Eidesfluegel

All the curtains were closed tightly. The spacious living room was completely immersed in the darkness, except for a couple of scented candles on the ground, faintly illuminating the floor. Any hindrance out of the way. A generous number of soft cushions of all sizes was arranged on the floor, on top of a large camping mattress, right between the two candles.

Akiho threw herself enthusiastically on the pile of cushions, while Kaito lay down in a slower motion.

"....Ready?" Kaito whispered with a soft smile, while the girl next to him nodded excitedly, azure eyes shining in the dark.

One press on a button of the remote controller, and the whole ceiling turned into a sparkling planetarium.

Akiho gasped. "Oh my god....this is amazing!" She instinctively brought her hands to her face, covering partly her mouth while her voice was choking with emotion, a quirk that even at 17 years old she couldn't drop yet.

The starry vault rotated slowly, while some stars twinkled, giving a quite realistic effect to the scenery. Every now and then, a shooting star would appear randomly, inviting to make a wish.

Kaito looked to the side to check the reaction of the girl, pleased with himself. The star projector had been his present for Akiho's 17th birthday, but between study, book repairs and moving out to another country, they hadn't found a moment of quiet to put it in function. That perfect moment finally came this evening of December.

Of course he bought the most expensive model out there, and this one could even add sound effects to the experience, which he had set on sea waves through the remote control. The idea was "we're lying down on a deserted beach at night, in the early summer", instead of the chilling winter they were actually in.

"Kaito-san..." - Akiho moved her finger up in the air, "what constellation is that one?"

He had vaguely studied astronomy as part of his magic education, but he had forgotten a lot of it...for a moment he was tempted to use a magic spell, but then decided against it, not wanting to irritate the girl beside him. She always reprimanded him whenever he lazily tried to use his magic for the most mundane things. They hadn't found a cure for him yet, so she wanted him to keep the use of magic at the minimum, to avoid affecting his health. Therefore, he pulled himself up and went next to the star projector, changing the little disc with a different one.

The projection changed to a similar starry vault complete with the constellations map, and plopping down next to her, he said with a smile "Akiho-san, that seems to be Virgo!".

"Really?! That's my zodiac sign!!" Her brows furrowed for a moment, then "Indeed, with a bit of imagination that could look like a maiden...without a head". Kaito chuckled. "Wait, where's Pisces?"

Kaito checked the constellation map on his phone (which he had downloaded precisely for this occasion), and after a moment he indicated it, pointing his finger towards the ceiling. "Over there."

"....That one?! Oh....that looks more like a flower with two stems than actually two fishes, doesn't it?" she blurted out, laughing playfully.

"...Akiho-san..." Kaito couldn't help but chuckle again, reveling in the cheerfulness of his beloved. Nothing could send tingles to his heart like the sound of her laughter.

"Akiho-san...do you know the origin of your name?" "...My name?" "Your true one."

Akiho stared at him with curiosity, cheeks tinted slightly with a pink hue. The topic of their true names was usually off-limits. They didn't make a rule for it, but being both very well acquainted with the customs of the magic world, the unspoken agreement was to never bring them up...unless it was something serious.

"I was named after a flower, right?"

"Of course...but do you know why cosmos flowers were named that way?"

The girl stared at him, thinking for a moment about the question. She realized she never actually thought about why cosmos flowers bore that name. So, she shook her head slightly.

"Back in the 17th century, Spanish priests found the flowers in Mexico and cultivated them in their mission gardens."

He looked away from her, turning his gaze towards the starry sky.

"Originally, Kosmos is a Greek word that means 'order' or 'harmonious arrangement'. The priests were fascinated by those flowers' orderly arranged petals, they found them...." He paused.

"...Breathtakingly beautiful. And perfect." His eyes were now twinkling, still fixed on the firmament over their heads. "Just like the universe, the cosmos. So, they named those flowers after it."

Akiho's heartbeat quickened, and if she knew the man next to her well enough, his heart was doing just the same. They had spent enough time together for her to understand all too well what he was trying to say.

Kaito felt Akiho's hand searching for his, and they intertwined them silently.

"Thank you...I didn't know all of that. I've always thought that cosmos flowers were pretty, yes, but not particularly remarkable or unique... It is nice to know that the right people could see the true beauty and worth in them."

As if replying to her, she felt him squeezing her hand.

After a moment of silence, Akiho's right index finger moved up in the air once again. "Wait, what about that one? What is its name? It's big, but the stars don't look particularly bright"

"Hmm...Aquarius, apparently. This one would be basically impossible to see by naked eye, from an urban area."

Akiho made a face once again. "The water-bearer, hmmm... I can see his legs but...these constellations all seem to be missing their heads!", she blurted out, feigning annoyance.

Kaito couldn't hold it in, and burst out laughing, causing her to do the same.

Yes, she was just perfect the way she was.

☆゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜★

Kaito groggily opened his eyes in the dim light of the candles, ceiling still covered with stars. The clock of the living room showed it was 2 am.

Clinging onto his right arm, Akiho was soundly asleep next to him. Consciousness rapidly washed over him, remembering what happened.

