Weijiajules

we say: "where were you? how are you? do you know my friend?"

this is not singular, which would be: "where was she? how is she? does she know my friend?"

the argument is that it's "confusing" bc what if you're trying to talk about one specific person out of a group? and i'm like... this is already the same logical problem we've always had in speech. we even run into this problem whenever there's more than 1 person with the same pronoun; where we end up saying something like "she said no, but she said yes." you probably just have to use their name or otherwise indicate whom you are speaking about.

okay but what if you're trying to say "i just met them" (singular) but it's unclear if you meant the plural "i just met them". good news. it's the same thing as "you" still. in the same way you might have to say "i just met y'all" or "i just met all of you" to mean a whole group rather than one person, you might say - "i just met them all" or "i just met all of them" or just use their fucking name if you need to.

♥ How to re-mother yourself? A spiritual guide ♥

Following the previous pick a card reading (thank you for your likes and reblogs!) for healing your inner child, I got the feeling it could be useful to explain how re-mothering is done, and what it actually is.

It is not that radical to conclude that most people have had some sort of trauma early on in their life, whether minor or major. Most families are far from perfect, you see. So, for some it could be blatant abuse, for others something more mild, perhaps. In any case, many parents (especially in older generations, so Gen X parents, Baby Boomers, etc.) did not have sufficient knowledge on how to raise a child empathetically. I can explain that too, but it’s going to take me on a whole different angle of this topic. Experiencing a parental figure lacking in emotional availability and or empathy can leave you scarred in one way or another. Therefore, it is quite useful to try and remedy that. This is what we can achieve through re-parenting ourselves, and specifically for this post, I will focus on the aspect of re-mothering.

So right off let’s start by what is re-mothering?

Think about the ideal mother. It would be a figure that teaches you how to live your life in the best way possible, in the more empathetic sense of this notion. (The other part is re-fathering, but I’ll have to make a separate post for that). Basically to re-mother yourself is to give yourself what your maternal figure could or did not. It usually means more empathy, warmth, undertstanding and pampering.

Eat Well.

This is very personal but looking back at my childhood, my mother hated cooking, and ate either very little or way too much, depending on the season in her life. Food seemed like a punishment to me, as a child. And, as a teenager, I had some issues with limiting my food intake etc… thankfully, I did not succumb to these tendencies for too long. Instead, I had the insight that it is something much deeper I have to heal in regarding to food.

Food is our fuel, But, unfortunately we can get by on low-quality fuel, like junk food and cold snacks. To treat your energy better you have to eat better. It does not have to be the perfect keto/vegan/whatever diet, but just make little adjustments. Takeout food can be healthy, too, so don’t beat yourself up for using such service but just search for the healthier options. Don’t have time to cook? Eat fruit on the go, grab some nuts. These are simple solutions. 

Drink Well.

Listen, you gotta drink water everyday. Like really, a few full glasses of water. From a Chinese medicine point of view, they better be room temperature, not icy water. Can’t drink water? make some nice sweet tea.

Exercise AND stretch

You don’t have to be a ballerina to be needing a good stretch here and there! Most of us are living a sedentary lifestyle, sitting in front of screens the whole day. I feel like that has gained even more extremity specially ever since the pandemic has taken place. So, get off of your chair and stretch your arms, rotate your shoulders. Youtube has some really great tutorials for good stretches that only take a few minutes to do.

And excercise - I honestly think yoga/pilates are great but it’s not for everyone, so if you can at least try to fit it some light jogging/walking/cycling every day. Even 20 minutes a day is a great amount of excerise, and it does count, not only for your body but mostly for your soul.

Manage Your Expectations (from yourself)

I feel like a big part of being empathetic towards yourself in this day and age is simply being able to manage your expectations from yourself. Society expects us to deliver 150% on all fronts - Your studies, your day job, your side-hustle, your relationships, your friendships, your hobbies… but how is that even possible?

Being content with ‘just enough’ sometimes is a great way to heal yourself, especially if you were a child who felt the pressure of impossible expectations from your parents/teachers etc.

Manage Your Expectations (from others)

Being empathetic towards oneself, as a good mother would have been, also means to me. managing your expectations from others. Not in the sense that you have to lower your standards but in the way that if someone cannot give you something, you should give it to yourself. It could mean different things for different people,

Rest.

It all depends on your biorhythms and stress levels but re-think resting as a whole. In seasons when I work a lot I try to fit it little rest periods throughout my day. So I tackle a problem or assignments and then lounge for 20-30 minutes if I can. It helps me think. You may not be able to do that all the time or most of the time but if you can, try and find this sweet spot of fitting in a moment for yourself amidst the chaos of the everyday.

Pamper yourself  - Be your own best friend & lover first ♥

If there is one best advice I’ve ever gotten, it was the one given to me by my literature teacher when I was sixteen. She was telling our class something like “you gotta be your own best friend. Go to that noontime movie screening by yourself. Take yourself out for a coffee. That way, you wouldn’t need anyone and you will only attract the best people into your life, the ones who will really love you”.

And you know what? While I’ve still had my share of obstacles since I was sixteen, there is one thing I never struggled with - enjoying my life without waiting for anyone else.

The louder your inner child will get.

The more you project your internal anguish outward instead of looking inward,

The more powerless you will feel.

The more you look outward for direction and validation,

The more lost and invisible you will feel.

The more you look inward and validate your inner child’s feelings and experiences,

The more seen, heard and real you will feel.

Nothing external will ever satisfy if we are running from pain inside ourselves.

All human relationships are mirrors.

All of life is a mirror.

There is no way to escape your inner world, it must be faced patiently and lovingly.

The more you give your inner child loving care and attention,

The more safe and secure you will feel.

The more you look inward with compassion and curiosity,

Space was not an option.

Knowing what was mine and what was hers was not an option.

I carried her pain. I carried her stress. I carried her marriage worries. I carried her financial problems. I carried her trauma. I carried her fear.

As a child.

A tiny, scared, confused, overwhelmed child.

This is what I thought love was.

I only want love now that feels good to my nervous system.

That child deserves to breathe now.

That child deserves to rest.

That child deserves to play.

That child deserves to be a child.

Every time you ignore your needs, you retraumatize your inner child.

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

pov: you’re shadow weaver and you just walked into halfmoon