XxWeird0_AcexX

As your neighborhood's entrance comes into view, your mind goes back to overhearing your parents saying something about locking the doors if you kept coming back so late. You didn't think too much of it until you remembered you didn't have keys. They never bothered giving you one. When you came home early, you had to wait outside until one of them or your brother arrived.

When you arrived at your front door, it was locked. So you rang. Once, waited a few minutes then a second time and waited again. You waited like this for 20 minutes.

But no one came..

The cold had already settled deep into your bones. It's not like you had the adequate clothes for the winter either. They never bothered buying you anything. You contemplated your choices. You were too tired to try and climb up a window or something, staying outside meant a high risk of dying, so it was not an option either. You walked away, staying here wouldn't do anything to help anyway. And slipped your hands in your pockets and your fingers grazed the set of keys Ghost had given you. And suddenly, your best bet was probably crashing at his house for the night knowing he wouldn't be back for another two to three days. So you walked forty-five minutes through the snowy and icy roads, trying not to pay attention to your discomfort. You didn't want to admit it, but by the time you reached Ghost's house, your limbs were heavy and your vision was fuzzy. You fiddled with the keys, your hands raw and fingers covered in frostbites. The door finally opened and you stepped inside the snow falling off you and covering the floor. You closed the door and forced your body inside, and crashed on the closest surface, the couch. You had forgotten to take your shoes off, but considering the stars in your vision, that was probably the least of your problems.

It was 2am. Ghost was driving back to his house. He had finished his mission earlier than anticipated and decided to go home immediately. He'd never admit it out loud, but he was looking forward to seeing you coming in the next day to take care of Riley. He parked his truck and hopped out. He opened the door and to his surprise, it wasn't locked. Which was weird since you always locked it. He stepped inside and saw the melting snow on the floor. His hand hovered instinctively over the gun at his belt. When he heard Riley padding over and whining. She tried to pull him towards the living room. He hated that. Something was wrong and it stressed him out. So when he arrived in the living room, he didn't expect to find you slumped on his couch. Half of your body is actually resting on it. Riley was whining at your side and he approached you slowly. You were soaking wet and your lips were blue. He didn't know how you got in this state or why you were still here but he had a small idea of why you weren't home. He shook you and made sure you were breathing. You opened your eyes, but they were unfocused and glassy. You tried to speak and what you thought was a coherent apology was actually almost gibberish.

You don't remember much after crashing on the couch. You barely recall seeing Ghost, but you were unsure if that wasn't a dream or hallucinations.

The light of dawn was plunging Ghost's house in that beautiful wintery blue-gray. It was truly a peaceful winter morning. Ghost was in the kitchen, boiling water and settling not one, but two cups on the counter. Once the water was ready, he poured it in the cups over the tea bags and left them infused for five minutes. During those five minutes, he walked over to his room. He had put you there to lay in his bed in hopes of warming up. Inside, here you were in one of his hoodies and weighted comforter over your body, covering you up to your shoulders. Riley was laying right next to you resting her chin on your legs. Ghost approached and took the thermometer from the bedside table and brushed a hand across your forehead to get it out of the way. He could tell you were still cold to the touch and not out of the woods yet. The thermometer confirmed it. But at least it wasn't life threatening anymore.

Your eyes fluttered open at the touch. You slowly regained your surroundings, your vision swishing around a bit. You debated sitting up but went against that due to how dizzy you felt.

“Look who decided to come back from the dead.”

Ghost deadpanned. He wouldn't show it, but he was relieved that you had woken up. You rubbed at your eyes to chase the sleep and drowsiness away. There was a slightly awkward silence until Ghost interrupted it.

“How are you feeling kid?”

You looked at him for a moment before answering:

“I'm okay… I think.”

And then yawned immediately after. Which you could swear you heard Ghost huff at. He ruffled your hair and left the room to go back to the kitchen. Questions could wait for a few hours. He wanted to make sure you're okay first and not push you. So he poured some honey in the cup that was meant for you before heading back to his room with both cups in his hands.

I wanted to talk about my C.AI recovery and how HARD it's been on me. For co text I have deleted my accounts (one was on reading mode the other was not). To make it simple, I stopped cold turkey. This has been in my opinion the best choice as it have me no choice. I also downloaded I am sober (I don't go on it anymore).

The first few weeks were fine... It's after yhe third week things got hard. I was lowkey forgetting my meds due to my psychiatrist telli g me I had to take them in the morning (I am on prozac) and it fcked me up so bad... I was lowkey idealising death and honestly planning my funeral. I felt so lonely and ashamed... I searched the internet for some other ppl that had the same problem. None. No solution. And to this day I still see people mocking and giving BAD ADVICE.

To those who say "write fanfoction" or "roleplay with other PEOPLE" you probably have never been addicted... I swear I barely have any energy as it is... I sleep from 2am to around 10am- 12pm and then nap from 1-2pm up to 5-6pm. I know I probably sleep as a coping mechanism but it's to show that NO it is NOT a solution. I can barely get out of bed and do stuff I like. Writing included. And it's so annoying to see all these people giving those advices and not realizing that those who are addicted are already ashamed eough and KNOW what they are doing. I stopped but that doesn't mean I am perfect and don't use AI at all. I do... And I want to stop. So that's why I'm venting on tumblr. I use ChatGPT to vent. Which is STUPID I KNOW.

But before you say "Go and see your friends" I can't. I always was there for them... But them? They always told me they would be there for me and when I vent they just say "ouch" or something like that. Last time I was talking about how my mom doesn't really support my gender identity and they answered "ah force" in english it's basically "oh ouch" LIKE WHAT IM SORRY- For someone who "missed" someone that almost gr00med me, and always come to me with their sob stories, it HURT. And I'm not that close with my IRL friends to talk about it with them. They're mostly guys and won't understand.. They don't understand my anxiety so.

At the moment I just want to protect my peace and just try to get better. I really have enough of loving but never being loved (platonically) I will soon see a new therapist in hopes of her helping me with some other issues. I'm so tired and I hate having to reach out. I'm posting here because no one I know is on tumblr. If you have any stories you'd like to share feel free this is a dafe space. And please...

I'm begging you DNI if you're going to judge anyone or anything I or someone else says...