Akiho's exploration of the starry vault had gone on for more than an hour, but at some point her remarks and answers had become more and more absentminded, till he realized she had actually fallen asleep. Smiling tenderly at her slumbering form, he was ready to pull himself up to go pick up a blanket for her, and eventually arrange some cushions for himself farther away from the camping mattress (he didn't want to wake her up, but didn't want to leave her sleeping alone in the living room either), but he had quickly realized with dismay that she had turned on the side and literally latched onto his right arm.

He had frozen right there and then. He didn't want to wake her up, but he had started to overthink as usual - this is not appropriate, we shouldn't sleep together, what if-- The result was that the stress made him incredibly sleepy, and after a few minutes of ruminations, Morpheus had taken a hold of him too.

Now that he was fully awake, he mentally scolded himself for falling asleep, and proceeded to do what he didn't have the heart to do before: slowly, slowly, he tried to disentangle his arm from Akiho's grip. When he managed to slip away, he rose to go pick that blanket up, because he couldn't risk for Akiho to catch a cold due to his imprudence.

"Where are you going?"

Her tone made him stop in his tracks immediately. Turning around, what he saw made his heart drop.

Akiho was propped on her elbow, staring in his direction but not quite focused on him. She was clearly still half asleep, but what ripped Kaito's heart apart was her expression, halfway between a scowl and wanting to break into tears.

It didn't take him long to understand why she had that expression. Even after 4 years, the trauma he had caused to her resurfaced sometimes in her dreams, upsetting her when she woke up.

"I'm just going to get a blanket.....I'm not going anywhere." he answered, while painfully making sure to emphasize the last part.

Akiho blinked her eyes twice, awareness coming back to her. Her expression slowly turned into one of realization, then she looked briefly to her side, panicking. "Oh my god, I'm sorry...I didn't fall asleep on you, did I? ...I didn't want to bother you-"

"You've never bothered me once, Akiho-san."

The girl stared at him, misty-eyed. His expression was kind, but tinged with guilt. His figure against the starry ceiling reminded her of that fateful night, when he fought his stubborness and the monsters inside his head to go back to her.

The girl casted her eyes down and to the side, pink hue emerging on her cheeks once again. "Then...once you took that blanket...could you...could you get back here next to me?" she said softly, finding the courage to look up once again.

Kaito had already understood long time ago that he was done for. He knew that no matter how much he tried, he would've never been able to refuse anything to those blue eyes of hers. Especially if he wanted it himself, in the first place.

They stared at eachother for a moment, before Kaito breathed out the air he was unwittingly holding and said with a smile "I'd be happy to, Akiho-san."

Akiho beamed at him, sure more than ever that there wasn't any place on this Earth or in the entire cosmos where she could've felt safer, other than next to him.

Kaito's POV

I don't think I'll ever be able to forget it. 

The way she looked at me when they told her everything, that night.  The way she had slowly turned her head and kept her gaze fixed on me, while the British magician rattled off all that my plan had entailed, down to the way it had affected my body. He recovered all the previous memories, and he knew Akiho-san needed an explanation more than anyone else, but also knew I was in no condition (neither mental, nor physical) to give it to her. I could feel her gaze piercing through me, while someone was helping me sitting down, as I couldn't even stand up. 

Her hands gripped tightly the tablet, shaking. Her blue eyes, usually crystalline and bright like the Caribbean Sea, darkened several shades and became like a raging storm. They once again glazed over with emerging tears, but she probably held them back, because not even one dropped. 

And I felt so weak. My guilt, growing again by the second.   I would've given anything to remove that hardened gaze from her and bring back the soft features I've always known. But you see, that was my problem.   Giving everything the way I did before wasn’t the correct answer. And I had finally surrendered to the truth, that night.  But I didn't know any other way. I simply didn't know how to express how important she is to me without pushing it to an extreme, and that was exactly how we came to that point.  

I don’t know when exactly I started to hear that voice inside of me, telling me that I wanted to connect with her. 

I could hear it every day, before I carried out my plan. Louder and louder and louder. Kicking and screaming inside of me. I tried to fight it for so long, forcing myself not to hear it. But when she asked Sakura-san to bring me back, and she stated that she refused to keep living a fabricated life, wanting to go back to what she had before with me, I suddenly grew so tired. So, so tired. I was exhausted. I didn't want to fight it anymore. 

I've fought countless magicians ever since I was a little boy, and defeated every single one of them. People kept me at a distance for that. And yet, completely oblivious to all of that, she was the one who defeated me every single time.   Even this time around, she won. She won over that brutal, devastating desire to disappear forever that had consumed my life to such degree. She won over my guilt and self-loathing that I, quite frankly, haven’t got rid of yet. 

So here I was, now, clinging to her like a lifeline in the kitchen, while I waited to regain control of my breathing. I had tried to hide it from her, the first couple of times after I got back on my feet, following that fateful night. But she found out every single time and made very clear that if we wanted to live together from now on, this had to stop. I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. Why was I fighting it again?  So I did as she requested, and by now, this was already the third episode of seizure she had witnessed. 

I didn't know.... how any of this worked. But I wanted to learn. I wanted to try. 

