mauls no.1 hoe

"Stay still", you whispered, tending to your colleague's wound. You sat beside them, holding their chin and running a damp cloth down their cheek to soothe the sting.

"It's hurting, you know, it's hard not to move", they complained, hissing when you cleaned the area around the fresh cut.

"Just be quiet, I'm almost done", you said impatiently. Finally, you reached for the bacta patch on the table near you.

The moment you turned your gaze away from your friend, you saw him. No, you saw a pair of glowing yellow eyes.

"Lord Maul", you called, your voice calm. You have gotten used to him now, his ghostlike presence, always sneaking around the shadows you casted.

Quickly, you finished patching up their injury. It should heal completely in no time. You have a way with medicine, it's why Maul keeps you around, to assist the mandalorians in this matter. Once the look of his eyes on you thickened the air with tension, your colleague got up and bowed their head to both of you, leaving you alone with him.

"What is it?", you asked, absentmindedly putting the medical equipment away, "everything alright?"

He was too quiet for your liking. You looked up at him again, taking notice of his expression now, an anger so raw you couldn't hold the contact.

"What were you doing with them?", he demanded an answer, slowly stepping towards you.

"Nothing! They were wounded, Maul, I was helping them!", you tried to plead.

"You were too close."

"Nothing happened, I promise you!"

He seemed unsatisfied with your explanation. To make this right, before he came any closer, you got up and cupped his face with your gentle hands.

"Maul, listen to me, please."

His eyes widened at your boldness, but he remained silent.

"I love you", you muttered, staring straight into his eyes, "I love only you. I would never break the trust you have in me. You're the only one I want, desire and love. Please, believe me, okay?"

He didn't say anything right away. Instead, you watched as he blinked fast and swallowed hard. You kissed his cheek tenderly, whispering another love confession in his ear. And so, he also let it out:

"I love you, too, my dear", he held you suddenly, needing to feel your warmth, "I apologize for judging too harsh."

Your chest ached. You ran a hand up his arm, onto his bare shoulder. The muscles beneath his black and crimson skin were tense. He pushed against the covers like he was trying to get away from whatever horror was plaguing him, still no closer to consciousness. You faltered. Maul might not have his lightsaber in hand at that moment, but that hardly mattered when he could call it to him with the Force over just about any distance. Besides, he was a ruthless, efficient fighter. He needed neither his weapon nor the Force to kill you, even if it was just an accident because his sleep addled mind didn’t recognise you.

But still. You had sworn, to yourself if not in words to him, that you would always be there for him. You weren’t going to leave him on his own now.

You ran your touch across his collarbones to his other shoulder, so that you could have a hand on each side of him. Then, you knelt above him just enough to have some leverage, thumbs massaging his skin.

“Maul?” You tried, to no avail. “Maul, come on. Wake up.”

Still nothing.

So you shook his shoulders one time. His blazing amber eyes snapped open instantly and he lurched forward before you could so much as take a breath.

He flipped you onto your back and dropped his weight over your hips, both hands wrapped tight around your neck. He was somehow completely free of the sheets which had been trapping him. And he wasn’t just squeezing your throat and arteries, he was pressing your neck down into the mattress with all the fury he could muster burning through his veins. Your vision was already darkening – you had a couple of seconds before you were out. You used them to claw your nails into the insides of his wrists, to try and drive your knee into his back.

Head spinning, you saw the exact moment his expression changed into one of recognition. He flew back like he had been burned. You gasped for air, your head tilting a little from how woozy you felt. Your heart thundered as you brought your hands to your throat.

When your vision cleared enough, it was to see an expression of utter horror on Maul’s face. He was holding his hands aloft as if he didn’t know what to do with them, a line or two of blood running down his forearms from damage you had dealt him. He seemed frozen in place. You made efforts to steady your breathing, then went to lay a hand on his thigh. A motion you thought would be comforting while you got around to speaking.

