“Ideals are peaceful, history is violent”

War is such a horrible thing. Even when you’re right, you’re wrong with yourself. I love the movies and series that are able to portray the inhumanity of it all. Killing kids so yours aren’t killed. Witnessing what men can do to other men. Being forced to eat tragedy after tragedy before your eyes and keep functioning as a killing machine. That goes against all aspects of innate humanity… and yet there’s still people who declare war without a second thought. So many lives ruined by a single decision of people who will never seen death and destruction. I hope we never see war here.

Then I started choosing me. I stopped betraying myself to please people who don’t really care about me. Who would never really care about me.

Look I see the benefits of capitalism but jfc when are people going to wake up to the fact that the USA is literally POISONINGGGGGG us with our food. Anything in the name of money and freedom. I think it’s wild. I feel like if people knew, and understood the extent, they would be leaving in droves bc the FDA doesn’t regulate bum FUCK. Wake up ppls our mental and physical health is compromised for the rich and powerful who by the way can afford the time and money to feed their kids a paleo diet. Like???¿

I hate the insult “they think they’re the main character in every story” well duh. You’re just an extra in every person you meet’s reality. No shit they think they’re the main character, to them they are 😀 think deeply now

Just remembered how when I was a kid I’d ask you “what would you do if I went missing/didn’t come back??” And you’d give me this fake deep in thought look and be like “mmm, I’d go to goodberrys I think. Maybe stop at the grocery store on the way home.” 🤣

Whenever something drastically good or bad happens, my mind goes back to you momma dearest. Time has allowed me to grow around some of my grief of your loss but the guilt remains. The sadness of never saying goodbye and I’m sorry sticks still. More actually as time goes on and I leave young adult hood for full blown adulthood. I see you now. You “know” things when you’re younger, like spoken words that you comprehend but the empathy aspect is much broader and takes time to develop. You left me at 21, I’m 26 and damn if I don’t understand you more every year. It’s like re-grieving. What you must have been going through, knowing your limited time on earth. Knowing that some day you would leave the world earlier than you planned. What a concept. I can’t even imagine mom. What that must have felt like day to day, hour to hour, minute by minute. I always thought you were just “nice” when you’d get holiday cards for our home gas station staff. I knew you were sick then, it’s hard not to imagine putting the pieces together to empathize and really understand where that comes from. You were nice, but you were also dealing with your own mortality, and how you want to be remembered. What a person you were. Not just a mom. You were also a person. I can see that clear as day now. I wish I could tell you that thats clear now. The best I’ll be able to do until we see each other again is type here, and talk to you when I fail and achieve. You’re the first person I want to tell anything. Everything. Even now, there’s a hole you left that won’t ever be filled. I just have to continue to build friendships that simulate the safeness I felt with my mom. Build a life that demonstrates those horrible things I said and days we had were all worth it for you. Love you always.