I was slowly starting to get it. Why I caved in and agreed to go back to her, that night, despite how confused I was and how much I still despised myself for making her cry like that.   She made me feel wanted.   Made me feel accepted. Made me feel like I finally belonged somewhere. I hadn’t realized how much I actually had yearned for that, all this time. 

I thought I was nothing to her. I thought that she could've lived perfectly fine without me, without remembering anything of what we experienced together. Because, in the end, who was I? Just her butler. I embarked on that mission with the full understanding that I would've always been just her butler, and I played that part till the end at the best of my ability. An expendable tool to let her reach the happiness she deserved.  

But I wasn't. I wasn't, and I couldn't see that. I could only finally realize it that night in the most harrowing way possible, causing that face I wished to see eternally smile to be tainted with burning tears, as she poured out all her pain. Pain that I had caused. This wasn't the kind of support she wanted from me, and I failed her terribly. 

I was willing to do anything to make things right. So when she asked me, no, rather demanded to not be kept in the dark whenever I had one of my seizures, I had no choice but to comply. That was what she wanted, and there was no way I could refuse it to her. 

But now that the medicine was finally starting to kick in, and my breathing stabilized to a more normal rate, I raised my head to look at her worried face and I couldn’t help but think how unfair all of this was on her. She was so young, and she didn’t deserve to withstand all of this because of my choices.  

“I’m sorry...”, I blurted out, in a whisper. Every time we ended up in this situation, I would apologize. And she would never reply to it.   Maybe an apology wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but I had yet to find out what were the right words to say. 

She helped me stand up and supported me all the way to the couch, where I finally laid down and released the tension from my stiffened muscles. Seizures usually left me completely exhausted and sore.  

She sat down on the floor next to the couch, and we exchanged a long, wordless stare. Her eyes were again clear and bright. Before I drifted in a dreamless heavy sleep, I remember I felt so grateful to have her by my side.   I didn’t deserve it.   But the warmth I felt in my chest, contrarily to before, felt so nice.   And I was pretty sure she was the cause of it. 

Alice's story

We have another color spread!! I was super surprised when I found out about it, looking at the preview of Nakayoshi's cover, where it was mentioned: this is the third one in a row! And what a color spread!!! We have our beloved Momo coming back in her true form, and we can finally see also the colors of the lower part of her dress (thank you CLAMP), but we also have Cerberus and Spinel Sun in their majestic true forms!! They shared a color page in their temporary forms before, so it's really nice to see them back together like this! 😊 The japanese text over it says something like "We wait for our masters, in our 'true forms', in this distant place". It's very interesting and makes me wonder if there's a deeper meaning. Usually, the editorial text over these color pages isn't just random gibberish, but does actually have a meaning coherent with the story.... I also had the confirmation that Momo's eyes are in fact composed of 2 colors: her eyelashes are light blue, while her eyes are red. I had already noticed this with her first color appearance, but thought it was a printing effect. This is also why Momo's open eyes appear blue, in her temporary form! It's because it's taking the color from her eyelashes, but when she's a big "oneesan" (like the Japanese fandom is already nicknaming her) we see her full eyes, with red/purple iris.

Also, once again, we have a black background. I truly wonder if this is indicative of something.

And the actual chapter starts in a way that should be quite familiar by now, to those following Clear Card since long time: it's storytelling time! Sakura is reading aloud the plot of the stage play written by Naoko, with Alice as a protagonist. You recognize her, right? Yes, she's always the same Alice character that CLAMP used throughout CCS, both in the old series (even the anime) and also here in Clear Card. This Alice is a very kind girl grown up in a different world than ours, in a very kind family, but she's got a peculiar characteristic that differentiates her from the other kids: she can see dreams...and those dreams aren't ordinary dreams...sometimes they turn into "reality". I have to point out the first interesting detail in the Japanese version of this chapter: when they say that Alice's dreams turn into reality, we find the usual "game" that Ohkawa plays with words, putting the word "reality" in kanji, but actually making it read as ほんとう (for 本当), "truth", in the furigana. The ENG translation also embellishes a lot this storytelling part, adding/making up words that aren't in the original. For example, where in the ENG they say "all little boys and girls dream", in the JP version there's just a more generic "everybody dreams" (probably including adults too). Or in very the beginning of the chapter they say in ENG "in a land that couldn't have been more different than our own", making it more dramatic, but the JP actually just states "a world different than ours". But not only that, the ENG translation sometimes straight up skips some details, like:

ENG: She'd unwrap presents to find books she'd read in her dreams. JP: Books that she had seen in her dreams would turn out to be (actual) birthday presents.

or..

ENG: Even her beloved cat....was a stray that she'd met in dreamland. JP: And this cat who's a good friend of Alice, too... It's a (previously) stray cat that she saw in a dream, then she met it on the street, and brought it back home with her.

