LSam388

NOTE: The following is a ramble about an unhelpful thoughtloop I frequently get stuck in that caused me to get stuck daydreaming, feel free to skip this post if you're reading to find out things regarding my health. A sort of thought loop I kept finding myself in since 2017. And getting worse with each year. And what would that be? Wishing I could do things all over again, and all the things I would do with the things I learned in 2018-2022. I would daydream for days, weeks, longer. Sometimes less, sometimes more. It usually gets worse when my health isn't doing so good. This happened in 2025, a lot, it hampered some of my actions after the first ER visit. I had planned to return almost immediately, but then began to daydream instead about what things I'd do differnetly if i was back in time in 2002, or 2003, or 2005, or 2007, with the future knowledge I knew. I'm not kidding when I say that. I hesitate to link this, but it shows just how rampant I let my delusion play out: I wrote out entire degree plans I would do in these alternate timelines, ugh I really hesitate to share this but whatever: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1AJAEfZjyywdiARBqsio1sdmIrp1csMRJQ-NuDD5kTvQ/edit?usp=sharing It's weird, since even though I had a bleeding stroke in 2015 that most definitely worsened my memory and my cognitive ability, I learned a lot of things and got much wiser in 2016-2022. Let me link the channels and things I learned. 2017: https://www.youtube.com/@RobertMilesAI I basically first became wary of AI early this year thanks to this guy's videos. 2018: https://www.youtube.com/@whativelearned I learned a shitton about health from this guy's videos, his videos from 2016 to 2020 are especially gold, I think I would have died a lot earlier if it wasn't for him, not joking. https://www.youtube.com/@drekberg This guy's health videos are also pretty good https://www.youtube.com/@PeterAttiaMD I know, it's Peter Attia, a guy found to be on the Epstein List now, but that doesn't take away the contributions he made to the field of longevity. 2022 to early 2025 not so much. Too much yugioh masterduel, vtubers, and.... sigh.... hentai was used to drown in my sorrow instead. Still though, I guess the worst choice I made was both in 2025, and the failure to correct it. I was overzealous in my attempts to fight the cancer when it returned in March of 2025, I panicked since fasting no longer worked like it did before. That's when I researched Fenbendazole, and the Joe Tippens protocol, and how it worked for him. I tried it, along with other supplements, and it did work for me. Unfortunately, my underlying health situation was already very fragile as is-- and this misadventure pushed me into Pancytopenia and a Hemothorax of the left lung in April 25 2025. I tried to address it on May 1 2025-- that was late, but late is better than never, but I failed to get the ER to take me seriously with my concerns of hypoxia and the brain. Afterwards I failed to galvanize myself to that level again and just fell in the abyss again. And one of the things that allowed me to stay in the abyss for so long is the daydreaming delusion bullshit habit I had built up for years. I still do that even to this fucking day. Sometimes going back to those early years of 2003-2007, but now even sometimes daydreaming as late as early 2025, and the different path I would have taken. Needles to say i let this steal more autonomy than I really should have. I also HEAVILY underestimated the damage the SpO2 situation was doing in the longterm until it was too late.... I mean I had researched about it, I knew it, but I mismatched that compared to what I felt like the decline was. Then November 2025, the sharp cognitive decline since then.... By then I had become more and more resigned to my situation when I really shouldn't have.

How I wish I could turn things back to Jan 2025. With what I know now, I could have prevented all of this entirely. Well, maybe not the cancer coming out of remission, but the hemothorax, the bone marrow failure, the resulting yearlong damage from both and the November 2025 brain bleeds. The July 2025 accident. I would have known what not to take... And the person who I had recently discovered in October 2024 and started watching their streams. I could have potentially helped them with the concerning warning signs I learned about health. With the dangers of fructose and sugary drinks, the things needed to be done after antibiotics, the true history of diet, how with the end of the paleolithic era and the advent of agriculture that our health got worse, we got more cavities, and we became shorter. To be fair, I learned a lot from them too, like A LOT, could have dealt with my mental issues that kicked a lot of this off if I had known that stuff earlier. Hm, I think I could have helped them with their situation? Ha, isn't that rich coming from me, given the situation I'm in now.

