The Key Of C

And when I think about anything too long, it always has the potential to make me sad.

Every year, around my birthday, I am always hit with how little my parents actually know about me. I’d just like one day for someone to know me as I know myself. Instead, and maybe it’s my own fault but I feel so very isolated and alone in my own misery. The thing is I know it’s my own fault,

I’m just so empty

I genuinely need to just kill myself. I hate fucking existing and being a burden on everyone. I feel like I hate everyone and they hate me.

I’m so done. For two days I’m fine and then I’m right back here. I honestly can’t imagine living the rest of this summer out and finishing it. I’m so restless and at the same time so tired. I don’t know what I’m doing with myself and I just get constant fear that everything is gonna be so hard and I’m gonna have to go through so many things just to get nowhere. And I know I have to do it because I don’t have anything else. Then once one of my family grows up, I’m not gonna have anything else either. I’m just so sick of being stupid and having nobody here to help me.

Don’t think that calling your mother will make everything better. It doesn’t and you’re just a fucking idiot. Instead you will hang up with a bigger hole in your heart than you thought possible.

I wish so bad that I was able to do it. Just kill myself instead of feeling this bad 🫩

It’s just not fucking fair. Why do I have to go through all of it alone? Why don’t I have anyone to lean on? I’m alone and I’ve done it to myself and I can’t fix it and I wish I would die. Honestly. I don’t know how to fix any of it and I can’t burden anyone else with it. I just feel too stupid for my own good and I don’t get it. I’m failing and I don’t know how to fix it.