I have no idea why they skipped those parts, but it wouldn't have hurt them to add that Alice found the stray cat and brought it home 😫

One day, Alice showed up for breakfast with an unusual sad face (lit. from the JP text) and when her parents worriedly asked her what was wrong, she explained that she dreamed of a mysterious place, different than the world she lives in...wondering what she should do in a world unknown to her, the cat came to her and guided her through that world. In that world there were all sorts of creatures and things that she had never seen before, not even in books. But the most mysterious thing of it all was how [time] seemingly stopped and rewound in this world all the time, as if someone was playing with it on their whim. (The "who lived in this strange new world" part was added by the ENG translation) It was when Alice was looking for a way out of that world, that she met [The Red Queen].

Sakura's own story to tell

Sakura's reading of Naoko's plot stops right here, to comment together with her mini-guardians that the story does resemble her own situation, even too much at that. Kero is so surprised that he wonders if her friend got magic of her own, but Suppi comments that skilled writers do have the so-called "sixth sense" that allows them not only to reproduce in their writing things that happen at current times, but also things that happened in the past or that will happen in the future. I found this a very cute way from Ohkawa to justify beforehand to the readers "don't worry if Naoko's play will seem too 'spot on' at times...she's just got that gift in her and Hitsuzen will use it to unfold things as they're meant to happen". After all, even Sakura's friends can be part of the inevitable development that has to happen, right? But it's not just that.

Sakura comments that Naoko has always been very smart and noticed things others wouldn't notice...but this time there's something more. Ohkawa-sensei actually adds another reason why Naoko's story is reflecting SO much Sakura's situation right now... It seems Naoko discussed about the play with Akiho, and while she gave her interesting comments about it, when Naoko was troubled because she incurred in writer's block, Akiho actually told her about the story of a book very precious to her..."Alice in Clockland". At the mention of that book, something snaps inside Kero-chan. He asks Sakura if she ever saw that book, and she says that yes, she saw it and even took a pic of it because it was just too beautiful. But when Sakura takes out her phone to show it to Kero, she finds out in dismay that the picture....is gone. Kero-chan immediately understands the situation, "It didn't want you to take a picture of it". Suppi suggests to use the Record card, and it works: the card shows the moment Akiho introduced the book to Sakura, and Kero has got the final proof he was looking for: HE KNOWS THAT BOOK. And here, ladies and gentlemen, we have the big revelation of this chapter, that actually made me scream!! 😂 I've thought about this many times, but was waiting for a confirmation...and Momo's words about him back in chapter 50 were so vague that at some point I thought "maybe HE isn't involved, after all"... BUT NO! THERE'S NO WAY HE ISN'T INVOLVED. 🤣

Who am I talking about? Of course it's him....

CLOW REED.

The book is a very special magical tome. It is actually considered a prohibited book. Clow at some point had that book with him. It seems he tried to use it for something...but in the end, even with this book, what he wanted to do turned out to be impossible. I know, I know what y'all are thinking about. It's indeed quite hard to not immediately think of the whole ordeal with Yuuko and stopping her time before her definitive death. This MIGHT be the real first link to the Tsubasa/Holic events. Nothing at all is mentioned clearly, this could be something totally unrelated, but I don't think any of us fans is really believing that. And CLAMP know this.

Suppi asks if the book stayed with Clow, and here I have to point out this slight difference in translation that actually gives us a better understanding of the Book's behavior:

ENG: I guess this book goes where it wants to. It found a new owner. JP: It seems this book chooses its owner by itself. So he didn't have it anymore.

In the Japanese text it's stated more clearly that the book chooses its own owner on its own accord (as opposed to the ENG one, which seems to imply the book wanders aimlessly until it finds another owner). Basically, the book has its own will. It seems Clow made with his magic a "picture" of the book (in the Japanese text it's used the kanji 絵 , which indicates a more traditional kind of picture, as it stands for "drawing" or "illustration", so not exactly a "photo"), but the picture burned on its own and disappeared. So we can see indeed a behavior from the book, that tends to eliminate any kind of reproduction of it, even if it's just a drawing. Sakura wonders if the same will happen to the Record display of it. Kero says that if the book really wanted to not be seen, it wouldn't have allowed Record to reproduce it to begin with, just like it happened with the photo Sakura took previously. Surely, right now Sakura might have enough magical power to counter that, but Suppi actually suggests something else: it might be that the book WANTS to be seen by Sakura.

Our girl announces that she wants to talk with this Book. But when Suppi says that it's very likely that such a powerful book got a guardian of its own, Sakura surprises everyone (readers included) by saying "I want to talk to them once again". This time around, referring to the "guardian". It's entirely possible, hence, that the book's will and the guardian coincide. Suppi and Kero naturally ask right away if this is something that already happened once (since she said "once again"), but Sakura isn't sure herself. She just FEELS that this book would listen to what she wants to tell. Sakura is finally opening up to her instincts, she's FINALLY starting to listen to them, to tune herself on the same wavelength, and it's like she's receiving "radio signals" from her intuition, you know? 😊 I loved this, because to her it's a huge character development. She used to dismiss all of her intuitions like "it's just my imagination" before, despite knowing very well that she's a powerful and gifted magician. Right now, she's finally embracing her nature and listening to what her gut feelings say. Kero, in fact, is very supportive of this, and continuing from the "we will do as she wishes" theme from last chapter, he tells her that if she thinks so, he's sure she can do it. So this is fundamentally paving the way for a new meeting between Momo and Sakura. And I'm sure Momo is eagerly waiting for it, because there's no more time to waste before a tragedy ensues.