If i just go to the ER without a plan, I'm going to get rejected again. They treat emergencies, and if I fail to show them that, I'll get discharged just like then. I need a gameplan, and I need a good one. That's what i'm trying to do now with the images above, I'm obviously not a radiologist, but they need to explain clearly why the differences exist in these images with respect to my claims. A Brain SWI would clearly show even the smallest of microbleeds that I suspected, but I wasn't able to get that despite asking for it every single time I asked for an MRI. Apparently there was another route I could have taken: Asking for a brain MRI DTI. Hypoxia is really fucking nefarious on what it does to the brain, the changes are not obvious, it's microscopic damage, that won't show up in an MRI until the damage is severe-- and even then it would just show up as brain shrinkage which some doctors might brush off. A brain MRI DTI is able to see this microscopic damage that longterm lowgrade hypoxia can do. That's all fine and dandy, but you need to take this plan into action too. Plan if you need to, but actually do something with it. Fucking hell going to the doctor/hospital is so fucking stressful for me, especially given the expenses. But if I knew THIS shit would happen, I would have gone back immediately after the first ER visit in 2025.

My first brain damage was from my bleeding stroke in late 2015 (accidental overuse of aspirin & fish oil in desperate attempt to deal with heart issues.) I never did go to the ER for it thanks to my Mom blocking me from goin when I requested to be taken to the ER. The damage from that was a large amount given the fact I didn't get ER treatment-- I felt permanently different afterwards. But I was still quite smart, just my short term memory mainly that suffered, and I needed way more time to process things and had to take things slowly. Oh, that and the muscle wasting and inability to gain muscle when ever after once hyperreflexia set in, that sucked. But that was nothing, NOTHING, compared to the damage I endured since 2025. April 2025 to October 2025 I had a strong brainfog that slowly worsened every month from the now SpO2 issues & pancytopenia, and a few rare very small microbleeds. It was from November 2025 onwards that things SHARPLY got worse for my brain. It was fucking horrific. I think the Spo2 issues worsened the vessels in my brain to bleed more easily, so the supplements I used that were fine before WERE NOT FINE THEN. So i had bleeds, bigger than the April 2025 one, but MUCH smaller than the 2015 bleed. I had other things going on in the head, but to be honest? i don't remmeber anymore, go to my earlier writings and maybe I wrote them there. but the problem with the bleeds were THEY. DID. NOT. STOP. I would have a bunch of tiny little bleeds during one day, almost none the next, then a bunch the day after. Again, none of these bleeds came even close to the 2015 bleed, but they kept happening, they never, EVER STOPPED. It was embarrassing ot then realize a reason why they way more common during this time until around Feb/March 2026 as well. It's a bit gross to say this but it is relevant, let's just say I was forced to exclude myself from the thing people do to relieve stress, because apparently that raises blood pressure in the brain, and while that's in amounts that is more than safe for most people, it wasn't for me anymore. Even after that though, bleeds would still happen, just more rarely, and the lowgrade hypoxia dmage kept going. So if I tried to estimate the damage, from that 2025 event up to today, I think I can easily say the brain damage I've endured since 2025 is easily 8-10 times worse than the 2015 stroke, and I'm not kidding whe nI say that.

So yeah, it was only around in Feb of March of this year that I even bothered to start to write this blog. I wish I did so way earlier in Jan 2025 or whatever, or years earlier, I would be a lot more coherent than I currently am. You know what? Let me prove that, I do have writings I made. Problem is I only have the Steam ones handy on notepads when I was autosaving conversations. A large chunk were in vindictus for 2017~2020 which are lost to time or in obscure screenshots in some folder I can't find. The rest are on on discord with friends since ~2017 are massive... and would need lots of pruning which I don't really think I'm able to do anymore. There actually was one time I made the writins available in public, in 2020 on reddit, but they were just a pasted summary of something I wrote in 2017. And back then I had a misunderstanding of many, many things (I knew the aspirin was a culprit in the 2015 stroke, but I didn't suspect the fish oil until much later, so I kept taking it, and while it didn't give me another stroke, it did give me on and off small neurological weirdness until I went off of them in 2018) Anyway here it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/helpme/comments/f9qx7h/comment/fj9skrw/?context=3 In 2020 I didn't realize I was dealing with a heart infection either, man what I would do to have the mind of 2015 or 2020 again with this future knowledge, and to be able to retry things, I could have easily saved myself a lot of fucking grief.

