heavy is the crown

basically i got soap in my eye while i was taking a shower and now i'm angsty so. bon appetit!

" i needed you. i needed you, and you weren't here! so where the HELL were you?! "

" i... i'm so tired... "

" everything's falling apart. "

" i loved you! i l loved you so bad it hurt! and now i'm over you, and you're telling me it wasn't all for nothing?! when it's too late?! "

" how dare you! "

" i'd move all the stars in the sky if i thought it would ever make you happy. "

" please... please, tell me how to fix this. "

" i did this. i ruined everything... "

" don't go. please. i... i don't want to be alone... "

" i tried fixing this. i knelt down and put it all back together, but... it's never going to be like it was before. is it? "

" could... could you just hold me, a while? "

" oh, love... what have you done? "

" i just... don't care anymore. "

" you aren't a monster. "

" you never talk about your past... why? "

" i never want to see you again! "

" you asshole! you asshole, i hate you! i hate you, i hate you, i hate you! "

" why would you DO that?! "

" i don't hate you. god, i could never hate you... "

" i would've done anything for you. but now... i mean, it seems so clear how one-sided this whole relationship was. "

" i think this is where we part ways. "

" for what it's worth... i always liked you. "

" do you have any better ideas? because trust me, i'm all ears! i don't want to do this! but we're literally out of options! "

" if i could take it all back, i would... but i can't. "

" i should've listened to you. why... why the hell didn't i listen to you... "

" you're not your past. "

" you know what? you're on your own. i can't watch you get yourself killed. "

" if you could only see yourself through my eyes... "

" we've all done stupid, terrible things. but it's not about that. not anymore. all that matters is how we proceed now. "

" none of it was real. "

" to me it was real! it felt real! "

" don't do that. don't act like you don't give a damn. "

" we both know there's nothing here for me. not really. but you... you have a whole life here, ready and waiting to be lived. "

" don't be angry. please, don't be angry. i can take it from just about anyone, but not you... "

" i can't let you do this... "

" why are you still here?! why?! i destroy everything i touch! and yet you still stick around! "

" i love you. always have, and always will. i... i need you to remember that for me. please. "

" this is what your plan is? hiding? disappearing and running away when the going gets tough? fuck you. "

" they've/you've taken EVERYTHING from me! "

" i trusted you! "

" i lied. "

" i'm sorry. "

" you/they don't get to walk away! you/they don't get to act like nothing ever happened! "

" i forgive you. "

" i'm not angry. anger is a luxury i afford for the people i love and care about. but you... well. i'm just resigned to it, i guess. "

" we're done. "

" i don't love you anymore. "

" you don't get to be mad at me! "

" don't touch me. "

" please... say something. "

❛  you’re like the family i wish i had.  ❜ ❛  i trust you with my life.  ❜ ❛  please don’t ever leave me.  ❜ ❛  you’re the only person i have left !  ❜ ❛  you’re more than just a friend to me. you’re family.  ❜ ❛  i don’t want to be alone anymore.  ❜ ❛  you’re the closest thing to a brother / sister i have.  ❜ ❛  come on , give me a hug.  ❜ ❛  i love you , [name].  ❜ ❛  you’re my favorite person in the whole world.  ❜ ❛  thank you for always being there for me.  ❜ ❛  this means more to me than you can imagine.  ❜ ❛  i care about you and i will always care about you.  ❜ ❛  you’re acting like my mom.  ❜ ❛  shut up and let me comfort you.  ❜ ❛  i’ve never been part of a group before.  ❜ ❛  you have no idea just how important you are to me.  ❜ ❛  i seriously regret letting you move in with me.  ❜ ❛  can you just hold me for a while ?  ❜ ❛  i couldn’t ask for a better friend.  ❜ ❛  is this what family is supposed to be like ?  ❜ ❛  i wish we had grown up together.  ❜ ❛  it feels like you’ve always been part of my life.  ❜ ❛  you know me better than anyone.  ❜ ❛  just leave me alone , okay ?  ❜ ❛  this place is the closest thing to home i have.  ❜ ❛  i’m so lucky i got to meet you.  ❜ ❛  if you ask me , this whole ‘blood is thicker than water’ thing is nonsense.  ❜ ❛  you’re making me feel a little less lonely.  ❜ ❛  just face it , you’re stuck with me now - whether you want to or not.  ❜ ❛  i want to grow old with you.  ❜ ❛  you’re the first person who has accepted me for who i am.  ❜ ❛  i’ve finally found my people.  ❜ ❛  will you still love me even if i tell you my secret ?  ❜ ❛  no matter what you do or say , i’m not leaving you.  ❜ ❛  you don’t have to deal with this on you’re own.  ❜ ❛  i want to help you , but you have to let me in.  ❜ ❛  this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.  ❜ ❛  i’m here fore you. today. tomorrow. every day for the rest of you’re life.  ❜ ❛  if you need me , i’m just one call away.  ❜