The following day, at school, we find out from Syaoran that Sakura decided to accept the role of one of the two Alice. In the beginning she wanted to turn it down, but she kept having this feeling that she would've ended up acting that role anyway. Kero told her that if that's what she feels, then she'd better follow it, and Syaoran completely agrees. Again, Sakura is opening up to her intuition, and her beloved people are now supporting her in that, encouraging her in that direction. This is seriously a good chara development for everyone.

Tomoyo, who's there with them, decides to break a bit of the tension by announcing that she will certainly make it so she's the one sewing the costume for Alice (both Alice, I guess?) and that she will OF COURSE film any second of Sakura wearing it 🤣Syaoran reminds her that she has to sing a song in the middle of the stage play, but ha! That doesn't stop Tomoyo! When she will have to sing, she will rely on the tripod!! 🤣I was really glad to see this Tomoyo moment after long time... Sakura holds Tomoyo's hands and says "I will wear with great care the dress that you will make for me. Doing so, I just know that no matter what happens, I'll be alright" (from the JP text). ❤

At that point Syaoran wonders what Akiho will decide to do about the role offer.

And that's when we switch to the Shinomoto house.

Feelings taking over

(cue me drawing a deep breath because of the angst that will ensue)

Akiho, who's about to head to school (so this conversation happens at the same time of Tomoyo, Sakura and Syaoran talking in the schoolyard) just told Kaito that she will accept the role of the other Alice. She says that she thought about turning it down in the beginning, because she never acted to begin with, and she didn't want to cause problems to anyone. When Kaito hears that, his expression turns quite sad. But with a very creepy expression, Akiho says "But I had the feeling that I would've ended up acting that role anyway". Yes. The same thing Sakura is probably saying in that very moment to Syaoran.

Immediately, Akiho adds...

ENG: I know it sounds strange. Who can know what hasn't happened yet, after all? I don't have that kind of power. JP: What am I even saying? It's not like I should be able to know what will happen from now on. Because I don't have any kind of power.

Can you see the slight difference in translation? The ENG version makes it look like Akiho is completely unaware of the existence of magic. Or rather, that she considers it something distant from her, and that no one should be able to know what will happen in the future. Sorry but no. This change in the translation kinda bothered me because in the fandom we've been wondering since long time if Akiho is AWARE of the magical nature of her clan, if she remembers anything at all from that aspect of her family. Some even thought that her memories about it might have been erased. Well, this scene to me kinda gives the confirmation that YES, she's WELL aware of the peculiarities of her family and most importantly OF WHAT THEY EXPECTED HER TO HAVE. And it still hurts her, even now. So please, keep in consideration this interpretation when looking at this scene.

At Akiho's sorrowful words, Kaito's expression turns even more pained than before, and his hand starts reaching out to her, but stops halfway, unseen by her. His heart was moving his body on its own, before he noticed and stopped it himself. After all, Akiho's pain is Kaito's pain. That much is clear. And the fact that she doesn't have any powers is what started all of this, to begin with. All her pain, all her unhappy childhood, the neglect and abuse, it all comes from there. And she's still suffering for it, you can see it in her expression. He genuinely wanted to comfort her for that. But you see, that isn't his place. He doesn't deserve to do that. Because, first of all, he's just her butler. Second, because we all know that his comment on her not having powers lead to the most horrifying thing her clan had done to her. Third, because magic only brought misery to her life, and who's got plenty of magic in himself? Kaito, of course. I was heavily reminded of my soulsister's analysis on Kaito here on Tumblr, and I once again suggest everyone to give it a read, because many MANY things that she analyzed and said over there are surfacing in this scene of this chapter. That just goes to show how spot on it is. My heart ached a lot in this scene, because I was thinking "You dummy! Go holding her! You both need it so badly right now. You both need to know you're there for eachother and you're not left alone in your own pain", but with his mental state right now it's just impossible... Or is it...? That hand....might be in fact the signal that something is changing.

Akiho glances up at him, and as usual, our perceptive girl doesn't miss that something is once again wrong with him. Kaito tries to divert her attention saying, with a very sweet expression, that...

JP: Knowing you, I'm convinced you can [become] her. Alice, I mean.

We all know all the red flags this statement is throwing around, right? I started panicking as soon as he said that 😅and the irony is that he even meant that in a totally reassuring way.

But Akiho doesn't buy that. No, sir. She totally ignores what he says, as if she's saying "yeah, yeah, don't try to change subject".

And in a very peculiar way we have the return of "bossy Akiho", in a softened shape. Basically, Akiho 'orders' him (in her polite way, of course) to take a rest while she's at school. And what Kaito does? He takes it personally! He worriedly asks her if he did something wrong, if he commited some impoliteness in his job. This guy is ridiculous! 🤣 Asking Kaito to not take care of Akiho is like wronging him, even though she's doing it for him and his wellbeing. "Is she benching me because I did something wrong?!" I can't help but smile at how adorable this sounds. 😂 Akiho says that no, he didn't do anything wrong, "but please, do rest." That's an order from her, and Kaito answers 畏まりました, "surely", the classic answer you give in response to a request from a superior or a customer, someone who's above you basically. Again, we can see how much "power" Akiho holds over Kaito. And it's not only because he's her butler (remember? He doesn't have to answer to her family anymore, he could drop this role at any time), but because he truly feels like he can't deny her anything. He finds joy in taking care of her and her things, that's why he was almost crossed when she asked him not to, to rest.

