the goblin queen

Middle School really had us drinking milk with enchiladas at 11:15 A.M

He could be sweet if you completely erased his entire personality and exchanged it for a different one

pisses me off that 90% of art criticising the US maade by USamericans does the thing where theyre like "this isnt the real america. something changed and the america we loved has turned bad" and still pushes patriotism as a good thing and an important thing for americans. die die die die die!

we are the daughters of the hamburgers you couldn't help

wore a white dress and walked in the rain to the barracks so all the knights could see my skin peeking through the fabric and i said “oh my, excuse me ladies, it seems i got myself lost in the downpour… i’m all alone and no one even knows i’m here…” and they just gave me warm clothes and made me soup so i didn’t catch a cold and escorted me back to my room. i fucking hate chivalry

just watched the knight that escorted me pick up a maid and twirl her around and carry her back toward the barracks while she giggled and blushed and kicked her legs. fuck my extravagant princess life

location sharing in modern relationships is so bizarre to me. like I get having find my iPhone on or whatever but if my S/O texts me some bullshit like “why is your location saying you’ve been at 337 South Front Street for 30 minutes?” I am considering them a hostile entity. we are no longer dating. you are like a slasher in a horror film to me now. you do not need to be up my ass like that. checking a loved one’s location should be a last resort if you can’t contact them and you have reason to worry. then again, I’m one of the few souls alive who refuses to turn on read receipts or text back in a timely manner. very much a call me if it’s important, be patient if it’s not kind of person.

what did dads even do before wd-40