Fic Commentary for Chapter 3: Nothing Is Ever Truly Lost š š¹
You dreamt that someone loved you, Jon thought. And I do.
Opening Thoughts
Chapter 3 is where the past-present timeline fully settles into its rhythm: in which the past can't be changed, but with love it can gain new meaning.
The present section follows Jon and Dany through the final days before their betrothal feast at Castle Black, while the past section reveal the political and emotional choices that brought Dany from Meereen to her last stop in Essos: Volantis. Rather than treating those flashbacks as exposition, I wanted them to answer the questions the present keeps asking.
Let's dive in.
Hardin's Tower and the Deathbed Visit š„
The chapter begins with Jon recognizing that Dany is carrying something heavier than Euron's letter alone. Before politics can continue, he wants her to know him again. So he takes her somewhere deeply personal: the foot of Hardin's Tower, and the room where he was resurrected.
That visit becomes the emotional foundation of the chapter.
Instead of explaining resurrection or prophecy, Jon simply tells Dany what it was like to die and come backāand what she gave him by loving him afterward. In return, Dany begins loosening the grip on her withdrawal, joining Jon for dragonflight practices and throwing a quip or two just to see him smile.
It gives them a sense of movement he'll notice is gone, once she withdraws again.
How the Journey to Volantis Began
The past section in Meereen describes the tense audience of an envoy from Volantis (my OC, Bellara Volgare), who withstands interrogation from Dany's council. They try to find out who sent her and what she wants, pushing Dany's decision-making to evolve in realtime.
Victarion, Bellara, Moqorro, Marwyn, Tyrion, Jorah and Missandei each compete for influence. Dany has to decide whose counsel reflects loyalty, whose reflects ambition, and how to act decisively without surrendering her own morality.
By the time she discovers that the envoy is an abolitionist working for the Sealord of Braavos and is poised to offer her a fleet in exchange for plundering Old Volantis, the potential for victory is realābut so is the emotional cost she carries years later, into the present.
Fragile Peace and The Hoped-for Child šš
Back at Castle Black in the present, the chapter narrows once more.
Jon is getting used to flying with Rhaegal, and has noticed Dany's absence from training. He thinks everything is fine, until he finds her in the King's Tower unsettled and unkempt. She finally lays it out for him: her prophetic dreams, the loss of Viserion, and Euron's letter on the rumor all threaten their fragile peace.
Jon's responses form the heart of the chapter, and in some senses, the fic.
Most importantly, he reminds her that nothing is ever truly lostāonly changed. Their conversation turns openly toward the child they both secretly hope for, transforming what had been silent longing into a shared future.
Evening Council, Dreams and the Decree
Naturally, they are interrupted by their duties. Jon and Dany have reached a place of deeper understanding before returning to public life.
While everyone else is trying to finalize the decree and prepare for the feast meant to welcome their armies to the Night's Watch, Jon is quietly processing the realization that Dany dreamt of him years before they ever met. It's probably the greatest love confession he's ever received from her, and he spends the rest of the scene trying very hard to remain a functional king.
The decree says:
murder won't be tolerated,
factional violence won't be tolerated,
the Wall belongs to everyone fighting for the living.
Most amazingly, Dany is considerably more grounded after their conversation. Together they sign the decree, demonstrating to everyone in the room that they have become genuine partners in ruleānot simply in love. Of course, the council notices.
Closing Beats: the Volantene Confession š āļø
Finally able to rest the last night before the feast, Dany coaxes Jon into a hot bath. Safe in his arms, she makes a final confession. Her thoughts have been dominated by the lingering belief that obtaining her fleet somehow turned her into someone who sees people as instruments rather than companions.
Jon's responses form the heart of the chapter.
He refuses to let Dany define herself by bloodshed alone. He reframes the fleet as something she earned through resilience and leadership rather than something bought only through violenceāawed by what the moment revealed of her character across time, the woman he's bound himself to:
āYou know,ā she said after a time, her voice hoarse with feeling, āyouāre the only one whoās never asked me to prove who I am.ā
āI only wanted you to show the realm who you are, Daenerys, in your own time. That was my dream. Youāll see it done.ā
āIāll try, Jon.ā She kissed him again. āAt least, if I fail, it wonāt be for my faults alone. Weāll have you to blame.ā
Their shared hope for a child surges in the way they make love. but she's already pregnant so Naturally, she enters the feast the next evening pleasantly sore between her legs.
Author's Note š
This chapter and the next have been the most fun to write so far, because I get to turn their pasts from a chain of tragedies into the paths that brought them together, their understanding of the other deepening.
Perfect, because more tragedy is coming. *hehe*
Next up is the betrothal/welcome feast at Castle Black, which has become a court that actually threatens the coalition's fragile peace. Prophecy steps into the open, and Jon and Dany's private unity is finally tested before the realm.
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FINALLY wrote the commentary post for Pass the Cup and Drink from Me Instead! slime yuta was so uch fun to write and revisit for this!
GENERAL
guys i really dont know where this came from. i thought about slime monster yuta for some fucking reason and it SPIRALLED
there is a little bit of an au here ig? where mox and danny are humans in a world that includes monsters, including tentacle monster claudio, octopus mer pac, slime yuta, etc
as linked in the actual fic, here is ref for yuta's body! i spent a lot of time looking at slime gifs etc to find good color and texture reference, which really took me back to being on stimblr when i was in high school (i wanna say like 2017-2019?)
