasn't paying attention?"

My medical partner kindly assured me no, heart surgery does not cure bipolar and seasonal allergies, why did I ask?

Reader, his father had switched his soap to Irish Spring

"Okay, well, switch back to something gentle and unscented, but make sure it's unscented, you have to check the ingredients."

His father called today saying he was cured

Me: I don't know, would it score points with admin if I continued to heroically clear my inbox while the flames surrounded me?

Clinic RN: Probably not, it's hard to come by doctors around here so they'd rather have you alive and with a full inbox than dead with an empty one

I would've given a tooth for the resources we have here

My patients and friends and colleagues are still back there and I left them

What am I doing here?" numbers probably in the teens at this point

But that's not topical to the meeting so I don't ask that, and even if it were I don't know the speaker's name because I was introduced to more people in a week than I've worked with in six years and apparently I just can't remember that many names anymore, so I'm not sure how to get their attention and it's all kind of moot, anyway, plus we do need things like enough radiology techs to get urgent OB ultrasounds in less than 3 weeks

Still

Me: I know we just met, but between you and me, I am so committed I don't just have a three-year contract with this clinic, I also have a brand new 30-year mortgage on a house nearby - I really hope I'm staying

On my second day of my second job, I did a D&C for retained products of conception