A Slayer's Life is Simple

        from the past

               I try so hard

                              yet 

                                   m   e   m   o   r   i   e   s

                                                                            ι тяу тσ ƒσяgєт

                                                                …

                   come back to haunt

           or under your bed —                        { but the one in your head }

        and underneath your skin;       whispering lies and beckoning you to surrender. 

     To be honest, I’m probably one of the biggest hypocrites to be writing this at all, but whatever, I feel like it needs to be done like once a week. Everyone in the indy world is far too critical of themselves. And trust me, I know what that’s like. I’m a walking, talking, complete example of a mass of insecurities, a bundle of weaknesses, and fluent in the art of self-deprecation. My self-doubt is seemingly woven into my skin and worn like an emblem I’m not proud of.

           On a website and rping community however, that runs amok with hate, self-doubt, degradation and sometimes even blatant discrimination. There is one thing you can’t afford to do and that is beating yourself up because you’re not what you deem a degree of ‘perfection’. You know what? The perfect character does not and will not ever exist. Even writers don’t pen a perfect character. People make mistakes, people mess up and so do we as writers. The imperfections are fucking beautiful, they’re what make you stand out and they’re what make us all different. They make us human. And if you don’t find a raw sublimeness in that alone then maybe writing at all isn’t for you.

     How fun would rp honestly be if you got online and every single Isaac was played 100% the same. If every single Allison was dating Scott and following canon? If every single Elena blog was set in season 2? It wouldn’t be fun. Not at all. And people go on and on about how they’re “not good enough”, “not enough for someone else”, please tell me, what is good enough? Getting your favorite blog to notice you? Having a 1000 followers? Being bombarded with messages everyday? What caliber of writing would esteem you to be valued enough to rp with another? Because we’re all guilty of going on to the page of another person that plays the same character as us and then going—

                —they’re so much better than me I should give up.

           But why should we? Why shouldn’t people that play the same characters be friends? I guarantee you not a one is identical and that, therein, lies the essence of writing. There will never be another person whose style is the same as yours. And those blogs that you consider “quality” are just like you. They struggle with the same self-doubt and the same idea of perfection that we’re all so desperate vying for like it’s some golden chalice only one person of each character can obtain.

    And it’s not.

  The next time you look at your writing and you think,

      “fuck I suck.”

           ”God I’m awful.”

                “I can’t write for shit.”

      Think about why you’re saying that. If it’s because you saw someone else playing your character and you think they’re better? You’re already wrong. Because guess what? No one truly writes for a character better than anyone else, they all just invoke different aspects that make their portrayal so abundantly theirs. Think about why you don’t like the way you’re writing, is it semantics? Practice your grammar then, these are things that can be rectified with practice. Is it the fact that you don’t like your lack of figurative language? Practice. 

    P r a c t i c e. Make yourself the writer that you want to be if you don’t think you’re there. Don’t say there is no talent at all, because there is. We all have raw talent.

     Think of musicians, they all have a vast array of instruments to choose from and every one is drawn to a different one, and while they grasp a similar style for learning how to play it, no one will ever play the exact same arrangement of songs, or the exact same way.

           And if the reason that you feel you aren’t excelling isn’t because of your writing but due to the attention and the amount of followers you have then you need to realize two vastly important things in the indy world.

        1. Put yourself out there. - Make friends, expand your horizons, the people with the most threads are the ones that go out and ask fro them. Stop pining and waiting for people to come to you. You want a thread? You go ask. You come up with plot ideas. They don’t just fall in your lap.         2. You are not your follower count.

                   You are not your follower count.

                             You are not your  f o l l o w e r  count.

                  I can’t stress this enough. If you’re writing and rping for followers alone then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons and let me guarantee that you will never ever be happy. People delete blogs, people unfollow blogs that don’t follow them back because they followed them for the sole reason of rping in the first place, they may see something triggering, and maybe they just don’t like the way you play your character.

   And that’s ok. 

      One of the most important things you could ever learn in this world is that people will not always like you, they will not always enjoy the same things as you, they will not always agree, and they will not always be kind. But this is why finding a love for yourself and your writing for its own merit is so vastly important.

    Because once  you love and are comfortable with who you are, no one can take that away from you.

   If you don’t like something about how you write?

             Change it. 

  And for the love of god, if you get anon hate?

      D e l e t e  it. This is a lesson we learned in kindergarten and it stands true today. Anon haters are weak, spineless, people, and they have no power and no strength unless you hand it to them.

       Posting it publicly? Is like handing them a golden scepter and saying have your way with me. You’re asking for it. You’re putting yourself out their like bait on a hook. Of course someone’s going to take it because people are not all innately moral or kind creatures.

     Will this be easy? No. I’m not going to lie to you. Learning to love yourself, for some of us especially, is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do. But god once you do it? You are free. Free from the people that try and take you down, free from yourself and your own doubts, free from everything but what you want to do and what you care about. 

   It’s not a journey that our society makes easy, or even the roleplaying world. But it’s a journey that brings innate contentedness with yourself, and thats the best thing you can achieve. Happiness is not a stable emotion, it’s a fleeting state of mind, but being content is one of the best things you can ask for.

          You can work on it, every single day. Don’t say “I can’t do it.” Because then you’re giving up before you even try.