SPECIFIC
"ā¦working in a cramped food truckā¦" genuinely can't remember the impetus for danny working in a food truck other than i think it's cute <3 they're a sandwich truck ofc
"Thank god, because he really has to piss." so as mentioned in the notes of the ao3 posting, this was based partially on an H scene from a game called Monstorous Liberation. i had the vague idea to do something like that and then went "hmm how can i make it more extreme" and the first thing my brain went to was, of course, piss
"The window unit hums away dutifullyā¦" i've never lived in an apartment (in fact ive lived in the same house for 20+ years) so i had to google if apartments have AC. i think the one my brother lived in for a while did? idk whatever. apparently most apartments in the US don't come with AC so i thought them having a little window unit was cute
"Usually, Yuta comes rushing over as soon as Danny gets home, or at least acknowledges him from his usual place in the living room. He's almost always around when Danny gets off work since he gets home before Danny most days and has more days off, too. Lucky bastard." yuta spends his days chilling out under the fan in the living room or in the special tank in his bedroom like a little fishy <3 he works at a local library when the weather allows
"'Yuta, what the fuck are you doing outside?!'" yuta saw a bug in the house and wanted to put it outside but greatly underestimated just how hot it was and how dehydrated he already was. he's stupid okay???
"Yuta warbles again and slowly slaps a pseudopod up Danny's thigh, landing near the hem of his high shorts with a sickening plap." finding words to describe yuta's various Bits was both fun and annoying: fun in finding ones to use for the first time and annoying once i quickly ran out of words for slimy appendages. pseudopod was my go to for a lot of them bc i was a premed biology major once upon a time. also! these are danny's shorts
"'Yuta, that's not going to workā¦.Wait, that's not going to work, right?'" only realized upon rereading this that i accidentally did the anakin/padme meme. coincidentally i made one here based on how much my editing software HATED me using the word "schlorp" later in the fic
"It's not that he's not interestedāhe's always interested, let's be realā¦" in my mind danny is a slut <3
"Undeterred, the slime continues to venture his way into Danny's thong." this is danny's thong :)
"Yuta can't seem to hold his shape as well as he usually can, so as he slowly inches his way insideā¦he expands to fill whatever available space he can find." usually yuta can hold his shape pretty well with little issue; when he's dehydrated however he just kindaā¦.melts. he's gloopy.
"Normally, Yuta keeps a defined, clean shape when he's inside Danny, usually the size and shape of a human cock. He gets funky with it sometimes, but that usually means adding ridges or getting larger than a human ever could be." yuta learns he can shapeshift his cock when he's like 17 and he never stops playing around with that ability. he doesn't frequently give himself legs unless he has to walk around, so he doesn't always have a formed cock, but sometimes when he does he just makes it look like a dragon dick etc for fun
"Danny is so lost in the pleasure and the fullness that he almost doesn't realize when a small tendril teases at his urethral opening. Almost." yuta has an obsession with Being In People and i think that extends to more extreme forms of penetration. all that to say: he's been wanting to fuck danny's bladder for years
"He's been interested in sounding in the past, has even looked into it a few times, but he'd decided it wasn't worth the effort if he had to be so careful about it (it was one of the few times he'd been disappointed about not having a dick)." sounding (or inserting items into the urethra if you somehow got here without knowing what that is) is a lot harder for most people with vaginas as the urethra tends to be much shorter than it is on those with penises. because of this, much more care and consideration is required, and people often find the experience tends to not be as pleasurable comparatively since there's no prostate to stimulate from within. danny basically learned all that and went "damn. guess not."
"What the fuck is Danny's life right now?" this is one of the most absurd things i've ever written and i had this thought multiple times while writing and researching it lol
"Yuta, of course, chooses the path of most resistance, opting to go underneath Danny's shirt and between his sports bra and chest instead of over or around the garments." i imagine yuta likes being soaked through clothes for some reason. idk it just seems like a sensation he'd enjoy. anyway this is danny's shirt and this is his sports bra
"Once it reaches Danny's chin and keeps climbing, Danny gets with the program and eagerly opens his mouth." i love the idea of danny realizing yuta plans on getting in his throat and repsonding like "ok ā¤ļø yay ā¤ļø"
"ā¦green apple Gilliam Stickā¦" this is a gilliam stick! i'll be honest, i havent had one in YEARS so i can't remember the taste and i think theyre probably sweeter than i intended yuta's flavor to be (he's more on the tart side of green apple rather than being really sweet) but it's close enough
"Instead of the sharp sweetness he's expecting, Danny is greeted with a briny, acidic bite that leaves his taste buds withering as the sour slime floods his mouth." dehydrated yuta is basically all the potentially unpleasant flavor notes (sour, salty, acidic) turned up to 11. something something excretions something something ppm i guess?