Did I talk about this already? I genuinely don't remember, mentioning it now since it still affects my current situation. Stalling will get me nowhere. I know that's true. I'm trying my best here. It was a herculean task for me to even get there as "fast" as I did on the May 1 2025 visit.

Once the hemothorax happened on April 25 2025, and I saw what it was doing to my SpO2, I knew I had to get the ER ASAP. I had to plan so much before I was able to muster enough courage to go the first time around:

I told my mother about it day 1, showed her my large arm bruise, showed her the spo2 CLEARLY SHOWING VALUES UNDER 90, hoping she'd be my emotional support in getting to the ER and helping me. But that didn't work, I don't know what I expected, I thought the obvious proof would be enough, but I guess not.

I knew nothing about the ERs around me, so I had to research the best one for me to go given I had no insurance and limited finances, while still attending a good ER.I discovered that Ben Taub ER fit that bill as the cheapest option since it's a teaching hospital.

The images above were from when I was getting courage to go to the ER. I don't like doing things without a plan, so I planned. Prepared a backpack with all the past medical documents I had & pills I used along with other supplies I needed like a powerbank, clorox wipes, facemasks, etc.

Planned a route to go there via uber to save cost rather than ambulance, found out the best time to go to the ER where there would be less people and be seen by a fresh set of doctors (weekday on the early morning 5-6 am, I basically got seen the moment I got there without wait despite it being a teaching hospital.)

Even with all of the above, with me being ready and set to go at 4 am, I stalled at the last step, to confirm the uber appointment for five mornings in a row (the 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th, and 30th). I felt an intensse amount of internal pressure stopping me, fear and uncertainty screaming at me not to do it, felt like a powerful invisible barrier that I could not surmount. I think my prior bad hospital visits in the years prior gave me actual legitimate PTSD about ever going to the ER again, I'm not kidding. I was having a gigantic mental breakdown even seriously considering going. I only pushed through on the morning of May 1 2025 because I felt a new onset of numbness, which was enough of a shock to me to snap out of it and just hit the button to confirm the Uber ride.

So what went wrong? The hemothorax had self-drained by this point for a few days now, while that's good and it meant my SpO2 was no longer frequently dipping under 90%, it also meant that they would miss the issue upon x-raying my chest, since they saw no fluid there. And since my SpO2 was better, their own check noted it to be in the mid 90s, so they were not concerned with it. I did show the resident the SpO2 value I had days earlier when it was under 90, but they just brushed it off after seeing the current values. So my lung concerns got completely dismissed. They saw my CBC values and obviously focused on that. But since I wasn't currently bleeding they weren't all that concerned and just put an IV on me and observed me for a while. No referral to a hematologist, no referral to a lung doctor, none of that.

I tried to raise concerns about my brain-- how the symptoms were matching up to the situation before my first stroke in 2015-- and this is where the resident actually took me seriously and wanted to possibly do a head CT scan, but he was overruled by the attending (who wasn't even in the room) and it got denied. In retrospect, I don't think the head CT scan would have helped much, the primary issue was with the left lung and CBC after all, and brain CT scan can't see brain microbleeds regardless, but that broke me mentally. I wasn't getting help with the lung, they saw the CBC issue but didn't get a hematologist involved or even a referral to one, and now they even dismissed my brain concerns too. I felt like all of my concerns were being dismissed, since all they wanted to do was watch me for a few hours to see if my condition would change. I just felt so broken. That I wasn't going to be helped, again, I just wanted to get the hell out of there, so I asked to be discharged. A huge mistake I know, I should have been more pushy, been more

Ughhh my head hurts, it's hard to think well, hard to put things to words properly, hard to rmemeber without constantly having to look at past writings and pictures. What was I even writing about again? About stalling, and needing to take action.