Akiho leaves home with a very concerned expression, and Momo doesn't lose the chance to throw at Kaito a very frightening glare from Akiho's bag. It's clear that she's adding her own threat in there, "Do as she says or I will mess you up, can't you see how worried she is???"

Kaito says bye to Akiho on the doorstep, and as soon as he closes the door behind him, he crouches to the ground, his act crumbling down like a house of cards. He's in pain, having one of his heart attacks again, and he looks at his hand. Yeah. The same hand he tried to extend to Akiho is now shaking. Once again. I know that CLAMP have thrown this detail again in the middle of one of his seizures, but only that one hand is shaking...the shaking effect is drawn exclusively around that hand. And while looking at it trembling, he says:

JP: My body really doesn't listen to what I say, uh?

Here Kaito is talking to himself, so he switches to "ore-Kaito mode". The way he talks is very informal and casual (it's kinda exciting to see him talk like that 🤣). But there's something else in this scene that might not be immediately recognizable. I think what Kaito is trying to say is that he didn't consciously start the act of extending the hand towards Akiho earlier on. He literally saw his body moving on its own, went "wtf is this hand doing now" and managed to stop it. Kaito must be confused because he's certainly thinking that his degrading conditions are causing this to happen. Kaito has already shown before, in his words, symptoms of considering his body a little bit like a machine, a tool, something he can command at his will. What he doesn't see right now is that it's his heart the one that moved that hand earlier on. Remember this beautiful scene from the Sakura Card Arc?

Yukito had a hard time realizing his feelings for Touya, but his heart didn't have any problems in moving his body on its own, in this scene. And he was confused too, at first. We have other examples of this kind of subconscious behavior in other CLAMP manga (TRC comes to mind immediately, for instance). I think this is exactly what happened here with Kaito and Akiho. Kaito's feelings of love/affection for Akiho are becoming louder and louder, and are starting to gain the upper hand over him. As they should. In his terrible conditions, Kaito says that he just needs to hold out a little longer. And here, ladies and gentlemen, on the very last page of this chapter, we have one big translation mistake that I've already seen causing quite some confusion among the fans, so please look at it carefully:

ENG: The magic of my dreams will soon appear...and the story will soon begin.. JP: Because the magic I was wishing for...[the story]...will finally begin.

Hear me out, my friends! The way the ENG translation puts it makes everyone think that Kaito saw the magic he's looking for in his dreams, when that's completely not the case! In the JP text the verb 望む (to desire, to want, to wish for) is used in this occasion. I KNOW that in this example "of my dreams" is used as to say "that I long wished for", but it's the translator's job to avoid using terms that might lead the readers astray!!! Especially when all the chapter has done is to talk about foretelling dreams left and right!! One is automatically lead to believe that EVEN KAITO could see that magic appearing in his dreams, and seeked for it. No, that's not what he meant there. He was merely meaning "that I wished for". I am saying this because I've already heard that this translation mistake has been used to accuse Kaito of things he hasn't done, and basically exacerbating even more the fandom hate towards him. You know how much I love Kaito and I can't stand that, I can't stand that this ENG translation never fails to put him under a more negative light than necessary. I will always resent this.

That said, the chapter basically ends here, and this translation post (as usual) already got so long, so I will probably take the opportunity to share more of my theories and comments in other posts (especially if you guys will send me related asks). I was just wondering if Kaito really wants to switch Sakura's and Akiho's lives...or there might be actually something else in his plan. Maybe the Alice we hear about at the beginning of the chapter actually tells Akiho's real story...I had that strong feeling. Is she coming from another timeline/world? Is Kaito trying to bring her back to where she belongs to? Is he represented by the black cat? And what will this mean for them? I can't help but wonder about this. I'd probably rather not have this kind of development, but we will see.

These are the release dates for chapter 58: November 28th, on Comixology (digital, ENG) November 29th, on Clamp-fans and Comic-days (digital, JP and other languages) December 1st, on Nakayoshi (paper and digital, JP)

As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, CLAMP surely didn't spare themselves with this gorgeous splash page. The feeling of duality, of parallelism, of synchronization is all over it, with the typical ornaments of the two girls mixing and ending up in eachother's spaces, suggesting some kind of... switch. This is the cover page that will open the future volume 12, so I find it particularly emblematic. Will we really see the "switch" happen, in this volume?

