Not that anyone cares, but I wrote a poem about a guy I work with who I’ve realized, after four years, I’m in love with. And I have no idea what his feelings are or if there’s ever a chance we could be together and my heart hurts. I’m asexual and I haven’t gotten a crush since middle school, but this is different and feels like a one in a million chance and that everything is slipping away. Anyway, here it is. You can rb if you want, but this is mainly for me.
It took four years for my eyes to open
And now that they have they haven’t shut.
Get out of my sight.
All I can see is you
Surrounded by swirling lights of red and gold
My ears filled with the sweet soaring of symphonic strings.
Look at me.
Are your eyes open too?
Tell me you can see me.
Even if I’m shadowed
And my voice is barely a murmur.
Tell me you know I’m there.
You’re a blinding light.
I can only chance glances at you
And your image is burned into my retinas when i look away.
I hear your laugh when I have goosebumps
I smell your cologne when I hear orchestras
I see your smile when I taste cream cheese
I feel-
I want to feel.
Tell me that you think of me
When you see a flashing light
Or feel warmth on your cheeks.
Tell me I cross your mind.
My fingers burn to hold your hand.
My heart burns to see your face.
My lungs burn to hear your voice.
Do you feel just as on fire?
I have so many questions.
I want to know your mind.
And has four years been too late?
Are your eyes open, but does another figure take my place?
I’m tossing in an ocean.
Swirling around a drain.
Glinting, hopeful, in your sunlight.
Whispering your name.
Open your eyes
Even for a wink.
See me looking at you.
Tell me I’m not too late.
So i have an update on this just in case anyone is wondering “how’s that girl I never met who runs that random blog on tumblr I follow doing with that guy she posted about once.” Well you’re luck!
I plucked up the courage yesterday to ask if he wanted me to teach him about an aspect of our job he never learned, even though there probably won’t be an opportunity for him to use this skill in the future. And he said he’d love to so we’re meeting today and like, it’s not a date or anything, but I’m just so excited to be able to see him and maybe kind of scope out how he might be feeling about me and teach him about something I love!!!
I think I’m greyro asexual and so most of the time the prospect of being alone in a room with a guy who might have feelings for me is terrifying, but not this time!!!! He’s different and I’m 🥰
So update again y’all (and by “y’all” I mostly mean myselfbut that’s okay lol), we never actually wound up meeting for what I described above, and i was about to just let the possibility of any sort of relationship with him go, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him and our history, and the fact that I’m repulsed by a lot of things with everyone else, but not with him and so last night i said fuck it and told him i liked him. And he said he likes me too! Unfortunately we live kind of far away from each other, but he’s been sending me memes and messages all day and we’re planning to meet when he comes into town and ive literally cried so many times today I’m so happy. I know it sounds stupid to be this worked up over one guy, but it’s taken me so long to feel this way, and it’s a feeling Ive never come close to having for anyone before and he’s so sweet and kind and just my type and i wish i could go back to when middle school me would cry herself to sleep bc she thought there was something wrong with her and that she was unlovable and tell her to hang in there, there will be someone who cares about you and that you won’t be repulsed by the thought of being touched by, even if this only lasts a little while. I’m so happy
Lol anyway, fuck this guy. I simp for the man i work with now who actually takes the time to see and talk to me. Who I don’t have to beg for the bare minimum from. Who always asks me if I’m comfortable. Who holds my hand and expresses an interest in me. “If he wanted to he would” and no truer words have ever been spoken. 🖕🖕