Instead of that, it spurred him into action. He leapt to his feet and began to slowly back away from you, hands still raised in front of him in a display of placation, to make himself seem less threatening. His chest was heaving.

“I… I…” His voice was rough, barely above a whisper. “My darling, I…”

Fighting off the lingering dizziness, you sat up and got your feet on the floor.

“Maul, I’m alright,” you rasped.

Your voice gave you pause – you sounded anything but alright. Maul stopped too, his face a mask of devastation. You touched your throat gingerly, determining how hurt it felt. The ache below the skin said it was definitely going to bruise. But the longer you sat there, the worse Maul looked. So you dropped your hand back to your side and, convinced you weren’t going to pass out, stood up. The Zabrak looked like a wild animal ready to bolt, one which would lash out with claws and teeth if its exits were compromised. And in his haste, he had backed himself towards the floor to ceiling windows instead of the door.

Thinking that having him hear your damaged-sounding voice again would make things worse, you raised your own empty hands a little and took a step towards him. That was a mistake.

Maul shot past you, hugging the walls to stay as far away from you as he possibly could. His posture was once again immaculate, his shoulders and back cutting hard lines in the half-dark. He snatched up his shirt from the back of his desk chair without missing a stride, ignoring you as you began to follow after him. You jogged a few steps across his bedroom when he flung the door open and you realised he was just going to leave without a word. The Zabrak extended a hand behind him and called his lightsaber to him without first needing to check where it was, walking into the pitch black corridor running through his quarters seamlessly. You, of course, couldn’t see a thing.

You scrambled to follow him, flicking on lights so you didn’t trip over your own two feet.

Maul crossed the main living space with a grace befitting any predator, utterly surefooted. You were almost woozy again by the time you got the main lights on.

“Maul, please wait,” you called as best you could, because clearly just following him wasn’t going to help.

He gave you a fiery glare over his shoulder, though he refused to turn to face you. You stopped before you were close enough to touch him.

“Please just stay alright? Please,” you muttered, but his only response was a harsh scoff. “Maul,” you tried again, growing almost a little desperate. He stopped punching in the keycode to unlock his door.

“Stay?” He mocked slowly, sneering. His words were venomous. “You want me to stay with you, after what I’ve just done.”

The hand which he had been resting over the keypad dropped back to his side. You tried your best to make your voice sound more normal, to stay collected in case this was the calm before he lashed out. The only way he could deal with anything unexpected was through anger.

“We can just talk,” you offered quietly, “or not. I could make tea.”

“Tea,” Maul hissed, as if the very idea was abhorrent. “Do you realise, are you even capable of comprehending how close to death you just came by my hands? Do you have any understanding whatsoever of what I could have done? Of what I would have been responsible for and then carried with me for the rest of my own life? When I swore to protect you, it was inclusive of myself. Yet I am nothing other than what my Master carved me to be-”

“I am not afraid of you-”

“Well you should be!” He roared, his eyes wild.

He spun to face you, finally, but now he had his lightsaber in hand and he was advancing on you with his teeth bared, every line of his body rigid with the drive to fight. The fury radiating off him was actually enough to make you back up, and he didn’t stop until you were pressed against a wall on the opposite side of the room, his towering, muscular frame caging you in. But even through his temper, he never once lost concentration on his weapon. It was angled perfectly so that if the blades were to be ignited, neither would come anywhere near you.

Maul’s gaze caught on your throat, where a ring of bruises was no doubt already starting to form. He began to reach towards you, but suddenly realised what he was doing and went to drop his hand; you caught it before he could. With both of your hands wrapped around his own, Maul became very, very still. He grew even more tense, hardly breathing. You manipulated his fingers to lay flat, and he let you, but barely. Wordless, you started raising his hand towards your own throat. He realised what you were doing immediately and pulled away sharp, but despite the new distance, you still kept a hold of his hand.

“Maul,” you murmured, watching as fear and fury warred across his face. “Let me.”