"He nearly chokes on the intensity of it, his tongue undulating as he instinctively tries to spit out the source of the assaulting taste. Yuta just clings to his tongue stubbornly." yuta is a stubborn little shit at the best of times, but ESPECIALLY when he's dehydrated and running on basic primal instincts. he doesn't really have higher brain functions and intellect at a certain point and autopilot kinda takes over, which mostly focuses on moisture. also i think "undulate" might be my favorite word
"The taste begins to settle after a moment, though whether it's because Danny grows used to it or because it softens as Yuta absorbs Danny's saliva remains a mystery." it's a bit of both but mostly it's yuta absorbing danny's saliva; he's not getting used to the taste THAT quickly
"Yuta doesn't go too far, simply filling Danny's throat down to his Adam's apple and resting there, happily soaking up Danny's drool." i had the thought of ytua going into danny's stomach (or doing an all-the-way-through type situation) but stomach acid is not something to fuck with and i think yuta absorbing it would be. Bad. so i left it alone <3
"He writhes and screams as Yuta floods into his womb, filling the cavern of his uterus with thick, viscous liquid. It kinda hurts, in a dull, achy sort of way, but Yuta is so malleable that it remains oddly comfortable despite that." did someone ask for me being weird about reproductive anatomy? no? well you got it anyway! also normally cervix penetration would like. gravely injure someone and be incredibly painful BUT since yuta is so malleable and can make himself as thin as necessary to get through without issue, i thought it'd be fine
"With the way Yuta seems determined to fill every available centimeter of Danny's cunt, he wouldn't be surprised if the slime decided to slither into his goddamn fallopian tubes." i mostly didn't add that bc i knew there was no way in hell i could find reference for what that would feel like and i didnt feel like making it up. also i dont think sensorytactile nerves exist in the fallopian tubes and ovaries? idk man
"The feeling of having something so deep within his body being so thoroughly fucked distracts Danny enough that he literally doesn't realize Yuta is pressing against his asshole until the tentacle breaches him. His rim feels hypersensitive, given everything else going on in that regionā¦" poor danny is so overwhelmed. yuta could fist him right now and i dont think he'd notice
"Danny's still so wet, despite Yuta soaking up all his fluids, that he genuinely can't tell if he's cum already or not." he hasn't but he hoenstly wouldn't be much wetter if he had cum (unless he squirted)
"ā¦Yuta's slimy little feelersā¦" describing them this way is so funny to me. like it feels so mischevious to describe yuta's appendages this way
"Thankfully, they don't go all the way up to his eyeballs, and instead stay somewhere around his furiously flushed cheekbones to collect whatever escapes Danny's waterline." ngl i had the thought of how far this would go but couldn't make myself do any weird eyeball stuff. i think that's one of my few Freak Limitsā¢
"Danny has always been a snotty crier, something he has bemoaned many times, despite Yuta's protestations that he finds it cute." this is so them i just know it. danny gets disgusting when he cries and he hates it and yuta think it's so cute partly bc its danny and partly bc danny hates it <3
"ā¦schlorpā¦" S C H L O R P
"Besides, he's not even sure if Yuta has the mental capability to be aware of Danny's need to breathe." tbh he probably doesn't. i think yuta is probably getting to the point where he's regaining some of his higher brain functions but i don't think he's quite there yet
"It feels a little like having the world's worst head cold, but Danny doesn't really have much brain power to spend on analyzing the experience of having slime filling the hollow areas of his facial bones." as someone who is Frequently Congested and also Hates Things In Its Nose, this sounds like a level of my personal hell right here. thank god danny isn't me and i can make him like anything <3
"The second that air rushes into Danny's lungs, he cums like a freight train." talk about erotic asphyxiation amirite
"It just elongates Danny's orgasm, stretching it out into an eternity that leaves him lightheaded and almost nauseous." danny is also getting nauseous from the dehydration currently starting to set in lbr
"When Danny finally comes back down to Earth, he registers that Yuta is still plowing him, still fucking his cervix and stuffing his womb and thrusting so deep in Danny's ass that he's past the sigmoid bend and into Danny's colon." im going to be so real with you: i did NOT go into this intending to have extreme penetration, but the opportunity presented itself and baby i am nothing if not an opportunist
"Yuta's grin grows, spreading ever so slightly too far across his faceā¦" i mean LITERALLY spreading too far across his face. yuta struggles with human proportions sometimes, so he can look a little uncanny valley at times
"The wet, disgusting noise of his body oozing in and out of Danny's cunt, ass, and bladder fills the air to an alarming degree, one that would worry Danny if he had the higher capacity to care about things like neighbors and decency and noise complaints." their neighbor is like a crotchety old lady who is going to have WORDS with their super once she can get a hold of him bc they are being LOUD on the BALCONY (real talk if their apartment faces a courtyard then someone is getting a WEIRD show during dinner)
"It takes a lot for him to squirt these days, and Yuta absolutely knows thatā¦" danny used to be the mythical girl in porn who squirts super easily but since starting T that's gotten harder to do. yuta is still determined tho <3
"His nipples are so sensitive these days, enough so that Yuta has been able to make him cum before just by playing with themāit takes a lot of time and a lot of patience, but Yuta is nothing but when it comes to taking Danny apart." real talk T does make your nipples sensitive it's so weird. danny can cum from a lot of things if theyre done to him for long enough and yuta loves exploiting that
"'I should keep your pussy on tap as my own personal water bottle.'" this is my favorite line lol
"His stomach is slightly distended, a little bloated, and the swell of it jiggles as Yuta continues to do his level best to turn Danny inside out pussy first." a) the end of this sentence is absurdly funny to me and b) genuinely danny would probably look a little pregnant since his uterus would be inflated but i did NOT describe it like that bc im a tokophobe </3
"The miry, plashy sensation of Yuta sloshing in and out of his organsā¦" 'miry' and 'plashy' are both words you'd use to describe like. a bog or a swamp and how wet those areas are, but it fit well enough for my purposes. i just needed something Wet.
