A Fat Dumb Bitch

Nude clothes without feeling like a whale ✨💕

To finally be able to wear shorts whiteout my tights rubbing together until I get wounds on my tights

All of those dresses I never wear because I’m scared of showing my body to anyone

Jeans without feeling like I’m gonna eksplode them every time I sit down

All of the cute crop tops that I bought but never wore

To be able to wear bike shorts and feel comfortable in them

recipe:

one 5 oz can of tuna (packed in water)

one tablespoon of mayo

one stalk of celery, chopped

juice of half a lemon

salt and pepper to taste

since weight loss fairies usually don’t work, i’m now setting a curse on anyone who sees this to lose 10-20lbs within the next month, and to get so skinny that their pants are too damn loose on them. 

i’m also cursing you all to have rock hard abs and skinny legs and a cute butt by summertime. 

pass on the curse to another skinny legend.

From a surgical nurse and certified CPR teacher:

Please pause for 2 minutes and read this:

1. Let’s say it’s 7.25pm and you’re going home (alone of course) after an unusually hard day on the job.

2. You’re really tired, upset and frustrated.

3 Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to drag out into your arm and up in to your jaw. You are only about five km from the hospital nearest your home.

4. Unfortunately you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it that far.

5. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy who taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.

6. HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE? Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.

7. However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.

8. Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.

9. Tell as many other people as possible about this. It could save their lives!!

10. A cardiologist says If everyone who gets this mail kindly sends it to 10 people, you can bet that we’ll save at least one life.

11. Rather than sending jokes, please... contribute by forwarding this mail which can save a person’s life.

12. If this message comes around you... more than once… please don’t get irritated... You should instead, be happy that you have many friends who care about you & keeps reminding you how to deal with a Heart attack.