Sakura confronts Kaito like a Queen

We start the chapter immediately from where we left the story last time: Sakura is moving and talking in stopped time...thanks to a very clever use of Siege! I have to admit that I screamed my head off when I saw this! 🤣 Though, using Siege to completely surround herself like this uses up pretty much all of Sakura's power...it's implied in Kaito's speech that Sakura might have wanted to surround him too, but her magical power wasn't enough to do something like that. I imagine that with objects is easier, but with people gifted with magical powers there might be an additional difficulty. Also, the stopped time might make everything even more difficult, because it's basically a force she's fighting against. The stopped time is trying to stop her too, and Siege must be strong enough to resist it. Anyways, Kaito is impressed and comments that Sakura is the first person who actually managed to escape his time-stopping spell. I have to admit that I'm not sure what Mokona-sensei was going for, with his face here. I'm not sure if he's supposed to look sad, or threatening. He honestly doesn't look fully neither of those, and I'm still trying to grasp it. In general, the art of this chapter looked *weird* to me, is that only me?

Sakura, as I will always expect her to do now and forever, starts making questions instead of attacking him, like confirming that he knows she can use the Cards, and if he knows about Syaoran too. And yes, he confirms both, especially that Syaoran is the next head of the Li clan, always with his usual mask of a smile. There's quite some staring down between them and again, I can't decipher what Kaito's look is supposed to mean. Damn they really must make him this enigmatic, I guess.

And here we go, another question, and the first translation mistake of this chapter, that will also be the last, save for other parts that in my opinion got the nuance wrong: ENG: I was just speaking to someone. Where is she now? JP: Where's the person who was talking a little while ago? / Where is the person you were talking to a little while ago?

As you can see, this is a very stupid translation mistake that could've been easily avoided if the translator just paid attention to what happened in last chapter. OF COURSE it wasn't Sakura the one talking to Momo, but Kaito. I've already seen people confused by this so please don't worry, Sakura and Momo didn't have sudden conversations out of nowhere. Actually, Momo is pretty pissed off because Kaito threw her out immediately 🤣 as I said on my first impressions tweet, I just don't understand why Kaito always hides Momo from the kids. When Syaoran confronted him, he sent Momo away to go by Akiho's side. And now he shut the communication abruptly. What is he afraid of? Well, it was hilarious to see Kaito not replying to Sakura's question with that damn smile of his...I wonder if in that smile was hidden even a sprinkle of mischievousness towards Momo herself.🤣 Momo comments that she didn't think Sakura would activate magic in that short instant before Kaito stopped time.

And this is the part where there's a "creative" translation choice that ended up making Momo's words sound in a way that isn't really correct in the original text. To sound more true to the original, the text between page 8 and 9 should've been like: JP: "That girl's magical power is getting even stronger than what I...no...what you predicted" But since the "I...no..." is found in page 8 in the Japanese version, due to the grammar ( 私が…いいえ ), the translator apparently wanted to keep it in page 8, so they ended up changing completely how the phrase sounds in English. With "It seems I failed to predict....no...you failed to predict....just how strong the girl's become" it seems like Momo is playing a blame game with Akiho's mother, it seems almost accusative. Which isn't the case in the Japanese text, where Momo is just stating that Sakura exceeded all of their expectations, and judging by Momo's face, I don't know if it's something good or bad, and if we should be worried or not. I mean, I understand they had to take a decision to split that sentence between page 8 and 9, but I'm sure they could've found another phrasing that wouldn't make Momo seem a jerk who's putting the blame on others. Translations aside, I find very intriguing that "I...no...you" . I wonder if there's more to it, if it only means that what Momo knows was actually told her by Akiho's mom, or if there's some other kind of...connection.

Anyway, we had another appearance of Akiho's mother and I'm really happy about this 🤗she's beautiful as always and always.....very similar to her daughter 😅 I'm sure many of you must have noticed the magic circle behind her.... That magic circle already appeared in chapter 35, when Sakura was experiencing Akiho's past on herself.

You can see here, over and under Sakura, two magic circles, and the lower one is indeed the same that is featured behind Akiho's mother in this chapter. It's a bit difficult to identify, but it's there. It's pretty, right? It's probably safe to assume it's the Squids' clan magic circle.

Trapped Kaito

Moving on, we have that hopeless jerk of Kaito trying to lure Sakura out of Siege's protection by attempting to do something to Syaoran (which, by the way, I don't think it would've been anything bad, he just needed her to get out of that and he literally hinted so moments before), when it's in that moment that Sakura makes another very smart move!! She uses Transfer on Kaito!! 🤣I think I screamed again at this point. Kaito is enclosed in that small Siege, crouching to the ground (because he's tall and Siege is Sakura's height 😂) and he's totally thrown off by that! Sakura is now in stopped time and tries to run towards Syaoran and Akiho (I'm sure Syaoran was on her mind in that moment, though, trying to be by his side to protect him), which she actually does, if only for a few steps.....before stopping completely. Kaito observes with quite a sad and defeated face that not only she managed to transfer him into Siege, but she also managed to run a few steps in stopped time.

