colleen

well, hello marauders tumblr! It's Colleen! If you're following this blog, you probably followed it because I made some videos on tiktok under the username wandonthecouch, but I deactivated my account about a month ago. I thought I would want to keep it up in case people wanted to go back and watch some videos, but it just got to be a little too much keeping the account up. I'm sorry if people were wondering where it went. (Side note, I also got locked out of my spam tiktok account lol, so that's why that account is still up.)

I know I don't owe an explanation as to where I've been, and I won't really go into detail (idk who will even see this post, but i digress). The TLDR version is I went to get immediate professional mental help because things got bad. I'm not writing this for sympathy or attention (ew), I'm writing this to let people know that getting help is OK! It's valid! It doesn't make you stupid or weak, because I thought that for a long time. If anything, it means the opposite, especially in today's world. It's so scary to admit when you're not doing okay, that you're a danger to yourself. A lot of people can't admit it. And I know for me personally, I should've gotten this kind of help a long time ago. But sometimes, you don't really realize the reality of a situation until it smacks you in the face. And my reality was looking pretty dark.

Social media was one of the things I didn't even realize was hurting me as much as it did. That being said, I wouldn't change anything, espcially getting into the marauders fandom. It got me back into nerding out over fictional things, something I'd lost over the years. Now, I nerd out over other things and it's a blast!

That brings me to my next point: I'm changing this blog up, because I'm still writing fics (just not marauders, rip farmers market au), but it's just for different fandoms- so if you're not in the Pitt or (you guessed it) Heated Rivalry fandoms, feel free to unfollow!

marlily fic is posted! "a thousand lifetimes" by me! includes coparenting jegulily, baby harry, and confused lesbians!

go here to read mine here !

-Lily in my marlily fic, after she gave birth to Harry <3

another snippet for you all! for context, james, effie, and baby harry have a tent where they sell their farm's produce, and regulus and sirius have their text (next door ofc) where they sell their art - regulus with his wood carving/sculptures and sirius with his paintings. oh and remus is an Australian cowboy at @venear-tmblr 's insistence and I love it so here you go!

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“Morning, Mr. Black!”

Regulus smiled at the small ten-year-old, one that he rarely showed in public. 

“Harry, you can call me Regulus, you know,” he leaned over the foldable table separating the two, peering over into the tent next to his, taking in the array of fresh vegetables, fruits, and jams. “Has your nan got any of that goat cheese yet?”

Harry frowned, running a finger over the duckling carved out of mahogany, and then the giraffe made of oak. “I don’t think so. Da says Jenny is being real stubborn lately.” 

Regulus let out a light chuckle. “Oh, Da says that, huh?” He began rummaging through his tote bag slung over his foldable chair, making a noise of triumph when he found the pouch with the small carved giraffe. “I made you something.”

Harry’s eyes lit up, a big toothless grin on full display (he’d lost one of his front teeth last week) that Regulus couldn’t help but mirror. “Really?”

Regulus nodded, holding out the pouch. Any other kid would have snatched the present out of his hands in seconds, but not Harry – he didn’t have a greedy bone in his body. It’s one of the reasons that Regulus actually tolerated the child, instead of being blatantly disgusted like he was others. 

Harry gently accepted the gift, turning the giraffe around in his hands. 

“Thank you, thank you! This is so cool,” Harry gushed, looking up at him over his glasses. Then, in almost a whisper, “You remembered.”

Regulus, to his surprise, found himself holding his breath in anticipation. Who the fuck was he? He had clients booked for his art years in advance, he’d made thousands off of his wood carving alone. Why did he care about what some glass-wearing, crooked-smiled child at a farmer’s market thought of anything he’d made?

“Harry, love, can you give me a hand—”

Oh. That’s why. 

James appeared from behind his family’s tent, carrying a wooden crate full of turnips. Fucking turnips. The man was carrying turnips and Regulus was trying not to drool at the sight. 

