Weighted Words

I’m rereading Prisoner of Azkaban and the trio visit Hagrid after Buckbeak injured Malfoy. After Hagrid calms down, he finally notices that Harry is indeed there, when he’s not supposed to be out after dark because of the threat of Sirius looming and he says this:

“People have an unbelievable amount of kindness sitting in their chests- it is a wonder it hurts so much to breathe when you cannot give what someone wants, needs. All your kindness is trying to go out, do its job, but it just can’t. It happens sometimes and I still don’t know how to handle it. Worse, I still expect others to be able to push past the ache and give anyway.”

I always hear echoes of “Please don’t feel that way.”

Instead of asking why they left, now I ask, ‘what beauty will I create in the space they no longer occupy?

I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful. I appreciate rawness so much.

And maybe that was love. Being so vulnerable and allowing someone else in so far they could hurt you, but they also give you everything.

they see them every night, how could they not? they are turned to face the sun so they are doomed to see the stars falling from the sky  and they wonder if it is slow if it feels like a summer too dry or a spring without enough sun, are there sky-roots that wither pulling into themselves  so that the stars are no longer tethered  with the others- maybe the stars weren’t getting  what they needed. maybe the sunflowers don’t know what they are missing by only facing one way. maybe they are all tired of needing at all. maybe it is better not to want  and see where it leads us.

“Writing is actually such a lonely thing to do. Sometimes you spend hours and days just within your own head, without even realizing that you haven’t spoken to a living soul in ages. And from time to time it scares me how much I enjoy to do just that: Get away from everything by spending time with these people in my mind, in worlds I created, with ever purple skies and never fading summer nights.”

it’s the memories that haunt me the most they wont let me forget you.