the green bean club

you have GOT to get over god abandoning you when you were 2 like its not even uncommon

what's the dewey decimal number for foreskin. coward

prostrating myself at your feet for my lack of composure thank you for your wisdom

please dont vape your blueberry ice flavor around my kid. we are raising him on marlboro reds exclusively.

Just saw my doctor type "FUCKED FOR LIFE" on my chart then he turned the screen away and stopped making eye contact with me

surprisingly forward-thinking of jim henson and co. to make a female character in the 70's that's allowed to be loud-mouthed and violent and kind of overwhelmingly romantic and even a huge bitch at times and not have a moment where any character asks her to change

going through all the muppet movies in a row made me realize that like. miss piggy was made in the 70's. and it's so rare even today to have a character like her. she's loud, she's selfish, she's funny, she's extremely vain, she's obsessed with romance, she's violent, she's kind of annoying, and there's not a single moment in any of these films where she's asked to tone down any of these personality traits. i am not joking when i say that miss piggy might be one of the best treated female characters ever written

if they're gonna remake The Princess Bride, it should open with a kid sick in bed scrolling on his phone. his grandpa arrives with a gift--it's a DVD player with a disc already inside. grandpa hooks it up to the TV and presses play. and we all just watch the original 1987 film again.