Releasing unfinished thoughts.

I don't think many people realize how much work it takes to sustain a relationship. People just sort of want all the good morning texts and sharing their life with someone over a beer and laughing all the time. People get this idea from television sitcoms that fighting can be worked out so easily or laughed over and things aren't like that in real life. People face a lot of differences and differing of lifestyles due to experiences. I wish as weird as it sounds but someone or school taught people how to love. How to understand difference and how to handle conflict and also not to be afraid of it. I wish people taught about how not to possess or control someone in a relationship and how detrimental that is. People go into relationships absorbing what they learn from their parents or even an absence of parents and that's not always entirely a good thing.

You’ll meet only a few people in your whole life who are truly abandoned houses—rundown, worn out, collapsing at the seams. I’m not asking you to take a hammer and nails and pin up their rafters, fix their leaky faucets or put new panes of glass in their broken windows; I am asking you to simply open their door, and spend a little time memorizing their floor plan. Get to know them. And when the time comes, I want you to draw back their curtains and, once and for all, let the light in.

Forever trying to find that balance between hoping too little and too much, between being too much of a dreamer and too much of a realist, between being too distant and too attached. I don’t know where that fine line is, so if you find it let me know.

I realized at the end of the day someone can agree with me about a lot of my viewpoints but if they don’t take the time to understand why I would ever be emotional or why something they said or did hurt me, but instead just stand there not understanding why I took it so personally and mildly insulting how I feel instead of trying to understand me and conflict is bound to happen. Then they do not understand me and that relationship would have failed. If you can’t understand difference, at least eventually, you don’t understand there’s a life other than your own to share it with someone.

All I want at the end of the day is someone who wants to laugh about the world with me and just enjoy life with. I just want to go on hikes and jog and stop somewhere and just talk about everything and nothing. I want to share comfortable silence. I want late night adventures and catching fireflies and frolicking in fields. I want a carefree attitude and I want to stop all the planning and thinking. I just wish life wasn't always a checklist to everybody and worrying about careers and marrying and having kids and going to college. Which I'm not saying are bad things, I just want to have such a carefree, lively attitude and to laugh about all the wonders in the world and to not have someone make me feel it's a waste to sit at home and read a book or play video games or make art. I want someone who sees that hobbies that serve no economical benefit are worth supporting because it's passion and creativity that is so raw and human. Things that serve YOU. Things that make you feel good. People are like living robots for luxuries and proving to other people things for instant gratification and I just want simplicity. I want laughter and hand holding and campfires and warmth. I want a familiar face and someone who isn't afraid of flaws.

Once you understand things wouldn't work out, there's really nothing to hold onto anymore. “In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

I am scared that I am that crazy girlfriend that everyone should just stay away from and I am just a bundle of contradictions and erratic emotions. Just because when I feel, I feel so intensely.

if you don't think thigh highs makes any lady more sexier you're wrong and i hate you

There's a small part of me that still holds on to this optimistic notion that one day people will grasp the concept that "you're" and "your" have two totally different uses in the English language. But then I remember that this is America, and we don't need proper comprehension of grammar because we're better than everyone else anyways.

I might be too young to settle down and marry, but I’m definitely at the age or more so emotional and mental state to not still be playing anymore games. I’m too old to just be talking to someone, too old to not know what’s really going on, and too old to be entertaining somebody with no intentions of making it work. Right now, although I don't feel in any place ready for something new. I’m only interested in consistency, stability, respect and loyalty. And I want to hear someone tell me that they love me and know they really mean it. I'm reminding myself everyday not to crave in to sadness and wallowing around with things that didn't work out. I'm trying to live the life I’d be envious if I'd seen someone else living it. This is becoming my personal mantra. Whenever I’m going through a difficult time, like a breakup, and I’m wishing to be the person who could get over it and move on, I tell myself to be that person. Instead of waiting to be inspired by someone else and being jealous that they’re living a life I wish I had, I tell myself not to wait for that moment and to start being the person I want to be. I'm also starting to take up gardening aside from longboarding and art, "So I plant my own own garden and decorate my soul instead of waiting for someone to bring me flowers." My love goes out to you all and anyone dealing with the pains of an heartache. When you feel like you wasted your love or do not know where else to put it. Remember that you can spread it around other places and people. Strangers could use your love and even the people you're already close to. Spend more time with them and enjoy yourself. Turn everything into passion for people and hobbies and just focus on yourself. We're all doing this little awkward beautiful dance together!

I had one of the most majestic moments while doing yoga out in the woods for the first time. There was nothing in plain sight. I dropped out my yoga mat and started to meditate. After a good 30 minutes in and switching poses. This huge black butterfly flew around me and landed on my shoulder while I was doing the warrior pose. And apparently butterflies symbolically mean transformation because of the impressive change of metamorphosis. For the past 3 weeks, I've been feeling this underlining change all around me. Internally and externally. It's weird because I just seen my ex-boyfriend today before he left to go to Minnesota to drop off a few more of my things and then to cut off contact to do both some healing to sustain our friendship. Although it has been difficult to accept the ending of that relationship, I couldn't be happier with who I am now and I just feel like I am paving my way through to become even more graceful and to tread lightly on earth like a butterfly. I just thought this was beautiful. It was uplifting. The universe is so beautiful.