to laugh to death

“Don’t call me Peps. Besides, if you’d been here long enough, you’d know that the school has been fucked up for a long time.”

“Sorry, it’s just that the actual Pepper really hates names that aren’t hers, so by calling you Elsa makes me feel like she’ll hunt me down... And she’s just straight up terrifying -- How long’s long enough?”

“What’s in it for me?”

“Hmm, well I wouldn’t normally pimp myself out, but seeing as this isn’t my body... What do you want?”

“I don’t smoke, my body or not.”

“Great... Do you know where I can find myself, then?”

“Sounds good to me, but I typically go by Hermes.”

“Is that when you’re looking like babyface, or when you’re yourself?”

“Please, don’t. He’d probably have a panic attack if you did.”

“Well I’m going to have one if I don't, so excuse me.”

 Sweetcheeks? Only one person had ever called her that before. Finally! She had someone she knew. “Wheezy? P-Please don’t be messing with me. I can’t handle not knowing who anyone is.” She stared at the boys ridiculous reaction to his body. It had to be Wheezy. Annie’s only reaction was to hug him, she could finally talk to someone she knew. “What’s going on?”

The second he felt the females soft skin wrap around his waste was the very moment that he knew this wasn’t just a bizarre dream. She felt too real to be a part of his imagination. “Yeah, it’s me.” he replied, returning the hug. “Honestly, I have no idea -- I think I might be coming down with something -- Are you okay? Is your kid okay?”

“Are you- Did you just-” Sam was unable to comprehend how this guy didn’t know he could get lung cancer from cigarettes. “Lung cancer is very really! You’re going to give it to me by smoking! Oh my gods!”

“I doubt it! I smoke all of the time and I’m fine -- I’m.... Well I’m not fine, I’m stuck in your body... OH GOD, is this what lung cancer is?” His breath still irregular, Wayne began to nibble on his fingernails, or rather, the other person’s fingernails. “I’m too young to die, man!”

“No, you were talking to my body, which has the mind of an asshole at the moment. It shouldn’t be hard to process. You are in Sam’s body after all.”

“Yeah, I don’t really want to process it, Peps... It’s kind of fucked up.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at Wheezy. “I’m not Elsa. I really am Dean. If you weren’t in my brother’s body, I’d probably punch you. Speaking of which, what the hell did you do with him and why are you in his body?” Dean questioned, trying to be as intimidating as possible.

“Okay, Dean.” he rolled his eyes, still not convinced despite how much sense it made. “I didn’t do anything to him! Do you really think I want to be in his body? I like mine way more than his -- Besides, if I had to do something to Sam to end up in his body, then what did you do to Elsa to end up in her’s? -- And why? Don’t you think it’s kind of weird that you’re in your brother’s girlfriends body? Ew, are you in love with your brother?”

“I meant in general, I won’t know who’s who. But…. that’s good to know? I think? Not sure if I can believe you considering I don’t know who you are.”

“Right, I guess that makes a lot of sense -- We should both probably be wary.” he shrugged. “Oh, I’m Wayne Weasley, trapped inside of Sam Johns -- And you are?”

Okay that is- Yeah that is definitely not supposed to be there.

“What’re you talking about, mister, lord, Hades, sir?”

“W-What?” Annie had been shut down. Hours she spent afraid to try to speak to anyone only because no one was who they really were. She was again stuck in a world where everything was messed up. “No… I don’t. Sorry.”

Wheezy wasn’t sure if the stranger was who he wanted to believe it was, but regardless, he quickly turned away from her, one of his hands covering his face dramatically as the other shot out straight at his side, pointing into the distance. “Sweetcheeks... Don’t look at me! -- I’m... hideous...”

“Lung cancer! That’s how I’m going to go! I have great lungs but now, now that’s just going to hell!” Sam said, throwing his hands up in the air. 

“LUNG CANCER?!” He yelled, his breathing heavy, almost panicked. “No no no, there’s no such thing as lung cancer. Cigarettes can’t kill you, okay?! They just can’t.”

“No, I’m not Sam. I’m his girlfriend, Elsa.”

“Elsa? Na-uh. I was just talking to her.”

“Yes but now I have to worry about who I’m talking to.”

“Why? It’s not like I’m a serial killer.”

“I know! He’s got a cute li’l baby face doesn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t call it cute, but sure... I think that’s what I’ll call him, babyface.”