Legendary vibes, swag content, fucking geezer

used to be people would say things like "avast" or "hither and yon". nowadays folks mostly say stuff like "ethernet cable"

I was eating 🍮 Pudding

they should make a weed strain called get up bitch clean your apart ment

"getting laid" is very hot and sexy. "getting off"? great news as well. so you would think "getting laid off" would be wonderful news for your penis. but alas

pirate who's worried mermaids are gonna fuck his girlfriends: me fear fish want me women

i hate people who know highways. “i’m heading south on I-65” okay man. i’m moving my rook to c2

Do you hate them or do they frustrate you? Cause hate is a strong word to use

The funniest homophobia I ever experienced was a Mormon lady at my work telling me she would accept me being gay because we have to get along as coworkers but I really should consider not being gay because gay people have sex like animals (especially gay men) and she just couldn't stop thinking about it and how gross we are. She started really getting distressed, near tears, and saying 'I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop." over and over and miming some kind of sex acts with her hands and I was like ?????? What is happening???? One of the other Mormon ladies had to come over and pat her on the back and help her sit down to help her calm down and our boss gave her the afternoon off due to being too upset to work.

I also cant stop thinking about gay sex at work but i never get the afternoon off because of it :c

I think 90% of conspiracy theorists would be a lot happier if they just bit the bullet and got into creative writing

my parents trying to figure out what to get me for christmas

i hate people who know highways. “i’m heading south on I-65” okay man. i’m moving my rook to c2

I wish I was a female tiger because then if I was talking to someone and I was getting off topic I could say “but I tigress,” and then kill and eat them because I am a tiger

Inflation is so bad I bet $20 isn't even enough to turn a straight man gay anymore that's gotta be like at least $40 in today's economy

One time I was working as a waiter at a burger joint where the fries were tossed in salt and coriander and as I was bringing food over to the table for these two huge beefy guys one of them asks what the green stuff is so I go "it's coriander" and his friend goes very seriously "he can't have coriander" and I'm thinking shit ok maybe he's allergic and guy 1 starts pulling up his sleeve to show me something and I'm thinking shit shit shit he's probably breaking out in hives rn and it's my fault but he just shows me his arm and he has this huge cursive font tattoo that just says "I fucking hate coriander"

Oh I don't necessarily disbelieve. That's just my tag for all real-life stories on this platform. As opposed to #allegedly fake stories, which is my tag for tumblr fiction.

Ok you know what I respect that that's a good tagging system have a nice day

Y'all vape :/ why you do that shit to your body…the chemical. Smoke cigarette it’s a plant

I literally just said this yesterday

you guys heard of cbd

Cock and ball dorture?

FUCK silverfish

if those are the little bug things that look like centipedes yeah fuck em omfg

OH IN MINECRAFT I THOUGHT YOU MEANT. REAL ONES SLDKJFLSKDJLFSDF

where do you think the name came from

i don’t know, tumblr user plump9000. i sort of thought they weren’t real, like endermen. or creepers.

>implying endermen aren’t real

really not liking what you’re implying buddy

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