Douglas Booth

                              — Chopsticks give splinters? I had no idea they were that dangerous. I am on board with this safety idea of yours. I do not appreciate people suffering while trying to enjoy their sushi. 

“Why is everyone so surprised? I can’t be that much of an idiot, can I? I’m glad. Perhaps we can start a campaign of sorts.”

I have no idea if that handy comment was an intentional pun or not, but I’m here for it. I’m also with you. My hand-eye coordination is off & yeah .. I too struggle with chopsticks. However, you’ve lost me at the splintered part ? How did you manage that ? 

“I suppose you could take it anyway you want to. You know, not very many people agree. Somehow, everyone has it all figured out. Lucky them, I guess. Uh-- they were cheap chopsticks, is the excuse I’m going to go with.”

I mean, accidents happen but they could probably be avoided. Try bamboo chopsticks, you don’t have to use the ones made for children but the bamboo ones are smooth so you should be alright with those. It’s fine, no need to apologize. 

Ah, yes. Bamboo chopsticks seem to be ideal, right? They don’t look childish, but you get all of the fun without getting hurt. I think that’s the best suggestion I’ve heard yet. It’s nice to meet you, by the way.”

you remember that photo that surfaced on the in internet that looks like me eating a burrito a horrible way? it’s not me, by the way. i to this day still have people approaching me, asking me how stoned i was when i took that photo. no matter how often i try to clear my name, i will always been known as that guy who doesn’t know how to eat a burrito.

I remember judging you for that photo for a very long time. I’m relieved to know that it wasn’t actually you. I mean who the hell eats a burrito sideways? It gets ridiculously messy that way and you end up loosing half to your lap. 

How is it that every time someone says the words ‘just come out for one drink, it’ll be fun’ it ends like one of the hangover movies, minus the tiger and the lost tooth? If anyone is looking for me, I’ll be nursing the worst hangover, am thankful for any cure that I haven’t tried yet and if someone could explain any of the various bruises on my body, please do tell

You know, I’ve never seen those movies. However, I can completely relate to what you’re saying. I feel like my hangovers have just gotten worse over night. Isn’t that a sign of getting old?

By splintered do you mean like pieces of wood in your hands? If you do, they make plastic and plastic dipped chopsticks so they don’t hurt. Usually people who use ramen often enough own them, I may be one of those people. 

That is what I mean. Not many pieces, though, only one or two. It’s still painful though. That’s a clever invention. Do you have a brand you recommend? I’ll have to get some-- considering I do enjoy ramen. 

that’s a good point, wouldn’t hurt to try a tutorial next time i have sushi. i feel that but hey, it’s a cool skill to have if you ask me.

That’s something we’ll have think about before we start eating. Honestly, once i start eating, it’s hard to get me to stop. Speaking of, are you a little hungry?

I’m competent when it comes to using chopsticks so I haven’t ever gotten a splinter from them. I do enough with my hands, but splinters typically come from wood that isn’t finished so I don’t tend to slide my hands over rough wooden surfaces often enough to get splinters, so they’re usually pretty avoidable. I was just letting you know that they do make child safe ones like you suggested.

I suppose. I just look like a dumb bloke right now, don’t i? I apologize. I’m typically much more nice. I appreciate that advice and despite me righting it off so quickly I might actually look those up. Chopsticks are just too much fun to give up. 

i’ll give you credit for that, because i gave up after the first shot. maybe i should try it again.

Definitely. I know there are youtube videos about it, and you can always try those. I just know that I definitely don’t have time to look at them while I’m trying to shove food down my throat. 

Pretty much, think I’ve driven most people crazy or most don’t want to come near me. It’s quite interesting what your body does.

I see, it is quite interesting. I’m afraid to ask more for fear of more stupidity. 

can’t say i’m very good myself man. most of the time i end up using a fork if possible. 

I refuse to give up. I have to stay determined. Maybe I’ll get some special gloves that will prevent the hurt. 

i would, trust me it works. i could definitely teach you sometime, if you’d like. 

I’d love for you to. So long as you don’t make fun of me too hard if I make a fool of myself. Just let me know when you’d like to. 

Yes, I guessed but like, they aren’t supposed to splinter and I’ve honestly never heard that before? Anyways, there are those stone ones? Not sure what exactly they are made of but they are super good

Really? Perhaps I’m just a special kind of stupid then. Stone ones? Well, I’m assuming they’d be made out of stone, but I could be wrong. I’ll have to look those up, definitely. Appreciate you letting me know.

i’ve actually gotten them down, with a bit of practice of course. keep the back one still and only move the stick in front, that’s the key.

Hmm. Interesting technique, yes, I guess I’ll have to try it sometime. However, only if you’re there to correct me when I mess up. 

Ouch, I haven’t had a splinter in years but just the thought of one makes me cringe, so multiple splinters must suck! Was the sushi at least worth it? They do make chopsticks for kids, they have plastic ones. You’d be 100 percent splinter free.

That surprises me. Do you not do much with your hands? I feel like I’m always getting splinters. Whether it be from chopsticks or simply sliding my hand down a stair railing. It’s ridiculous, I suppose, but I think kids chopsticks would make me for more incapable than suffering through adult ones. Does that make sense?

Back in New York and if I keep eating the pizza, marinara sauce is going to seep out me pores. The pizza and pasta here is so fucking good. On a side note, my kid is drivin me insane with going to the zoo.

Well, you’ve gotta take them, of course. The zoo there is incredible. Better yet, I’ll fly over there and take him myself. However, I’m not too sure how you’d feel about it, considering we’re practically strangers.