Disgusting. 

“Oh, hey, Reg,” James stopped, eyes softening, mouth turning up in a way that made Regulus think his heart was swelling, almost too big for his chest. “How’s your morning been?”

It wasn’t until Harry looked at him, brow quirked, that Regulus realized he needed to actually respond. 

“Good, not too busy,” he stumbled over his words. James adjusted the crate in his arms so he could hold it with one arm (oh god), and reached down to pick the giraffe out of Harry’s hand. 

“Oh, this is cool! I bet it’ll sell right away.”

Harry furrowed his brows and made grabby hands at his father, who promptly returned the figurine. “It’s mine, Da. Mr. Black–Reg made it for me.”

James’ eyes resembled warm honey, their color especially bright in the early morning sun. “Really?”

Regulus shrugged nonchalantly, looking between the two and fiddling with his rings. “Well, yeah. We spent all last Sunday talking about how he wanted to see the giraffes at the zoo in town, and how they were his favorite animal, so…”

James’ smile was blinding. He ruffled Harry’s hair, who grumbled under his breath but leaned into the touch. “Did you say thank you to Regulus?”

Harry, huffed, seemingly done with the conversation. “Yes, Da. Moony says being polite is sexy.”

Regulus coughed out a laugh, while James sighed and shook his head at Harry’s retreating figure. 

“I swear, he’s such a bad influence sometimes,” James muttered, turning to set the crate down on the ground by their tent, giving Regulus a full view of… everything in his athletic shorts. Regulus sucked in a breath, willing his cheeks to not turn pink. He couldn’t even blame it on the heat– the air this morning was anything but humid. Perfect for a day at the market. Not perfect, Regulus deduced, for being around James Potter all day.

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wanted to make my first post on tumblr a little snippet of a marlily short fic i'm writing, so here it is! For context, Lily just gave birth to Harry and everyone is meeting him for the first time (also Regulus defeated voldy by destroying all the horcruxes):

__

“He has your eyes,” Remus hummed, gazing down in wonder as Harry reached out and grabbed his pointer finger. Lily nodded, leaning down to press a kiss to Harry’s hair, inhaling the sweet scent. She leaned back against the pillow, letting herself relax for the first time since her seventeen hour labor had started. James sensed her adjusting, so he sprung up from his chair next to Regulus, who still looked like he might throw up at any second. 

“Do you need something? Water?” James offered the cup of watered-down ice chips. Lily shook her head, her eyes locking onto Regulus. She beckoned him over with a nod, and his eyes grew wide as he pointed to himself. 

“Yes, you. Get over here, Black.”

He stood next to her shoulder, peering down at Harry, his expression curious. “He’s beautiful, Lily.”

It was the first time she’s ever heard him say her first name. “He is, isn’t he?” She grinned, adjusting Harry in her arms. “Do you want to hold him?”

Regulus stuttered, looking at Sirius, then Remus across the room. They simply shrugged with twinning small smiles. 

“You saved him, Regulus," Lily pressed, forcing the younger Black to meet her eyes. They were glassy in a way she’d never seen before. “You saved all of us.”

“I had help,” he muttered, but the resistance was futile the longer he stared into Harry’s big green eyes. Because, really, who could say no to a baby as cute as this? 

Lily collapsed the side rail on the bed, patting the space next to her. Regulus sat, gingerly, eyes flitting toward James. Lily looked, too – and for the first time in years, she saw James Potter. She saw the love clearly painted on his face, the crooked, real smile that was only pointed at Regulus. She was surprised she didn’t feel jealous, given the way he was looking at Regulus holding their child as if he hung the moon and the stars themselves. He never looked at her like that – well, she supposed she never looked at him like that, either. 

“Support his head, just right there,” Lily murmured, adjusting Regulus’ strong, yet soft grip on her child. Regulus cradled him to his chest, unconsciously rocking back and forth.