no matter how many times the word ‘sorry’ will drip from my lips like saliva, I will still feel like a puppy that you have abandoned that keeps running back. I will run back and I won’t stop, because you have worn down my walls that I took so long to build and I miss the feeling of having someone there who understands me. no matter how many times the word 'sorry’ is placed on my tongue like acid tabs, I will still let it dissolve and spit out my trail of thought, spreading my gratitude and grief like the plague. this plague is contagious in different ways to illness no it will infect your insides, make your stomach cripple with guilt and your saliva taste salty and rotten. I will apologise. as I have done this to you. as I am toxic. I often think it would be more beneficial for the people that I love if I were locked away in a cage so I could never hurt them again. alas I am selfish, and so I cling on to acid tabs and saliva for as long as I can before the comedown kicks in and the kiss ends and I am back at square one.

blue like me because I know you’re the one

I have been lonely for a while. sad for a while. wasted my time on people who were , in the long run , running from me. this made me feel worthless. bad-person-me , don’t deserve anything. that kind of thought process. then I found people. people I can count on. friends that care about me and make me happy. a group that accepted me without second thought and for that I will always be grateful. then I found person. just one. a boy. covered in freckles with a smile prettier than the stars themselves. he kissed my cheek and I died a bit inside. he kissed my lips and I fell. I love him. and words physically cannot describe how much love I have for him, because there is simply not a description apt enough for how I feel. and he loves me. I never ever thought I would be blessed enough to achieve this level of happiness. to feel so accepted and loved and content. but I do. I have friends that love me and the prettiest boy in the world. I could ask for no more therefore I daren’t. because at the moment there isn’t a single other thing I would want. change happens constantly. always with a reason. do not let the clouds hide the sun for too long. because love will find you. ‘I write about love I’ve never been in’ is now a false statement. as I am very much in love with the person I have become. and the people around me. and the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.

when I say ‘I’ve missed this’, please remember to translate that to 'I’ve missed you.’ because I’m too scared to tell you that in person for fear of you not missing me.

I write poetry about you because it’s the only way I can truly express the way I feel about you without leaving myself too vulnerable in front of you.

me , realising love is fleeting and gut-wrenchingly sad (via words-and-meanings7)

I am a shipwreck, and I do not want to give you the pleasure or credit of knowing it was your fault, but it is because of you.

Trainspotting - Danny Boyle 1996

trainspotting (1996)

For (self-)medicational purposes

try to watch this without smiling, i dare you.

(via ☯ Bubblegum Grunge ☯)

(x)

The Lean ™