"If his brain were capable of functioning logically, he'd be aware of the fact that he's so turned on because of the aphrodisiac soaking into his insides from Yuta's surface, but as it is, he can barely remember how to arch his back." real talk i love yuta being basically a dubcon creature in this verse. he doesn't always excrete his aphrodisiac, but when he's in survival mode OR super turned on then he's leaking horny juice <3
"Yuta shoves his legs up so high that the tops of Danny's thighs press against his chest, testing the limits of his hip flexors, creating a dull ache in the sockets of Danny's pelvis." I <3 MY BENDY BOYS!!!
"The abrupt shift in the angle of Danny's lower body means that the parts of Yuta pummeling his insides suddenly hit new places inside of him. He didn't think that was even possible, given how thoroughly Yuta has him stuffed, but the pleasure building inside his overstuffed stomach ratchets up in intensity." yuta is genuinely touching like Every Millimeter of danny's cunt but the different pressure at new angles makes even more of a difference than it normally would
"Yuta gets possessive at the best of times, so Danny can't imagine what he must be feeling like this, when he's filling Danny so completely." my read of danny and yuta is: danny is clingy, yuta is possessive, they're both jealous monsters, and they're both bratty bitches <3
"The philter is so strong that Danny can taste it, the phantom flavor of green apple coating the inside of his mouth like a film." so 'philter' is a word for like a love potion etc but it's a good enough word to get across what i needed without having to reuse 'aphrodisiac' again so soon. there's actually not a lot of words that fill this linguistic niche
"The pressure inside Danny's body mounts as cum floods out of Yuta, trying to fill Danny even further even though he's already fit to bursting." im ngl i still haven't worked out the specifics of like. where yuta cums from. i think he can control it probably?
"Cum immediately rushes out of Danny, spilling onto the concrete floor beneath him in a shimmery, milky green puddle." they're going to argue about who cleans it up; danny argues that yuta should bc danny can't fucking walk since he just got his womb fucked, and yuta argues it should be danny bc yuta is going to dry out again if he's in the heat for that long. claudio cleans it next time he comes over <3
"'Did you cum in my fucking bladder?'" yes he did <3 and when danny recounts this whole scene to claudio, claudio makes a joke about danny getting a "y-uti" :)
fic commentary for Rabbit Hole lets gooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'll probably do the comm for slimeboy yuta and the new bryuta fic i just posted (ššš) soon so keep an eye out!
GENERAL
i started thinking about transfem and lesbian bcc and how that would look, and then i got Ideas, which turned into this
i started this fic back in. um. July of 2025. it took me a while to make any headway bc i started dealing with pretty bad writers block tbh
originally this idea was about crossdressing yuta in Whole Lot Of Excess, but it morphed into its own au as time went on
it's linked on the fic, but here are their outfits again! i had so much fun planning them, but they also changed a lot during planning. also some changes were made due to links going dead and my reference going away :/
SPECIFIC
"ā¦a small little cafe that serves wonderful coffee and delightful sandwichesā¦" the menu is based off a local cafe. i have actually never been there but their menu looked good and had what i needed so
"ā¦the comics shop Yuta works at." originally yuta was going to work at a record store, but idk comics felt more fun
"ā¦a jambon beurreā¦" this is a french sandwich made of a baguette, high quality butter, and thinly sliced ham! they're so fucking good man if you ever go to france you have to get one
"Yuta pairs clothes with gender most days, which means today seems to be a Girl Day." yuta is genderfluid and uses they/she/he pronouns. they tend to default towards a more neutral gender (kinda like agender or nullgender), but she also has fairly frequent girl days. masc days are pretty rare for him. their style changes usually with their gender, but not always, as well as their pronouns!
"A black sundress, complete with a flounce bodice and spaghetti strapsā¦" i had such a strong image of the dress i wanted, but finding reference was SO HARD. i nearly resorted to pulling reference from a sims 4 base game dress lol. thankfully i found this picture of Ancham wearing like the perfect dress for some reason
"'ā¦HƤsliā¦'" means "rabbit" in swiss. the whole rabbitcoding is really strong in this au, as evidenced by yuta's accessories, bc i was having fun with it. that pairs well with mox somehow ending up as dogkin lol
"ā¦he notices that her slightly tacky lips carry the faint taste of strawberry." so this lipgloss actually doesn't have a taste as far as i can tell, but the original one i had planned was watermelon flavored. i liked the sentence structure so i fudged the details a little
"As her skirt flares, a gust of wind blows by, raising her hem higher than expected." this feels so stupid and cliche but i NEEDED claudio to see her panties beforehand and this was the best way i could figure out to accomplish that
"Her panties are white. They're ruffled." I found these panties way back when i was first planning this bc i really wanted yuta to wear panties with a hip ruffle. they've since been taken off the website, but they were too good not to use so i just snagged the listing photo and used that