But I did take action, 7 days late, but I did take action. I didn't get the proper help I needed.

I'm like a man drowning on the surface of the ocean. The May 1 2025 visit was me briefly able to have my head rise above the waters and call out for help. Once that failed, I was drowning again, and this time, my head wouldn't resfurace until it was way, way too late. I wanted help and reached out for help on May 1 2025, and didn't get it.

Ugh, I'm sorry for being so weak in advocating for myself, in not persisting after that failure. I tried, I really did try.

I know, that's in the past, you gotta do something now, or things arent going to get better. I know that. I'm just so damn tired. Of having to fight others, and then have the ER still miss the issue. I already visited the ER twice before and visited a hematologist and neurologist and did imaging. Please be nice to me, I really did try.

I'm turning 38. I genuinely dont remember the last time it was celebrated, early 2000s? I'm used to it.

Didnt think Id make it this far to be honest given the nonsense since 2025 that is still ongoing. But I'm glad I'm alive.

Got a message on my phone from my father today. Didnt know he had my number, & I forgot his long ago. Wished me happy birthday, & that he loved me.

But deep inside I can't help but wonder... why? I dont deserve it. I messed up big time in 2002 by letting him be cut out of my life, was too ashamed & angry at myself to reconnect things when I realized my mistake years later.

Hm, an old memory sparked. Extreme self-hatred & extreme self-criticsm, Used it to successfully push myself to get good grades during high school, but it was not healthy. Made me extraordinarily terrible at asking for help. Thought if I was too stupid to figure it out myself, that I deserved to suffer the consequences. I couldn't NOT think these thoughts, it was like an inner critic I couldn't shut out. Deep down, I'm not a good person am I?

Heart starting to hurt quite a bit, suspect it's related to constant hypoxia damage. Anyway…

…I had more I wanted to say, but I forgot what it was. Curse this brain damage… some other parts of the body are failing, but constant slow brain damage the worst way to go out, losing pieces of what makes you… you, it's a horrific way to go. Oh right, now I remember

Could have easily gone to UH with a good scholarship if I reached out for help when I got stuck on paperwork & help with picking major, but I never did. Posted relevant images on twitter @link1sam. Dont ask why it's there instead of here, it just is. Edit added on 5/18/2026: I apparently forgot to do this, i'll just post the images here and refer to this thread. I was also terrified at the prospect of living in a dorm and taking care of myself, since I was absolutely clueless on how to do that on even the most basic level. My life was just classes, video games, anime, the internet, and the very few friends I had irl.

Graduated High School in 2007, lost access to few irl friends after moving away. NEEted after high school, aimlessly earned A.S. degree in 2010-2012. NEETed again until 2015.

Issue 2: Excess sugar and fructose Notes 2: First, some definitions, when i speak of sugar, i mean like the white powder, which on the molecular level is 1 part glucose, and 1 part fructose. Too much glucose can have its issues, but it's the fructose that is especially heinous. While fructose doesn't directly increase insulin as much as glucose does, it indirectly worsens insulin resistance much worse than glucose, ginve the fact that it is mostly process in the liver, very similar to alcohol. In fact it can almost be as bad for your liver as alcohol; while alcohol can give you fatty liver disease, sugar and especially fructose is a strong driver non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD). An online friend of mine (back when I had them) was dealing with NAFLD in 2020, and it was thanks to guiding him away from fructose drinks and sugar diets that he was able to avoid that fate and a potential early grave or a liver transplant. This video does way more justice on the topic than I ever could: "WHY Sugar is as Bad as Alcohol (Fructose, The Liver Toxin)" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_4Q9Iv7_Ao Sorry for being intense and pushy on this to anyone reading, I know i'm coming off as a diet zealot, but you don't have to take anything I saw at face value, and in fact, I encourage you not to, challenge it if there's a weakness, earnestly research it with an open mind, all I ever wish is for proper information on how to be healthy to be commonly available to folks.