WaxxyWade

hey — call me Waxxy or Wade.

this is my tucked-away corner of tumblr where I:

• scream about my Special interests

• Autistic Genderfluid Gremlin

• write/talk about love stories that are messy & grown

• occasionally hyperfixate on House of Wax & TMNT (2012 & 2003) because that movie lives rent free in my skull

I’m here to have fun, make things, and be unhinged in a fictional way.

if you like intense character bonds, horror aesthetics, emotional damage that pays off later, and stories where people want things too much — you’re in the right place. Feel free to ask me anything about me or my favorite characters.

— A Poem About my Anger

Warning: this is my experience with my anger. I lost my cool when July just started…

For weeks the guilt has swallowed me whole,
a quiet storm for simply feeling anger.
It burns so bright, so powerful,
yet leaves only ashes in its wake.

I lost my cool before —
and now I see him waiting in the mirror:
Donatello’s second mutation,
twisted, green, and cold.
That is the monster I carry.

I relate to him too much.
I pull away from everyone I love,
building walls of silence and distance,
so I won’t break their hearts
or bruise their souls with my rage.
Better they forget me
than watch me become this.

On the surface I act strong,
a shell of toughness they admire,
but inside I’m weak —
a trembling, guilty thing
wearing a monster’s skin.

Will I lose my cool again?
I tremble at the thought.
Will I become him completely,
lost in the mutation of my own darkness?
Yes… yes I am that hopeless.
That monstrous.

And if it happens,
if the anger wins and I fall too far,
“Help me” will be my last words —
a broken whisper no one will hear.
Just like him.

Alone with the creature I’ve become,
I stay away to keep them safe,
crying in the shadows
for the person I used to be.

I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.