"ā¦a collector's edition Man Bat figureā¦" Man Bat is a character from Batman and I adore him <3 the figure this was based on has been taken down and i forgot to grab the photo link. womp womp. if i remember correctly, this is what the figure looked like (also bro this figure is $860 what the fuck)
"The individual in question is very much like a bull in a china shop at the best of times, so much so that the fact that it works in a store full of pricey collectibles is both laughable and questionable." I <3 clumsy mox!! mox uses it/its pronouns in this au bc i deserve nice things lol
"'ā¦national comic day is coming up soonā¦'" nation comics day is on september 25th, so i imagine this fic takes place around sept 20th
"'ā¦I told Excalibur I'd help outā¦'" excalibur makes so much sense as the owner of a comics shop i feel so proud of this casting lol
"'ā¦we wouldn't want that, now, would we?'" the punctuation of this fucking killed me bc every fucking source says something different
"'I know that going into civil rights law was the right choice for me, but sometimes it can beā¦difficult to handleā¦'" originally i was going to make claudio a white shoe divorce lawyer, but civil rights law fit better in the end, and it makes the added detail of claudio eventually being nonbinary themself and having to stay closeted at work so much juicier
"'Bryan will be on board, but Mox might need some convincing.'" yes i know mox LOVES hiking irl, but i wanted the set up for the dog park joke so i decided to fudge it a little. maybe mox has a twisted ankle or something rn idk man
"'We could take it to the dog parkā¦'" there is actually a point in my convo with ranger about this au where we thought about mox having playdates with dogs at the local dog park once a week lol
"He's always been weak for the way her neck manages to be both strong and delicate, and he's never been able to resist the solid tendons along either side and how they flex whenever she moves." yes this is me projecting <3
"ā¦his thumbs absently rubbing her hipbones." okay this has literally nothing to do with the content of this fic but for some reason the word "absently" got changed to bright blue text in my doc???? it wasnt like that when i uploaded this??? and i havent touched this doc since??? pack it up chat, doc's haunted
"What language she prefersāor even allowsāchanges frequently, perhaps more than her presentation does." I imagine yuta has days where he has a clit despite being a guy or (more commonly) has a dick when she's a girl. it usually doesn't line up that way, but sometimes it does, especially if she's topping
"It sticks to her anatomy, accentuating the shape of her, long and thin and curving slightly to the right." if you've read any of my commentary posts before, you know my ytua dick size headcanon, but in case you havent: in my fics, yuta's dick is about 7.5-8 inches long and about 1.25 inches thick; long and skinny, just like yuta!
"He reaches up and hooks his fingers in the gaps of Yuta's fishnets, right at her crotch, before ripping them open with a loud tearing noise." this was honestly the original impetus of this fic: claudio tearing crossdressing/transfem yuta's tights so he could fuck them under their dress
"ā¦Claudio grabs her by the backs of her thighs and urges her up onto the counter." Originally they were going to fuck against the wall, but with the rimming etc and everything it made more sense on the counter
"It's the epitome of her Girl Voice, which never fails to show whenever he calls it her pussy." girl voice my beloved <3 i imagine yuta gets all high and fluttery when she feels extra feminized
"One strap of her dress has slipped off her shoulder, revealing the top of her lacy bralette cup." in the beginning yuta wasn't wearing a bra but then i got the image of her tits in a bralette and š„“š„“š„“ i have such a thing for bcc/death riders in bras man
"ā¦he wants to kiss her mouth, but she's picky about kissing after he eats her out." i love the idea of yuta being a little prissy or picky about very specific things. like they'll do a lot of gross shit but draws the line arbitrarily at random things
"Getting his left sleeve rolled up to his elbow is easy, given how practiced he is at such a motion, but the right one gives him pause. His left hand is still tacky with lubeā¦" i've gotten really into lefty claudio for some reason. idk it just feel right for him
"ā¦the light green fabric of his dress shirtā¦" originally claudio's suit was blue and his shirt was pink, but when i stepped back and looked at it all in conjnction with the green tie and garnet accessories, i realized it was a color coordination MESS. i swapped some stuff out, which is how he ended up in a brown suit and green shirt!
"The contrast of how they deal with his sleeves is nearly comicalāthe left sleeve is rolled up perfectly, in even, sharp folds, into a neat cuff right above his elbow bend; the right one, however, is haphazard and messy, ending in a crooked, lopsided roll with half of the link cuff protruding awkwardly." idk i just think this is so cute. like claudio is so diligent about their clothes and yuta just doesn't know how to do that bc it's out of her purview. when yuta is masc, he does wear button ups, but they tend to be short sleeved and less formal
"Personally, he doesn't really get what she sees in him, but he can admit that sometimes, his clothing can be quite flattering." dysmorphic and self conscious claudio my fucking beloved!!!
"Her nails, painted a beautiful, soft, buttery yellowā¦" it would've been easy to make her nails pink, which would match her necklace and makeup, but i really wanted another pop of color. Will helped me pic the nail polish; it was between this and a pastel green! normally i do go for green w yuta (and claudio) bc of their green tights, but yuta would look so cute in yellowā¦.