You bowed your head when you brought his hand up this time, so you could begin laying featherlight kisses on the backs of his knuckles. You decided he probably hadn’t stopped you yet because he couldn’t believe what you were doing. You gently turned his hand over and frowned when you saw the wounds you had inflicted on his wrist. The bleeding had already stopped, but you had raked your nails deep into his flesh.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, pleased to find your voice was improving.

You weren’t brave enough to look up and see Maul’s expression, but his unnatural state of stillness told you everything you needed to know. You placed another kiss just below his palm, just above the start of the first scratch. An apology, even if you would make the same choice over again. It was clear that your attempts to kick him hadn’t been all that successful.

With your head still bent over his hand, you turned it again and laid it over your throat in a single motion. Your only indication of anything at all from your partner was a single intake of breath, only just audible. But he didn’t pull away this time. You made sure his hand went exactly where his grip had been before. You knew how deeply rooted Maul’s fears and prejudices were, even if he never spoke to you about very much at all. Words weren’t nearly enough to reassure him; he needed physical proof of what you were saying. You had to show him you weren’t afraid of him, prove to him that things really were alright. Even then, he would still struggle to believe you.

When you looked up again, still keeping his hand on your throat, Maul’s anger had cooled to its usual simmering frustration. He couldn’t wrap his head around what you were doing, or why you would put yourself at such risk. You offered him a small smile, your thumb stroking over the back of his hand.

“I almost killed you,” he muttered, voice harsh. “I didn’t – when I dream, I do not always immediately recognise my surroundings upon waking. This is why I didn’t want you to share my space at night. I will have the next suite across converted into something you can use instead. You will have your own door to access my quarters, if you wish, but I cannot allow-”

“No.”

Maul stared at you, incredulous.

“No?”

You shook your head.

“I’m not afraid of you, and I am absolutely not going to start hiding from you. You’re the person I trust and care about most in the galaxy Maul, I’m not going to let you push me away.”

Maul was back to staring. For once, he seemed speechless, though you knew that wouldn’t last for long. So you took the opportunity to grab his other hand and lead him back towards his bedroom. He let you, but again, probably only because he was struck by utter disbelief. You flicked lights off as you went, eventually leaving you both in the dark once again. You could barely see the Zabrak’s outline, just the hard glint of his eyeshine reflecting what little light was seeping through the open bedroom door into the hallway.

“Come on,” you told him, “it’s really late. I want to go back to sleep.”

That was when he dug his heels in.

“I will not permit you to risk-”

“Then we’re both going to be standing out here for a really long time,” you challenged.

His lips might have pulled back into a silent snarl, but you couldn’t really see well enough to tell.

“You are impossible,” Maul growled, but it wasn’t really you he was angry at.

Sensing you were winning this particular argument, you sauntered closer to him until you could press a kiss to his shoulder. He watched you in a way which you guessed was supposed to be impassive, but that was hardly the truth.

“I get worse when I’m sleep deprived.”

You smirked at him, because you knew he could see perfectly well even if the reverse was not at all true. Another tug on his hands made him start walking again.

Maul complained incessantly when you insisted he at least run some water over the wounds on his wrists if he wasn’t going to treat them properly. He eventually conceded, however, because it meant he got to watch you tend to him – though on pain of death, he would never admit it.

When you finally got back into bed and he tried to confine himself to the very edge of his own side, you all but draped yourself over him and tucked your head against his chest when he tried to make you move. After a good long while of considering what he wanted to say, Maul finally admitted, in a sense, what was worrying him so much.

“I don’t want to hurt you again,” he murmured against your hair, so quiet you could barely hear him.

You snuggled in closer, pleased when he lightly laid his hands on your back.

“You won’t,” you said with absolute certainty, eyes already starting to close.

“You don’t know that.”

You cupped his jaw and the side of his face, hoping he might find it a little soothing.

“It was only because of how I woke you up. If I’d left you alone, it would’ve been fine.”