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one

eats like Gaston 

Mini wheats like Gaston

Charles: they’re MARIGOLDS!

Holt: Good God, I think he’s right! They ARE marigolds!

In light of some of the things that have come up recently, I’d like to make a post that I think outlines part of the problem I’ve seen with  the ‘anxiety’s room’ culture of the fandom. 

First of all, none of us are therapists. Seriously, none. Even those of us with some kind of background in psychology or social work or counseling are not here on tumblr in a professional capacity. We’re here just like you are: to have fun, and to unwind. 

We cannot be your therapists. 

Not because we don’t care–quite the opposite. Because we do. 

One of the most important things I learned when getting my psych degree is that therapists have to stay objective if they’re going to help their patients. They cannot be emotionally invested in you. If they are, that clouds their judgment and puts you both at risk. The doctor-patient relationship must stay distant if your therapist is going to give you objective advice and outside input on your situation. 

Now. The big blogs? We care about you. And many of us are willing to give you advice– but you need to understand that that advice might well be “get a therapist.” 

Let me take a moment to distinguish between therapy and advice. 

Advice: You’re questioning your gender or your sexual orientation, and want the perspective of someone you know identifies a certain way.  Therapy: You’re experiencing constant dysphoria and need continuous help. 

Advice: You don’t know how to come out to your mom and you want to talk to someone who has.  Therapy: You and your mom have a deeply troubled relationship and it needs a good deal of work over time. 

Advice: You’re scared about giving a presentation or going on an interview.  Therapy: You suffer constant, crippling social anxiety in many situations. 

Basically: if it can be answered in one or two asks? That’s advice. 

But if what you need is constant care and support to work through a deep-seated emotional problem? Then what you may need is therapy. 

When someone you’re asking for help tells you that you need therapy, they’re not doing it as a brush off, or because they don’t care. They’re doing it because they know they do not have the tools to really help you (in fact, they might hurt you, and themselves, in trying), and because they care about you, so they know they cannot be objective. 

So please, please. Respect each other. If someone tells you that they can’t help, for whatever the reason, respect that. If someone tells you what you need is therapy, please don’t be offended by it. They simply want to guide you to the best help you can get. 

And 99 times out of 100, that is not going to be a random non-professional person you met on tumblr. And frankly? If someone on tumblr does say they can be your therapist? That’s a big red flag. Chances are they mean well. But anyone who claims they can give you that kind of help for free is not a professional (believe me–professionals charge) and non-professional help is always a risk. 

Please, be smart about how and from whom you seek your help. If what you need is advice, please, come to me! I love giving advice. And by all means, if you need a hug, or just a moment of positivity, I am here for you. Many of us are. Because we love you.

But if what you need is therapy, please seek a therapist. That’s something we cannot be. Because we love you. 

Stay positive

Cry when you need to

Everyone heals at different paces and that’s okay.

You’re incredible.