And it's in that moment that Kaito, completely out of nowhere (and for the second time having a similar behavior in the story), mentions that this situation reminds him of when Akiho told him that in Japanese, moments like these are defined "進境著しい", "remarkable progress" (the way they translated it in English is good too, "Growing by leaps and bounds"). She told him this while looking up those words on the dictionary. She also added that she was really glad to have come to Japan and having met Sakura and her friends, so she had to study Japanese language harder in order to become even better friends with them. This part is slightly different in English (it omitted that she was studying Japanese language, and that she wanted to be even better friends with them, not just "be") but I guess we can pass it. Especially because, right after, Kaito says "She sounded...so happy" with an expression that killed my heart. The sweetest, and at the same time most painful expression ever. I don't know how many times I've said this, but it's only another puzzle piece that is added to the fact that yes, he loves/cares for Akiho, and she's constantly on his mind. The memories they share together are his biggest treasure too, and he's learned so much from what they experienced together. This is the second time that he starts talking about Akiho when no one can hear him, mentioning memories they share together. And the memory of her smile back then caused on him one of the softest expressions I've ever seen.

But back to our stalling situation, Kaito starts to feel awful, clutching at his shirt over his chest once again. Since Siege is only enclosing him, but not his staff, they only thing he needs to do now is rewinding time, but not before basically begging Sakura to produce the Card he's waiting eagerly for. I didn't like the translation of this part very much, despite not being incorrect. What I didn't like is the "flavor" they added to it, which personally makes Kaito sound a bit arrogant when he was just "stating facts". Still, the "implore you" part they got it well, and it expresses quite perfectly the state of emergency he's in right now. How desperate he is. For Yuna D. Kaito to beg Sakura to produce the Card (and not forcing it out of her, yet!) he's looking for, is really indicative of how desperate he is. He says it himself, "before time stops for me". In this part, we have the return of the personal pronoun that shook the Japanese fandom some months ago, "Ore", and it's peculiar he uses it always when no one can hear him. There's another word that captured my attention in the Japanese version of Kaito's line, and it's 待ち望んでいる. It translates as "looking forward to, waiting eagerly for" (and not as "need" like the ENG translation did), and it's composed by the verbs 待つ and 望む, "wait" and "desire". I found very, very endearing that "the boy who never desired anything" is now including, between the lines, that same verb in his speech. If only he would tell us what it is that he wants! 😅

And so, as expected (is there actually anyone who really believed that we would get out of this complicated situation without a time rewind? Or that we would have the final showdown with such plain outfits? 🤣🤣🤣) Kaito rewinds time, and he finds himself on the streets with Akiho, just as they were going to decide where to go on their date. Akiho mentions the botanical garden, but Kaito proposes the aquarium instead, making Akiho very happy nonetheless. I will shamelessly admit that this little scene will keep me happy for the next month, as not only Kaito didn't call the "date" off, but he just switched for the aquarium instead. At least it seems he wanted to go out with her, and wasn't just obeying to her request. He could've easily called it off, otherwise.

Sakura REMEMBERS

But while Kaito and Akiho happily go towards the aquarium, Sakura finds herself at the entrance of her house, about to go out, with a very......concerned expression. She looks around her, and then....she takes out her phone, calling Syaoran.

"We need to talk. It's important".

That's it. That's all Syaoran needs to literally rush to her house, slamming doors open (🤣) and asking Kero and Suppi if anything happened to her. They confirm that she seems fine, but that she would tell them what happened once Syaoran got there.

As soon as Syaoran enters Sakura's room, Sakura uses Siege on all four of them, and reveals to Syaoran that she remembers she used this same card at the botanical gardens. How is it possible, we still have to get there, Syaoran wonders. Well, Sakura apparently isn't done being a QUEEN in this chapter, because she delivers the final blow: she remembers everything that happened while being inside of Siege, and therefore, remembers seeing Kaito using magic.

FINALLY.

FINALLY SAKURA REMEMBERS!!!

It's a short time, but perfectly enough to remember the details that really matters. And probably (since she was already inside Siege and she saw HER) she remembers Momo too. This time around, no one can take this memory away from her. This time around, Sakura brought back from the time rewind something that is probably even more valuable than a Clear Card: the knowledge that Kaito can use magic, that he knows she can use the Cards, and that he knows all about Syaoran too. That's all she needs.

YASSS! AT LONG LAST! As you can well imagine, this was another moment where I screamed 🤣the fandom was waiting for this for so long...and we kinda expected / prayed that this time, THIS TIME, it would be THE RIGHT TIME. CLAMP finally delivered, probably at the very last moment before the fandom lost their patience with them 🤣 The chapter ends like this, with a huge cliffhanger (but expect every chapter from now on to end on a cliff, since this is volume 12 ladies and gentlemen, possibly the last one), but we won't have to wait too much! These are the release dates for chapter 56 of Clear Card:

September 28th, on Comixology (digital, ENG) September 30th, on Comic-Days (digital, JP) October 1st, on Nakayoshi (paper and digital, JP)

September is shorter, so shorter is the wait!

This chapter for me was really good and exciting. There was a lot that I wanted to see (Sakura being a queen, some good agency for her, and some soft Kaito), and it made me feel a rollercoaster of emotions (excited with Sakura, emotional with Kaito and his damned situation)

I seriously can't wait to see if they're going to continue the talk between Sakura and Syaoran, or if they're going to jump directly at school, possibly preparing the play?? How will Sakura face Akiho, now that she knows??