i'm an army of one .

❝  I will allow 𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕖 to stand in the way of 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕤. ❞

                                                          ɪɴᴅɪᴇ ᴍᴏɪʀᴀ | ᴘʟᴀʏᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴀᴜᴛᴜᴍɴ                                                           sᴇʟ ᴘʀɪᴠ | ᴍᴜʟᴛɪᴠᴇʀsᴇ ᴍᴜʟᴛɪsʜɪᴘ

when were you going to tell me?

you can’t keep doing this to yourself.

that’s…a lot of blood.

can you walk?

please don’t lie to me.

you were supposed to leave.

i’m not going anywhere without you.

shh, it’s okay. it was just a dream.

there was nothing more you could have done.

it wasn’t your fault.

this is all my fault.

you aren’t acting like yourself.

i’m never going to let [her/him/them] hurt you again.

you’re hurting me.

don’t ever do that again.

go to hell.

please don’t cry.

you have to stay awake.

i wish i could take the pain away.

you could have died.

hey – stay with me.

it’ll be over soon.

did you ever love me?

i’m sorry. i can’t do this anymore.

things won’t always hurt this bad.

you passed out.

how much have you had?

i’m okay. it’s all fine.

it’s not okay! you’re not fine!

let me get you something for the pain.

it’s nothing. it’s just a bruise.

it’s clearly not nothing.

have you been to the doctor?

i didn’t mean the things i said.

i thought we meant something.

people who are okay don’t act like this.

you don’t have to go through this by yourself.

i don’t want you to be alone.

please don’t regret me.

i heard you crying.

you need to get some rest.

when was the last time you ate something?

i’m worried about you.

did you have another nightmare?

[name], there’s nobody there.

i want to be happy but i don’t think i deserve it.

please talk to me.

why are you mad at me?

alcohol isn’t going to solve your problems.

don’t leave me.

did you do this to yourself?

it’s breaking my heart to see you like this.

tell me what’s wrong.

tell me how to make it better.

why don’t you care?

get the hell away from me.

please don’t do this.

i can’t believe that you lied to me.

just…stay for the night.

you obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you.

you can’t die. i won’t let you.

just hang on, okay?

hold my hand if you need to.

i’m sorry.

why do you have a gun?

don’t panic.

just breathe.

you’re bleeding.

i’m trying to stop the bleeding.

you’ve been crying, i can tell.

you should have told me sooner.

i wanted to tell you in person.

a phone call would’ve been nice.

i hate you.

For a moment, Gabriel actually does forget why he’s there or what had him angry, before the days events decide to give him a quick and annoying replay, breaking out over his thoughts.

“They ran out of my favourite coffee in the commissary,” he said, by way of an excuse, before pressing a kiss to Jack’s neck.

Jack didn’t need to know that the pains in his bones were getting worse. That the weakness and the tingling was coming more often than it was going. That with Angela so far from a solution, Moira’s offers were looking better and better.

“And Jesse managed to knock over a filing cabinet with Shimada.”

He kissed Jack again.

❝ Of course, ❞ he murmurs, a soft sigh escaping him as his boyfriend kisses him again. If he wasn’t about to fall asleep before Gabriel came in, he certainly is now. ❝ Hopefully it wasn’t one of the more important filing cabinets. ❞

The right idea would have been to go inside but instead he leans against the HVAC and the sheeting on the side booms from his weight as it flexes. He looks down at his boots and wishes he’d just had more time to figure out what to say or do.

“I didn’t want to be a straw, I guess. That one thing that broke your back. I’m a pain in the ass enough at the best of times, I didn’t want to-” he sighed. “Stupid, huh? Thinking that just not saying anything was protecting you.”

The pain was flaring again, radiating out from his long bones - Angela had told him it would be from anywhere that had a lot of marrow - and making him grit his teeth trying not to cry over it.

“I’m sorry.” His lips were twitching as he fought off a grimace. “I just - I don’t know what to fucking do! I’ve controlled so much for so long! I’ve done so much! Fought so fucking hard! Hell, I let a bunch of quacks turn me into this because I thought I - I thought that it was my duty. Make the world a safer place for everyone. And now my reward for all of it? For every drop of blood-”

He grit his teeth again as his voice broke, fist slamming into the unit.

It’s almost sweet that he wanted to hide his illness for Jack’s sake, but not quite. There’s still a bitter rage pulsing within him, a harsh sorrow beneath it. However, that fury begins to ebb as Gabriel continues.

Slowly, Jack’s gaze lowers as he crosses his arms over his chest in an attempt to warm himself. Gabriel has been dealing with this all alone for so long that an outburst isn’t surprising, but that doesn’t make it any less hard to watch.

He jumps ever so slightly, his eyes snapping up to look at Gabriel again as he hits the machine he’s been using for support.

Just like that, his anger is gone.

When Jack’s pissed like this, it’s harder to get a read on him. If there’s concern or worry, it’s not there now, and all Gabriel is sure of is that he might get punched.

Fuck.

“When I had a solution,” he says finally, his voice raised enough to carry past the rain. “Or when we knew what to fucking call it. Or maybe when I was sure I wasn’t going to break down crying like a fucking child.”

His voice hitches then and he struggles to keep it under control. Relax. Breathe. Try to breathe, anyway. Try and be strong, like abuelo. 

He wonders for a moment if Angela had told Jack and doubts it. Jack probably just got sick of Gabriel’s behavior the last few months and looked himself. As much as the breach of privacy bothered Gabriel, he understood it too. He would have done the same.

“I wanted to tell you, Jack. I just… the few times I got close, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

He’s hurt by the secrecy, but it’s the seriousness of the illness that pains him the most. How much time does he have left with Gabriel? What could he have been doing this whole time to help find a solution? Maybe all he would have been able to offer is support, but even that much is vital in times like these. He hates that he hasn’t been able to be there for his boyfriend like he should have been, and he’s mad at him for that, too.

❝ That’s a lot of excuses, Gabriel, and not a single one makes this any better. ❞

He’s absolutely soaked, and there’s already a chill creeping into his bones.