local lazy writer

C00lkidd's milestone lines are as follows:

“I remember that look on your face. Always worried. Afraid. It made me feel guilty... now I realize you brought it on yourself." 

"Was it my fault you were always drowning in your misery? That I ended up like this? Or do you just need someone else to carry the blame for everything?" 

"Everything I do is defined by your failures. Every step I take is swallowed by your p4thetic shadow. I'm s1ck of it. I'm sick of y0u." 

"I'V3 FIN4LLY FIGURED OUT WH4T MAK3S ME HAPPY HERE, P0PS! WATCHING YOU HURT. KNOWING I'M TH3 RE4S0N. I NEVER W4NT THAT F3ELING T0 3ND."  This lines up pretty well with what I thought C00lkidd’s kill and lms lines with 007n7 meant. Yes, he is furious at 007.

To me, these lines speak of the experience of having a parent that’s not all mentally well. In moments of clarity, you know they love you desperately, and on good days, they feel normal, even amazing (think of the idyllic render of milestone 1), but it’s incredibly hard to reconcile the fact you know they love you, and the feeling they don’t because it’s hard for them to show it; hard to reconcile that you know they love you, but despite that, they still suck as a parent. Kids are much more perceptive than ppl give them credit for. C00lkidd went through all of life knowing something was up.

As ppl have pointed out before, 7n7 was probably also busy as a single parent supporting C00lkidd, so he may have been both mentally and physically absent (NOT in a deadbeat way, just a struggling person who was not ready to become a parent way). This would’ve been absolutely terrible for CK, and as the milestone quotes point out, he begins to blame himself. This was exacerbated by the fact it seems 007n7 wasn’t frank with C00lkidd about his hacking life- CK seems to have primarily learned about 7n7’s misdeeds through his general infamy, and he wasn’t upfront with the destructive power of the GUI either. While this is understandable from 007n7’s POV bc he likely wanted to be a good role model to CK, this adds another layer to CK’s anger where the whole time, it was something 007n7 brought up on himself, but because of 007n7’s cowardice, for the longest time, CK thought it was his fault. 

What we see in milestones 2-4, then, where C00lkidd takes the plunge into exploiting (and killing), especially in the Forsaken realm, is CK rejecting that this is his fault. I want to bring back the previous discussion on having a mentally unwell parent. Between “this is all my fault” and “this is not my fault but my parent’s, but I understand they were struggling and trying their best, and were probably unimaginably guilty about how they treated me” is “I’m forever doomed, all because of my parent. They’re selfish, and they don’t care how much I hurt as long as I’m their therapy object.” This often happens during teenage years. I’ve said before that CK’s milestones feel like a teenager to me- the juvenile taunting, mean streak, and penchant for swearing. So, in his milestones, CK undergoes this teenager phase where 007n7 is the representative of everything wrong with C00lkidd himself (in the end, your treatment of others will always tie back to your self image in some way). 

This is not to say CK’s hate is as simple as being an “edgy teenager.” They’re valid, complex emotions, it’s just also tied to the feelings and realizations you undergo as a teenager. Therefore, in his milestones, C00lkidd mocks the idea that he misses 007n7 (lms voiceline)- because he doesn’t need him, he’s better, and 007n7 wasn’t there as a father anyways, so what is there to miss? You can see in the milestone 4 quote that 007n7’s role as a dad becomes mockery: “P0PS!” To CK, viewing 007 as a father is a joke.

This is also a feeling ppl go through with mentally unwell parents, especially those that commiserate about their failures. You get sick of it, and in some form of “revenge,” you vow to be better than them. This is partially why CK tells 007n7 in his kill voicelines that he’s “c00ler than you’ll ever be.” It’s not about just being impressive, it’s about being better.

Last detail I’ll point out- milestone 4’s phrasing of “watching you hurt knowing im the reason” feels like a role reversal to me. CK views 007 as the reason for his hurt, so now it’s his turn to be the reason for all of 7n7’s. It’s not simple sadism; it’s revenge. Of course, all of these feelings are going to be exacerbated by the fact the Forsaken realm gives C00lkidd a giant power trip playground.

Fun fact, a lot of my changes post-1x-lore-drops were to the flashback, but I also added a lot more adjectives that lower others ("mindless," "sinks," "ants"). Before the lore, I didn't expect superiority to be as important to 1x as it ended up being, but in case you couldn't tell I absolutely love it. I describe the killer lobby as a forest. I want to have my cake and eat it too so I picture killers as having both a limbo and a lobby outside rounds. The lobby is a less comfy survivor lobby (there are cabins as Slasher's description implies- or was it just Jason- but very few use them), and the Spectre alternates between personal limbo and lobby to keep them between bored and tormented/vengeful so they perform well in rounds. ...and i wanna write both interactions and dream sequences... what can i say

"no one else in this purgatory is willing to do a thing." TO BE CLEAR!! Slasher would totally do something. So for this perhaps assume Slasher is in a round or limbo or maybe especially caught up in his mother's voice rn and not super aware of his surroundings. as for everyone else: John is lobotomized Ik ppl love Noli & CK but I don't characterize, or even self-indulgent character, Noli as parental to CK fjwaoifj. I think Noli finds thrill in a fellow chaos-maker and perhaps may even try to teach C00lkidd to be like him, but he indulges in CK in a very egotistical manner where CK is a kindred spirit, an extension of his greatness. If CK is being weak, Noli doesn't have interest. This is a hc i've carried for very long and interests me GREATLY, but it's not something that'd make him help CK. Everyone else I see as having come into the realm after this, but in case you're curious: Nos is in a basement/his house instead. also he would not care. Sixer is incapable of communication and it's unclear how... present. Sixer really is. Perhaps they would snuggle up with CK though, who knows. Even 1x only comes back for CK because he struck a nerve with them :P and they're my favorite so i wrote them.

"The Spectre made the kid ridiculously strong, but so too are they- Spectre or not-" It'll become more apparent in later 1x works (if i get around to that) buuut... yea 1x does NOT like Mx. Spectre. "it’s like school" There is a common (and canon supported) hc that CK was bullied that I ABSOLUTELY subscribe to. It's probably part of why he was so open to causing some chaos once a group actually took kindly to him and encouraged it. I actually have a lot I could say on CK's character. I feel he is often overlooked bc his dad gets all the spotlight. "Feathers and bone in her hands" Yep, that's a winged shedletsky design you just read! Sue me. I shall not spell out the flashback sequence but since this is more hc specific I will say I hc 1x ripping out Shedletsky's wings in whatever big confrontation they had :) 1x themself once had wings. Maybe I'll talk about my 1x design one day.

"They breathe, a rasping and rattling sound" based off the actual idle sfx for 1x! that sound sortaaa like breaths? if they are he's having a very hard time doing it, which makes sense for someone who's in pain 24/7.