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i just gotta do my own thang

well a lot of the pain i experienced this year comes down to the fact that i have become more and more embarrassed and scared of sharing my art i can't even promote it or talk about it or post it i don't think i've felt shame quite as severely and acutely as i did this year. maybe it's the language barrier but when i see japanese twitter accounts who just post art and then leave and then come back to post again as a means of archiving their work i'm just like why can't i be more like them. why can't i be free. why does my mind create systems and standards and rituals where there are none. i wish to get better at managing my shame and my tendency to overanalyze

i'm finally okay with being mid i've accepted that i am quite pathetic maybe i can be happy for real now!!!!

was looking through some older posts on this blog and i realized someone had written me a fic about achilles and patroclus way back when and i don't even remember this happening like at all

i suddenly realized that having a distinct art style and the skills and diligence to produce independent graphic novels (or whatever else you're into) and the following to support your endeavors financially and honing your craft your entire life and sharing it with others and living off of your art is literally the dream