"ā¦he hooks her left leg in the crook of his armā¦" another thing pivotal to the original idea here. the idea of claudio with yuta's leg hiked up on his arm while he fucks her has stuck in my mind from before yuta was even transfem here and was originally just crossdressing
"She accepts him easily at this point, despite his significant size, despite the way he knows it's always a stretch to take him into her body." you all know this if you're familiar with any of my work, but my claudio dick hc is about 8.5-9 inches long and 2.5 inches wide (coincidentally, these are about the dimenssions of a fucking beer bottle)
"ā¦the movement folds Yuta practically in half, to the point where the tops of her thighs touch her heaving chest." yuta is so flexible and i am SO normal about it
"The obscene noise of their bodies meeting, of skin slapping and the wet squelch of his cock pushing lube in and out of her hole, causes a furious blush to rise to Claudio's cheeks. He's always been easy to flusterā¦" i have this fixation on the idea that sex noises always make claudio blush for some reason
"He's always been a sucker for a good makeout session, and Yuta fills that desire perfectly." moxclaudiyoots are a match made in oral fixation heaven <3
"ā¦he finds that her eyeliner and mascara are running slightly, tracking down her cheeks in dark, watery streaks. Tears gather along her waterline, stained a diluted black from her cheap makeup. He knows she loves getting disheveled and messy, in any sense, whether it be from her ruined makeup running down her faceā¦" yuta uses cheap makeup for multiple reasons, a not insignificant one being that she loves having her makeup ruined when she gets fucked. the other major reason is that she gets too precious when using expensive products and feels like she's going to waste them. claudio still gives her nice makeup from time to time even though it tends to just live in her drawer. if only she had someone to use it on ššš
"ā¦he knows what Yuta prefers after she cums, and he's more than happy to put her comfort over his own pleasure." SERVICE TOP CLAUDIO!!! in my mind, yuta gets overstimulated super quickly, and she only likes overstim sometimes
"She moans appreciatively as he makes a pathetic, whiny sound into the crook of her neck. He quickly sucks a mouthful of her skin between his teeth to muffle the pitiful noises eking from his throat." i just think claudio should get to be a little pathetic. as a treat <3
"As they catch their breath, Claudio slowly lifts his head from where it's buried in Yuta's neck. He catches sight of himself in the mirror, disheveled and undone, and everything stops." this line marks the beginning of what i actually wrote first! normally i write chronologically from beginning to end, but i had such a strong vision for the end of this fic that i ened up writing it first (and then proceeded to not touch the draft for months lol)
"The scent of Yuta's perfumeācaramel and vanilla and sandalwood, as sweet and decadent as she isā¦" yuta's perfume changed several times bc im indecisive <3 i wanted something relatively cheap and really sweet smelling, so i started on ulta's website and eventually moved to lush. im so bad with fragrances since i have mild anosmia and lush doesn't have fragrance notes on their website, so thankfully i found this site that does wonderful breakdowns of different fragrances! genuinely such a good resource
"His eyes lock onto the wristwatch encircling his arm, visible with how his sleeves are rolled upāthe delicate embroidered flowers, that tiny hint of femininity he allows himselfā¦" this originally wasn't planned, but when looking for swiss watches, i found this one and it worked so wonderfully for repressed, closeted-to-themself claudio that i just had to use it. also it's so pretty <3
"His stomach is twisted in knots, moreso than any other time he can rememberānot even when he first found those lacy panties and thought Yuta was cheating on him." that's how claudio found out yuta is genderfluid. they were closted for the beginning of their relationship (and entire friendship beforehand), but after moving in together, claudio found some of yuta's panties in the wash. since claudio is so insecure of himself, his immediate thought was that yuta was cheating (and that he deserved it bc he wasn't good enough <3) so finding out that the panties were yuta's was even more of a shock than it would've been to most people
"He needs to prepare himself; he doesn't know what outcome would be more heartbreaking: feeling like it looks stupid, or feeling like it looks right. He couldn't emotionally handle either today." claudio is going to be SUCH an emotional wreck when they do this <3
"'Yeah,' she says, voice as soft as clouds, 'I'll doll you up real nice whenever you want.'" "i'll doll you up" is such a good description of their relationship with claudio's gender. claudio becomes yuta's little dress up doll <3
"His thoughts still feel like ice being ground down in a blender, grating and loud and harshā¦" this might be my favorite sentence! i just love this imagery, it's so evocative to me
"The harsh sunlight streaming through the large windows blinds him for a second, stinging his eyes as if he'd just spent several hours in a dark room. As Yuta walks them to his car, Claudio dutifully walks behind her, ready to follow her lead. As long as she's the one guiding him, he knows he'll turn out alright [sic]." I LOVE this simile. it's clear without being too on the nose imo. also i didn't realize the mix up of "alright" and "all right" at the end until literally just now rip
in todayās episode of learning stuff about myself/the world via my responses to fic:
I was rereading a bookmarked f/f incest fic which I love, as one does, and it had this short segment:
which made me smile, with bleak knowingness, because it captures a kind ofā¦ condescension on the part of one family member whose fave hobby is putting down a blood relation who cares about her and is anxious to please her, who has made a sport or game out of it. the fic is from the POV of a megalomaniac sister (Junko) and very good about illustrating an extremely emotionally manipulative sibling relationship.
and it also injected a small amount of dread or frisson, right, because I have been party to a version of this dynamic and/or emotional reality - someone who is convinced youāre worth less than the dirt of this earth and assumes youāre intellectually deficient, ānaturallyā so even, who cannot be swayed otherwise because that conviction is what helps justify any mistreatment of you by them, and this fic gestures at ā without ever being on the nose once ā how dehumanising that can feel. and it sounds weird out of context, but I love the fic more for that, even beyond the base(d) fact that it nails Junkoās v difficult megalomaniac voice.
bonus: the fic delivers all of this with a great consistent heaping of absurd, black comedy! which is also imo an apt way to frame the genuine absurdity of what emotionally manipulative environments or relationships can be like.
HCs to go alongside my latest fic, featuring 1x & CK!! You can read it... here! Read that before this!