A collection of chaotic starters for your chaotic muses. Feel free to adjust as needed. TW: Some drug mentions and swearing.

“It’s been a rough couple of years. I got bangs at one point. Shit got dark.”

“I didn’t even want bangs. I just wanted people to check on me.”

“You okay?”

“I should’ve done these first.”

Probably wouldn’t have got these bangs if I forgave myself, huh?”

“Do I look weird?”

“You guys would tell me if I looked weird, right?”

“Is it bad different?”

“Is it not good?”

“You know what? I changed my mind. I don’t want to do it.”

 “It’s too late? It’s already happening?”

“Okay, no. I can be this person.”

“I got back into therapy.”

“My old therapist told me that when I get close to people, I have a tendency to self-sabotage.”

“I thought that was bullshit, so I ghosted her.”

“Uh-oh! Might be me!”

“Oh, the reviews are in and they are unanimous..”

“That’s a bummer.”

“Five out of five dudes all think that in fights, you behave like a raccoon trapped in a trash bag.”

“So maybe it’s time to get some Klonopin or a rabies shot.”

“I am fully medicated now.”

“Nice. What are we on? Shout it out.”

“Look at us. Gang’s all here!”

“I’m also on something. I would never say what, that’s very personal.”

“Okay, I got 60% of that out of my system.” 

“I’m not done, but I gotta go to work.”

“There’s no fun, casual way to say that.”

“They don’t stop the nightmares, but they do hold you down while they’re happening.”

“Now, I stay asleep until the nightmare’s natural conclusion, which provides you with some closure.”

“Oh, he stabs me at the end.”

“Okay, plot twist M. Nightmare Shyamalan.”

“So, after years of trial and error, I finally found a combination of things that work for me.”

“Six months ago I decided to Google it because, what the hell?”

“Is this how you fucking tell people?”

“No, of course not. We didn’t know.”

 “I’m glad we figured it out?”

“We?”

“Okay, ‘cause this kinda feels like a ‘putting your dog’s medication in cheese situation’.”

Well, if it makes you feel better.”

“I said you were being a bitch.”

“I got a mood ring, I’m handling it.”

“But, when I first found out, it was a tough pill to swallow.”

“Should I tell anybody?”

“Am I hot and/or talented enough to be an inspiration?”

“Are they gonna feel good or bad with that information?”

“That does make me feel better.”

“She is very pretty.”

I did not grow up in a household that was very mental health conscious.”

“It doesn’t go great.”

“I think I’m depressed.”

“You just need some protein. Get a scoop of peanut butter.”

“It’ll pass.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know what to do when I feel like this.”

“Which is advice you give a werewolf.”

“Just run into the woods ‘til you’re not a monster anymore.”

“Don’t let them see you change.”

“They won’t accept you for what you truly are.”

“I didn’t feel like myself.”

     “ STOP fussing? Huh ... not sure I remember how. ” Spirits , when was the last time he was able to just sit and relax? Maybe before the Reapers? Even that felt like a lifetime ago ...

     HIS avian gaze flicks to Shepard as she speaks , ever attentive. “ You don’t need to apologize , ” he responds , his voice taking on a more serious tone. “ I understand what you’ve had to deal with. Hell , I should be the one apologizing ; I could’ve found time to see you. ” He’d had his hands full with helping the rebuilding efforts on Palaven , but after everything Shepard had done for him , she deserved his attention. Even though the Reapers were gone , it didn’t mean she had stopped suffering ( had either of them, really? ). 

But she brushed it off, same as always. Commander Shepard needed to be a constant, never faltering, no matter what. So she kept her shoulders set, her demeanor alert and approachable, always vigilant for the next thing she might need to be prepared for.

That was the unfortunate thing about saving the galaxy, wasn't it? After the dust settled, everyone expected you to keep saving it, no matter how tired you really were.