What I Bleed

By My Understanding

there is not a way to truly understand or know the state of constant unwellness depression brings. We simply cannot comprehend the unwaning grasp of despair's fingers strewn around the mind. Though, we may experience a caress or even poked with a sudden death of a loved one, battling to calm after an unfinished fight, getting let-go when you felt at your peak. As we stop to breath and attempt process these moments, we chance to feel our body weaken from the boulder we are pushing. Our minds shift to franticly seek a source of relief. We panic to ease the sorrow, the rage, the neurosis. In this moment our mind worsens. Despair has but touched the forefront of the mind and festered. This wound in our consciousness fills with the darkest horrors of our unconscious. This all happens in that moment which halts our reality. In the moment minutes last for hours last for days which become eternal.

In that eternity, we begin to reason on how we come to terms with our new reality. Then we heal, just as that moment allows time to pass. That is when our understanding of depression stops. Our eternal had become finite and that moment had come to pass along with the nightmare brought by despair's brush.

Though some are misfortuned enough to not be touched or poked but grappled and pinned. One is held against all will to aimlessly wander in the new reality. The ability to reason in the moment was not developed and the time to do so faded as the horrors danced. The eternal continued as that moment allowed time to pass as it must. Once time began to tick again, the mind was forced to reason which muddled reality with the infected consciousness.