Keep in mind that even if I talk abt my thoughts, death of the author! If you want to shoot my notes dead I encourage it (please tell me what you observed), and I'll try not to explicitly comment on the meaning of this and that, just fun hcs. Long post warning.
Fun fact, a lot of my changes post-1x-lore-drops were to the flashback, but I also added a lot more adjectives that lower others ("mindless," "sinks," "ants"). Before the lore, I didn't expect superiority to be as important to 1x as it ended up being, but in case you couldn't tell I absolutely love it.
I describe the killer lobby as a forest. I want to have my cake and eat it too so I picture killers as having both a limbo and a lobby outside rounds. The lobby is a less comfy survivor lobby (there are cabins as Slasher's description implies- or was it just Jason- but very few use them), and the Spectre alternates between personal limbo and lobby to keep them between bored and tormented/vengeful so they perform well in rounds. ...and i wanna write both interactions and dream sequences... what can i say
"no one else in this purgatory is willing to do a thing."
TO BE CLEAR!! Slasher would totally do something. So for this perhaps assume Slasher is in a round or limbo or maybe especially caught up in his mother's voice rn and not super aware of his surroundings. as for everyone else:
John is lobotomized
Ik ppl love Noli & CK but I don't characterize, or even self-indulgent character, Noli as parental to CK fjwaoifj. I think Noli finds thrill in a fellow chaos-maker and perhaps may even try to teach C00lkidd to be like him, but he indulges in CK in a very egotistical manner where CK is a kindred spirit, an extension of his greatness. If CK is being weak, Noli doesn't have interest. This is a hc i've carried for very long and interests me GREATLY, but it's not something that'd make him help CK.
Everyone else I see as having come into the realm after this, but in case you're curious:
Nos is in a basement/his house instead. also he would not care.
Sixer is incapable of communication and it's unclear how... present. Sixer really is. Perhaps they would snuggle up with CK though, who knows.
Even 1x only comes back for CK because he struck a nerve with them :P and they're my favorite so i wrote them.
"The Spectre made the kid ridiculously strong, but so too are they- Spectre orĀ not-"
It'll become more apparent in later 1x works (if i get around to that) buuut... yea 1x does NOT like Mx. Spectre.
"itās like school"
There is a common (and canon supported) hc that CK was bullied that I ABSOLUTELY subscribe to. It's probably part of why he was so open to causing some chaos once a group actually took kindly to him and encouraged it. I actually have a lot I could say on CK's character. I feel he is often overlooked bc his dad gets all the spotlight.
"Feathers and bone in her hands"
Yep, that's a winged shedletsky design you just read! Sue me. I shall not spell out the flashback sequence but since this is more hc specific I will say I hc 1x ripping out Shedletsky's wings in whatever big confrontation they had :) 1x themself once had wings. Maybe I'll talk about my 1x design one day.
"They breathe, a rasping and rattling sound"
based off the actual idle sfx for 1x! that sound sortaaa like breaths? if they are he's having a very hard time doing it, which makes sense for someone who's in pain 24/7.
Let me say 1x's advice here is NOT meant to be 'right.' They are trapped in hell, one has his entire perception of his surroundings obscured and the other is a literal creation of hatred who I had to tweak to even be willing to talk. I love indulging in 1x being parental to C00lkidd, but I was still rather restrained in my characterization here, so they are not meant to be a family dynamic, much less a healthy one. Doesn't mean you can't find this fic wholesome, because it's meant to be, just in the complicated way that comes with. all this. 1x is... trying their best. and projecting hard.
What happens after CK upends 1x's entire identity with three words? That is for you to imagine, and me to imagine! Fun fact, there used to be a lot more in that final part, but I cut a bunch out. It just wasn't working right, and I think this hit harder.
im writing this past midnight so none of it has been proofread. forgive me. I hope you enjoyed my fic and ramblings, and again, I tried not to spell out anything. Interpret the fic yourself and remember, the curtains are probably blue for a reason!
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Have some chapter three commentary as I'm working on the final part of The Sorting Out!
As always, under the cut because a) long and b) minor spoilers
We know. shockingly little about the Bothans getting the Death Star II information, despite that being the one line we have in the movie about it. So I spent like 1.5 hours puttering around Wookiepedia for any sort of lead as to where they would get this intel from and landed on the Inspectorate HQ. Now, this building has a lot of other stuff going on. But it has offices from the Imperial Military Department of Advanced Weapons Research, which makes the Death Star, so it's good enough for me.
RIP Eest and Grir. We hardly knew them. Again, my one line is that "many Bothans died" to get this info. I did have a fun time thinking about what Cassian would do with the bodies, though. Played around with him bringing them back to H1 (and then eventually to Bothawui), but decided against it because everyone involved was more practical than that.
I could write out a whole paragraph about how Cassian's still a Captain because he wants to be out in the field, and pull in his convo with Luthen in 2-5 (???) about Ghorman, but that would be (mostly) a lie. The real reason he's still a Captain is because I don't know how the Alliance (and military in general) is structured and I don't want to figure it out.
Erskin appearance! Erskin is one of my favorite side characters in Andor, so I had to include him at least a little bit.
It's truly unclear (in-world, I get the meta reasons) why Han is in charge of the ground crew on Endor. He just got back from Jabba. But I'm committed to keeping the movie canon intact, because that was my intention with this series, so he's in charge. Jyn and Melshi do get to complain about it though.
I love it when a character makes a bad decision while knowing it's a bad decision. Another thing I wanted to play with in this work/series was Cassian's agency (forever thinking about that one Cassian and Kleya convo in 2-9), and this is a part of that. He knows staying on H1 is not the optimal decision for the Alliance, for the Cause, but he won't let them define all of his actions.
I'm imagining Wil up on one of these things. All the images of people working on X-wings have them up on ladders and such, which would not really work for Wil and his crutch. So modified lift!
Guys I have so many thoughts about Ferrix. We'll get into them in much more detail in part three. But also, the Time Grappler (the guy who plays the anvil) has to be my favorite reoccurring minor character. He kills a stormtrooper with a hammer. Iconic.
Lando doesn't have a line for when he hits the Death Star, at least not in the clip I watched. But I needed something here, so I've given him one.
I also have a lot of thoughts re: Endor v Yavin v Kenari's climate and ecosystem. Yavin's a tropical rainforest, the warmest and the wettest out of the three. Endor's a temperate rainforest (redwoods), so a similar amount of wet to Yavin but colder. Kenari's the driest out of the three and around the same as Endor temperature wise--I would put it on the hotter side of temperate, but we don't have a ton to go off of. I know it was filmed in England, but I don't think it matches that climate exactly. In any case, here's where I would put them on a temperature/precipitation graph:
This isn't exactly what I'm imagining but it's close enough. Credits to the 5th edition of Ecology by Bowman and Hacker for the graph.
I emerge from the wetland to give you commentary on chapter two of When We've Won, and then descend back into the vernal pool.
Anyway. Under a cut because a) long and b) minor spoilers
I loved writing the coded conversations Kleya and Cassian have in this. I tried to make it apparent what they were talking about without outright translating it, and I think it worked. I also got to channel Margret Encino from A Starstruck Odyssey for the business-speak, which was so much fun.
The comparison of Cloud City to Coruscant is because before we rewatched The Empire Strikes Back for research purposes, I thought the whole Lando situation happened on Coruscant. This is what happens when you last watched the Original Trilogy 10-15 years (minimum!) before you watched Andor.
The reason why Cassian is working with bad maps is because I, for the life of me, could not find a good map of Cloud City. I found many passable ones, but trying to overlay what we saw from the movie onto them was rough, to say the least.
Speaking of Lando, the whole reason I set this chapter on Cloud City was because I wanted him and Cassian to interact when Cassian was in spy mode. I knew I wanted this chapter to be a more stand-alone mission, because chapters one and three were going to center around big battles (Yavin, Endor). I played around with having him be undercover on one of the Imperial ships for a minute, but landed on Cloud City.
This entire chapter was an exercise in how to get Cassian to /not/ interfere with the plot. The solution was to stick him in a cell for a couple hours and then give him important intel that he couldn't lose.
Eest! I don't have a ton of backstory/lore for them, because I mainly just needed a character here, but I still think they're neat. Also, I definitely think Luthen and Kleya had contacts in the society known for espionage and spying.
I mention this in the endnotes, but I ended up cutting a whole scene of them hanging out and taking that night off from the outline at the end of this chapter. This chapter was already getting pretty long, and with the way I planned on starting chapter three, it wouldn't flow right with the scene in there. I'm planning on writing it up separately and posting it later, as a companion oneshot of sorts.
if you wouldn't mind, "director's commentary" on close your eyes (and I'll be on my way) would fix me, i believe āØššš„ŗ
it's one of my faves and anything you wanna share about making it or coming up with the idea, i'd eat it up šš
Oh! How lovely! Thank you for letting me ramble ā¤ļø Here's a link to the story.
Against my better judgment I decided to participate in a Christmas calendar thingy and got assigned a date on which to post. I have such a good history with challenges! I love deadline's so much! Yay! But this time there isn't even a recipient involved I'm scared of disappointing! I'm sure it's fine!
"It's fine," I said to one of my friends. "It can be short! I'm sure I'll be able to whip up something!"
Friend, who is wise and has had to listen to me complain and agonize over writing more than anyone ever deserves: "Uh-huh."
"Sure!" I continued. "I'll pick a Christmas romcom cliche and write a short thing. Like... a meet-cute at the airport or something."
At which point like... the image of cancelled flights just popped into my head. The first few pov paragraphs came out fairly quickly after that. I thought I was on a roll! I only had to figure out where they've been and where they're going and why and what's their history and future and... Uh. Yeah. "On a roll" quickly became "rolled up under blankets in fetal position."
So, it took a lot of complaining and agonizing, but the strong visual of them at an airport bench carried me through. The whole time I saw the story as a short film, actually. I even googled "how to format a screenplay"... Maybe one day.
Do you know how hard it is to alternate pov's that rapidly? To commit to a pov and then realise you need something more in between so now you're stuck with two scenes with the same pov so you have to add yet another or change the pov's around or have really long scenes... Ugh. Nightmare.
I had no idea what to do with the ending, at first. Bojan walked away and I was like, how do I fix this? Should I make them run through the airport? In the rain? Or should it be unhappy? It took some twisting and turning and recutting and intertwining scenes to get where it ended up.
For the longest time I wasn't happy with the whole thing, there was definitely something wrong, but luckily I had a ruthless beta who whipped me into shape and made me kill my darlings and try harder. And then another beta who picked up the pieces of my shattered self-esteem and had some really nice words to offer. And of course that one friend who hyped me up the whole time. It really takes a village.
